Skepic

The Fires of Anuria

Oh, and sorry if the post is a bit wonkey. Currently on a tablet and I don't do well with touch screen type boards. XD

The Fires of Anuria

@WanderingRebel

Alright, now, let me jump to the end of my assessment of your NS so far: I quite enjoyed reading your NS and think its a great idea. An American esq space empire that attempts to be a intergalactic police force as a way to re-brand the word "Conquest" into something more friendly sounding. ITs cool, a great idea. Genuinely good intentions causing complications that lead to your nation essentially annexing a chunk of the planet! I also like the amount of detail you went into with everything.

Now, there are some very serious flaws though. For one, particularly your nation's involvement, you need to rework it in its entirety. This is mainly due to the fact that, on the face of it, you didn't seem to perhaps communicate with your fellow RPers. I think your NS could be a lot better if you actually collaborate with others as it seems you want your nation to be heavily involved, as its been there for the get go. Your involvement describes how your space nation practically took over half a continent and is currently shackled up next to our Maltheciens in the north. The Also, there is a lot of presumed history about Anuria that I think you should have at least run by the GM to see if it fits with the idea he/she had in his head. If it is fine, then by all means, great!

There are things about the NS, seemingly small things, that make a world of difference in NRPs across the board, not just here. Always try to avoid putting sentences or paragraphs that directly characterize your nation to have the best at whatever. Saying things like "Their navy is the strongest most advanced, Largest, best trained, best outfitted, best supplied, Naval force in the known universe," will just initially piss a lot of people off. In any NRP, including this one, your nation will earn that title through the actual RP, not be given to predestine.

Finally, your NS lacks any real... color? Sorry, this may seem really cocky or rude even, for which I have no intention, its just hard to put it any other way. Everything reads to be too sterile, too happy. Of course, I'm not saying that every NS in this RP has to be all about suffering, or corrupt dictatorships, ect. What I'm saying is your nation feels way too perfect, and if that's on purpose to imply that things are actually not all peachy, then it was lost to me.

Anyway, pardon my long post on the matter. Please do not feel shunned or like I'm pushing you away, I am simply trying to help you build an NS more suited for this sort of narrative driven NRP. Yours reads like it was meant for the larger nation building ones, which I do not blame you for. In the end, I guess what I'm trying to say is that about 90% of all of anyone's NS is really there for fluff. A background/origin for your true on the ground or flying through space characters to come from. A little context for why you're here.

Omnipocalypse [open]

The town's murmurings had started to go up a bit, passing through, following the source. A lone figure, fairly slim and somewhat short walked towards the bar of the town. The doors to the building opened to reveal a young woman. Her icy blue eyes scanned the bar as she walked in, pulling down the face wrap that covered her mouth from the dust. Walking towards the actual bar itself, the young girl began to slowly be noticed. Men began to look up from their drinks and cards, staring at this oddity as she strode up to the bartender. Her stare was unsettling, almost threatening, but the bartender stood his ground and starred right back at her as she took her seat. By the time she had reached the bar, the room's noise had reduced considerably, many watching the stranger, waiting to see what she was. One of the patrons thought to himself that this was like one of those western stories he read from an old book he scavenged, quietly laughing to himself about how cliche the whole thing was.

The woman glanced around the room at the staring eyes, looked to the bartender with her cold stare and, with a strange accent, said, "Do you have any vater?"

The bar broke into laughter and the men went back to their conversations and games. "Erm... no young lady, I don't. I got alcohol of all sorts, but, if you want your..."vater", you go get it at the market."

"Fine, just pour me a shot." The young girl kept on hand on her odd, wood finished rifle and took the drink in the other. While most had returned to what they were doing, some still eyed the girl.

The Fires of Anuria

Posted! A quick note on that Agent 437 stuff:

It's not uncommon to say the least for the Empire to appear out nowhere and have the ground below them toxic before anyone can blink. Agent 437 is the more commonly used chemical warfare that is highly corrosive. If the enemy is not totally protected, i.e. wearing full body suits and sealed helmets with high resistant filters, they usually die a horrible death of chocking on their own bile as the chemical burns its way through the skin and into the bloodstream. This was specifically launched on the a particular area of the outskirts. Feel free to gauge who or what was out there to actually get hit and whether or not they survived it or not.

