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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Lugubrious
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Lugubrious Player on the other side

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squirms

So... I have been trying to post. And...

Well, I need to do it in splurts.

I need to respond to Techno...

and some other things...

in one post....

and then in another... there will be a time skip of only a few hours so its like "later that same day"....

to then finally get this arch moving... so i do kinda need the guild masters and @lugubrious To... be present for that one as the arch I did hope would involve all three guilds... Do you guys have any objection to that?

I'll get the first post out shorty, but the second post depending on some things might be a bit longer... given that I haven't started either, and I lost everything that was in preparation for this arch...


Alright, I'll get on that when I'm able.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Aerandir
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Aerandir The old guy

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So....I know every body is busy. But anything else on my cs?
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by MarshiestMallow
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MarshiestMallow The Marshiest of Mallows

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@Aerandir
in the morning.

too tired now, I'm sorry.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Crimson Raven
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Crimson Raven *Rolls a Nat 1*

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@Caits

Do you mind if I put my two cents in before you?
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by MarshiestMallow
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MarshiestMallow The Marshiest of Mallows

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@Crimson Raven
Go ahead. I'm going back to sleep
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Zarkun
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Zarkun The Vigilante

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<Snipped quote by Zarkun>

Hey thanks! I'm sorry I can't remember if we rped together.>.< I got a horrible memory

Edit: rough draft of the cs!

Name: Lach (Lock) The Blood Samurai

Age: 23

Birthday: November, 15th

Magic: Magic Slayer: his families blood has been tainted by a powerful anti-Magic spell known as Magic Slayer, Its sole purpose is to negate all magical power. Those around him, in a close proximity, can still use magic. Although the longer they stay around him it becomes harder for them to use their magic. How ever, if he gets any of his blood on them, he can cancel their magic all together.

Magic Level: A

History: Lock was born into a family that was descended from clan dedicated to hunting wizards. Long before Zeref, before magic was accepted as normal. There were people who were afraid of all wizards, and dedicated themselves to eradicate them, ironically with a magic spell that tainted their very blood. Dangerous and effective as they were, they were defeated and fled the country.

He grew up training with his father to become a Wizard bounty hunter just like his fathers before him. Because he didn't have to spend any time training on making his anti magic stronger, he focused on his swordsmanship and tactics with fighting different kinds of magic. He was a prodigy, quickly mastering his sword he was already bringing home bounties at the early age of 18.

A few years as a bounty hunter brought him some good money, but he wanted to learn more about his anti magic, and being in a magical guild would and could help him learn how to control it more so. Another reason being he wanted to be apart of something more...

Personality: Loyal, Charming, Mischievous, Relaxed, Dedicated

Guild and guild mark location: NA Wanting to join Phoenix Wing

Team Members: None

Three Strengths: (Not just combat)
1. Mastery of Swordsmanship
2. Endurance/Sheer will power
3. Brilliant tactician.

Three Weaknesses:
1. His magic can be deadly to him if not careful. (Can loose too much blood)
2. Ranged Magic
3. Lonely

Greatest Love: N/A

Motivation: To train and become a master over his ability,

Appearance:


Because of his magic and fighting style, he has countless scars all over his body.

Additional Details:
His weapon that was handed down to him from his father. It's been in his family for generations.


meh, sorry it's not really good, a bit out of practice


So, my first nitpick is his magic's effect. Admittedly, I get that it's a unique concept, but we literally spent three days picking apart a spell that Technowizard has that essentially does the same thing, though with his eyes rather than his blood. Anyways, I can get the whole cancellation of magic, and can accept it. The issue with the blood part is that you're rather vague on how it does what it does. Does the blood absorb into the body or is there another way it does what it does?

The magic name is odd, and Ex probably has a point in changing it's name, but I'm fairly indifferent to it.

Also, we were in a Final Fantasy RP together run by Lennon79.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Crimson Raven
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Crimson Raven *Rolls a Nat 1*

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@Crimson Raven
Go ahead. I'm going back to sleep


Sleep

T^T

Sounds delightful

What is it?
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Remram
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Remram

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<Snipped quote by Caits>

Sleep

T^T

Sounds delightful

What is it?


I heard it was a myth
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Crimson Raven
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<Snipped quote by Crimson Raven>

I heard it was a myth


I've never even heard of it before.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by MarshiestMallow
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MarshiestMallow The Marshiest of Mallows

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Its glorious.... but seems to come once in a blue moon... even rarer then that... the rare of the rare....
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Crimson Raven
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Arrrghh

Fuck it, nothing is coming out how I want it. Just going to list my thoughts down, no matter how selfish and conceded they seem.

Fair warning

Ok-ay

First, the magic

I'm personally not fond of anything that just outright negates whatever specific power or supernatural ability that is in the story. Its cheap, its easy, and requires little to no creativity. Canon-wise, I suppose it will pass, as there is a technical precedent in the magic-negation cells that the Magic Council shoves criminals in.

But a spell like that would be one hell of a super weapon, and should have very very dire repercussions should it exist...which the History doesn't even touch on.

