Before I start, I want to mention that I am currently an active member of the Guild, but made this account for the sake of anonymity, something which I'll go into a bit more later. That out of the way, I had some problems lately and today was the day it all bubbled through my outer layer and I've decided to write my feelings out somewhere. Since I am not a member of a lot of online communities (this is actually the only one), I had little alternative in choosing a site.

I've pondered the matter of life for a while. My current living conditions are... bad, to say the least. And when I say bad, I don't merely mean "I can't afford a new iPhone", like some of my peers. I'll be completely honest right here, so my apologies if the text doesn't end up having a flawless flow. My problems are purely materialistic, indeed. But materialistic in a way that I found myself in a hole without food, nor money. No ladder to climb out either. What I mean by that is... I literally eat once a day (if I'm lucky). Now, before you brand this thread as a "please, pity me" type of thing - I'll correct you. It's not like that. If I wanted pity, I would have posted a rant on facebook or using my real account, but I really do not want people to pity me. I don't want my friends, even less my girlfriend, to know in what state my life is, because they would try to help me once again (and bless them for being such good friends all these years). They've given me so much help already and nothing seems to be going to a better slate.

And I'll make some things clear - I am not a pill junky, alcoholic, I don't smoke, I don't waste what little money I have on things that I don't need. I'm not a shopaholic. My family simply put me in a state of material disarray. And nailed the coffin while they were at it. Now, to explain it a bit more. My parents are divorced (not a big deal, they were better off without each other), but I remained with my father (with whom I am still living with). Now he is a junky and an alcoholic. Was ever since I've known him and won't stop. Nothing I can do about that. However, what little money he has, doesn't go to provide food or pay bills or necessities for a normal life. Instead, they fund whatever drug spree he finds himself on. Although, most recently, it is a vodka spree.

At this point I'd like to mention that my family's drug and alcohol abuse did not scar me mentally (and I am really thankful for that), but I'd rather have a few scars than an empty stomach for days. Maybe I am wrong and would think otherwise, should the situation had been different, but it is how it is.

Back to me, I'm a decent guy, I help people when I can, I don't do stupid stuff like most of my acquaintances. Hell, I rarely even go out clubbing or... whatever is popular these days. I worked for a while, but the thing is - I enrolled in a college last year, and had no time to work. Which led to me dropping out of college because I was on the verge of passing out from not eating and could not attend or focus during lectures. Which brought me back to square one, searching for a job. Not an easy task, but am not giving up. Would've been easier if I could turn to someone and get some help, but... that's not possible. The rest of my family is unable to help, for one reason or another. Once in my life, I remember saying that we are a cursed family, because everyone was either a drug user or an alcoholic. Hopefully, I'll break that curse.

The country cannot help my situation, mostly because I am not a minor anymore. Which leaves me without any rights and without any possibility of getting help from them. That sucks. My talents are not helping the matter either - there are two charts of talents in life, ones that make people money, and ones that I have.

That was a joke. Ha ha. I do have some talents, and am working my best to achieve things in them, but that takes some time. Time I fear I don't have.

But, like I said in the beginning, I've been thinking about this matter of life. If there is a possibility that a person would live his entire life like that, struggling to eat some bread each couple of days... what good is that life? What does one get out of such life in the end? I am not a religious person, so the entire - you get only that much struggle that you can carry - does not really make much difference to me. I am more of a Buddhist type of a person, amongst other things. We live, we die - everything changes. What we make of our lives is what we get. Unfortunately, other people gave me a mountain to climb before I can start making something out of my life. Now, saying that I don't see a purpose in such a life doesn't mean I will kill myself, or try to. I was born too optimistic to do that.

Plus, I hate pain.

As I said, this is more of a letting out some steam thread than anything else, but at the same time, my heart does feel that any advice would be appreciated.

Sorry for blasting out like this.

I would write more on the topic, and probably will, but there is some matter I have to attend to, a.k.a., trying to land a job. So yeah.

I'm not sure what country you are in and it's understandable that it's hard to find help in form of foodstamps for a young single man but in the US and I'm sure most first world countries, there are food banks and churches willing to feed you. Most cities have them set up in the central part of town for easier access. Also reddit has a few subreddits about frugal living and even places to find financial help. I haven't read them too indepth but on my cruising for funny cat pictures I've seen they exist.

