[CHAR] Illuminati: Becouse the world won't run itself. [Light Hearted, Conspiracy, Urban Magic, Dark Humour]

[Sophrus]

Hider

Name: Oscar Ryan

Department: Finance

Asset Number: #8118

Age: 37

Appearance:

large image

Oscar is a very average man, not supremely fit or handsome but neither is he terribly ugly or fat. If he were particularly skilled at combat or deception he would make an excellent espionage agent. He is always wearing a well made suit that is again very average, higher quality than a realator but not as good as a CEO's for example.

Personality:
-=Potential hire interview: #279843-3432A=-
Examiner: so, why do you want to work for us?
Oscar: Want to work for you? no, no, no, you want me to work for you.
E: And why is that?
O: Because you want my contacts. i already have underworld contacts... and i dont mean criminals.
E: is that so?
O: Oh yea, i sold the souls of half my office.
E: half?
O: yeah, the other half had sold them already as far as i could tell.
E: Its more common than most people think
O: (laughs) its great, i even sold my own mother's soul for a tidy profit
E: Your mother's?
O: Absolutely
E: What did she do to you?
O: What? oh, nothing like that. She was a saint. She got me a demon on retainer and a bodyguard who i think might have been a zombie.
E: i... uh, wow.
O: yeah, he was a good guy. Killed last year though.
-=end of interview=-

Brief History:
-=History Report on Asset #8118=-
The subject's precollage life was uneventful and quite average. However, a note about difficulty to find his records is important. Even we had little information about him prior to his start at collage, through further investigation there appear to be few if any anomalies.

He started at a business collage, his family did not have the recources to send him to a good collage so, the subject began paying his way through school as a petty con-man, making his money through small time drug deals or tricking people out of money through underhanded bets and impossible challanges. The school never got wind of his actions and he passed, obtaining a degree.

The subject was hired into a financial office where he worked for several years manipulating numbers and spreadsheets, even covering up some money laundering for his superiors, note: masterfully done, took our finance dpt several weeks to extract the modified numbers. However he quickly grew tired of this job and moved to wall-street handling investors and clients, making each sale appear not only as the clients idea but also something they NEEDED to have. However he was still on the right side of legality, if a little shady. With his tactics he built a modest wall street business and grew a personal fortune that was sufficent to put him on (LIST NAME EXPUNGED -- CLASSIFIED CLEARANCE REQUIRED). His business was promptly purchased by a larger company.

After the aquisition of his business the subject moved into less legal affairs. utilizing his wealth to invest in anything with a larger profit margin including Brothels, drugs, biker gangs, and occasionally the occult. Eventually his greed was noticed and a demon tried who bartering for his soul, after an hour of bartering Oscar managed to aquire the demon's True Name and a tome of demonic summoning ((artefact verified - no new demons discovered)) at a measly cost of a gang banger's soul and a gold ring. From here Oscar began dealing in souls, forbidden knowledge and occult artefacts. This culminated when the subject sold his own mother for a demon on retainer, and got a bodyguard as part of the deal. However the most potent artefact he owns was aquired when he condemned half of his former office to hell for a cursed quill ((artefact verified - functional, Demonic influence detected)). The aquisition of the quill prompted contact by Agent (NAME CLASSIFIED) and he was instructed to meet interviewers for possible induction into the Illuminati. Preliminary history examination: Probablility of induction 56%. Further testing required.

Skillset:
Bartering, Deals that "you can't refuse", Profit is all that matters, Contracts (you really should have read the fine print)

Equipment and Spells:
Quill of Compulsion - Cursed quill that magically binds anyone who signs their name to the terms of the contract, even the fine print nobody actually read very litteral, loopholes can be exploited. (It doesnt need ink, appears to write in blood)
9mm handgun - never fired
Tome of Many Names - book of summoning
Bob - Demon on retainer, mid level crossroads demon and Oscar's personal contact to Hell's assets

Bob

[Hellis]

My Hider

Name: Jerimiah Tornb

Asset Number: 122-6106-6122 b (a is dead)

Department: Damage Control

Age: 34

Appearance: Jeremiah is not traditionally handsome. Nor does he have the whole rugged outdoorsman look going for him. Jeremiah's greasy, pulled back hair is a thinning mess, his teeth have seen better day and his lips are constantly chapped. He looks very much like the typical stereotype for redneck and white trash you expect from his neck of the woods.

Personality:

Subject Id, Jerimah Tomb. Initial assessment.

