Hi! It's your anonymous cutie zero doves. Thank you for reading this, and I hope this gives you a good laugh or two.
So, recently I've been struggling to entertain myself. I've been getting bored with all the media I partake in; YouTube (for music, content creators, and etc), books, mobile games, my PS4, and etc. Even roleplaying has become boring and mundane. I don't have cable because I just never liked TV and see it as a waste. But, there are multiple shows I love and I am a movie buff. I've always had Showbox (a pretty much illegal app like Netflix, but having almost anything you can think of, including Netflix and Hulu originals), but only on my damn near broken tablet. It'll die abruptly if strained, and I find it awfully inconvenient to watch anything using that. So, I downloaded HULU on my PS4 and was not impressed. On the bright side, I found out - I like Vikings, dislike Game of Thrones, and that it's just not worth it. I watched Scary Movie one night, a personal favorite of mine, and when I went to watch again, I saw - it was gone. I was mortified and ended up canceling my subscription because they took out the best fucking comedy ever (and do not fucking @ me).
I was going through the apps on my PS4 and "Tubi" was being advertised to me. A free movie and TV show streaming app. I downloaded, and OH MY FUCKING GOD. It was a gold mine of shitty movies. It took me back. I used to be poor, and all my mom and I had was a DVD player. We'd get the family dollar/ dollar general bundle cases (often advertised as "15 FOR $5?!?!") and while it was mostly just the most trash shit you'll ever see, some of these movies actually being worthwhile. But, with most of them being absolute dumpster juice, my mom and I learned to make our own entertainment; basically by just flaming them, picking them apart piece by piece (and ironically enough, my mom hates the fact that, even if we're watching a fairly decent movie, I'll still pick it apart, even roasting the actors themselves for things outside of the film). Literally, and I mean literally, all of these garbage ass low budget movies are on this damn app the legendary Full Moon production company owning most.
Yesterday, after already having a serious nostalgia trip, and even finding some good stuff that I liked (Battle Royal, Some Anime, True Grit, and a few more movies), I hit the motherfucking jackpot. The 'black cinema' section. OH MY FUCKING LORD. When I tell you, this is the worst shit ever, I MEAN IT. There are many amazing black movies, and a lot of great hood movies, but these are literally the bottom of the barrel films that tube probably acquired for little to no money. They don't even have the "so good its bad" classic Tales From The Hood. The best movies are Akeelah and The Bee & Foolish, but that entire section is an afterthought after those two. So, I continued scrolling, going through many many shitty hood movies I've seen before when it hit me; MY FUCKING UNCLE DID A SHITTY HOOD MOVIE. I pressed the triangle button, punched in the letters and searched.
There it was, in all its low budget glory; Two Plates. Absolute garbage. Flashbacks of my uncle sitting me down and making me watch this played in my head as I stared at the awful cover. My uncle, back in the day, was a rapper named 'Ambush' and eh, he was okay for the mid-2000s. But this movie is so bad. The production company actually has it on YouTube, free to watch (please, get AdBlock). My favorite scene? Either the one where my uncle solidifies his character as a fucking idiot when he says "this that new shit that clean ya teef, you ain't even gotta brush", referring to basic ass gum, or this scene where this guy is sitting in an interrogation office and the cop goes through ALL of his nicknames (which literally every character in the movie has), and all of the nicknames have something to do with this character having a pencil dick. Like, every last nickname about his cock being gaunt.
But yep, that's the story. Hoe you were entertained, give me some feedback 🌚 I hope you didn't think I'd end this without dropping the link youtu.be/zMhXBADpvU0
- can't believe this shit has 291k views. G O D. Not age restricted or anything with a sex scene and some more crazy shit. I'm gonna listen to some Lil Peep and read u on this cyberpunk RP I'm super interested in. BTW, in the video thumbnail, my uncle is the one on the left.