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Current there's a dril tweet for every day of my life, and when i run out of tweets i'll have run out of life
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my main issue with "master chief fucks cortana" is if you read the halo novels youd know the space suit automatically jacks master chief off
5 days ago
i detect a trace amount of piss in the public pool, turn purple & foam at the mouth. i scream as the lifeguard injects me with piss antidote
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if floyd goes 50-0 the terrorists win
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every day i feel happy until i remember we'll never find the source for the hachikuji dance beat
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Remember what I said about not trusting hugs?


then explain beryl
To be fair everyone at Beacon's gone through some intense shit. Like no one here's got both parents, or at least hasn't killed/almost got killed by someone. All the more reason our characters should band together and share their woes with ice cream and video games.


Lauren

I unironically ship Jericho and Heinrich and believe they're an endgame couple.
This is why people should leave writing the gay porn to Lauren.
CRASHING POORFAG'S SHIP......

WITH NO SURVIVORS


Lauren was yanked out of the darkness without ceremony, hoisted up by her ankle and plucked into the air effortlessly by Ben in a single fluid movement. Before the eyes of everyone in the room, she flew up above his head for a span that couldn't have been longer than half a second - yet, in that time, her legs responded on impulse and locked tightly around his ribs, tucking his head underneath her chest and wrapping that head up tightly in the crooks of her arms.

She could feel her Redwood savior's smug smile as she tightened around him like a padlock.



Oh Cap, you beautiful redneck blacksmith's boy, you will spend many moons hammering in my forge for this kindness!

"Don't be stupid, Cap, a lady doesn't store her sexiest stuff under the bed! There are spiders down there." She gave his long hair a reproachful ruffle for not warning her about any information a third grader would know about spiders and their preferred haunts. "Lingerie goes in the lingerie drawer, ya fuckin' goose. Now come on and bring me over there!"

Her legs tightened painfully (for either Ben or the jeans of his that the boxer was wearing) around her Captain's ribs and she tilted her head at the middle drawer of the dresser next to her bed.

It seemed that now that she was able to make eye contact with the others and be heard without being muffled, her confidence had returned in full. She shot her parents and Sangue a warm, comforting grin, and even winked at the space between Amy and Estelle's staredown - so that whoever wanted it could claim it.

"C'mooon, Cap, hurry up! This room is my safe space, it's not supposed to be so tense!"


Lauren Negasi was squirming.

She'd never been one for modesty, especially the false coin that was modesty around other people; after all, what had endeared Ben to her in the first place was a vicious neck snap that was just as much about titillating him as it was about winning a fight. He'd returned fire with a lecherous ass grab not too different from the one she was on the receiving end of now, before the eyes of the whole combat class. It was her first hint that there was more to him than the passive, pushover white boy that she'd assumed he was. Her first sign that she'd misread Ben Lloyd.

Having her ass grabbed so proudly before the eyes of her parents was, similarly, a move that awestruck her without actually surprising her at all. Sangue had no idea what the hell was going on, no doubt, and Amy was far too aloof to make such a possessive move - especially before the eyes of adults. They weren't even just adults, they were adults who happened to be her parents, and thus had no motive to be so lustily grabbing the proud product of many years of endless exercise. That only left one suspect - her first suspect, these days, for matters such as this.

A suspect who had suddenly become very, very vulnerable to her whims.

"Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap," Lauren moaned loudly from under the bed, stifling an evil snicker. The Prince of Lies waited a second for the husky cry of pleasure to settle down into Ben's horrified virgin ears before continuing, "Not with a-nother audieeeeeeeence!"

Only there was no response - as a matter of fact, things had only gotten a little louder around her. Cap was saying something - Uninterrupted? That shit didn't even phase him? S-So masculine... - and then all of a sudden there was another voice which--

“Lorena *indiscernible* credit card out of your lingerie *indiscernible*-“

what

“Um, sorry am I interrupting?”

There was a squeeze. A harder squeeze. One that kept Lauren from pushing her way out of the bed, writhing like a poisoned weasel, as was her wont.

N-Not Cap, not Cap at all! Worse!

Amy!?

Of all the times for you to get flirty!

Two women, with her in between them! Fuck! This was Cap's fantasy, just not in the way she was comfortable with! For once things had gone too far for her, Ben! Too far! The safeword is 'school integration!' And right now she wanted it! Let the black girl back into the dorm!

She had the axe in her hand, maybe she could chop her way through the floor...

They were for breaking things in emergencies, and this was sure as shit an emergency!

Luke, I'm sorry! I'm sorry for everything! I know how you feel now! I've been electrocuted too now - I mean, spiritually, not really...literally, like you, and obviously I'm much sexier and you have a long way to go for these gains...but I get it, little bro! I'm done torturing you! Done molesting! I'm done molesting you too, Cap! I won't harass you or crawl into your bed with an ice Dust crystal or grab your balls at a family reunion or anything!

But she had to get the fuck out of here!

IS THAT A FUCKING SPIDERWEB!?

OHHHHHHHHHH BRUH

THE NIGGA FEARS THE SPIDEEEEEEEEEERS

Lauren's legs, clad in a pair of men's skinny jeans clearly made too tight for her, started kicking at the ground.

"swiiiiiiiiiing loooooooow, sweet chaaaaaaariiiiiiooooooooot"

"My name is Estellise *indiscernible* Heurassein Nuit, it is nice to make your *indiscernible* teacher in the coming *indiscernible* Survival."

Wait, am I in Survival?

...