Also, Empire forces are now in the air near the city, feel free to engage in creating cinematic puffs of flack and smoke trails from missiles as they arrive! XD

The Fires of Anuria

Sector 47, Combat Zone 5:
A n u r i a
Fleet:
44th Fleet of Karlsland
Unit:
509th Mechanized Truppe
2nd Platoon, Krauft Company
Campaign Objective:
The seizure of the strategic native city of "Kol'Kora"

Black Emptiness... the great expanse of nothingness where great civilizations fruitlessly squabble over the rocks that dot the unending void.... would be the way some bullshit poetic human might put it. That black nothingness actually is holding a lot of something... especially the space over Anuria. Various fleets of all sorts constantly jockeying for superiority over their respected combat zones planetside. When the 44th Fleet appeared suddenly in low orbit over the infamous city of Kol'Kora, the Humans below knew it was over for them. The Unguon was giving them hell enough, but here were the Mechanische.... a race born in hell, thrives and hell, and will bring hell to wherever they fight. The 44th fleet was unique in that it carried one of the most impressive examples of Empire space domination. A massive "Kapital Class" ship, a ship that could easily take on an entire enemy fleet on its own. But it wasn't alone, for this fleet had many supporting ships of all classes. In one such ship, a Sturm Class carrier, was the 509th.... Here is where their incredible story begins....

"Alright Krauft Company! Listen up! The Navy is doing its best right now to gain total orbital dominance over this city, but there getting flak from just about every angle! Its our job to clean their mess up! The Vernichtung have already landed and are going after their objectives. Early reports from both orbital and planetside reconnaissance shows that this city is crawling with both Humans and Eym forces. Currently, we stumbled upon their little conflict between each other, which we shall use to our advantage. Right now the city is in a serious mess." The man talking was CO of Krauft Company, Captain Maklin Hoffmeister. He motioned to the digital map on the screen, showing the city. "The Artillery divisions are launching right now to set up here, here, and here. We're to be deployed to this overlook here on the outskirts to set up an FOB and hold it once 20% of the invasion force is on the ground. The HES Mar, Frackt, and Larft shall be providing air cover as we drop in. Enemy presence in the upper outskirts should be minimal for the time being, but expect counter attacks and raid patrols from both enemies. If they didn't know we're here, they do now." Suddenly the briefing room's light went orange and an alarm began to blare. "Alright people! Let's move!"

Squads pilled into AVC-23 and 28 transports, the hangar filled with the shouts of squad leaders and the chatter of soldiers. The 509th was a newly formed division, many soldiers having never seen combat outside of simulations. Gefreiter(Corporal) Ana Helzts climbed aboard her squad's AVC-23, glancing around at her squad mates. The transport was mostly silent, as the men and women composed themselves for the fight ahead. Their sergeant broke the silence when he walked into the transport, signalling to the co-pilot to close the doors. "Alright squad, when we hit the ground, I want a full 360 around the ship, then once it touches off, we are to immediately move out to phase line alpha, sweep it, then dig in while the engineers build us a new home here." he patted Ana, sitting closest to him, on the shoulder and motioned to the rest of the squad. "We don't fear these xeno bastards, remember that. They. Fear. Us." With that, the sergeant pulled his helmet on and hit the seal as the transport began to fly. "Besides, any bastards in the area are gonna have to deal with Agent 437 long before we get there. Apparently those Vernichtung truppe planted the chemical bombs all over the line and gassed half the suburb. Any exposed organics down there are dead or dying right now."

And he was right, for the 509th would soon wittness first hand the true cruel strength of their Empire at total war.

The Fires of Anuria

Indeed, the IC will most likely start quite soon. In the meantime:

Omnipocalypse [open]

Awesome. First post comin right up! Hint:

"So a German walks into a bar...."

Omnipocalypse [open]

Theme Song


Name:
Hanna Krauft of the Last Brigade

Age:
25... maybe....

Appearance:
She stands at a measly 5'1 with a somewhat small build. Thus it is always surprising when she is actually incredibly strong for her size and build.

Personality:
Straight-forward, sarcastic, and witty would be the nice way of describing this now wandering soldier. She seems always quick to criticize someone, or highlight their stupidity. However, unlike most, her criticisms and insults are always backed up, matter of fact statements that she will pound you into the ground verbally with. She won't insult your intelligence because she doesn't like you, she'll insult you because you are dumb. Oh, and if you are, say, a raider or an enemy of any kind... she will literally tear your neck out and feel no remorse later.... with a creepy enthusiasm to it. Now, despite this somewhat ironically hostile stance, she can be surprisingly friendly. In times of need, she will comfort you with wisdom you would have never thought to actually come out of her. Perhaps, deep down, she is a much older woman... someone who has seen to many people die in her hands... someone who is just... tired.

Skills:
Great Assaulter and brutal hand-to-hand fighter.

Non-standard Abilities:
Incredible Strength: thanks to biological modifications she received when she herself was critically wounded. Strong enough to easily wield a machine gun like an assault rifle or punch you through a wall. She can jump higher and run faster than the normal human as well.
Enhanced Perception: A unintended side-effect of her treatment, she is much more sensitive to her surroundings and can process information much faster than a normal human. In layman's terms, she has a very, very good reaction time.