Crude, brutish, unrefined. Jeremiah Tomb is the product of one of the worst, most destitute and criminal trailer park areas in the states. He is prone to unreasonable bouts of anger and violence. Many of his more regrettable traits are the result of spending somewhere around 10 years cooking meth in the Appalachians and doing shrooms with the local sasquatch population. To his credit lies a hardiness and willingness to get down in the muc and haul ass if he need to. There isn’t a sensible bone in his body and I think the word finesse is lost on his vocabulary . But he make a decent footsoldier.

Brief History.

Red Ridge Campin is one of the poorest, most godforsaken places in the US.
So naturally, it spawned Jerimiah Tomb. Red Ridge Camping was founded in the 1910’s as one of the first dedicated camping spots for tourist purposes. Back then, the many would be outdoorsmen and rugged survivalists had to take a train, then a several days long hike to make it to the spot. These days, it just takes you 12 hours of hookey backroads up the appalachian mountains.

What began as small gathering of tents, grew to a small town of rigged canvas and professorial lodges. As more people fled the constantly growing civilized world, the place grew in size and importance. And it began to attract more then just outdoorsmen and survivalists, it attracted those that wished to escape attention and detection from the long arm of the law. Its remote location and the lack of nearby police presence has left what began as a outdoor american dream to become a den of illicit activity. As years passed, technology changed the world more are more. World War 1 came and went, leaving with it a very strange time. Roads were paved, and cars began to show up more and more. Then someone claimed to have found oil near Red Ridge, and for a while, the population swelled with oilers and their ilk. More permanent residents were built.

Then world war two happened, and with entire generations of men nad boys going to war, the town began to falter. During the next 70 years, Red Ridge became yet another remote, meth riddled trailer park, lost to annuals of history. By 1995, only 20 people lived there, The Tomb Family, a small contigent of Illuminati affiliated assets who used the on remaining lodge as their hunting lodge and a old bishop and his seven children.

But Red Ridge has another side to it as well. Even back when it was mainly attracting actual campers and survivalists. IT also attracted hunters, hunters of very unique and terrifying kind. Illuminati permanently set up a Hunters Lodge in order to keep the local sasquatch population under control. The Illuminati Hunters would later evolve into Damage Control. Various cults, ancestral spirits and murderous undead also harbor the appalachian mountains, making their presence a mainstain. Imagine their surprise when a Jerimiah Tomb, 26 years old, stumbles into the scene.

Born Jerimiah Isaac Mathews Tomb, Tomb was just a scrawny kid with a angry dad and a bitter mom. Having spent most his time with his dear old ma’, his father would take him out to a place at the outskirts to teach him to hunt. Tomb was terrible hunter, and never really got the hang of shooting a rifle anywhere near decent.

Jerimiah went to school, slugging his way through everything with barely passing grades in all but Chemistry, which he was somewhat good in. Then he got older, and began to smoke weed and take shrooms as he grew more and more distant towards his dear ol’ Pa.

At the age of 21, his father died from doing badly cut meth.

At 25, his mother died from doing slightly better meth. Leaving the trailer trash prince a kingdom of a broken down buic, three trailers full of trash, the large barbeque grill they built when he was a kid and not much else. Well, aside from about 300 large in poorly cut meth that his father had apparently stolen from bikers.Being a chemist by hobby, the young man began to purify what he could and lived of slinging the drugs to passerbys and old regulars of his dad and mom.

It was fate that had him investigate a noise in the night. The hunters lodges door stood ajar, and he could have sworn he had heard noises from it. That door had never been open more than a few seconds before, so naturally, he went to check it out.

In the middle of the lodge crouched a wendigo. And by his feet lay strange, curved broze saber. And it spoke to him. “Pick me up you worthless bint” And so he did. And then they spent five minutes trying to kill a wendigo with said sword before Iluminati showed up to clean up the mess. Recognizing that he was indeed of Summerian blood (Albeit barely) and that the blade had bonded with him, he was given a choice. Death or becoming a asset. He was assigned as Damage Control and told to aid the hunters, and so he did. When he wasn’t busy getting high that is.

Skillset: “Chosen One”´. It is a stupid thing, fate. IT ties to people like a puppy running around its owner's legs with the leash. So is it that Jerimiah Tombs entire usefulness relies on the bullshit that is a magical weapon. His combat talents are abysmal outside that old sword of his. However, due to the 000.5 percent of Sumerian Blood he has, he can tap into literally thousands of years of combat experience, heroic deed and arcane might. Granted, he can tap into 0.005 percent of it, but the sheer amount of it makes that percent a decent chunk.

