Getting Sex vs. Getting a Relationship

[Raxacoricofallapatorius]

I feel so educated.

But what is the purpose of a rubber ducky?

[Turtlicious]

Dervish said
Step one: Clubbing prospective mates to take them back to your dwelling is considered cruel and primitive. Stick to roofies.

Step two: Wear enough cologne to make plants wither and die. It drives prospective mates crazy trying to find your natural scent that they are naturally drawn to you, despite the tears.

Step three: Only wear tear away track pants for obvious reasons. Time is of the essence.

Step four: Flowers and candle lit dinners are fine and all, but your prospective mate is more impressed if you take down big game and bring it to their dwelling as a gift.

Step five: Install key locks on the inside of your dwelling; this prevents your prospective mate from leaving before the courtship is concluded.

Step six: Nobody likes poppy romance music. Black metal reminds your prospective mate that their time is finite, and they should definitely find a mate before it is too late.

Step seven: Instead of rose pedals leading to the bedroom, leave condoms. It then becomes a game to determine which one your prospective mate will choose.

Step eight: When assuming the position, make sure it is a dominating one. Your prospective mate will not be impressed if they are overpowering you. They want to see that you aren't to be fucked with, which makes you worthy of fucking. See step four.

Step nine: Once finished, make sure at least 25% of your prospective mate's body is covered in bruises. Anything less means they will not be satisfied and will find a better mate who will show them who's boss.

Step ten: Give them a relaxing bubble bath. Bonus points if you provide a rubber ducky.

Step eleven: Brush your prospective mate's hair to make sure that none of your critters escaped during step 8.

Step twelve: Order pizza. This is not negotiable.

Step thirteen: Make plans for next week, but show up the day before. This shows you aren't bound by laws of men.

Congratulations! You are now the master of any relationship.

Rape jokes are funny I guess.

[Dervish]

Turtlicious said
Rape jokes are funny I guess.

Rape is never funny.

Unless it involves a clown.

[Raxacoricofallapatorius]

Dervish said
Rape is never funny.
Not even if it involves a clown.

ftfy

[Turtlicious]

ITT: Dervish makes light of rape.

[Dervish]

Turtlicious said
ITT: Dervish makes light of rape.

Relax and stop being so politically correct. You make it sound like I'm the first person to make a crappy joke about something terrible, which I'm pretty sure is how most comedians maintain their careers. Most people who know me know where my values stand.

Sure, it's tasteless. But so are dead baby jokes, racist jokes, holocaust jokes, and so on.

The follow up joke was pretty much because "Oh my god! I am so sorry for offending your sensibilities." is something I reserve for people who have a personal reason to take legitimate offense to something. There world's full of terrible shit; if you don't make light of it once in a while, it becomes suffocating. Doesn't make the joke teller a bad person, despite what you may insinuate.

TL;DR internet arguments are stupid, I'm not sexist nor advocating sexual assault, and you need to lighten up from whole wheat to rye.

[Raxacoricofallapatorius]

Turtlicious said
ITT: Dervish makes light of rape.

Culture makes light of everything, it's not just Dervish. Hollywood makes light of drinking and drug addiction, promiscuity, irresponsible behavior, violence, etc. It makes people feel better about themselves.

[Raxacoricofallapatorius]

Dervish said and you need to lighten up from whole wheat to rye.

isn't rye darker than whole wheat

[Turtlicious]

It was a joke, get over it. 8D

[Dervish]

Raxacoricofallapatorius said
Culture makes light of everything, it's not just Dervish. Hollywood makes light of drinking and drug addiction, promiscuity, irresponsible behavior, violence, etc. It makes people feel better about themselves.

I'm pretty sure most 'raunchy' comedies cover all of those bases.

[Dervish]

Raxacoricofallapatorius said
isn't rye darker than whole wheat

Shit, you might be right.

Usually, I get white rye.

But what's that brown one, then? Super Market Mysteries!

[Raxacoricofallapatorius]

Dervish said
I'm pretty sure most 'raunchy' comedies cover all of those bases.

Right.
Actually.
American TV just sucks all around.

[Raxacoricofallapatorius]

Dervish said
Shit, you might be right. Usually, I get white rye. But what's that brown one, then? Super Market Mysteries!

ermergerd so racist i cant even I'm gunna report u

[Dervish]

Turtlicious said
It was a joke, get over it. 8D

Haha, hate to say it, but sometimes I can never tell with you, man. Last thing I want is somebody wandering into Spam, seeing that, and being like *GAAAAAASP!*.

You know how it is.

[Dervish]

Raxacoricofallapatorius said
ermergerd so racist i cant even I'm gunna report u

hey nao.

[Raxacoricofallapatorius]

Dervish said
hey nao.

ill fite u

[Turtlicious]

Dervish said
Haha, hate to say it, but sometimes I can never tell with you, man. Last thing I want is somebody wandering into Spam, seeing that, and being like *GAAAAAASP!*.You know how it is.

Well, it's a joke like how performance art is a joke. The joke is that you made a rape joke, then I said "hey rape isn't funny," and then you get all up in arms at being told you're not funny. Which is funny.

It's a complicated joke.

[Dervish]

Raxacoricofallapatorius said
ill fite u

com at meh bro dont front

[Dervish]

Turtlicious said
Well, it's a joke like how performance art is a joke. The joke is that you made a rape joke, then I said "hey rape isn't funny," and then you get all up in arms at being told you're not funny. Which is funny.It's a complicated joke.

Well, most people I would automatically assume they're joking. You kind of have a history for starting shit. :P

Don't get me wrong, I like you. We just don't talk much outside of Spam so I really don't know how you react to certain things. Better to err on the side of caution, yeah?

[Raxacoricofallapatorius]

Turtlicious said
Well, it's a joke like how performance art is a joke. The joke is that you made a rape joke, then I said "hey rape isn't funny," and then you get all up in arms at being told you're not funny. Which is funny.It's a complicated joke.

I am kind of appreciating the complexity now.
In an abstract roundabout kind of way.

Dervish said
com at meh bro dont front

u wana go i can go all nite brah