Stabby

Myriad Reality

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shinji:
I mean, its possible. I do have 12 doctorate degrees.

@souleaterfan320

Knowledge ain't exactly equivalent to wisdom.

Myriad Reality

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shinji:

what if...

*looks up*

..nevermind.... I've already tried living for others. It doesnt work... I need to live for myself. But how.... thats the question....

*looks to you, then looks to the ground*

When you've fucked up as much as I have, and as severely as I have, its hard to go back. And with every issue I have.... I could be jn here forever.... the only thing keeping me sane is you, and to be truthful, sometimes i often wonder if I just made you up.

@souleaterfan320

Dude, if going back in any form was an option, for either those broken by an experience or those worn down to their wits, you'd see a lot less people searching for therapists.

*Sighs.*
But reality is, you can only go from stable to worse and back again if fractured is the farthest you go. Once you cross over into broken, the best you'll ever return to is cracked.

...

For reference, that was an analogy comparing a concrete foundation to ones mental heath, not descriptors of sanity.
Minor tangent aside, it would be pretty stupid to keep you here until you solved each of your issues. Would take waaaaaay too damn long, since it's practically a lifelong journey without a definitive end. I can't exactly quantify with words what I'm looking for, but it will likely help you stay on your mental feet regardless, even when you want to wallow in misery

...
Also, do you really think you could imagine half the words that have poured from my mouth?

Myriad Reality

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Shinji:

Fair enough, I suppose...

*looks to you*

.. to be completely honest with you.... I don't really want to die. Not alone, at least. I want to mean something to someone, not just metaphorically. I... I want purpose again..... thats why I felt that I needed to die. Becuase I have no purpose left to serve....

@souleaterfan320

*Sits down on the floor.*

Not gonna lie, I've been there... sort of. Part of me is so bitter and worn down that to just go to sleep and never wake up would be half a blessing. But I don't want to go out with a whimper, I want to go out with a bang.
*Makes a finger gun and shoots it in time with my last word.*

And so I've just flat out refused to die or off myself up to this point, because even if life hurts, I've still got my fighting spirt and a desire to at least make something of this mess.

But the tricky part that follows is probably what you're struggling with, albeit in the opposite direction. Finding purpose. To keep living without direction is hard, and to find your own is even harder.

So far, the only solution I've found is to stand on some part of yourself, some key part of your identity, so that you can keep your footing until you find purpose.

*Chuckles and looks into the distance.*

Of course, everyone is different, so what works for me might not work for others. And so this process, inner world and all, is ment to help you find your own solution, one that does work for you.

Myriad Reality

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Shinji:
Eh, I don't know about that one. Pretty sure Techi wants me dead, at this point.

@souleaterfan320

I didn't say you wouldn't piss them off.

Realistically, people can get angry because they care in some capacity about whatever it is, either on a personal level, an emotional one, a psychological one, or so on and so forth.

It's not the case every time, but I believe it applies in that instance.

Myriad Reality

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shinji: .....I just find it so hard to believe that you care so much about me. you just met me, yet... you're risking for me. why? where did I earn that...?

@souleaterfan320

Who says people have to earn the care of others?
...No like seriously, who? I wanna punch those idiots the most.

But that aside, you can account part of it to me being an empathetic fool at heart. I try not to let it show, or hinder me really, but it is a part of who I am. To know that there are people out there that are suffering through bad circumstances and decisions hurts. Especially because I know I realistically can't do much of anything, even if I had the time and the effort to help. People aren't exactly receptive to help if they aren't looking for it, with you being a good case in point. And yet, sometimes pushing through the kickback works, if you're willing to put in the effort.

Granted, it took a promise for me to stick around at first, but I do care about you at this point, like many of your other friends. They're not about to stop caring about you just because you're doing some dumb things.

Myriad Reality

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shinji: .....I did not expect you to be so accepting of that.

@souleaterfan320

Look, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I understand that life can be absolute shit sometimes, to the point that it's worse then dying. So I'm not about to be selfish and ask you to keep living just to ease my conscience.

But by damn I still care about you, and at this point I'm not gonna just let you go out with a whimper just before the finish line. To go out without much of an impact or even a loss of impact would be terrible after the ammount of time you've held on and the things you've suffered through. So try to just give yourself a breather, a break, so that you can finish things properly.

