Jane had awoken in a haze from the previous night’s emotions; her eyes were practically glued shut and her head already throbbing. Her hands held her phone over her face as she squinted to read the text she got back from Andy last night.Andy, 11:43 PM:Of course… is everything okay?
A sigh escaped her before she yanked the curtain open and popped her head out to see Austin passing by her bunk, and once he made eye contact with her, he ran his fingers through her hair. “You alright?”
“Yeah,” Jane’s voice croaked out, barely audible. “Just a bad night.”
Austin nodded, his expression showing that he wasn’t convinced. “Looks like Rob didn’t have a good one either.”
It took a moment for Jane to register what he said, and she propped herself up on an elbow. “What do you mean? Where is he?”
He nodded his head to the side towards the front of the bus where, from her position, she could only see feet laying on the floor. “Jesus, Rob,” she whispered before hopping down out of bed and quietly approaching his unconscious self. Jane, momentarily, felt the overwhelming urge to kick him. He had left her in her most vulnerable state, seemingly more worried about their image rather than her feelings. But ultimately, she only rolled her eyes and walked back to her bunk.
“J?” Austin called out, following her. “Why don’t you come to breakfast with us? I think it’d be good if you got some fresh air.”
“Okay,” Jane nodded weakly. “I, uh, I have to make a phone call real quick, then we’ll go.”
Austin smiled. “Sounds good.”
In the cool morning air, after stepping over Rob in the process of exiting the bus, Jane stood by the side of the bus with a cigarette in one hand and her phone in the over. Her thumb had been hovering over the green button to call Andy for what felt like minutes, but she reluctantly pressed it and put the phone in her ear, regretting making the call more and more each time it trilled in her ear.
“Jane?” His voice gave away that he had still been sleeping.
“Hey, did I wake you?”
“That’s okay. You don’t sound good, babe. What’s going on?”
Jane sighed and paused for a second before answering me. “This isn’t why I’m calling, but Rob ended things with me yesterday. I just had a really bad night.”
“Shit,” he whispered, “I’m so sorry I’m not there with you.”
“No, it’s okay. How’s the tour been?” Jane attempted to lighten the mood with her tone, but it was too hoarse.
“Lonely,” he laughed faintly. “But, no drama since we left. A bunch of fans keep asking about you guys though.”
“Yeah, it sucks you guys left. It’s definitely been quiet here, too.” Jane felt herself begin to choke up, so she took a deep breath and cleared her throat. “I have to tell you something, but please please please don’t freak out, okay?”
“Fuck, Jane, that's
freaking me out.” He spoke quietly but sternly, probably trying to keep from waking the others in the bus.
“Okay, okay. Go ahead.”
“I’m,” another deep breath, “I’m pregnant. I took the test yesterday.”
There was a silence between them that lasted for about five seconds before Andy spoke up again. “Whose is it?”
“Either you or Rob’s. Has to be.” Her eyes began to water, and she quickly wiped them with her sleeve. “I wasn’t gonna tell anyone, but Lyla convinced me.”
“Are you feeling okay?” Andy asked, nearly cutting her off before she finished speaking.
“Yeah… well, no. I’ve been throwing up a lot. Crying a lot. I just want it out of me.”
“So you’re not keeping it?” Andy asked, sounding relieved.
not. You aren’t around. Rob dumped me. I’m a piece of shit. I’d be an idiot to keep it.”
“Jane,” Andy began, his voice raising in volume a bit, “don’t say shit like that. You’re great. Fuck, I wish I was there. Should I cancel tonight and see you?”
“No, no, it’s okay. I’m okay.” She sniffled. “It’s just all so overwhelming. Lyla and Austin have been great, though.”
“Okay,” he sighed. “Keep me updated, alright? Let me know how you’re doing?”
“Yeah, I will.”
“I miss you. A lot.” His voice grew even quieter when he said it.
“I miss you too, Andy. I’ll text you, yeah?” The tears were now flowing uncontrollably. She felt so alone.
“Sounds good, babe. Bye.”
Everyone at the table talked amongst themselves about a multitude of things: what they would do when they arrived back at the states, various groupies that they remembered so far, the jobs they all worked before embarking on tour. Jane had remained, for the most part, silent, mindlessly stirring the black coffee in front of her with the elongated spoon until Lyla nudged her arm. “You gonna drink that?”
Jane startled, then straighten her posture and rubbed her eyes. “Y-yeah. I need it.” With both small hands, she brought the large mug up to her lips and sipped it slowly, and as she looked up, she could see she had earned everyone’s eyes at the table. “What?”
Austin cleared his throat and leaned in. “We were all just wondering if… well, you’d be able to continue the tour after what happened with Rob?”
After placing the mug back down onto the wooden table, she sighed. “Yes. I’m not gonna let him stop us from finishing this. And I’m sorry about last night, I’m just trying to take this all in and – “
“It’s okay,” Sam spoke up, one to usually avoid getting involved in Jane’s personal ordeals. “We were all kind of wondering if it would happen since you guys got together.” Austin shook his head as Sam said the last sentence, to which Sam only shrugged.