Equipment and Spells:

Mageshgetil, Blade of Kings, Culler of Cowards, Champion of Truths, The Martial Principle
Aka “Maggy”

--

The holy blade of Sumerian kings, possibly owned by Gilgamesh himself at one point. In the hands of the kings descendants, it is supposed to be one of the true weapons. Ultimate in its power and dreadfulness. In the hands of Jerimiah, it is as reliable as a bent and rusted shotgun that never been cleaned. It is not the weapons fault. And Mageshgetil tries his damnest.

--
Arcanist Cookbook---
Essentially the Anarchist Cookbook for the magically inclined. It contains spells and instructions from a dozen different practices, cultures and magic schools. Tomb merely use it for its potent, alchemical drug recipies and to draw protective wards. He lack magical talent to do anything else with it.

[Noxious]

Talulah

_{T A L U L A H B L U M E}

^{H U M A N R E S O U R C E S ⇷⇸ # 2 7 1 - 6 8 6 - 4 2 1}

<sub>In a society obsessed with original aesthetic
we replicate symbols buried with ideas and dig
up clumps of the old gods and mix them with
E D M in a garbage can and chase them down
with home brewed whiskey and fair trade
lattes in our cramped apartments in renovated
ghettos built over d e a d civilizations that had
more originality than all of our blogs combined.
And surprisingly, it is this that creates our new
age witches. Power cramped into skinny jeans
wrapped in bullshit capitalism that pretends it
isn’t while it rallies against the man with spells
typed out on the n e w e s t macbook.

Then one day you wake up and you are the man.
-Talulah Blume "Blog of a Blood Witch"</sub>

^{"Either spend l e s s than $10 or m o r e than $75,
for in between is where the consumer soul goes to die"}

A g e & A p p e a r a n c e

On the verge of 28 and she doesn't like talking about it. She was raised on the pulse of fashion in NY and her wardrobe can attest to this, as well as her (usually empty) wallet. She prefers classic romantic styles and boho fashion. Skinny jeans, pencil skirts, flowing crop tops, button up blouses or ratty band shirts with obscure bands no one has heard of. She has a slim figure thanks to a mostly raw and organic diet and appears rather healthy, if not a little blood drained from time to time. She favors heels to add to her 5'6" height but owns plenty of sandals and custom keds. Her hair is bleached blonde with just enough dark roots to be fashionable and she often wears it down, sometimes with a braided pintrest style. Other times she puts it up in a well calculated "messy" bun. Her eyes are a pale blue and always wrapped in make-up. Seeing the future means she's never caught without it. She has a myriad of tattoos and piercings and the collection continues to grow.

^{"Man, we don't do a company wide blood drive...."
"Well then why the fuck did she ask fo- ooh, fuck"}

P e r s o n a l i t y

Smoker, drinker, elitist. She initially comes off as caring, sensitive and self conscious, but like many things under the Illuminati’s wing, appearances can be quite deceiving. She would have turned on her best friend for an invitation to an underground party before her current employment, and now, well now just hope you don’t stand in the way of something she wants. She doesn’t play fair, and she doesn’t have to, not with Hekate’s blessing. While she does care what people think, she has no problem attempting to invalidate their opinions if they upset her. Surprisingly, she is still very good at making friends and has plenty, though it is doubtful any one person knows all her true feelings and thoughts. She likes, and promotes, the idea that she is just a spoiled one dimensional hipster, but it is likely all of this is part of a wall she’s built up so as not to expose her true self. For someone who appears well put together she is an extremely disorganized person and still extremely messy with sacrifices.

^{"It was that little dicked asshole Elliot in R&D that started that rumor.
No one in my family was f u c k i n g some underworld nymph."}

B r i e f H i s t o r y

She was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY with her exceedingly dull mother and father. An only child, they spoiled the girl and so she has always felt that she was special. But really, she was just your average hipster in art school until she stumbled across this random book on one of her many thrift store visits. At first she thought it was a journal until she decided to get the totally unique symbol on the spine of the book tattooed on her own spine. Then the book started showing her all sorts of things. She began using her own blood to paint and found a way to use her prophetic works of art to pay back some of her student loans. When one of the paintings including some of the sacrificial symbols went for sale in an underground coffee shop the Illuminati started to give Talulah a bit of notice. After glancing over her blog it was decided to bring the girl in.

They attempted to confiscate the book, but no one could read it. They attempted to remove the tattoo, but it remained. What could they do? They offered the girl a job as an asset and made her take down anything to incriminating from her blog. [Her supervisor still regularly asks her to remove images, especially things like the well plated heart on the crossroads- Jesus Talulah, that shit will get you arrested.] They’ve offered her some help in honing her skills, as deemed useful to the higher ups. She dropped out of school and now pretty much just works for the company, smokes weed and lounges around fair trade coffee shops and bars that sell locally brewed beer.

