Avatar of Kalleth
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    1. Kalleth 10 yrs ago
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Recent Statuses

5 yrs ago
Current So I guess I should've watched Firefly ages ago, huh?
4 likes
9 yrs ago
Bleed over my grave, and plunge in the stake. Don't give me a break, when you're on the take.
9 yrs ago
Expanding Horizons Players! Join up with The Reapers of Castletain if you're looking for a group to join!
9 yrs ago
Swearing in other languages besides the mother tongue is ceaselessly amusing.
9 yrs ago
The Second Labour awaits, and I am ready to pursue it. FEAR NOT FELLOW GUILDMEMBERS, I SHALL BRING YOU GLORY ON THAT DAY!

Bio

I like language.

Speak to me.

And I'll tell you more.



Most Recent Posts

ILLRIC THE BRAWN



Castle Tarrow, Keep Tower, Maester's Quarters





Darkness, chains, cold. Evil things, grasping at his neck, twisting, squeezing. A sword bloodied and impaled in his gut. Eyes stinging from piercing sparks of blades clashing, and a rising din of fracas blaring in his ears. A distant, mounting, building sound. It sounded vile, dire, ancient. It sounded... Like... A r- Illric blinked awake, his nightmare at an end. It was the middle of the night, and he was lying in his bed, shivering. Illric turned over, and got out of bed. No point in avoiding work once he'd been roused. Still, the sensations his dreams had brought attention to left him shaken. He needed to find a way to limber up, as he made his stiff way around the room, lighting candles and feeling his back ache.

Illric began performing his morning routine, albeit in the very early morning. He started developing a fine sheen of sweat on his bare chest and face, when the raven arrived. He finished performing a few more repetitions of the sword forms that Ser Jakob had taught him on the road. Of course as a maester he didn't strictly speaking own a weapon or take up arms, but having had the opportunity to observe the fighting prowess of his friend the hedge knight up close, Illric had taken to practicing Jakob's forms when he needed an intensive bout of exercise in the mornings. Forms completed, and sweat shed, Illric grabbed a towel and dried off. He donned his robes, and drew his chains back out of his collar to shine brilliantly against the rough-sewn cloth. Still warm, the metal gleamed with his reflection slightly distorted by mist. Illric had thought he'd be able to remove his chain, only he found he preferred to keep it on at all times. It was a symbol of who he had become, and even during the most difficult of exercises where he might have been benefitted by the chain's removal, he persevered.

Illric's breathing was still laboured as he removed the scroll from the bird's ankle. He recognized it as a Cade specimen. News from the front, from Lord Leoric perhaps? Illric unrolled the scroll and read it quickly by candlelight. Sent days ago, to warn of his lordship's arrival in a few days? Illric frowned, wondering why the Cade levies had withdrawn from the front at the very moment when Illric surmised they would be needed most. He put it out of his mind, deciding he would know soon enough when Lord Leoric arrived, most likely only in a few hours. It was fortunate then, that Illric had woken earlier than usual, and the maester was definitely an early riser. He gathered his thoughts, marshalled his energy, loose and well-stretched though he was, attention turning to the preparation of Castle Tarrow for its lord's return.

Illric would need to track down Ser Raymun, as Castellan it would be imperative for the knight to be informed of his brother's impending return so as to put affairs in order. It might also be good for the Lady Sarisa to learn of her betrothed earlier-than-expected return. Of both members of the Cade family, or in Sarisa's case, soon-to-be Cade family, Illric was by far and away more comfortable dealing with Sarisa. She seemed a lovely girl, and amiable enough. It certainly helped that they were both newcomers to House Cade, and there was less glacial barriers to break down for a rapport to be made. Sarisa was a friendly girl, if shy, which was understandable. In fact, the Lady Sarisa was everything that might be expected of a young Lady betrothed to her Lord. She must've been a quick learner, well-suited to her role, and well-schooled in it at that. Though their conversations had been brief, Illric had definitely picked up on a sort of hesitation? Underlying her entire persona, she seemed to be restless, as though she'd done this all before. As though she did not truly believe that this time it would come to pass, to fruition.

