Bolin’s forwardness had caught her off guard. She opened her mouth to try and explain it away, but nothing had come out. Not a thing. She didn’t quite understand what happened herself. Several minutes ago they were sharing a great evening together, better than they ever had before. Then Mako had shown up throwing around words and something had just clicked in her head. He had feelings for her that he wasn’t willing to admit. She had to make the first move to get him to fess up. She had to.
The more she looked at Bolin and brought herself to face his confusion and ache, the more she felt the exact same. She liked Mako and was so sure that all of this was because she liked her, too. But by doing so she had forgotten Bolin, who had done nothing but praise her since she had come to the city. Her body grew warm and her jaw tensed. Nothing. Still no words could be mustered from the depths of her throat. An explanation of some kind had to be given. Yet nothing came, nor was coming at all.
Just when she believed that the pit in her stomach couldn’t get any wider, Bolin had to mention the idea of them being a pair themselves. Bolin wasn’t exactly subtle about his attraction. Until tonight, after Mako’s rejection, she never would have thought they would have so much in common. A great time with no regrets shared, until now. At that moment Korra had recognized the defeat in Bolin’s voice. It was the very same one she had when Mako had told her, without even looking her in her eyes, that what he felt for her wasn’t the same as what she felt for him. And she had to swallow it down and try to find a way to move on. Then came Bolin…
Her eyes were low, no longer to meet with his own. The low laughter he emitted was enough to make her shoulders sag slightly. The weight of her guilt had begun to manifest; she wasn’t able to argue, or explain, or even look directly at him. As sad as it was to admit it even to herself, Bolin departing had brought more relief than anguish, but even so she had stared at the flowers she had in hand.
“What did I just do?”
She would ask herself that for the rest of the night. Even as she walked home alone, even as she glided across the bay to that cozy little island home in the middle, and even as she set the flowers Bolin had brought for her into the water and gave them a little nudge to float away to find more deserving hands.
What did she just do?
~-~
‘Just tell the truth. Look her in the eye… tell the truth…’ Mako recited in his head again and again, staring hard at the door ahead. Just past it he could hear the familiar footsteps that were much too heavy to be her butler, and too ladylike to be a simple maid. Even without seeing it for himself he could tell that it was going to be Asami that would open the door. No matter how much a small part of him wanted it to be anyone else telling him that she had retired for the evening, forcing him to put this off for a little longer… which would only make things worse for him in the long run. He wouldn’t be able to sleep well until Asami had known, had heard it from his own lips. What Korra had done was because of him. If he hadn’t cut in, none of it would have happened.
Sharply inhaling one final breath, Mako straightened up as the door opened. As expected, his beloved—if he even had the right to call her that much longer—was who had come to meet him. He had done his best to smile against the tension in his face, offering her a smile that was just believable enough for her not to find anything wrong with him. Her smile was enough to encourage him to go through with this. She was owed this. As long as he remembered that, he could stay strong in spite of how weak at the knees he felt.
“Yeah,” he said quietly before clearing his throat. “Sorry to come so late. I really wanted to see you.”
He stepped inside, looking back at her as she closed the door before she had ushered him off into the sitting room, joining him soon after he sat. The promise of dinner with Asami, practically alone, sounded promising on any other night. Being alone with her now had brought nothing but anxiety. It was difficult to put on a brave face when you had to look on the one person you hurt, knowing that she had done nothing but support you.
“The match was… it was good,” Mako rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, dipping behind his scarf. “You don’t need to worry about missing any of our games. Ever. If it weren’t for you… well… you know, the sponsoring and all is the only reason we’ve gotten this far. It’s really all thanks to you.”
She reached for his hand, speaking of the time they now had. The dread that crept along his body was so strong that she was beginning to see now that he was different. He could drag this out for as long as he wanted, but Asami wasn’t dumb. She’d ask. She’d notice. Eventually, she’d know everything. It had to be now—had to be him. Here goes nothing…
“Actually… Asami, there’s something I came here to tell you,” Mako said, eying the thumb that rubbed against the back of his hand. He frowned and placed his free hand atop hers, firmly grasping it in his own. “I… earlier tonight... something happened that I’m not proud of. I thought I was doing the right thing but all I was doing was thinking about myself and my own stupid pride. I don’t know what I was thinking, and there’s no perfect way of telling you what went down, but…” He looked back up at her, “I’m going to try. I owe you that much.”
He had to take another deep breath, though this time his eyes didn’t waver from hers. Hopefully she was bracing herself for anything and everything he could possibly tell her. Doubtful was it that the truth was anything she could ever have expected.
“Korra kissed me earlier.” It was going to hit her. Hard. Mako began to talk faster, giving her all that he could in a short amount of time. “But it was my fault. Bolin took her out on a date tonight, but I don’t think Korra really understood how crazy she drives him. I only confronted her about taking the date after she confessed her feelings to me after our game. I thought it was to make me jealous by using him. She said it wasn’t. I didn’t think she was being honest. We argued and the next thing I knew, she was against me, and her lips were on mine—but I moved away. I—I left after that. I couldn’t think. And all I could do on the way here was ask myself where it all went wrong in that conversation.”
By the time he had concluded, Mako had lost all breath in his lungs, even having begun to pant a little. Anything Asami felt, he would be able to feel it through her hand, and read it on her face. To what very minuscule credit he could give himself, he didn’t turn his back on her. Somehow, he managed to keep his gaze steady on her every step of the explanation.
“I… I should have left it alone but… I don’t know, I was being stupid and I was caught up in my own feelings about her—the situation she was in, that is!” He quickly corrected. “I rejected her. Maybe she saw Bolin as a consolation prize or something. If it was to bother me, it worked. Everything about it felt unnatural to me, and I can’t figure it out. All I know is that I’m an idiot for trying to get involved, and I’m sorry I spent the evening thinking about that when I could have spent it with you instead.”
Perhaps the longest possible silence he could have imagined had followed, before he had concluded it with a pathetic whisper.
“I’m sorry, Asami.”
Taka
Dane
erikh