After working for the company for six years she seems rather comfortable with her slip towards power, even if it is minimal in comparison to some of her coworkers. She adapted surprisingly well to back handed politics (likely adopting the same skills she used as a mean girl in high school), occasional blood sacrifices (though she still refuses to kill dogs or cats and prefers transients), and abusing her innocent and harmless looks to get what she wants (again, mean girl, high school).

^{"Puh-lease, I donated to Haiti before the disaster."}

S k i l l s e t

Blood Seer, Blood Witch, Bond with Hekate

^{"I don't *own* him, that's cruel, we just have an understanding."}

E q u i p m e n t & S p e l l s

⇸ PRINCE OSWALD OF TARTARUS

^{She didn't find Oz, he found her shortly after the tattoo incident and has been following her around ever since. They appear to have conversations, but maybe she’s just one of those weirdos that thinks dogs are people- it's hard to tell as he seems very much like a plain (and slightly mangy) mutt to anyone else who meets him.}

⇸ AÍMA ÓRKOS TOU HEKATÊ

^{The blood oaths of Hekate is a book of spells and ceremonies that cater to gaining favor with Hekate and other underworld beings of Greek origin. The pages tend to disappear when not properly fed and it can be rather fickle (as most magical objects tend to be).}

⇸ SEE THE PAST IN KALE

^{Can see the details of someone's past within ground up kale chips}

⇸ DRINK THE PRESENT

^{Can see through someone's eyes if she mixes their blood with home brewed liquor and gets a good buzz}

⇸ PAINT THE FUTURE

^{Painting with someone's blood allows a glimpse their future, the paintings rarely turn out very good}

⇸ DIGITIZE TRACKING

^{A bit of someone's blood in the USB port of her Iphone adds a tracker to her Imaps}

⇸ EATING ORGANIC EMOTION

^{Ingestion of body matter dipped in organic olive oil allows her access to their emotions}

[JamesMuddy]

Fredrick Edrick

Name: Fredrick Edrick

Asset Number: 906

Age: 30

Department: Research and Denial

Appearance:

A tall, slim man, with little to no muscles. Not to an anorexic point, but Fredrick very clearly either starved himself as a teen, or has a very high metabolism. He is usually seen wearing suits or high business causal wear, that is very minimalistic and simple. All of Fredrick's wear is symmetrical, and he only really wears one colour all the way through, with the exception of his tie, which his wife demanded was a different colour to "Spruce things up a bit.".

Personality:

<Begin Asset Study>
Asset Study No. 906 - Fredrick Edrick
Mr. Edrick is an interesting case of someone who has the potential to do something great, but has one fatal flaw holding him back. His Obsessive Compulsive Disorder has lead to many time-wasting and irritating moments, not for him, as he thinks they are necessary, but for his peers; because they have to live through the wasted minutes. It is true that a group is only as fast as it's slowest member, and unfortunately for whatever group Fredrick is part of, this rule must hold true for them as well. In fact, it would do members of Fredrick's social life to slow down, and leaving him behind would be a stupid decision on their part. While slow to work, Fredrick is gifted with quite the intelligent mind.

He has been able to solve quite complicated mathematical procedures in amounts of time so small that Einstein would be amazed. His proficiency with logic and reason are remarkable, to the point where he has ascended the standard where devoted scientists his age would be at.

Unfortunately, at times, Fredrick tends to be a tad childish and resistant for seemingly no reason. His name tends to be a touchy subject, and when told about any sort of artistic or philosophical mind-bending theories, he gets nauseous. This, coupled with his OCD, lead to many finding it hard to get along with Fredrick, and ultimately means not having much of a social life.
<End Asset Study>

Brief History:

Born in Helsinki, Eastern Sweden, to a mother and father who were poets and authors by profession, Fredrick Edrick has rather humble beginnings. He was given that rather stupid "unique" name by his poet parents, who insisted that it rhymed. His uncles, aunts and grandparents fought against it, pointing out how Fredrick would be bullied in school and such, but they didn't listen.

And boy, did he get bullied at school.

Not only because of the name, but since he was getting bullied because of the name, Fredrick's social life went down the drain and he took solace in his studies, and so he got bullied for being a nerd too. High school was not a fun place to be when your name was Fredrick Edrick. However, Fredrick did manage to get through this horrible time by excelling in mathematical studies, and dropping Art and Music as soon as he had the chance. Fredrick won many awards in the subject, proving his worthiness his more respectful peers, and proving his geekiness to his less respectful peers.

