Dion
HangYourSecretsJane awoke to the sensation that she had been craving the entire day before: being held by Rob in his bunk. Her hand moved to the top of his that gripped her, and a deep sigh escaped her as she wiggled her body towards his. If she had it her way, they’d remain like this for the rest of the day and never have to deal with the issues at hand, but she knew it was impossible. So for now, Jane would have to soak up every moment of peace between them.
A minute or two had gone by when Jane’s eyes shot open caused by the familiar feeling of nausea hitting her stomach. “Shit,” she whispered as she maneuvered her body up and over Rob’s without dragging hers against him, and soon as she was free from the bunk, she sprinted to the bathroom and shut the door behind her.
Once the contents of her stomach had been emptied into the small toilet, she fell backwards onto the tile below, only the thin fabric from one of Rob’s shirt shielding her skin from the their frigid temperature. Jane had always heard people talk about rock bottom. About how they’d reach a point where they knew they couldn’t continue on like they had been.
Well, if Jane had ever experienced her “rock bottom,” it would have been right there and then, on the floor of the bus’s bathroom, after abandoning the one she cared about the most, sleeping with a stranger, saying goodbye to a lover, fighting a hangover, and coming to the terms that she could be pregnant with either Rob or Andy’s child.
Her mind flashed to the unopened pregnancy test in the bottom of her purse that sat near the front of the bus. Was it too soon to check? How long had it been since her last period? Jane was never one to keep track of such things – Lena usually helped with that – so the only way she’d truly be able to tell was to take it.
”Not today.”
Rob would have to be her top priority today. He would have to be the one that she gave her undivided attention to. Well, if he wanted her attention. It was a complete mystery for now.
Jane eventually stood up and brushed her teeth before making her way back quietly into the bunk, this time facing Rob, but it was no use trying to fall back asleep. Too much emotion, too many thoughts, too many things she wanted to say. With no handle on what time it was, Jane opted to let him sleep for a while, and her fingers lightly grazed the arm that he had put back over her in his sleep.
That was when she noticed the dozen or so stitched that lined his forearm up to his wrist. How the hell did that happen? When did that happen? What had happened yesterday while she was gone?
Her lips kissed the inch of skin above it, the palm of his hand, then lowed her arm back around her. If there already wasn’t regret present for her disappearance yesterday, there was now. She should have been there for him, for the band. Instead, she ran away, not wanting to answer for the issues she caused, the ones she’d have to navigate through today.
A bit of rustling from Rob’s side of the cot released Jane from a semi-sleep state, and both excitement that she’d finally get to be with him, and pure fear of what the next conversation would be both hit her at once. Her instincts struck, and she leaned in to kiss him of the chest, but after one peck, she realized that it probably wasn’t the best way to approach him, especially when she so unsure of how he felt. So, she scooted back a bit, her back against the wall of the bus, and she propped her head upon her fist.
“Hey,” she whispered with a morose expression on her face. “Before… before you say anything, I just wanted to say that I’m really, really sorry, Rob. About everything. The pictures, Andy, leaving yesterday.” She sniffled, attempting to hold back a flood of tears that she felt welling up. “You deserve much better than that. If I could go back in time, I would do so much shit differently. Really. I just…”
It all seemed and sounded so dramatic; Jane a few months ago would laugh at how upset she was over something like a relationship. But, as far as she was concerned, Rob’s feelings were the only ones that she cared about anymore, and his opinions of her were the only ones that she would listen to. Not the press, not Vicarious. Just Rob.
A minute or two had gone by when Jane’s eyes shot open caused by the familiar feeling of nausea hitting her stomach. “Shit,” she whispered as she maneuvered her body up and over Rob’s without dragging hers against him, and soon as she was free from the bunk, she sprinted to the bathroom and shut the door behind her.
Once the contents of her stomach had been emptied into the small toilet, she fell backwards onto the tile below, only the thin fabric from one of Rob’s shirt shielding her skin from the their frigid temperature. Jane had always heard people talk about rock bottom. About how they’d reach a point where they knew they couldn’t continue on like they had been.
Well, if Jane had ever experienced her “rock bottom,” it would have been right there and then, on the floor of the bus’s bathroom, after abandoning the one she cared about the most, sleeping with a stranger, saying goodbye to a lover, fighting a hangover, and coming to the terms that she could be pregnant with either Rob or Andy’s child.
Her mind flashed to the unopened pregnancy test in the bottom of her purse that sat near the front of the bus. Was it too soon to check? How long had it been since her last period? Jane was never one to keep track of such things – Lena usually helped with that – so the only way she’d truly be able to tell was to take it.
”Not today.”
Rob would have to be her top priority today. He would have to be the one that she gave her undivided attention to. Well, if he wanted her attention. It was a complete mystery for now.
Jane eventually stood up and brushed her teeth before making her way back quietly into the bunk, this time facing Rob, but it was no use trying to fall back asleep. Too much emotion, too many thoughts, too many things she wanted to say. With no handle on what time it was, Jane opted to let him sleep for a while, and her fingers lightly grazed the arm that he had put back over her in his sleep.
That was when she noticed the dozen or so stitched that lined his forearm up to his wrist. How the hell did that happen? When did that happen? What had happened yesterday while she was gone?
Her lips kissed the inch of skin above it, the palm of his hand, then lowed her arm back around her. If there already wasn’t regret present for her disappearance yesterday, there was now. She should have been there for him, for the band. Instead, she ran away, not wanting to answer for the issues she caused, the ones she’d have to navigate through today.
*****
A bit of rustling from Rob’s side of the cot released Jane from a semi-sleep state, and both excitement that she’d finally get to be with him, and pure fear of what the next conversation would be both hit her at once. Her instincts struck, and she leaned in to kiss him of the chest, but after one peck, she realized that it probably wasn’t the best way to approach him, especially when she so unsure of how he felt. So, she scooted back a bit, her back against the wall of the bus, and she propped her head upon her fist.
“Hey,” she whispered with a morose expression on her face. “Before… before you say anything, I just wanted to say that I’m really, really sorry, Rob. About everything. The pictures, Andy, leaving yesterday.” She sniffled, attempting to hold back a flood of tears that she felt welling up. “You deserve much better than that. If I could go back in time, I would do so much shit differently. Really. I just…”
It all seemed and sounded so dramatic; Jane a few months ago would laugh at how upset she was over something like a relationship. But, as far as she was concerned, Rob’s feelings were the only ones that she cared about anymore, and his opinions of her were the only ones that she would listen to. Not the press, not Vicarious. Just Rob.
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