Recent Statuses

8 mos ago
Current ...well then have a nap. THEN FIRE ZE MISSILES


Just a humble born Canadian, who has been roleplaying and writing for over 15 years, looking to scratch the creative itch and write glorious sci-fi stories of war and peace!

Not much more to say here, really. I suppose I could fill it in with all sorts of info, but who really reads these?

Most Recent Posts

Granted; scientists perfect a means of extracting energy from the zero-point field using null-energy. However, as an accidental side effect, a black hole eats the solar system. Omnomnom.

I wish for an axe to grind.
Granted, but the wish genie is a bit hard of hearing, and now you are super... sane. Normal. Average in every way, and with no way to break out of the box you've been placed in.

I wish for the next person to have two wishes.
I'd say you'd be right up there with those people who think their shit doesn't stink.

Shapeshifting powers, but, like in Terminator, only something of equal mass.
Are they not the foundation upon which the internets is built these days?
Wow, fat fingers.

I wish for not fat fingers.

I also wish for fat fingers that cannot be corrupted.
So I'm compiling a list of all known and possible options for the Mental Health Hotline joke that bounces around the internets, and am looking for any good ones people might know. Feel free to add to this below with anything you like that might fit!

* * *

Hello and welcome to the mental health hot-line

If you are Obsessive Compulsive , press 1 repeatedly.

If you are Co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5 & 6.

If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are Delusional, press 7, and you call will be transferred to the Mother Ship.

If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have Amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's and grandmothers' maiden names.

If you have Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have Bi-polar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep.
Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have Short Term Memory Loss, please hang up and try your call again later.

If you have Low Self Esteem, please hang up. All our operators are far too busy to talk to you.

If you are Menopausal, please hang up, put the gun down and turn on the fan. Everything will be fine; you won't be crazy forever!

If you are Manic-Depressive, it doesn't matter what number you press, noone will answer.

If you are Blonde, please don't press any buttons. You'll just mess it up.

If you are Anal-Retentive, please hold.

If you are anxious, impatient, or in a hurry, just start pressing numbers at random. Eventually you'll just give up and go away.

If you are phobic, don't press anything.

If you suffer from an addiction, please press and hold 9 until you feel better.
My dreams are usually sensual or really fucking violent. Part of being a passionate and imaginative sort, I guess.
Granted, your wish for me to have a wish is successful!

I wish for a lifetime supply of ice cream, a la "Boot to the heat" skit.
May the acid reflux be with you.
-many people from Star Wars

To timidly go where no one has gone before...
-Captain Picard
I sold my mind for a Klondike bar. This is not even a question for me.
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