Avatar of The book of bad juju
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  • Old Guild Username: Matxin Gartza
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    1. The book of bad juju 10 yrs ago
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7 yrs ago
Current I've just written the worst post i've ever made in an Rp, and i don't know how i could have made it better.
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8 yrs ago
Give us the doctor.
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If you can read this, send me a quick pm, i need to talk with you.

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Aya blinked. She blinked again. Had she just... Won? She'd barely had enough time to register the win before her opponent had run, kicking and screaming from the area. She raised both arms, making fists like she was milking an invisible sky god. "Whoo!" She yelled. She was on cloud nine. She barely even noticed that her Duel Disk, in anticipation of the end of the duel had opened it's graveyard slot. The cards she'd been playing since the beginning of the game spilled out, in a rush of floating cardboard. Aya looked up. For a moment, she thought the whole thing was some elaborate confetti thing, automated by Solid Vision. But as the card turned and twisted in the air, revealing a whole bunch of kaijus. She panicked, snatching them out of the air and off from the floor. Oh gosh, and now some of her other cards were mixing into the pile of roughshod cards in her hands. She could barely even tell what that winning deck formula was any more, she'd have to remake it all later. She was so absorbed in the nitty gritty of card ratios and deck-building that she completely lost track of the other two people around her. She'd only realized what had happened when she fed the deck into the machine, which promptly swallowed it all up, demanding that she pick weather or not to start the duel first.

"Hey, wait a moment you stupid machine, i never agreed to any-"



The Duel was on. As the incumbent champion, Aya had free reign again over who would go first or second. Not that she cared, much. She was trying to see how she could back out of this duel without having to surrender. Losing was one thing, but surrender was just uncouth. She'd bring shame on her family if she surrendered. That's why, after a bit of a sigh, she went first. Drew into a pretty neat hand, too, all things considered. She let the standby phase come and go, trying to think about how best to play this hand. She'd start strong, going straight into a big show of force. Try and frighten this newcomer off and maybe end the duel in three turns or less.

"I activate the field spell Kyoutow Waterfront." She said, sliding it into the specially made slot on the side. Immediately, the duel disk sprang into life, rendering the beautiful city around them in all its metal and steel glory. "And with it, i'll play the magic card Trade-in, discarding a Kaiju in my hand for one on the field." As she drew her new cards, The waterfront grew a nice, shiny statue of a blue-eyes white dragon, symbolic of the counter that now rested on it. "I summon this chibi girl in defense mode, and play the spell card Interrupted Kaiju Slumber!" The ground shook, and the little girl burst into light as the kaijus made their way onto the field. Dogoran on her opponent's, and her trusty Jitterykisses on hers.

"And now, from my hand, i can special summon this monster if i shuffle all the monsters in my grave back to my deck. Make your way onto the field now, Exodius! The Ultimate Forbidden lord! And with two level ten monsters on my side of the field, i bet you know what comes next. Build up that overlay network, boys! XYZ summon! Ravenous tarantula! But i ain't done here, no sir! Overlay again, and ravenous tarantula becomes Pain Gainer! Overlay again, become The Seven Sins! Oh yeah! Four thousand attack right out the gate!"

She lowered her hands, awfully proud of what she'd managed to pull off. She almost ended her turn there, before deciding to annoy her opponent one last time. "With 3 counters on Kyoutow Waterfront, i can add a Kaiju to my hand, immediately. With a Doggie on your side of the field, i can call forth Gamaciel, the Sea Turtle Kaiju. Now, any card you play, i can negate immediately for almost nothing. I'll set this card facedown and end my turn here."

Imma gonna leave this here. Think y'all would like to read it, but if you don't, that's fine too.
Aya looked annoyed as her Swordsman left the field, but accepted her loss without comment. What an annoying card Gauntlet launcher turned out to be. Destroying two cards without any sense of proprietary. Now that it was depowered and powerless would be a terrible time to tribute the thing, but she'd have no more choice. She was worryingly running out of kaijus to summon. She'd already lost her insect, turtle, doggie, Daigorah, and the machine monster with the confusing name that nobody could pronounce. That was five. With the two in her hand right now, seven. And she'd just drawn into SS of SS. Yes, she could discard the other kaiju in her hand for easier pickings, but should she? Kaijus didn't grow from trees. If she didn't draw into Smash hit or Exodius quickly, she'd be over real fast. She kept a smile all lit up on her face, bright and shiny and completely faked, as she played out her turn.