Whatever you decide to do after that point will be your choice, and for as much as I might hate it, I'll do my damn best to respect it. ...it'll hurt, but loss isn't something people can avoid, especially if they have those they care about.

Myriad Reality

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shinji:
Look. The point I'm trying to make is.. I've already done my duty to existence. Ive done my time. They dont need me anymore. Theyve got people like Mierno, you, and the entirety of Tier Five who can handle any threats that come their way. In a way, I am an insignificant speck amongst giants. Once I retire from the EDB, my job is complete. All thats really left for me, as dark as it may seem, is to die. Ive got no family to return to. No one that relies on my existence. My purpose is, whether I like it or not, fufilled.

@souleaterfan320

Then at least try to treat this as one final pit stop before reaching the finish line.

Myriad Reality

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Shinji:
I need to? What exactly do I need to come to terms with? Am I not free to live the remainder of my life how I want?

@souleaterfan320

*Facepalms.* Ok, maybe I could have used a better choice of words there.

But the point is that it would benifit you regardless, especially when it comes to your mental health, which is what I'm trying to help with.

Albeit not as successfully as I might have hoped.

Myriad Reality

Managed to finally write out proper, clear explanations for two of Flicker's abilities. I'll get the other one done when the insight arrives. All of these abilities are still subsets of her actual power though.

Figment particles.

Made of something between a state of energy and matter, these illuminant pseudo-particles have only two naturally defined characteristics. The first is that they mostly act as self supporting structures, preferring to bind with only themselves or other forms of energy. The second is that due to their unique configuration, they have almost no real weight or force unless acted upon by an outside influence.

Any (possible) subsequent characteristics are determined by the will of the manipulator, be it conscious or unconsciously. Color, shape, physical properties, and so on are all things that the user can change by will. If they want an inflexible shield or a sturdy rope, all they have to do is imagine it with proper intent. They are supported and manipulated by one's will after all.

The two inherent characteristics create restrictions though. Unless actively manipulated, anchored to/in something, or forcefully made relatively immobile, constructs and objects are quite prone to being moved or brushed aside by outside forces. And their preference to bind with themselves or other forms of energy leaves them almost incapable of emulating chemical reactions, and by proxy, organic life.

There are other limits to the use of this ability too, be it range, practicality, or mastery.

- When it comes to range, one can only manifest and manipulate these pseudo-particles within a radius of 5 times their own height, centered on themselves. A user can manipulate things outside of this range by keeping a part or end of a construct within their range. These pseudo-particles will also destabilize and dissappear once they leave a secondary radius though, which is 20 times the size of the previous one. This is due to the fact that their existence is supported by the user's will. One can increase these ranges, but it takes grueling effort and training to do so.

- When it comes to practicality, these pseudo-particles are undetectable to the user unless acknowledged. This requires constructs to be within line of sight, or to be consciously accounted for when out of sight. As such, if a construct is thrown at the user from a blind spot and they don't anticipate or notice it, they will likely be hit without a chance to stop it. Training one's senses and spacial awareness can help counter this though.

- When it comes to mastery, one's understanding of the ability can deeply limit their skill in using it. Several parts of how this ability works are handled by the subconscious initially, and the user relies on them like unconsciously flexed muscles. One must notice, test, and train their conscious control over these parts in order to display a finely tuned application of this ability in its entirety.

Flames of Spite

Burning off of negativity and broken bonds, it is a self perpetuating fire of isolation. Destroying the bonds between particles and atoms, it is a silver flame that can turn all it touches to dust, unable to bond the next ten minutes.

Burning at its lowest however, it can be mistaken for a blacker flame, one that only absorbs light instead of also creating it in equal parts. When burning bright, it is almost impossible to see unless one is in a darker environment, as it still absorbs some of the light it gives off.

It is not a purely destructive flame however, as it burns only that which it sees as an adversary, and provides a weak warmth without harm to those that are considered allies. In this way, it can be considered a sort of defense, like the quills on a porcupine.

The flame does not burn for long from the breaking of physical bonds though, and as such it will quickly burn out once separated from the user. If the one who gains this ability can learn to accept their own negativity to some degree, they will find that their silver flames will no longer damage them.

Variance

To be added. -w-d