Gwynbleidd

The Wolves of Red Lake: Season One ((Main Cast Currently Recruiting Secondary Cast Open aswell!))

Even if it wasn't the longest drive, it felt like the longest trip Kaden had ever taken. Always one to talk or hit on any girl nearby. But this time, everything was different. For the entire ride back he remained silent. His stare focused forward. Sometimes he noticed strange things. Could he hear better? Sometimes he smelled things he'd never caught on to before. But, Kaden shrugged it off thinking he was just acting crazy. As they went, people got off. Going to different places. He didn't say goodbye when he left. A simple wave and he was on his way back home.

When he stepped onto the front lawn of his house, nothing seemed to have changed. Same small white house with chipped paint. Broken steps on the back porch. Rotting doors to the basement. Untrimmed high grass, and patches of dead grass. Everything was a mess. Home sweet home. Kaden stepped through the front door and found beers and alcohol still uncleaned. He sighed before yelling. "Hey Dad, when the fuck were you planning on cleaning all this shit up?" Silence until heavy footsteps came into the kitchen.

Kaden was his father's son. Except there still seemed to be an innocence about him. Promise of a better life that had all but vanished from his grizzled dad. Harrison Reid. A once great treasure of Red Lake until he injured his knee, lost his scholarship and became an embittered man. "What did you just say to me?" Trying to act threatening, but Kaden was in the mood for a fight. He stood tall and didn't back down from his father.

"You heard me. This is your fucking mess, so clean it up."

"And where were you two nights ago? Drinking and doing drugs I bet."

"At least I wasn't drinking by myself."

"You piece of shit!" Harrison smacked Kaden across the jaw. Grabbing him by the shirt collar and shoving him against the wall. "Punk like you can't talk to me like that."

"What are you gonna' do about it?"

Harrison raised his fist up to hit his son again. But this time Kaden felt this strange sensation. The punch looked a lot slower than usual. Kaden dodged it and Harrison screamed in pain as he hit the hard wall. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Get out! Get out of my house now!" He shook his fist and shouted. Kaden could take a hint, but this was new. He had to find someone to talk about this with. Everyone was pretending like everything was normal.

The door swung open and Kaden went sprinting down the road. Phone in hand, texting Riley.

'Yo, where the hell is everyone at?'

Werewolves are Endangered? Reboot [Starting soon!]

You've got my stamp of approval!

RPGC #3 -- THE COSMOS

Don't you worry, mdk. With the deadline as it 'was'? So is July 5th the new deadline? ANYWAYS, if it wasn't. I'm still going to be submitting an entry. Whether it's wholly finished or not, I'd still put it in just to get thoughts on whether people like the progress and such. It's also not a fan fiction, god I was so tempted to blast this contest entry with an epic Revan fanfic but I decided on something different.

I hope you're into a bit of sci-fi horror… That's all you get.

Werewolves are Endangered? Reboot [Starting soon!]

Coffee shop. Do it. I don't know, your choice!

Werewolves are Endangered? Reboot [Starting soon!]

I don't. To be honest, writing the smack down of Anton was a particularly joyful moment for me… Ahem.

Oh. That got dark.

Like really fast.

(I was kidding, I swear.)

Werewolves are Endangered? Reboot [Starting soon!]

@Tip I might let you have a sneak peak if you ask nicely :P

I am debating being human to turn or already one. one with both human parents or one of the other which would make the character a werewolf.

@Damo021

SNEAK PEEK!!!!!!!!!

The Wolves of Red Lake: Season One ((Main Cast Currently Recruiting Secondary Cast Open aswell!))

I've returned!

RPGC #3 -- THE COSMOS

<Snipped quote by Psyga315>

absolutely.

@mdk

Oh. Fanfics are allowed. Huh… This might change everything.

*lightsaber ignites*

It's not what you think.

I swear.

The Twelve Labours: General Discussion

Reviews be finished. Now my full focus is on RPGC3!

The Twelve Labours: General Discussion

And here I am getting to these Twelve Labour reviews at last. Seeing as entries have already been selected for passing the test, I won't be judging based on adhering to the goal of the labour. I may make a passing comment on whether you did or did not, but that's been covered. Mainly I'll just look at structure, content, etc.

Reviews are up!

Ultimate Power, Ultimately Powerless

You got some pretty writing there! Pleasant to my eyes, really. You've got the skill, but now you need to nail down some of the finer points of the story. This was short, but hey that's fine. Not everyone has to go super lengthy. But you could have benefitted with some more length, seeing as how this piece did not pass the challenge. Might have helped establish the too much power you seemed to be going for. The flashbacks weren't needed. While the writing was beautiful, the expository elements didn't help you out here. I'd like to have seen Olivia in action. See her struggle with being powerful but ultimately powerless. I'm slightly confused on the figurehead point, at some points you make it seem like she does have some considerable power and choices to make. What if Olivia had power, and you went the route of her using it too much? Anyway, that's enough of the topic of the labour itself. But these questions could help focus your story. I want to SEE Olivia's world and her story. I want to FEEL her pain, not be told about it. Give me some real depth to grab onto. You've got elements for a horribly sad tragedy that'd probably make me cry. As it is, it was enjoyable but needs more.