"I play Sacred Sword of Seven Stars, banishing the Radian in my hand to add two cards to my hand." She began, manually pocketing the kaiju before drawing. "And, as much as it pains me to do this for like the third time this duel, I sacrifice one of your monsters to bring out my Kaiju." She said. She didn't have the energy in her for another screaming and yelling fanfare anymore. It was starting to get a little boring. Playing the exact same strategy three times in a row and still neither of them wanted to back down any more then they already had. And she was still losing. She was facing the strongest kaiju in her deck, along with the hardest to pronounce name.

"And, blah blah blah, kaijus can bring out more kaijus. I pull out Jizzy kizzy's identical twin fron my hand." She said. The two completely identical monsters faced off against each other, both with identical attack values. The only way to decide this conflict in any way would be to "Kaiju capture device, go! Flip his mecha face down." That would do it.

"Jazzy Kirby, Attack that monster, and we'll end the turn here."




Steven Bannon Rodriguez was a legend. He'd worn the black and white referee's jumper for Chikara, World Entertainment Wrestling, even underground boxing rings in the 80s, and when the Mixed Martial Arts movement had split away, he'd split with them. He'd worked day and night for his dreams, hosting tournament after tournaments for far less then minimum wage to set rules and regulations for everything under the sun. He'd refereed in Reading, arbitrated at Albaqueque, and judged at Jefferson's Pass. It was under his tuition programs that refereeing had become established and unionized, and it was under his watchful eye that many a young and gangly lad in a black and white jumper two sizes too big for him had taken their first steps into the squared circle. And he was knocked out and tied up in a position any japanese rope enthusiast would recognize as the Gyaku-ebi, or reversed shrimp. Joaoquim tied the last set of ropes into position around his mouth and threw him bodily into the man-sized wardrobe.

That took care of that. Joaoquim made his way to the locker room's one and only mirror, glancing at his own features in the mirror. Not too hard to change. He'd have to swap out his hat for a metric tonne of brylcream to get the referee look down, but apart from that one thing, they could have practically been brothers. One thin, dark-haired, Hispanic male looked like pretty much any other. That and nobody would really notice. He'd seen a few of the contestants, between last nights brouhaha and this morning, when he'd sneaked in here with a dustpan and brush pretending to sweep the floors. None of them were professional athletes, regulars who'd put together a long and perfectly choreographed show. They were all newcomes and freaks! It was the perfect crime. He'd waltz in, stand in the corner occasionally writing down fouls, collect his paycheck and leave. And he'd get to see more of these psychoacoustics in action and find out what the hell they were, too.

He riled through this new set of clothes and their new pockets. He didn't like how sparse and empty they were. He'd have to correct that in future. But for now, he had a solution. Taking yet another set of paracord rope from his old clothes, he tied it into a simple three-band weave and threaded it into the loop of his belt, ready to be yanked out at a moment's notice. He wore the ref's whistle around his neck, giving it a silly little toot, before taking a look at the absolutely monstrous pile of paper that was the rules of this tournament. He wondered if it would make good cigarette paper.

I don't even know what happened here please ignore.
Not even as a designated side deck, just bring a box with every single cool card you want
His chief weapon is surprise.

And Fear. Surprise and fear. His two weapons are fear and surprise.

And 2400 defense. His three weapons are fear and surprise, as well as 2400 defense and nice shiny swords-

Alright, Four... Amongst his many and diverse weaponry are such implements as fear-

I'll post again.
@GarlandDaHero

"Maxx C" She said simply, watching the grin on his face as he looked at the card he'd just drawn. That face did not look like the face of somebody about to be beat with the most meta card in the game. Her fears seemed to be proven founded, as he immediately summoned even more of those damned Igknights to his side of the field. She drew one card. He overlayed. She grimaced, drawing into one more card. Face up or Face down, Gauntlet Launcher still trounced one of the most annoying cards in the game in a single swipe. And now it was coming straight for her. She grimaced, waiting for the impact...

And played her Swordsman.