High school was also when Fredrick developed his OCD, but the seed for the disorder to sprout was planted when he was much younger, after looking at one of his mother's shoddy replicas of Picasso's 'The Weeping Woman' and asking "Why doesn't the face line up properly?" His mother's reply was that "Art is just like that.". Fredrick didn't like that comment one bit. Why did art get to be like that, but his name couldn't? Art could be outlandish and non-repetitive, but his name had to be rhyming and easy to make fun of.

And even though one could say that Fredrick must like his name because it caused his repetitive and symmetrical nature, Fredrick would disagree, and say that the reason for the OCD is instead because he hated that comment his mother made about 'The Weeping Woman' and that he resents everything about it.

So yeah, instead of becoming liked, Fredrick became smart. But his ability to solve any mathematical problem in seconds didn't just rise from years of study. In fact, almost none of it did. For, you see, the ground upon Fredrick was born was once a site for ancient rituals, and the remnants of magic left over from those rituals easily penetrated the mind of a newborn, defenseless baby. Fredrick's father and heavily pregnant mother were out on a romantic trip one day when - GASP - His mother's water broke in the middle of nowhere. Rushing out of the car and onto the side of the road, where there was a small, pure water lake, Fredrick's mother proceeded to give a natural water birth to the boy.

Skillset:

Smart: Like, real smart. But only when using logic and reason, unfortunately. Mathematics and science are his jam, but interpreting the meaning of art and debating whether an invisible man in the sky is real or not are his anti-jam. His peanut butter? His molasses? Being able to solve the parabola of a line in the matter of seconds, or simplifying the square root of 12762374 just like *snap* that are definitely some of his best skills.

Subconscious Magical Abilities: Due to his mind being infiltrated by magical energy as a newborn, but not actually knowing anything about magic, Fredrick does not actually know that the small amount of magic he does perform is in fact magical.

Equipment and Spells:
Force Pull: Much like in the movie Star Wars, Fredrick is able to pull things towards himself using something akin to the force. He can only pull small objects, such as books, ladles, or other similar sized objects. He can pull them towards him from up to five meters away.

[Utrax]

Sophia DeLaVega

Name: Sophia DeLaVega
Department: Personal Relations
Asset Number: 89889
Age: 32

Appearance:

Sophia stands at an average height with an average weight and possesses a soft musculature. Her skin is a beautiful bronze shade and she has a notable tattoo of a cat silhouette on her right shoulder. Sophia's brown eyes are often illuminated by a pleasant smile. Brown coiled hair cascades down to her shoulders and it feels just as soft as it looks. She takes very good care of herself and often wears makeup and light floral perfumes. Her ears are pierced and she often adorns her ears and body with whatever jewelry fits the mood.

Personality:
[Excerpt from report on Asset 89889]
"...and my, is she simply pleasant on the outside, despite her past circumstances! To say that she is well adjusted, considering matters, would be an outright lie-- that woman is a snake and she is adept at hiding it. It comes as no wonder that she was able to manipulate even someone like me, albeit temporarily, into focusing entirely on my life and my values rather than her own. From what I was able to obtain however, given the limited nature of the focus on her, is that she has a certain affinity for cats and that she could likely charm and talk her way out of imprisonment by a mind-corrupting eldritch horror and earn it's affection. The only difficult part, it seems, is getting her to cooperate. This Asset seems to focus solely on things beneficial to herself, rather than anyone or anything else. Indeed, were she to look past her own nose..."


Brief History:
Sophia DeLaVega was born to two very famous and wealthy Brazilian Telenovela stars. She grew up privileged and free of the otherwise poverty stricken backstory most Brazilian children can make claim to. At a young age she was sent to an "Academy for the Queens" that turned out to be less of an etiquette and socialite school and more of a secret training organization for an all female new world order faction named the "Black Lioness." An extensive amount of hypnosis, combat training, and indoctrination was conducted on the children attending the Academy, dictating a rather detailed plan for how to spread the "Black Lioness" influence, bolster their ranks and standing, and a long-term plan for overthrowing governments, one nation at a time.

Eventually, the organization and the school ended up deconstructed, the Black Lioness eradicated, and the children sent to the school returned to their families with no knowledge of the Academy's hidden agenda, all thanks to possible Illuminati intervention. However, one does not simply get trained by a secret New World Order faction and walk away unchanged, especially when they spent a decade within it.

Years later, Sophia entered the modeling business, earned a small amount of money for herself, and relocated to America. Rather unbeknownst to her, these decisions were all the results of hypnosis performed at the Academy... and well, natural talent of course.