On that note, we know very little about pre-Zeref times, however, I am lead to believe it was mainly characterized by the ongoing conflict against dragons. Human squabbling is entirely possible, but back to the magic negotiating spell, there is potential for it. Maybe it was developed to fight the dragons before being turned on humans. However, again, that is a hell of a weapon if it existed, and is still potent enough to exist in his blood potentially a millennia later.

Thats the first half of my problem with the sheet. The second half is...

Complicated. And probably not something that will be received well.

If I were to sum it up, I feel like I'm looking at a generic protagonist with all the earmarks of a amature RPer. I'm sorry, but let me explain.

Lets start with the biggest red flag, the strengths.

1. Master of Swordsmanship
2. Endurance/Sheer will power
3. Brilliant tactician.


Generic qualities?

Check
Check
Check.

Eww.

Lots of RPers fall into this trap, I myself, did once, and perhaps even still do. So I have to be very careful where I put these stones. Might break a glass house or two.

Hence my mirror mirror comment earlier.

Even the rest of the history, weaknesses, and motivation bear with the generic feel.

Bounty hunter? Oh please. Its nowhere near as profitable or glorious or even combat relient as games and anime make it out to be. In reality, it was a unforgiving, highly contested, quasi legal job that takes a ton of leg work, people skills, and plenty of hungry nights. Most actually had steady jobs on the side, and only did it to make a quick buck. As a job occupation, it would probably leave you dying of starvation in a ditch somewhere. However, this is in an anime setting, and its quite possible that up until some years ago, mages might have had prices on their heads. However, these mages would not be evil scum, but normal, good, and kind people who just want to continue their magic practices in peace.

I think that would say something about his personality a great deal if he can hunt those people down and sleep easy afterwards. Or not.

His personality is...uh...generic and barebones. Take a moment to maybe look at other character's personalities in the character tab. See how people can build their personalities, and the qirks they might have. Also, a person's character is heavily influenced by their past and circumstances. As you make your character, try to think about what may have shaped them to behave this way. Fears, likes, and dislikes are unsubtle examples of this.

Note that I am very well aware that I cannot hold everyone to my standards of quality, and that there are plenty of people out there that just don't have the talent. Conversely, there are many with far more writing and character creating talent then I, and if I met them, they would probably point out the fallacies and clichés in my writing.

This is my attempt to help you, @Aerandir, become a better writer. Please do not take this as me making fun or dissing your hard work on the sheet.

Its possible that I really have no right to do this, but I believe that standing by and saying nothing is worse.

Verdict: technically passible, but very bare-bones with far too many generic qualities and a history that is too far removed but too close to canon to say yea or nay on.

Edit: One last thing that I ment to touch on, but didn't. Concerning the already critized strengths. You cannot just decide that they are a master at any skill, because youwant them to be strong, unless there is an actual backstory reason for it. Although, in my opinion, nothing can be mastered, because mastery implies they have nothing left to learn. If you want to say they are an expert swordsman, fine, but who did they learn from, and what experience do they have in combat? Swordsmen don't just pop up like toadstools. Tactics is a whole hell of another beast. Learning anything like tactical battle requires years and years of dedicated studies and requires you, as the writer, to have a decently extensive knowledge on the subject matter yourself to fake it. One cannot write what they don't know.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Onarax
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Onarax Sleepy

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Remember when in doubt about how to make your character not generic and mary sue.

Just make him a self aware jackass. Everyone already thinks it, but if they embrace it they suddenly gain loads more character.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by MarshiestMallow
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Remember when in doubt about how to make your character not generic and mary sue.

Just make him a self aware jackass. Everyone already thinks it, but if they embrace they suddenly gain loads more character.


I've tried making a jackass.

I ended up making a Draco Malfoy like character.

*sneaks out again*
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Crimson Raven
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Remember when in doubt about how to make your character not generic and mary sue.

Just make him a self aware jackass. Everyone already thinks it, but if they embrace they suddenly gain loads more character.


I had a thing about that in my sig. The reason its not right now is because a. It won't fit, and b. I'm on a bit of an Undertale craze right now. ^_^'

dammit, sans, I will beat you if its the last thing I do! If only I could see through the tears...

Its something that addresses stuff I believe all writers should know.

Link if you're interested
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Onarax
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Onarax Sleepy

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@Crimson Raven

Interesting read, not sure I agree with everything there but I get the sentiment. Thanks for the link.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Crimson Raven
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@Crimson Raven

Interesting read, not sure I agree with everything there but I get the sentiment. Thanks for the link.


There is more, ten other parts, in the description of the post, if you missed it. They also contain some really good information.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Noodles
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Noodles

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Rushed my post there >_< ~

On the side note, I'm not good at English, but 'willpower' is a very broad & vague term I think O_O

@Burthstone - my timezone is GMT+8, I am free to collab on my late afternoon~
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by TechnoWizROK
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TechnoWizROK

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@Noodles Yes! Another GMT +8, always thought my timezone was lonely one until now^
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by twave
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twave

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@Lugubrious Fleo is nosy. :P
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Burthstone
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Burthstone The Nebulus Nebulae

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@Noodles I am... Literally on the opposite side of the planet from you, in GMT-5.

Though I'm pretty much free to collab whenever sooo...

When is your 'late afternoon?' bc you're 12 hours ahead of me.
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