Amy was going to kill her. She was going to die under this bed. With fucking spiders, bruh.

"COOOOOMING FOR TO CAAAAAARRY ME HOOOOOOOOOOME"

I made that post in the middle of the night and forgot to tag people sooo @Onarax @Krayzikk @Expolar
Angel Ferrara


"He's not plaaaaa~yiiiiing!" came a sing-song voice from behind Rei in the kitchen.

Seconds later, the top third of a cute young man popped out from behind the kitchen door, cheerfully waving a giant cheese knife and an empty skillet with some bits of egg still clinging to the black iron surface of the pan. Tufts of his curly mop of blonde hair were sticking out from a white chef's hat Rei had plainly acquired for him - it was a size too small, probably meant for someone under the age of thirteen - and he was wearing an apron with several stains, some fresh and some long-since dried, that had once read "KISS THE COOK" but had the "C" scribbled out and replaced with a hasty "R" in the sloppy handwriting that could only have come from a recently-literate forest boy.

Angel beamed, giggled, and waved the frying pan with what might have been his attempt at a playful threat.

"I made BLTs with eggs, made some black pepper bacon for the side, used up what's left of the potatoes for homemade chips, and even scraped together some cocoa!" exclaimed the trap proudly. "It's coming right out, so I'd better hear some stomach rumbling, kay? Or Rei and I will both pout!"


"I see." The Negasi patriarch's face was inscrutable, even as he turned back to his daughter. "I bet you're enjoying that big mouth of hers, too."

Behind Lauren's deliberately bemused face, Ben and Amy both locked up.

"Whatcha talkin' about, Pops?" the scrapper asked innocently. "My mouth hasn't been up to anything in a while--"

"Right." In Pops' right hand, as if by sleight of hand, a wad of lien appeared; he waved it in front of his only daughter, bills making flapping and crinkling noises as they moved. "So I guess you were just grinding out financial aid forms for the past few weeks to make over ten thousand lien. Knowing how you get about honor among thieves, I'm willing to bet that if I had looked under the other beds in this dorm I'd find some more of your stashes too, right? How much money's here, Lorena?"

Lauren's face was a lesson in dawning comprehension. Then she laughed, clearly relieved.

"Shit, Pops, that was for a mission! We went to a brewery near the Atlesian border Friday! It was awesome as fuck! I killed the most Grimm out of anyone, and engineered our escape by using all the lessons you taught me about electricity to get an elevator working again, and then I managed to bring one of the bombed-out trucks back to life and smuggle out, like, hundreds of thousands of bucks worth of chemicals and shit! I got a finder's fee for it, and ooh, Cap killed a Manticore! It was--"

"A Manticore?" Costa Negasi sounded slightly concerned as she turned to Ben. "They knew there would be a Manticore there?"

"--no no no, it was fucking sick! Cap jumped out of a helicopter and his dildo-guns became a giant sword, and then he cut its head off and skull fucked it back to hell from whence it came untilwegotbacktoValewhichiswherewe--mmrrrrrrrrrphle"

"Right. A mission. I'll believe that." Pops Negasi drew his hand away from her face for a second, ending her attempts to continue the story while muffled, before tossing Lauren's reward money her way and resting both hands on his hips. "So they gave you the finder's fee..."

"Yup! Cap says I should invest it in tech stocks, or making a tofu and kale bar for white people, or for--"

"And I'm guessing that they also gave you this handmade Zephyr handbag," her father continued. "And the Palladium card under the alias... Estellise Sidos Heurassin Nuit? Bit long-winded, Lauren."

It was a long name, and even though Lauren had been expecting it, she'd lost a shade of color with every word.

"I, uh...heh...well, they reward good..."

"If you lie to me, I will throw both of these out the window, child."

...

Lauren pouted softly and crossed her arms defensively. A noise of upset admonition was welling up in her throat.

"You can't!" she protested. "I earned them! In a bet! I talked the girl out of them in under ten minutes! Cap said!"

"Cap said." Negasi's eyes found Ben's sheepish-looking face and then went back to Lauren. "What did you tell her?"

...

"That...it was clearly a fake from Kuchinashi, and you could tell because of the way that they did the stitching," Lauren said reluctantly, pointing to the bag. "I said that they only did it diagonally like this in Kuchinashi factories."

It was her father's turn to fall silent - before he burst out into a loud, booming laugh, occasionally cracking with incredulous glee. Even Lauren's mother, through her look of disapproval, was clearly holding in an amused smile. Lauren brightened up at the reaction, having clearly expected reprimand - or even confiscation. It would be just like her dad to steal something that she'd earned and then sell it for his own profit.

"Okay, okay, that is a worthy boost," her father conceded, nudging at Lauren's stash underneath the bed with his boot.
"She bought that? Why the hell would anyone buy that?"

"Because Lauren Negasi, Vale Style Co. morally murky sales representative, said so!"

Lauren produced her falsified business card with all the gusto of a police officer pulling his badge. It almost sent her father into tears.

"Yeeeeeup!" Lauren was clearly pleased with herself. "I made enough money and swag this weekend to even build myself a new weapon, better than that shitty-ass fucking axe that Slo boosted from a primary school for me. Have I shown you this fucking thing? Where the hell is it, hang on..."

Lauren bent over to crawl underneath the bed and find her weapon, lower half jutting out from the bed at a dangerous angle. Ben's tight jeans only compounded the issue.

Her father's stare found those of the poor, brave Redwood boy, daring him to break eye contact.
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