Equipment:

-A light comms unit in her helmet hooked up to a old military grade touch pad in her bag she uses for merc work. Nice for listening to the radio if anyone is broadcasting nearby.
-A high intensity K99 Energy Assault Rifle, this weapon is powered by a high grade, rechargeable ion battery and is incredibly deadly. It punches through physical armor like no other and quickly turns enemies to swiss cheese. In fact, enemy soldiers of the Rad Wars would comment that taking cover behind anything other than a thick concrete wall would be futile, as the high intensity bolts of energy would simply go right through it. Most civilized places of Europe had banned this weapon, but it was common place in the "Rad Wars" of Germany. A fairly rare weapon to say the least on the North American Continent as it was mainly manufactured and used by the remnants of the German military before the total collapse. Its major draw back begin with its effectiveness against energy type shielding. If the shield is somewhat strong, it can stop a bolt entirely, and even if a bolt makes it through, it simply will go through the victim rather than scattering, making it far less deadly. Also, thanks to its burst fire to auto only modes, it's hard to use as a long range weapon. Best for short to medium ranges.
-A Mk4 Hardlight Shield that she earned when she saved the life of a town guard's daughter. Essentially a deployable, directional energy shield.
-A simple fixed blade 7 inch knife that she uses for just about everything.
-A rucksack with a sleeping mat, food, travel supplies, ect.
-A light, standard issued armor issued to soldiers of Brandenburg. Can stop small caliber rounds and light energy weapons, but nothing more. It is worn under their distinct camouflage uniforms.

Bio:
She was born in what had been formerly known as Germany in the great heavily irradiated wastes of Europe. The nation had fractured into factions trying to control the few zones that were not covered in deadly radiation. It was a state of constant, unending wars and suffering. Her home province of Brandenburg controlled a vital city and a serious of energy resources that everyone wanted to get their hands on. She was naturally conscripted into the military at 15 and.... well.... let's just say she was really good at killing people.

She became part of the mysterious and widely feared "Bastards of Brandenburg". A murderous group of soldiers who's policy was total annihilation. No prisoners, no surrender, no remorse. She thrived on her bloodlust in that group, from ambushes to outright assaults on headquarters far behind the lines, she lived. Soon though, it all came to an end. For you see, the Bastards are not known as the bastards anymore. Brandenburg is now simply an important territory of the Neo Roman Empire. No, you may actually know the Bastards as "The Last Battalion". You see, a powerful unification turned Brandenburg's closest neighbor into a Juggernaut, slugging it out with Brandenburg. In the capital city, the Bastards of Brandenburg were the last military unit left. They held the city center, outnumbered, outgunned, and left for dead..... for three whole months. Finally though, in the great last stand of the now feared and infamous Last Battalion, they fell in the square at the heart of the city... Here is were they were wiped out for good....

But, as is with life, her suffering was not allowed to end in glorious death. She was discovered by a relief party of Azurians who had stumbled upon the site of the bloody last stand. They found a dying young girl, the only sole survivor of her people. They took Hanna in and nurtured her back to health, being forced to give her steroids and accelerators in order to save her life. When Hanna awoke in her surprisingly sterile bed, she had never felt better. After a short period of rehabilitation, she decided to try to repay her debt to the aliens that saved her by working with them to save others. For two years she acted as a bridge of sorts, allowing the group she was part of to give aid to otherwise hostile communities thanks to her negotiations and first hand accounts with the Azurian people. Eventually, she decided that she could cover more ground in helping people by traveling by herself, thus, gathering her old equipment, she left the Azurian group. They dropped her off in the American Southwest and wished her luck. Thus she set out, traveling the wastes to try to make the world a little better..... A somewhat ironic goal for a depressed, pessimistic, broken soul that is Hanna Krauft.

Omnipocalypse [open]

Updated with her theme song for fun. :D

Omnipocalypse [open]

Welp, after many revisions and toying with many ideas, here it is! Our little blood thirsty friend from the blood soaked lands of Germania! With nearly mint condition equipment and zero skills in the art of scavenging or really anything beyond maintaining her equipment! Truly an oddity to behold! But really, poor Hanna is gonna stick out like a sore thumb with her foreign weapon and clothing.... XD

Theme Song


Name:
Hanna Krauft of the Last Brigade

Age:
25... maybe....

Appearance:
She stands at a measly 5'1 with a somewhat small build. Thus it is always surprising when she is actually incredibly strong for her size and build.