Of course, Illric was often told he read too much into other people. He still remember Gyles's jibes about Illric overthinking things, followed by his own reply that, "A maester overthinking things, would be like a lord overgoverning, or a hedge knight overtraining." I miss Gyles and Ser Jakob, though I don't suppose that they'd take especially well to Tarrow, come to think of it. The trio had travelled the wild roads of Westeros, enjoying the open air, and the free-ranging wilderness that abounded within it. Tarrow on the other hand, was gloomy at best, bleak at worst. Many areas of the castle were left unlit, uncleaned, and untended to, for lack of habitation. Illric still remembered the day of his arrival, when he had learned that the Rookery had cobwebs and a thick layer of dust coating the walls. The previous maester had found a way to send ravens from the courtyard, and had decided that rather than trouble his gouty legs to walk all the way up the steps to the tower, he would simply do all his business from the courtyard. It had taken, and would still take a long while before the birds all knew to fly up to the rookery once more, and not down to the courtyard, looking for a man whose gout had finally led him to death's door. It had also been a harrowing task, cleaning up several decades-worth of dust, grime, and clutter. Finally though, the Maester's Quarters were starting to come alive again.

It was his finely cleaned quarters that Illric left, carrying a torch down several flights of stairs to the main castle in search of Lady Sarisa, and when he came to her door finally, he paused in hesitation. He could not tell from sight nor sound whether she was still awake at this late or early hour, depending on how one viewed it. Would it be proper to wake her, to warn her of her betrothed's imminent arrival? Or should he go on to find Ser Raymun, and run the risk of waking him up before he was wont to? It took Illric not a second more to remember the black look the Bastard of Tarrow had given him when he'd asked after the whereabouts of spare candle wicks, and in that moment Illric's mind was made up. He would do his best to arrange things on his own, and wait as long as possible before alerting the grim castellan of his half-brother's return. Lady Sarisa on the other hand, would probably benefit greatly from the news that Illric could provide, and so he knocked on her door. Illric put all thoughts of nightmares, dead maesters, and grim bastards from his mind, hoping that his voice sounded suitably respectable.

"Lady Sarisa? I have received a raven from my Lord of Cade. You will want to know what he says, your humble servant believes."

Illric cursed himself silently, I sound like a midnight beau, coming to serenade her! Am I mad? Damn, my fool's eyes. Despite the fact that she was betrothed to another man, his lord no less, Lady Sarisa had most certainly caught Illric's eye. Much though he might wish she were in different circumstances, as a maester sworn and chained, he owed it to her, his lord, and himself, to quit pining after her and simply do his duty. He waited, deciding the best course to be remaining silent until she answered the door, no doubt with some snide remark belittling his rightly mock-worthy address.
Our child is Bella Murdock. She is blind, but also a ninja. And she has pointy ears. Temperament-wise, she has a sweet heart, but she always fights for justice! And the right to read in peace and quiet. Really, she takes more after her first father. But she likes to wear flow-y dresses like her second dad.
El Fabio makes everything easy.

I proclaim you...

THE REISER OF PHALLUSES, ATTRACTOR OF GODS, AND MAGNET OF THE UNIVERSE (The III)
The only way you could conceivably do this is a) Having god-like fingers and thumbs or b) folding in the fabric of time and space.

Assuming a) is true, you can become a Master Stimulator/Craftsman/Musician. Based on those, the world is your oyster my friend. Go make it a better place.

Assuming b) is true, you can use your space and time folding powers to become a superhero who can travel at faster than light speeds, banish villains to the Negative Zone, or hell, even just take really long and satisfying naps. You're Superhero Jesus. Or Doctor Manhattan. Take your pick.

Assuming a) AND b) are true, I consent to give my soul to you, all-powerful being, and find you truly worthy of worship. Take me into your divine service, that I might learn some of your sacred secrets and apply them to my own lowly state of existence.




You obtain the ability to come up with actually good ideas for this stupid thread. Unlike me. XD
59
Died because of crime of passion relating to the fact that Frank was sleeping with Joe's wife.
Banned because Frank was having an affair with Joe's wife. And you're making a mockery of righteous justice.
Granted, a new dumb AF slang term to do with social media that just so happens to rhyme with orange is created. However the sheer inane mediocrity of a term whose only purpose is to express vague amusement at its phonetic semblance to another similarly gimmicky word, leads you to, when you discover this new term, and the ways in which it is being used on "hip" and "trending" websites, ultimately kill yourself in a vain protest of the futility of humanity and your inevitable demise is both made a mockery of on Twitter and forever enshrined as the #Clorange_Killing.