The monster stopped at the last possible moment. A yellow object, radiating so much light it was impossible to make out it's shape was blocking the path. The monster moved, but even there, more similar objects all floating in space curtailed it at every turn. Two of them floated above Aya's head as an honour guard. As the Solid Vision took hold, he took a more solid form, blue sky cutting and dividing, becoming silvery armour, become the futuristic samurai armor of the level 8 monster. Aya breathed out. Unfortunately, his second effect, retaliating against those who would threaten him wouldn't go off, but still. 2400 defense versus 2400 attack, they'd both cancel each other out. Boy, was that the mother of all clutch moments. King of Games worthy, if she was any judge. But until she was able to capitalize on the card she'd drawn, she'd have to wait until the white-haired boy had finished his turn.

"Aww."

Aya was sooo upset when her giant cosmic horror was swept off the board in favour of a dinky little knight. She tried not to say anything, but it showed on her face. She toyed with the idea of activating one of her facedowns as revenge, but nah. One didn't work without a Kaiju on the field anyway. She waited, watching him like a hawk as he went through the rest of his combo.

"...what. Uh. This thing is useless to me now, so I guess I'll tribute it for Igknight Gallant? A-Anyway. I'll activate Summoner's Art and add Igknight Veteran to my hand. Next, I'll activate Igknight Paladin and Igknight Templar in my Pendulum Scales, then use Paladin's effect to destroy both of them and add Igknight Margrave to my hand. And now, I'll activate Margrave and Cavalier in my Pendulum Zones and Pendulum Summon the Igknights I previously destroyed from my Extra Deck, as well as Veteran from my han-"

"C-C-C-Combo breaker! " She yelled, not so much activating the card as slamming her fist down onto the edge of her duel disk. The trap card rose up with some force. "Solemn Warning, kid! For trying to special summon once this turn, i can pay half my pointlives to negate and destroy those cards. So, it's bye-bye to that Paladin, Templar, and that Veteran, all of which go strrrrraight to your graveyard and not that extra deck!"

She was grinning like a pumpkin. Stopping combos in their tracks gave her a warm, fuzzy feeling that even the best plays ever didn't give. The german duelists, where T.G. Stun was law, had a word for this feeling. Schadenfreude. Delight in the misery of others. As she crowed to the gathered spectators and to her opponent in the most unladylike way possible, she suddenly realised what that meant. Her opponent meekly played one face down card onto the field and ended his turn.

"Whoo! Anyway, my turn." She added the new card from her deck to her hand, passing her standby phase. Her opponent only had a monster and a spell on the field. That Margrave and Cavalier weren't fooling nobody. Still, bit of an issue. That one normal monster he had, the one that had been tributed with her dear, sweet, precious kaiju still had enough life to end the game right here. She'd have to play smart, not hard.

"I use the effect of the Kaiju slumbering in my grave, banishing it from my graveyard-" She slid the card from out of her grave and into her pocket "So i can add one more Kaiju from deck to hand." She looked at her four cards, plus the one face down on the side of her field. "I'll tribute your Gallant, just like you tributed my Kaiju you ass, to bring out a Dogoran, the mad flame Kaiju to the field! And with one Kaiju on the field, another will soon join it. Come on out, Gamaciel, The Sea Turtle Kaiju!"

The two beasts, one red and one blue, eyed each other, pacing around each side of their field for an advantage. The odds were stacked in her opponent's favour, and she rolled her eyes at whatever stupid retort he made about it. "Gamaciel, Attack! Trap card open, Kaiju Capture Device! This card acts like a book of moon for all kaijus, I can flip any one i want into defense position. That Dogoran I lent you only has 1200 defense, easy pickings for my turtle to crush you with its 2200 Attack!"

"And with that battle, i'll end my turn here."

This is something that probably only means anything to me, but the whole point of Aya's character was to be a meta-following player who was constantly getting her ass kicked by silly rogue decks. It's why she has yet to win against anything and probably never will. Of course, once KOG outright banned speaking about the meta in-character that whole plotline had to pull a 5ds and be hastily rewritten.

Point being, this Martin charter is totally playing a focused deck with options that all revolve around plussing off from being banished, where his sister was being silly, playing D.D. Ghostricks with Eyes of Blue piper, and still managed to otk her.

Also, @Lord Szall, thanks for making it really hard to activate Solemn in response to his Pendulum summon. Now it won't seem awkward at all.

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