Personality:
Straight-forward, sarcastic, and witty would be the nice way of describing this now wandering soldier. She seems always quick to criticize someone, or highlight their stupidity. However, unlike most, her criticisms and insults are always backed up, matter of fact statements that she will pound you into the ground verbally with. She won't insult your intelligence because she doesn't like you, she'll insult you because you are dumb. Oh, and if you are, say, a raider or an enemy of any kind... she will literally tear your neck out and feel no remorse later.... with a creepy enthusiasm to it. Now, despite this somewhat ironically hostile stance, she can be surprisingly friendly. In times of need, she will comfort you with wisdom you would have never thought to actually come out of her. Perhaps, deep down, she is a much older woman... someone who has seen to many people die in her hands... someone who is just... tired.

Skills:
Great Assaulter and brutal hand-to-hand fighter.

Non-standard Abilities:
Incredible Strength: thanks to biological modifications she received when she herself was critically wounded. Strong enough to easily wield a machine gun like an assault rifle or punch you through a wall. She can jump higher and run faster than the normal human as well.
Enhanced Perception: A unintended side-effect of her treatment, she is much more sensitive to her surroundings and can process information much faster than a normal human. In layman's terms, she has a very, very good reaction time.

Equipment:

-A light comms unit in her helmet hooked up to a old military grade touch pad in her bag she uses for merc work. Nice for listening to the radio if anyone is broadcasting nearby.
-A high intensity K99 Energy Assault Rifle, this weapon is powered by a high grade, rechargeable ion battery and is incredibly deadly. It punches through physical armor like no other and quickly turns enemies to swiss cheese. In fact, enemy soldiers of the Rad Wars would comment that taking cover behind anything other than a thick concrete wall would be futile, as the high intensity bolts of energy would simply go right through it. Most civilized places of Europe had banned this weapon, but it was common place in the "Rad Wars" of Germany. A fairly rare weapon to say the least on the North American Continent as it was mainly manufactured and used by the remnants of the German military before the total collapse. Its major draw back begin with its effectiveness against energy type shielding. If the shield is somewhat strong, it can stop a bolt entirely, and even if a bolt makes it through, it simply will go through the victim rather than scattering, making it far less deadly. Also, thanks to its burst fire to auto only modes, it's hard to use as a long range weapon. Best for short to medium ranges.
-A Mk4 Hardlight Shield that she earned when she saved the life of a town guard's daughter. Essentially a deployable, directional energy shield.
-A simple fixed blade 7 inch knife that she uses for just about everything.
-A rucksack with a sleeping mat, food, travel supplies, ect.
-A light, standard issued armor issued to soldiers of Brandenburg. Can stop small caliber rounds and light energy weapons, but nothing more. It is worn under their distinct camouflage uniforms.

Bio:
She was born in what had been formerly known as Germany in the great heavily irradiated wastes of Europe. The nation had fractured into factions trying to control the few zones that were not covered in deadly radiation. It was a state of constant, unending wars and suffering. Her home province of Brandenburg controlled a vital city and a serious of energy resources that everyone wanted to get their hands on. She was naturally conscripted into the military at 15 and.... well.... let's just say she was really good at killing people.

She became part of the mysterious and widely feared "Bastards of Brandenburg". A murderous group of soldiers who's policy was total annihilation. No prisoners, no surrender, no remorse. She thrived on her bloodlust in that group, from ambushes to outright assaults on headquarters far behind the lines, she lived. Soon though, it all came to an end. For you see, the Bastards are not known as the bastards anymore. Brandenburg is now simply an important territory of the Neo Roman Empire. No, you may actually know the Bastards as "The Last Battalion". You see, a powerful unification turned Brandenburg's closest neighbor into a Juggernaut, slugging it out with Brandenburg. In the capital city, the Bastards of Brandenburg were the last military unit left. They held the city center, outnumbered, outgunned, and left for dead..... for three whole months. Finally though, in the great last stand of the now feared and infamous Last Battalion, they fell in the square at the heart of the city... Here is were they were wiped out for good....

But, as is with life, her suffering was not allowed to end in glorious death. She was discovered by a relief party of Azurians who had stumbled upon the site of the bloody last stand. They found a dying young girl, the only sole survivor of her people. They took Hanna in and nurtured her back to health, being forced to give her steroids and accelerators in order to save her life. When Hanna awoke in her surprisingly sterile bed, she had never felt better. After a short period of rehabilitation, she decided to try to repay her debt to the aliens that saved her by working with them to save others. For two years she acted as a bridge of sorts, allowing the group she was part of to give aid to otherwise hostile communities thanks to her negotiations and first hand accounts with the Azurian people. Eventually, she decided that she could cover more ground in helping people by traveling by herself, thus, gathering her old equipment, she left the Azurian group. They dropped her off in the American Southwest and wished her luck. Thus she set out, traveling the wastes to try to make the world a little better..... A somewhat ironic goal for a depressed, pessimistic, broken soul that is Hanna Krauft.