“Wait,” Jane replied, scratching her head. “What the fuck does that
Austin put a hand up. “I think he means – “
“No,” Jane said sternly, keeping her eyes on Sam. “I want to hear it from Sam.”
Sam’s eyes widened. “I, uh, I mean, come on, Jane. You both are complete opposites. You’re wild and he’s responsible. How did you think this was going to go?”
,” Jane whispered harshly as her fists clenched. Lyla’s hand had moved to her shoulder, both to comfort her and to keep her from launching out of her seat. “Well, Sam, maybe if you knew what was going to happen, you should have fucking told me before he broke my heart!” Her voice had reached a hoarse yell.
“Jane, calm down,” Lyla said in a whisper as she looked around to all the patrons.
this,” Jane mumbled as she moved from the seat and stood up. “I’m going back to the bus.” And without another word, Jane exited the café hastily and called herself a cab.
A heavy slumber was induced by an hour of crying alone in Jane’s bunk. Rob was nowhere to be found by the time she had arrived, which both felt like a good and bad thing. Good, well, because she’d probably fall apart if she saw him awake in an enclosed space. Bad because it left her wondering where the hell he had gone. He had just been passed out on the floor an hour or two ago.
By the time she had awoken, it had seemed like hours had gone by, and the afternoon sun was shooting a beam straight through the front of the bus. “Austin,” she whispered out when she saw his curly hair in the back, who came trotting to her bed.
“Rob here?” Jane asked timidly as she moved some hair from her face.
“Uh, no, J, actually…” Austin sighed. “He checked into a hotel. I have the information if you want it.”
Jane snorted. “Do you really think that’s a good idea? Look at me.”
“Honestly, I think you guys need to talk. Not only for your sake, but for all of us.” Austin’s hand waved to the rest of the bus. “We’re heading down a bad path here, J.”
“Ugh, you’re right.” Jane swung her legs over the side of the bed, holding Austin’s hands to help her jump down. “Text me it. I’ll, uh, I’ll go see him.”
Austin smiled. “Thanks, Jane.” He ruffled her hair. “Need me to call you a cab?”
“Nah, I got it,” Jane did her best to return his smile, but it was definitely pained. If she had already told Andy that she was pregnant, it would only be fair to tell Rob as soon as possible, especially before he heard it from someone else. That would make things exponentially worse, if that was even possible.
Jane had changed her clothes, brushed her teeth, and wrapped her hair up into a knot before moving to the fridge and downing a beer or two. Her nerves were shot, and numbing them with substances was all she knew how to do by now. Even she was starting to find it pathetic now.
A flask was tucked into the breast pocket of her jean jacket, which its gray hood pulled up over her head, and she exited the bus to wait for her cab. The sun had begun to set, decreasing the temperature outside just enough to make her shiver sporadically as a cigarette hung loosely between her lips. With each passing moment, Jane wanted to run back inside and bury herself deep inside the covers on her bed, but she knew she had to go see him. By the time the cab had arrived, Jane had already empty half of the flask contents, and on the ride over to the hotel, the alcohol began to warm her body and calm her worried thoughts.
Jane’s headphones were playing Fruit by ABRA
as the cab pulled up in front of the tall building, and after tipping the driver, she reluctantly stumbled out onto the street and looked around. A bar was located to its right, and Jane – being a procrastinator – decided to stop there first since her flask was now bone dry.
It was dark and loud in the establishment, and Jane had to shove her way through the crowd of patrons to get to the bar. “A whiskey double please,” she shouted as she shoved cash to the older man, and without a word, he took the wad of bills and nodded. She kept her head down and her eyes on the floor to avoid welcoming any sort of conversation, and once the bartender handed her the contents, she downed the brown liquid and quickly weaved through the bar and back out on to the street.
She was drunk.
Shit. She only planned to get a little tipsy to make herself feel better, but this was bad. If it wasn’t for how cold it was outside, she probably would have stayed until she sobered up, but after a few minutes of her teeth chattering, she entered the hotel and took out her phone to get his room number. “Okay, you’re fine,” she whispered to herself as the elevator took her up, up, up to his floor, almost hoping that it would stop in its tracks and trap her in there. No such luck though, as soon enough, the bell rang and the doors rolled open. “Fuck.”
Jane squinted her eyes to read the door numbers as she crept down the carpeted hallway, and after a few wrong turns, she was staring at Rob’s door with tears in her eyes. 208.
No matter how much her mind tried to talk her into knocking, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. What if she was forcing herself into Rob’s room just to get rejected again? For him to tell her that he was still certain in his decision not to be with her anymore? Jane was much too inebriated to handle that right now, especially in her newly emotional state. Plus, what if he didn't even want to see her? What if coming here and attempting to talk to him was the exact opposite of what he needed?
Instead, Jane dropped down to her knees as she began to silently cry, then eventually curled up into a fetal position against the wall next to his door. She’d have to sleep it off here, just for a little, until she sobered up a bit. Yeah, that would be much better. Then, she’d go in and talk to him. Just a few minutes and…
A drunken sleep took over her, and Jane laid unconscious on the patterned carpet beneath her.