Tatterdemalion

Monster Hearts: Sleepshy Rise

SECOND PLACE
WEREWOLF MAGNET

Look. It’s not intentional, right? It’s totally not intentional. It’s instinct. Their hearts are intertwined. Of course, of course Elodie goes and seeks out Margot.

With what remains of her forest high, she clambers head-first down a wall and breaks into the one place she knows the werewolf often hides to lick her wounds: the locker room.

Princess-Champions of Hyperborea

Adila!

Princess Azora Howl, greatest witch of her family, the wicked scion of Oberon, wipes her nose on her sleeve and makes a gross sniffling noise. “Okay,” she says, and puffs out her chest. “Okay. I’ll decide what to do with you all after I get the Caduceus.” Don’t worry. Even as a dog, you can recognize when someone is just saying something in order to have something to say. She turns and marches down the hall to speak with Kazelia.

As you watch her go, down at the other end of the hall, there is spontaneous creation: something from nothing. It’s subtle, the sort of thing you might only notice if you were a very good puppy, yes you are. It’s an hourglass, perched neatly next to the Caduceus.

It’s very small. You don’t have much time until it runs out, and then... game over? Difficulty spike? Confetti? Who knows!

***

Mittens!

When you hear that silly little voice, it’s like it’s coming from down the hall. You have to perk up your triangles to be able to make out any of it.

How much of it do you make out?

***

Kathelia!

You probably weren’t expecting Azora to march down the hall, were you? She’s sniffling and trying desperately to cling to a little bit of her dignity, which breaks completely when she asks: “Bring my kitten back!”

But... there’s no sign. No sound. You wouldn’t put it past Eupheria to actively scramble attempts to get anything through the door; it’s what you would do, if you were in her position. And you’re likely running out of time fast. Even if you manage to get Alina out, Eupheria’s not going to sit around and let you rescue everyone...

***

Eupheria!

Everything is perfect.

Hyperborea is yours, now, and everyone agrees that it’s an improvement! You know this because of the massive carnival taking place all around you. Glass pinwheels make delightful whistling sounds that cut through the tumult of everyone in Hyperborea celebrating the most special, most beloved queen in Hyperborea’s history. You are mobbed by commoners and princesses alike asking for your autograph; with a wave of your hand, you create Autonomous Autograph Ants, which dutifully take to the air and, buzzing, use their quill-heads to sign book after book, not to mention foreheads and articles of clothing.

You hug your laughing great-granddaughters close; they’re all wearing masks you made for them, snarling cats and dragons. They love you. Everyone loves you. Even Adila loves you, and is happy to be on all fours underneath you, locked into place with glass chains for being a naughty girl. It’s all right, though. After the carnival ends, you’ll forgive her. She just needs to be reminded of her place, that’s all.

“Eupheria! Eupheria! Eupheria!”

You start crying, and your heart hammers huge and warm in your chest. They’re finally all happy. You did it. You made everybody happy, and they all love you. Even Adila.

You did it.

Masks: Resurrection Roundabout

POTENTIAL 1

Sara dumps the hot purple tracksuit into Locker’s hands, grinning. “There is exactly one reason I would tragically kill one of my loyal followers,” she explains, grinning. It’s the middle of the night, they’re on top of a parking garage, and the tracksuit’s just her favorite thing in her duffel bag of surprises. “And that is, drum roll, if Comstar possessed you and tried to kill me! You’re going to want to go into a deep place, full of spiteful rage. You’ve been in prison, you have negative fifty followers on your Patreon, and I’m on top of the world. The jealousy has driven you mad.”

Isn’t it weird? She barely feels any antipathy towards Comstar anymore. Part of it was very decisively winning, but another part just... kind of felt that was too small and petty to worry about anymore. It’s not like she needed to worry about being left in Comstar’s dust anymore, or about not being skanky enough to compete with her on stream, or even about just getting outsmarted by her. Even if Comstar broke out of super security... she’d lose. That’s just how it is.

But the audience didn’t need to know that! And to get Locker out of the crosshairs (presumably being in trouble with the Russians), he’d have to sell the performance of a lifetime as Comstar 3.0, Bodyjacking Style.

“Once you finish,” she adds, rummaging in the duffel bag, “I’ve got some makeup. We really want to go for the bags under the eyes; it helps sell that you’re losing it, big time. And don’t worry, once you’re dead, I’ll make a big show of taking the body back ‘to Victor for analysis.’ You’ll be home free. Do you need a recommendation for a facial reconstruction expert? Because I know a gal.”

Masks: Resurrection Roundabout

POTENTIAL 1

Back in the day? She’d crack open some beers, pull up some psychedelic rhythm game on the flatscreen, and blitz her mind out on colors and sound. If you’re in the moment, you’re not thinking. You’re distracted. You can keep your head down and let the black thoughts pass you by.