I wish we eradicate stupid. And it should be noted that as the wisher, I'm pretty much perfectly okay with obliterating our sorry excuse for a race. So, it wouldn't be a crush to do that. Just, get rid of the stupid please. Kill it with fire.
Dzierżysław heard this bearded chuj speak his mind. He certainly shouted all of this gówno loud enough. It'd be a small wonder if the Evil Overlord didn't know that their sorry dupa were making their way over to pay him a visit in five pierdolony minutes.

"Pieprzyć mnie," Dzierżysław muttered, turning around. He wasn't the type to let people kill themselves. He might be a grumpy dupa, but he wasn't that much of a pizda. So he sucked in a breath and grabbed this wizard-looking fellow by the collar. Hoping the Szatan-looking Skurwielu would just follow his lead, Dzierżysław dragged his loud and obnoxious chuj into an alleyway next to the tavern. He cast an eye around, and seeing no overt spies, dropped his voice so that only the chuj and he could hear it.

"Listen here mały idiota, I am called Dzierżysław Folster, and you would do well to listen closely. Shouting your grozny gówno in the broad of daylight amidst the public? Głupi pierdolony idea! What I mean to say is, that pizda overlord you want dead? You and your dupa are getting killed in an instant! I appreciate your jądra, mały idiota, but you are going to need to take five pierdolony minutes to think about what you are doing and how. Got it? Dobra, chodźmy." Dzierżysław looked at the chuj expectantly, and then let go of his collar. He had white knuckles that tingled from gripping him so urgently. Maybe he had a real reason to want this pizda dead. But he supposed it ought to be done right, or not at all.

"You can call me Dick by the way, since I know all you dziewczęta luźno mówione can't pronounce gówno."




In Closed 9 yrs ago Forum: Casual Roleplay
@Raptra

Jideh had sat down in his seat with great apprehension. A whole audience hall full of elements, and these architects had decided it wise to make the seats out of... Plants? Jideh had seen what kinds of treatment the seats at the Agricultural Hall back home had endured and he was examining his own chair with the greatest of worry. He checked for scratched messages in the bark, forgotten pieces of gum, or any other kind of abuse. Fortunately he found none on his own chair, but he couldn't bear to check the other seats in case his was the exception and not the norm.

Jideh picked a leaf off his seat, and sniffed at it. He felt the texture, feeling for veins and gauging stem thickness. A glance to either side and at the audience hall ceiling provided no clear answer to whether these plants received significant amounts of sunlight, which made the strength and health of their growth a mystery to him. While his eyes were up, he noticed the teacher he'd helped to rescue getting up on stage looking no worse for the wear of having nearly drowned. Jideh smiled at that, and then he went back to his leaf. Tearing a small piece off, he put it in his mouth and sucked, trying to get a sense for taste. This plant wasn't a tea plant of course, though Jideh had brought plenty of tea dried and in seeds, but he'd heard that other kinds of plants, such as certain pines could be brewed in tea. Jideh made a face at the increasing bitterness, and decided chewing the leaf to be too sour a prospect to pursue. Removing the leaf from his tongue, Jideh folded the bit of sucked leaf into its parent leaf and then buried the ensemble into a little patch of earth between his feet. Letting loose a bit of his recovered power from earlier, Jideh saw the beginnings of a sprout poke through. He smiled widely at that, and then sat back, trying to figure out if he should swallow the bitterness in his mouth or if he should try and discreetly spit it out.

A girl he only vaguely recognized from the incident at the fountain had turned around and seemed to recognize him as well. She waved and introduced herself, leaving Jideh no choice but to swallow his bitter spit. He failed at masking his grimace. "It's bitter. Er, that's not my name. My name's Jideh, and this plant," Jideh poked the seat he was sitting in. "It tastes bitter. That's why I made a face. I didn't make a face because of you, is what I mean. Ugh. I don't know what's keeping my words from flowing properly today." Jideh caught the last part of Ms. Hargreave's speech. He was momentarily drowned out by applause which once finished, allowed him to add, "Ms. Hargreaves certainly hasn't got my problem. Anyway, I'm a Flora specialist of the Earth element. I'd show off my power to you, but I don't know when we're having supper, so you'll have to take me at my word that I can make plants grow, and all sorts of wonderful stuff like that. I don't exactly have the luxury of being say, an air elementalist, who basically have an abundance of their element unless they go to space or deep-sea diving." Jideh smiled warmly, and nodded. His problem seemed to be going away, bit by bit. As long as he just kept his cool, and no half-naked girls scared him half to death, he'd be fine.
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