Skillset:
- Dazzling Charisma: Sophia's main skill is her honeyed words and quicksilver promises. She can make a lie look like an indisputable truth, charm even the iciest of hearts, and hide her emotions and reactions beneath whatever false face she needs to. Sophia is a skilled and charismatic communicator, to say the least, and her pleasant singing voice is another notable benefit. She can adapt her ways as she gets to know others in order to fit the most "idealized" interactions with them.

- Rusty Close-Combat: She learned a few knife fighting and grappling techniques in the Academy but hasn't used them with regularity. She can throw a punch correctly but it probably won't hurt. Sophia can defend herself enough to escape or find someone bigger and meaner to defend her. She's not an easy target but she's definitely a target.

- Web of Lies: Sophia is adept at lying and keeping a straight face through it. Truth and lie look so much so the same from her that even her thoughts could be potentially confusing to read.

- Decent Willpower: A result of the Academy's conditioning, Sophia can be mildly resistant to will manipulation and hypnosis but, it's not impossible by any means-- it'll simply take a bit of extra effort.

Equipment and Spells:
- Cellphone: Sophia is rather unsurprisingly well connected with her fans, "friends", and several acquaintances and agencies through which she can call upon when needed. The Cellphone also features a few magical apps that she doesn't hesitate to use...
> Pest Control - White Noise 100% Guaranteed Control < An application that was created for deterring mice that accidentally tapped into a mathematical sound-wave formula for deterring certain types of demons, werewolves, and is capable of giving a vampire a rather annoying headache.
> Flashlight by Nokia < An Application that uses the flash on a cellphone's camera to project steady light. A certain feature of the coding causes the light to emit a low-resonance holy attuned luminesce. Good for making unholy creatures itch a little or perhaps slow them a bit and the light is a little brighter than your usual camera flash.
> YokoFree Instant Free Messenger App A++ Get it Free No Money Required Free < Accidentally downloaded while playing Candy Crush via Pop Up advertisement. Messages sent through the application are able to completely disable the recipient's phone for about ten minutes. It's unknown if this is magic or simply shitty coding-- Sophia uses it for a laugh every now and then.
> WayMaps - Accurate Maps - Find It < Another accidentally downloaded application from a crappy advertisement. The maps in this application tend to have locations that can't be found by any other map application-- occult stores, cursed statues, buildings that don't exist, and invisible telephone poles to name a few. Half of the objects Sophia dismisses as simple nonsense, but there was an incident with a half-real half-what-was-that tree that made her think otherwise. She doesn't like using it but keeps it on her phone just in case.

[ClocktowerEchos]

Old Man Henderson

---

---

Name:
Old Man Henderson

Department:
Damage Control (Formerly Human Resources)

Asset Number:
TK-324 H3N.D3r50n

Age:
70s? (Never actually disclosed but he's still as active and fit as someone half his age)

Personality and "Back Story":
Old Man Henderson. The man, the myth, the legend. Or something like that. Without beating around the bush, Old Man Henderson is only a "little" bit crazy, entirely dependent on where and how you judge "a little". His first name was long forgotten, has dyslexia with a mild case of Schizophrenia, enjoying getting high on things that are physically impossible to get high on (not that "reality" ever prevents him form getting high on literally anything), speaks in a nigh on impossible to understand Scottish accent with no idea of "indoor voice", and blames all of his life's misfortunes on the Vietnam War and Ronald Nixon McDonalds. He never actually went to 'Nam and doesn't know that Ronald Nixon McDonalds ins't a real person but three people (one fictional) that he made up one day while getting high on Big Mac sauce

No one actually knows how the fuck Old Man Henderson got into the Illuminati although water cooler rumors say that it had something to do with an Eldritch being who he though stole his lawn gnomes, a yacht, more barrels of Whoop-Ass than is both ethically allowed and humanly possible to contain, a stripper-nun-ninja-cyborg-pirate-cowgirl-whale-riding-viking from Kazakstan, his stuffed parrot named Rupert who still sits on his shoulder, a reincarnated gorilla-jesus and a good old fashion 30-.06 Springfield bolt action thats unfortunately no longer with him. If his backstory sounds random and incomprehensible, its probably because whenever he tells it to someone, its always something different. As of right now there are no less than 28.5 "official" story-rumors circulating on how Old Man Henderson got in (the .5 is because he started but left half way to go chase after a flying fish he sword was wearing a top hat that was actually a hallucination and never finished the story).

He used to be in Human Resources but due to events that no one involved is willing to talk about (not even Old Man Henderson) and got moved to Damage Control. Rumor says that it involved Rupert the stuffed parrot having an affair with the stripper-nun-ninja-cyborg-pirate-cowgirl-whale-riding-viking from Kazakstan. Also, never fuck with his (currently MIA) Lawn Gnomes. He's currently on the hunt for them in a righteous crusade, completely forgetting that he sold them to a pawn shop, got high on a brick and promptly forgetting about it.

