"Alright everyone, before we all get bored of just waiting for everyone to stand in a line, I'm gonna
fast-forward the boring sh&%."
...
...
...
"...I'm gonna kill that tiger if it's biting me by the end of this time-skip."
Soon enough, all of the recruits of the O-Face stood in a straight line (mainly because the Gray Chair Man wanted some hero-killing action). With everyone standing with a variety of idle expressions, the Chair Man simply kicked his office desk away from him before moving his miraculously self-aware office chair. People told him that wheelchairs were better, but he absolutely hated moving like a car when he could just move around like a joystick.
The Gray Chair Man eventually sat in front of the recruits of the O-Face, as well as its original members, Edmodo and Noob. Edmodo flexed his arm at Noob, only to get the middle finger as a response. The Saibot did not even turn away from the Chair Man as he did this.
With a calm expression, and his hands clasped together on his desk, the man decided to speak.
"Okay, I know what you're all thinking, but I don't particularly care about it either. As far as we could tell, the longer we stay here, the more sh&% those heroes out there are going to destroy."
With a swift snap of his fingers, a laptop shot out of the top of the desk. He quickly began to type some things, pressing the Enter key several times.
...
"..."
"...Hold on a second."
The Gray Chair Man proceeded to pick up his keyboard and smash it on his laptop. When the keyboard snapped in half, a wide presentation holo-screen appeared above the portal. Various footage of well-known heroes from entertainment media appeared, one of the most prominent ones being Mario, who apparently burned up the White House with a happy smile.
After Mario's appearance came Link, the Hero of Time, chopping a soldier's arms off before finishing him with a spin attack, instantly slicing him in half. Some sort of Gundam robot with a white head, blue body, and a pink laser sword proceeded to stomp on a kitten, and Master Chief teabagged the corpse of John McClain, one of the few heroes who attempted to stop the outbreak. A naked guy flew across the street of New York, firing lasers out of his eyes while carrying a Nissan Pathfinder, and an anthropomorphic, muscular Pikachu electrocuted an entire factory, causing it to blow up.
It was a pure compilation of chaos.
"As you can tell, you might recognize most of these guys. There are heroes we've known only through games, shows, and various kinds of media, but now they're attacking their makers. We don't know how, we don't know why. There must be a reason, but my sugar rush is far more important. Oh yeah, and Wreck-it Ralph is
actually being a villain (aka. Hero) now. That fatass..."
The Gray Chair Man shook his head, remembering a time when the mentioned Disney character destroyed his ice coffee for no reason, which was the reason why he decided not to go outside anymore.
"All you people need to do is
kill every single one of these bastards. Truth be told, we're not the best, and we're not exactly the viral and charismatic group of anti-heroes you'd find. But I can sure as hell tell you all that if someone doesn't stand up to these idiots invading our planet, there won't be any heaven or hell waiting for y'all in the afterlife. I am sorry to say this, but being under my lead guarantees a safer path to hopes of living... and a less violent death, should you ever die in our missions."
"Recently, our team discovered a strange, concrete fact about these heroes invading our planet. They stay in certain locations, acting as world bosses like you'd find in
Super Mario Bros. Noob, who stands next to you, barely managed to defeat the Street Fighter, Ken, in a duel. He said a portal opened up, and something within apparently took Ken away before we had our hands on him."
"Hurry up, you noob."
"Point is, the portal that appeared every time we defeated the heroes on our land continued to grow larger each time one of our members defeated a hero. By the time Edmodo managed to snap
Gameboy Max Payne's neck, the portal was two times larger than it used to be. This portal's different from the one we use because it disappears so quickly, but I'll get to that after your first mission. We're fighting one big video game, and if my theory's right, then there's got to be a
Game Over to this crazy crap-festival going on here."
The Gray Chair Man turned off the holo-screen, replacing it with a hologram of what appeared to be a decimated town in Texas.
"We received reports about some dude named Kamina. They say he's from Gurren Lagaan or some sh&% like that, but regardless of his name, he's a strong target we need to take down. We already lost Oklahoma to his red-haired lady friend, so as abrupt as it is, I think it's about time we get to business."
The Gray Chair Man closed the current portal opened at the center of the wall the recruits came out of via his computer (how he was controlling it with a destroyed keyboard was not to be questioned about), and soon enough, a new portal opened at the very left corner of the wall. The portal was orange.
"Whenever you're ready."
Noob, the Saibot, glared at the new portal. He simply stared at its orange color. The Saibot never really used these portals because he preferred to walk on land like a noob, but if it was to find and kill some heroes, then no obstacle would stand in his way. The black ninja immediately headed over to the orange portal with a fast dash. When he was at a fair distance away from it, he jumped, doing a Dragon Kick as he jumped into the portal. A white light flashed, and Noob was no longer inside the gray room.
Edmodo lied down, his stomach flat on the ground, before fire shot out of his butt, sending him flying like a rocket.
"'Tis a fine day to show this Kamina the future of education. Two plus two is two divided by two and multiplied by two twos."
In all of his educational, yet retarded glory, the half-naked man wearing only a bath towel known as Edmodo jumped into the orange portal. He, too, disappeared in a white flash.
Captain Uni
Finetales
Plank Sinatra