i'm at the Knowhere bar in Raccoon Heights with a buddy atm. kinda lame tbh, gonna try to get out of here soon. wby?
Lee gave the text a quick re-read before sending it off. The warm blue light of the iPhone screen illuminated his face as he waited a few moments to see if he would get an immediate response. He soon gave up waiting and slid the phone back into the pocket of his black slacks before killing off his Heineken, the empty bottle clinked as Lee set it onto the booth table with drunken gracelessness. He scanned across the dimly-lit bar and surveyed the other bargoers, most of whom were clustered around the bar itself. The majority of the patrons were dudes of the hipster persuasion - proudly sporting thick-rimmed glasses and bushy, unkempt beards as they sipped from mugs of bitter IPAs. The ratio of girls to guys was pretty lousy, maybe one girl for every five or six guys, and most of those girls were too fat for Lee's liking.This place is a sausage-fest,
Lee thought to himself as he fished his phone back out of his pocket. No wonder Chad likes this place so much.
Lee saw Chad in the middle of a knot of bargoers, carrying on what appeared to be a lively conversation with two hipsters seated at the bar. He had always been envious of Chad's wit and charisma; how he was instantly liked even by complete strangers. And though Lee was perfectly straight, he couldn't deny that Chad was an extremely handsome guy. His hair was combed over into the douchebag pompadour universally loved by dudebros the world over, but with his manicured goatee dressing his pointed jawline, Chad was somehow able to pull it off. His intentionally-tight polo and khakis showcased the physique of an underwear model. Chad caught Lee scrolling through his phone out of the corner of his eye and dismissed himself from his new friends before making his way over to Lee's booth at the rear of the bar.
"Well if it isn't Mister Wallflower, playing on his phone in the corner like the fuckin' dunce he is," Chad quipped, planting a fresh pair of Heinekens on the table. "You swiping right now?"
"Yeah," Lee sighed. "The prospects here aren't that great."
"Bull-shit, my dude," Chad said, sliding the Heineken over to Lee. "I count one-two-three-four... five eligible bachelorettes."
"Buncha fatties," Lee dismissed as he tapped the pink tile of the Tinder app on his phone.
of them are actually fat," Chad corrected. "That one over there though, even I
might consider taking her home."
"Not when you have the pick of the litter of gay hipsters to choose from," Lee dismissed as the Tinder app presented him with the profiles of young women. He gave a few left swipes as Chad slid down in the booth seat beside him and watched as Lee swiped through the girls that cropped up on his screen.
The first girl that Chad witnessed was a blonde college-aged girl whose profile picture was a mirror selfie of her seated atop a bathroom vanity with a skimpy bikini.
" Chad read aloud. "Add me on Instagram at-
" Lee swiping left on the girl interrupted Chad mid-sentence.
"She was fuckin' foxxy, dude. Why didn't you swipe right?"
"If they only say their Instagram account, then they're just attention whores and don't actually want to meet up."
" Chad read as Lee moved on to the next Tinder profile: a sweater-clad woman with curly hair hugging a toddler in a field of bright orange pumpkins. "Assistant Human Resources Coordinator at Umbrella Corporation. Love the beach, hiking, and nature. Let's go to the zoo. Looking for the Jim to my Pam.
She seems nice, dude." Lee didn't agree and once again swiped left.
"Single mom," Lee explained. "And I fucking hate the Office."
Lee swiped left on another two girls before finally swiping right.
"Whoa," Chad interjected. "You swiped right on her
? And yet you won't talk to any of the ladies at the bar? Not gonna lie, my dude, sometimes I wonder if you are actually straight."
Lee groaned as Chad began once again with the 'Are you really
straight?' routine. He was convinced that Chad only hung out with him for the off-chance of one day getting in his pants, and to Lee's irritation, would always find ways to question his sexuality. It was almost enough for Lee to not even bother spending time with Chad, but even after moving to Raccoon City for work after college almost a year ago, his upstairs neighbor was still the only friend he had in this town.
Lee mentally braced himself for the coming barrage of questions regarding his sexual preferences, but a change in the music seemed to have thankfully distracted Chad.
"Oh shit, is that... Yes! This is my fucking jam
The bubbly beat of Heart of Glass by Blondie playing loudly through the bar elicited shouts of enthusiasm from many of the other bargoers.
"ONCE I HAD A LOVE, AND IT WAS A GAAAAS!" Chad began singing right into Lee's ear. "SOON TURNED OUT, HAD A HEART OF GLASS! SEEMED IT WAS THE REAL THING, ONLY TO FIIIIND, ...SOMETHING SOMETHING, LOVE'S GONE BEHIND!"
"Why do bars always do this? Why do they have to have the music so loud you can't even think straight?"
"It forces you to talk right in somebody's ear if you want to say something to them!" Chad practically shouted in Lee's ear. "Makes you get nice and close, just like this
!" Chad proceeded to lick Lee's ear. He instantly squirmed away in revulsion, prompting uproarious laughter from Chad.
"Fucking horndog!" Lee snarled.
"You love it, you just haven't accepted it... yet."
"I gotta take a leak," Lee groaned. Chad got up out of his seat and let Lee out to use the bathroom, but not without giving him a playful slap on the ass as he went by.
"I'll try to get you a girlfriend on Tinder in the meantime. Even though, deep down, you'd rather have a boyfriend
Lee rolled his eyes as he went to the very back of the bar to the men's bathroom. The music, though still clearly audible, was thankfully quieter in here. Lee unzipped his black slacks and the white button up he had worn to the office that day and relieved himself in the urinal. He absent-mindedly looked at the peeling band stickers stuck to the urinal dividers when he noticed the music abruptly cut out, followed by the groans of the bargoers.Thank god,
Lee whispered to himself.
A few seconds of silence were followed by the heart-stopping buzzing of an emergency alert system broadcast. Lee paid little attention to the alert, assuming it to be an Amber Alert broadcast over the phone of the bartender that was using their Spotify to play music for the bar. He reached into his pocket to get his own phone see what the alert was for, and then remembered that he left his phone on the table with Chad. Lee zipped back up and tucked his shirt back into his pants before going to wash his hands. As he lathered his hands with soap, he was surprised to faintly hear the alert system's computerized voice was still talking, though he couldn't make out what it was saying. Odd
, Lee thought. Usually these Amber Alert messages were fairly brief, but this one had gone on for at least a full minute now.
As he reached to shut off the water - the lights suddenly went out - eliciting a few shouts from the bar. Lee was plunged in pitch blackness and so he felt around for his way out. Being fairly drunk and in an unfamiliar bathroom, Lee stumbled over the trashcan for the paper towels and fell face-first onto the concrete floor, knocking him out cold at once.