Skills:
- Proficent in Kung-Shotgun-Fu
- Memorized the Book of Mormon
- Memorized the Book of Morons
- Memorized the Book of Mormonts
- Memorized the Book of Moors
- Memorized the Book of Morse Code
- Memorized the Book of Morality
- Memorized the Book of Morgan Freeman
- Memorized the Book of Mortarian
- Memorized the Book of Mortal Kombat
- Memorized the Book of Mortgages
- Memorized the Book of Morphine
- Memorized the Book of Mort
- Memorized the Book of Morocco
- Memorized the Book of Maracas
- Memorized the Book of Mana
- Memorized the Book of Morgues
- Memorized the Book of Morphing
- Memorized the Book of More
- Memorized the Book of Mortis
- Memorized the Book of Martyrs
- Memorized the Book of More Magics
- Memorized the Book of Manatees
- Memorized the Book of Mortars
- Memorized the Book of Moratoria
- Memorized the Book of Morphology
- Memorized the Book of Moralizing
- Memorized the actual Book of Mormon
- Casually knows simple sciences like basic chemistry, anatomy and Quantum Physics to name some.
- Speaks Brazilian Portuguese perfectly (but not European Portuguese, he can't speak that at all)
- Conversant/Knowledgeable in several different languages including French, Punjabi, Swahilli, C++, High Gothic, Galatic Basic, Elven and Tree (only oak though).
- Knows the Anarchist's Cookbook by heart
- Has all of the of luck of Las Vegas
- Makes a mean spaghetti and eggs using neither of those ingredients

Equipment and Spells:

Automatic Shotgun with Under Barrel Shotgun that has an Under Barrel Shotgun of its own, Tactical Side-Mounted Shotgun, stock mounted pump action shotgun and long range bolt action shotgun mounted on the other side - The go to weapon for Old Man Henderson and has managed to slay everything from mobsters to voodoo vampires. Has more shotguns jury rigged to it than is both physically possible and morally ethical. Old Man Henderson has been pressured by the Finance Department to reduce the amount of shotguns to save on the cost of shotgun shells but Old Man Henderson has refuted it multiple times stating in his professional opinion: "Nawht 'nuff dakka".

Magic 8-Ball - A Magic 8-Ball. No literally, its just that. Just a normal one with no magic. Old Man Henderson uses this to resolve arguments between him and other people, especially with Rupert the Stuffed Parrot. Also sometimes used to knock people out from a distance, the things are surprisingly effective against skulls when thrown.

Stalinium RPG-7 Warhead - The business end of an RPG-7 without a launcher to fire it from. Old Man Henderson uses it as a close quarters combat weapon. Although its been reported to have exploded multiple times while beign used, Old Man Henderson has never been seen hurt by the "explosion" and the warhead remains unexploded cause some to speculate if its magical or if its just Russian and made of Stalinium.

Baby's First Liber Necronomicon Coloring Book! - Stolen from some cultists who ran an orphanage in southern Romania, Eldritch powers are still being research intensively by Old Man Henderson (read: trying to use the pages to roll a blunt).

The Bong of Destiny - Old Man Henderson's favorite bong that allows him to smoke anything; originally thought it was the Spear of Destiny until he found out he couldn't stab a ghoul with it.

Necromancer's Chinese Takeout Box of Pyromancy - The little box things you get takeout in, taken after a bust of a Necromancer's lair. Has trace amounts of flame-based arcane power but the source is unknown if it was from the Necromancer or the really well cooked Mapo Tofu it once carried.

[aviendha]

Sam

Name: Samara Rigby née Moreau, PhD, 'Sam'

Department: Research and Denial

Asset Number: # 485 - 21 - 8290

Age: 67

Appearance: Small in frame and stature, her appearance resembles that of a teenage girl. Her hair, shaggy and shoulder length, is bright white, though. Her eyes are wise, and grey, and sunken in shadow. Her age is difficult to discern from a first glance, given the inconsistencies. She is a walking anachronism. Her style incorporates the chic of the early fifties with the more drastic modern styles, in an odd yet compelling manner. Somehow, her teeth are as white as her hair, shockingly so. She wears no makeup, yet maintains a perfect complexion, though she never smiles. Her nose and ears and mouth are too small, and her jawline is too angular, though her eyebrows are precisely manicured. She is not beautiful, simply strange.