I wish I could help more other than to tell you to keep pushing and don't be too proud to ask for help if it means you not starving.

idlehands said
I'm not sure what country you are in and it's understandable that it's hard to find help in form of foodstamps for a young single man but in the US and I'm sure most first world countries, there are food banks and churches willing to feed you. Most cities have them set up in the central part of town for easier access. Also reddit has a few subreddits about frugal living and even places to find financial help. I haven't read them too indepth but on my cruising for funny cat pictures I've seen they exist. I wish I could help more other than to tell you to keep pushing and don't be too proud to ask for help if it means you not starving.

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Even if you count as an adult there has to be some kind of welfare system or charity that will aid you. If not a food drive or generous church.
(As much as I speak out against Religion in OT I have grown up around a very kind and caring Church. One that constantly helped feed children and ran youth groups. If there's one like that in your area you should be fine).

That and don't turn away help from your friends and girlfriend. You may not want it, but imagine if the situation was reversed and it was your girlfriend struggling to get by. Would you not want her to come to you for help rather than simply try handling it on her own?

I know personally if when I had a girlfriend a long time ago if she was ever in such a situation I'd be far more miserable finding out about her situation and that she hid it from me than I would be if she just came to me for help.

Note: That's just a hypothetical, although I have been in a relationship before they never were actually in such a situation.

Although I'm unwilling to disclose the name of my country, since it would destroy the purpose of making a new account, I can say that I am in middle Europe, hence we don't have a foodstamp system embraced. Nor are we a first world country... more like a transitional country? Yeah, that's the classification, I believe. Unfortunately, although we do have food banks, we have to get a document verifying we fill the qualifications needed to receive help. And since I am currently living in a household that has a good income (my father being a war veteran, he got a good pension - none of that money goes beyond... his personal hedonism, to put it that way, but the government and institutions couldn't care less about it) - I am branded as a person that does not need help. And there is no way to bypass the system, unless I move households... and I don't have anywhere to move to. A bit of a checkmate position right there.

And I just learned today that my grand-grandmother (also living with us) has a pension high enough to pay bills and provide some food. Would not be king-like, but beggars aren't choosers. However, my father is supposedly an authorized person to pull the money out of the bank. Why she authorized him, I have absolutely no idea. But, you get the picture what happens with it. Even more ironic is that he always told me she has almost no pension. That's a really douche move.

However, thank you for the advice - I can understand that. If any of them were in trouble, I'd want to know so I could help, of course. I can safely assume the same goes the other way around. I guess that sometimes pride goes over my head and I don't want to ask for help. I'll try to work on decreasing that.

I guess there is no other way, but to keep trucking. Oh and yeah, I don't think there is a way to deal with my father, being a war veteran, he just cannot end up in prison. Why the law system is flawed like that, I don't know. Well, I do know, but I don't want to turn this into criticizing the government. Nothing good will come out of that.

Then why not move out?
If you find a place of your own would you not get lowered to an economic level that the Government see's need aid/support?

If not, you could always try to find the aid of a charity that's not tied to the Government.
Plus, you should definitely start with getting your friends aid. You hurt them more by hiding your problems from them than you are by accepting their help.

Little debbies. Large box.
*Roughly a dime for every 100 calories. Can literally feed yourself for a dollar a day if you can tolerate eating the same cake.
-More to the point, is good filler of calories so you don't go utter zombie-mode in school. You'll still want to eat proper food at least once a week to prevent scurvy.

Add butter or a greasy hot-dog to ramen-noodles, will taste *far* more filling. And learn to boil an egg (because you *NEED* a protein-intake).
-Rice is a 2:1 volume-ratio of water to dry rice (add butter to add flavor and cook faster).
*If butter is a freebie-condiment, TAKE IT.

As a last resort, coffee-grounds will suppress apatite.

Also, invest in a snow-shovel, a wide one for running like a human snowplow on light dustings, and a narrow one for when you get a wet dump. Start shoveling driveways for $10/ea this winter and you may be able to afford a hot meal every other day.
-Seriously, hot chow is up there with a dry pair of socks after a wet day of walking (which BTW, can be dried by placing the socks under the neck collar on long marches [or when shoveling snow, place under scarf]).

This knowledge comes somewhat from what I learned about 1940's era combat-rations. Other bits came from talking to some really old folks from the civil war and from personal experience.
-Did I mention that wearing a second long sleeve shirt, scarf, and hat will probably keep you far warmer than a winter jacket on its own?

*Learn a skill/trade and be willing to do stuff older and 'more productive' people aren't willing to or outright cannot do.
-One way to strike-up business is to do it for free the first time, to get their attention. And be willing to simply trade favors (will work for food).
My local community is really in favor of non-taxable barter for services.

Oh, and one more thing, welcome to the job-market.