Before she got her own place? Throwing herself at any book she could get her hands on. Mostly non-fiction: medical textbooks, pop science, romance novels. Another way to sink into something else and let those black thoughts go by. If your head’s somewhere else, they can’t catch up.

But that’s not tonight. Tonight she’s got no patience for the games and the beer tastes sour and she’s sprawled out on the couch facing the window, which looks out on the lights of the city.

She was a kid. (Does that matter?) They were already dead and gone. It was the last thing they could do for her. (She didn’t know.) Round and round they spin. The skin’s clammy under her fingers where she rests them on her stomach.

She sinks into the mire.

There’s something underneath, though. For once. Elegant metal. Arms she could rest in forever, because they belong to Euna.

...she screwed everything up and Euna still let her come back. She was a disaster at her, and Euna forgave her. She doesn’t deserve it, she knows, you don’t have to tell her. But she’s selfish. She’ll take it and take it and give what she can and marvel that Euna thinks it’s enough. That maybe it actually is, somehow.

The mire laps at her. The moon shines down, bright and white.

The moon. Ha! The real estate’s open again, but there’s no atmosphere. Nothing on there but an airless death, except that Euna caught her. Euna saved her. Euna hauled her back to Earth and kissed her like she was drowning, like Sara was irreplaceable, and that had been the beginning of the end.

Which end?

The end of the show. The end of tactical flirting. The end of AEGIS, all because Euna dared to kiss first. The end of this chapter and the beginning of something new.

Euna’s coming back. She’s coming back and then Sara can invite her over to the couch, just to hold her and be held. The apartment was changing, becoming something shared, something lived in, and that was good. It was good, and her nightmares of waking up and having a Euna-shaped hole in the world in bed next to her, ground down to feed her light, her everything fading away until she couldn’t remember the color of her hair or the sound of her ridiculous snorting laughter or the feel of her hand on her skin...

That’s when the phone rings.

Princess-Champions of Hyperborea

Kathelia!

Wham. Blam. Right on the button. Azora Howl’s eyes prick with tears. “No,” she howls, stomping her foot. “No, no, no! You’re wrong! Daddy likes me bestest and he wouldn’t ever throw me away!” She tosses Kyouko aside casually; the fox princess flops down like a wet noodle, bonking her head on the floor in the sort of way that will cause headaches and a bruise later. But now she’s just thrown away her leverage, and is advancing on you with murder in her starless eyes, like using you like her punching bag would let her pretend what you said wasn’t true.

And that’s when the wall explodes.

***

Adila!

Everyone ends up squished up against the front of the drill when Hornet presses the big red STOP button this time. You reach down and pluck Hornet carefully out from under you by the scruff of her jacket, and she, in turn, grabs a Lightning-Infused Tuning Fork and an Autonomous Net as her weapons of choice. “For Hobling Keep!” She cries, dramatically, as the two of you tumble out the hatch with Helya and Tashanna, leaving Dandy, Ninian and Adila I as the secondary strike team.

Azora Howl is dumbstruck by the appearance of a giant drill inches from her nose, and has big fat tears rolling down her flushed cheeks. This is the most vulnerable she will ever be, and if you want to take her down, you need to do it now.

Good thing you’re not alone. You have a team. You also have Hornet. And you have orders.

Pay a price and then roll to Finish Her. With Advantage, even.

***

Mittens!

Brush brush brush. The brush runs through your hair as you purr delightedly.

This is the perfect world, always in the same moment even though it changes. The rain will always be falling. The fire will always be crackling. Your head will always be full of catnip, incense, and love.

Your Mommy pulls a glass hairbrush through your hair and sings you a song.

What does she sing? What appears and disappears without you noticing? What makes this moment the kind you could lose yourself in forever?

Masks: Resurrection Roundabout

COMING THIS FALL...

THE CROSSOVER EVENT OF THE CENTURY

Admiral Bearclops has kept the seven seas and skies clear of piracy for as long as he’s had fluff in his tummy. It’s his watchful eye that makes sure everyone gets their shipping on time, twenty-four hours guaranteed! He’s faced down the Drone Weaver and Captain Communal, protected the beautiful Dame Cio and wrestled Mecha Hercules to a standstill! He’s even been to the Age of the Dinosaurs alongside Doraemon and his friends! But this Fall, witness the latest chapter in nautical cinema, right in your VR room!

When shipments of toys going to children all over the globe start going missing, Admiral Bearclops and the crew of the Chibiargo are on the case! Every toy belongs in the hands of the child who purchased it, after all. But this time, he’s up against an enemy who’s... a hero of her own?

Can the rumbly tumbly Admiral keep his eye on the prize without being dazzled or blown away? Can he defeat the saltiest superheroine ever to take to the seven seas? And why has @SARRRAPHIM succumbed to the temptation to steal the honestly purchased toys of innocent children?

Find out in ADMIRAL BEARCLOPS VII: MYSTERY OF THE STREAMING PIRATES, available for home streaming from August!