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Personality: Sam is exactly like any other woman over the age of sixty who has elected not to have any children. Oddly happy, and more than willing to live the life of a younger girl. This is further exacerbated by her magically youthful appearance and ambiguous age. She does not seem to recognize her own mortality, laughing off questions concerning time and such with an uncomfortable smile. Passive aggressive, she is unlikely to bring up any issues in the office, but she will be the first to act on her desires or disgusts. She enjoys eliciting confusion from others, juggling multiple personas; she can be as sweet as a grandmother, or as cruel as a vicious teenager, as innocent as a child, or as devious as a seductress. It is difficult to discern her actual personality, except in the company of her husband. With him, she is honest.

Brief History: Sam was born Samara Moreau in some small village in southern France. Through fickle childhood troubles, she found herself a victim of leukemia. Her mother searched for a cure, uprooting the family and moving them to America, before their last resort- she consulted an arcane sorcerer in Chicago to save the little girl, and the family found themselves in immense debt. However, the sorcerer took it one step too far, and attempted to enslave the Frenchwoman. The company put a cease to his illegitimate activities, by putting an axe into his chest. Sadly, this occurred in front of the young and impressionable Samara, who immediately became obsessed with death.

Sam attended a university in Germany, studying classical literature. She earned her degrees, up to a PhD in Language and Literature, while studying dozens of cultures through their literature and collective mythology. She still held an obvious fascination with death, and pursued a better understanding of it. However, given her childhood experience, she was frightened, so she decided to look for scientific means to reverse death. Within a few years, she stumbled upon a colleague who referred her to a Necromancer, where she began her darker studies.

Her pursuits were immediately halted by the company, and she was considered for elimination. Someone in the company apparently saw her potential, and recruited her, rather than killing her. Shoved into the Research department, the girl was given a probationary year to prove her worth, before she could be considered for a position as an asset. She was inspired to save lives, to find the secrets of life itself, given her own second chance. That first year passed, and she found herself on a search for the answer to eternal life, and oddly successful in her efforts, refuting false claims and pocketing potentially true ones, and determining their value to the company. Those academic pursuits have since become more personal in nature. She began to go by the name 'Sam'.

When she was in her forties, and her first gray hairs began to appear, Sam met a new recruit to the Damage Control department, Sean Rigby- a behemoth of a man, the opposite of her ideals. He faced death every day, with a beard as lush as any forest she had seen, and he seemed to have an aversion to wearing shirts. After a year of really strange dates, Sam proposed, and Sean accepted. The two were married in a courthouse, a quiet affair. They own a little cottage together, where they try to spend their time, but both are constantly working, and hardly ever see one another. At some point, Sam discovered a genie in a lamp- she made two wishes, but refuses to disclose what they were, or if they came true.

She has not been made an agent for obvious reasons; the volatile nature of her work, and the volatile nature of her psyche. She is not ambitious, perfectly content in her current position.

Skillset: Sam is, as far as anyone knows, immortal, and eternally young. Her research delves into the possibilities of everlasting life, and she investigates every newfangled idea that pops up, no matter how obscure or strange. Those which seem to pass her ruthless testing are then experimented upon further, while those which fail are passed on to others within the department, to discern any odd qualities of the items. In addition, she has her own theories, and tests them out on company time. Most of her research is into the classical methods of immortality and youth, though her independent works tend to focus more on the technological capabilities that might mimic historically successful methods of eternal life.

To be clear, she is not invincible, nor does she work in invincibility; her work is primarily in discovering methods of indefinitely prolonging a human life. Clearly, she has not discovered anything that is perfectly effective, as she herself has aged in certain respects, mostly internally, but it is most evident in her hair. Much of her solutions have appeared to be entirely superficial.

Equipment and Spells:

• The Fountain of Eternal Youth - A small spring which was teleported into her office space, which might potentially be the answer to age.
• The Painting of the Artist as a Young Woman - A painting which takes on the visage of its owner, aging as its owner is supposedly stuck in a stasis.
• The Philosopher's Stone - A stone which seems the most viable option for immortality, currently in her possession for 'testing' purposes.
• The Staff of Giving - A misnomer. In reality, it seeps the life out of its targets. A sentient object, it is kind of a jerk, who tries to drive its owner insane through a variety of amusing methods. Its voice can only be heard by the holder.
• The Djinn of the Lamp - Two wishes have been used, and Sam has one left. The Djinn is fond of her, though, and does general chores to help her out, as a janitor of sorts. It is mute, and chill.
  
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• Sean Rigby - Her husband, a tall and buff and brutal warrior who is entirely tender towards his tiny wife. He will protect Sam with his life. However, he is rarely ever around.
  
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