Too Much Power

You don't have to be so blunt about the guidelines of the labour. I get it, you wanted to achieve the task I suppose. But this shouldn't be about accomplishing just that. It should be about writing excellent prose. Well, more like IMPROVING so you can reach the level of writing excellent prose (WHILE HAVING FUN!) Don't feel limited by the mission set forth by the labour. You're allowed to indirectly hit the point of the labour. Get creative with your message. You can imply what is too much. We can see it through what your characters do and say. And they don't have to be all like "I HAVE TOO MUCH POWER!" Someone could SHOW that they are high on their powers. Hovering in the air like a god, and then using so much that they end up in the hospital. We would understand they had too much power without having to say it directly. As is, the writing style can be a bit bland and dry. I still don't feel I know these characters too well. Build your world more is what I suggest. Dig deep into the personalities of the brothers and their relationships with others in the outside world. Things may start to come more to life.

Curiosity Killed The Cat

You've got a habit of some of your paragraphs being scrunched up together. Might wanna break those tight confines open and give space between. Makes it easier on the eyes to read. It's been covered that the beginning of the story is quite a bit of exposition. Why don't you show us Oscar and his daily activities? I want to see him make maps. See what he's so interested in. Show us his character through his relationship with his wife, etc. Once you got to the forest, you displayed some real talent. I was disappointed we stopped there because I wanted to explore more. Everything came to life, and that's where the story really seemed to begin.

Thirteen Flat

You definitely redeemed yourself from the last time. And I had no doubt you would. I mean, when the actual story was told in the first labour your skill was evident. Beautiful prose and vivid descriptions. Made me really excited to see what you had in store for this labour and you nailed it! I got a feel of your characters. Are you from the South or wherever those accents stem from? Asking out of curiosity due to the whole western vibes. Or perhaps you're just a fan of that kind of feel/genre. REGARDLESS, you do a wonderful job with it. Like me a western-y feel for sure. You immersed me into the world, and it seems like some research was done within the topic of the story. It felt interesting and grounded in reality. Nailed the contest theme. Michael was strong as a character, and you put on display the whole show don't tell. We could get a lot of who the characters were by their actions. Just a well put together piece of writing. I wanted to see more!

Forbidden Knowledge Grace

Know you didn't hit on the contest theme, but whoa that was awesome. Typically horror-esque things don't appeal to me, but they certainly do when the story is compelling. And that certainly was the case here. If this is going to be a novel one day… TELL ME! Lol. Right amounts of showing, right amounts of exposition. Enough to keep me curious the entire way through. The children! Wow, that was horrifying. The Poisoned Man was creepy, as what whatever the hell chased Arctos and the Wizard. You've got an intriguing talent. Don't often see too much fantasy mixed in with horror. It feels like an expansive world and you've established it rather nicely. Bits and pieces here and there. The Plague, the kids, the beast, the poisoned man. I want answers to these questions, and you wisely left them to sizzle with the ending. It was like reading several well-paced chapters of an intense moment in a great book. Excellent work.

I think, therefore I am

Well that was certainly creepy. Pacing could use work as it felt rather jumpy for me. Jolted me as a reader. Everything else was entertaining and inventive. But wow were there some good scenes in here. The shower scene was creepy and invasive. Finishing sentences and then coming down to that conclusion. Nothing much I had to criticize other than pace. Well done.

Swordmaster

Looks like I won't make any comments on the ellipses as people already have. Honestly, I won't comment on them anymore, I promise! You like them, so you do you. Can't blame you, ellipses can be quite addictive. Anyway, on to the story. Your action writing can get a tad mechanical. I do like that you have more character thoughts in the midst of the battle (story in general, really). And it's almost stream of consciousness from the view of the Swordmaster. He's a murderer with a fragile mind it seems. The writing conveys that in the way it feels scattered. Perhaps not always my cup of tea, but when it's done right it can be very powerful. Sion intrigued me with his master mind. I'm pretty fond of those devious types of characters who can pull the rug from underneath just about anyone. There's a lot of telling in his scene with the child. About what he's doing, why he's doing it. Leave something to the imagination would be my advice. That scene with the child should be chilling, spine-tinglingly horrifying and unsettling. But I don't get to see or feel that. I'm told a lot of things that could be conveyed through action, visuals, dialogue that's not on the nose. Lots of creativity and potential for deep, fascinating characters.