STARRING

Michael D’Nofreo as Admiral Bearclops
Megan Yen as Captain Bunnitaur
Jacen Simms as Lance Corporal Ratmaton
Honoria Saint-Yves as Dame Cio
@SARRRAPHIM as Herself
@SARAPHIM as Herself
AND
Two-time Tooncademy Award Winner PHIMMY as Herself

Masks: Resurrection Roundabout

POTENTIAL 1

Of course Sara saves the damsel in distress. How could she not? She’s a big-time superhero, after all. Saving people? It’s in the job description.

She does this by jerking her foot under the table, which naturally causes Victor to jerk back, which just as naturally causes her to fall out of the chair, and even though there was a solid beat you just know everyone is going to think it’s because of the comment.

Don’t worry. She’s still processing that. Later she’ll quietly melt over it. But right now she is on the floor cussing out Victor.

Princess-Champions of Hyperborea

Kathelia!

The collar falls to the floor with a melancholy jingle, and Azora Howl breathes out in shock. "My kitty..."

Then she turns on you, furiously. "What did you do to my kitten? Bring her back!!" She unrolls the blanket dramatically and steps on the still sleeping Konkon princess, sneering. "Go and bring back my little Mittens or I'll toss your little girlfriend down there instead!"

She's being arrogant and vulnerable to a sudden strike, but even if you managed to overcome her, you would have to move quickly and skillfully in order to avoid her vengefully hurling Kyouko down the hallway.

That being said, you've already figured out the purpose of the hallway. Behind each of the doors is a dungeon dimension, naturally, given the runes etched into the frames. They're custom designed just for each and every one of you, and... well, either there's unbelievable torment or pleasure so decadent you'll never want to leave. Imagine what might be behind your door... maybe it'd be Hornet's workshop! You could spend the rest of your life there fangirling over her inventions and notes!!

Eupheria has to be here. She's hidden, for once, but she has to be here. You're being watched by her right now. If you play your hand too early, if you spoil her game, you'll force her hand. But if you manage to figure out where she is, to surprise her... wait. There. Of course she's hidden behind the Caduceus, again. Just like at the beginning.

Too bad that Azora's playing right into Euphie's sense of drama.

***

Adila I!

This really is an impressive device. Everything inside of the drill is finely crafted, except for the shambles of a ruined tea corner, covered in broken porcelain and dog hair. You've managed to fit your army inside, and are homing in on Eupheria's location, using Hornet's strange homing device. It repeatedly pings as an arcing line sweeps across its face.

"You'll have to tell me when to stop," Princess Hornet says, though in the larger sense, you have no such intentions to stop her chaos. She is your new secret weapon. You will use her to attract Eupheria's attention, along with your young successor.

"Adila," you say, scritching her behind her ear. "I would like for you to spearhead the assault on Eupheria, and your partner will be Princess Hornet of Hobling Keep." You quietly ignore the fact that she is draped over the satyrian Felorian princess. She is a member of the Watch. She knows her role is to carry out your own orders.

"Good girl."

***

Mittens!

The fire in the fireplace is sparking and warm, radiating heat onto the rug and the sofa. The brazier smoking on top has a lavender catnip mix, so faint and so delicate from your position curled up on the rug.

Your Mommy pats her lap and smiles at you, a smile without any exhaustion or shivering. Outside, the rain plays a soft staccato on the glass balcony, kissing the orchids so gently. The clouds are faintest violet.

"Come here! Come here! Who's Mommy's special little kitten, huh? Come climb up here!"

You were doing something else, weren't you? Just a moment ago? You put your head in your little paws. All your thinkies smell like lavender catnip.

Pat, pat lap!

"C'mere, raindrop! That's a good girl!"

Monster Hearts: Sleepshy Rise

SECOND PLACE
WEREWOLF MAGNET

If Elodie was thinking clearly or planning ahead right now, you know she would pump Sam so full of life flowers would be blooming where he walked. But she's not, is she? What she knows, right this second, in this moment, is that the shadow is clinging to her and dragging the warmth out of her with teeth like little needles and it hurts and she hates it, she hates it so much, so she digs her claws into it and gives it breath and a curse which is all things strive and then she flings it at a bookshelf and scampers, scampers, scampers out.

Masks: Resurrection Roundabout

POTENTIAL 1

“Two people can definitely fit inside a hideout,” Sara says, looking Euna dead in the eyes. “It’s just a matter of... getting them to fit. Hideouts are cramped. You see parts of people you wouldn’t ordinarily see, parts which aren’t as pretty, and, well... it can be hard to figure out which one of you will end up on the bottom.”

Poise mostly recovered, she takes a bite from Euna’s ice cream and makes a show of eating it. A show. Tongue is involved, and a decadent enjoying-ice-cream moan.

As for the question? Euna can definitely answer that. She’s just relieved that it’s looking like her path forward, no matter what it looks like, is free from AEGIS oversight looking over her shoulder.