GAME: Crush A Wish

[AlteredTundra]

Granted, but now we all speak in such big words, we are impossible to comprehend.

I wish stupid was cured.

[Shorticus]

Granted. Now there is no human race.

I wish I had a nice, delicious taco dinner.

[Duthguy]

Granted you get a single taco made to perfection and shrunken down to the size of a grain of rice, and you have to pay 50 bucks for it.

I wish to be a power ranger

[Shorticus]

Granted, but the new version of the Power Rangers you're in is super lame. Your power theme is "Suitcase Penguins," your powers involve being rich and blubbery, your character has a hairdo like Donald Trump, and your villains are all obviously made with cardboard boxes and have no personality whatsoever. Finally, your theme song is an awful mixture of white guys rapping, mariachi music, and a baby metal chorus. The worst part is you say "Penguins! Polymorph!" and "Penguin powers activate!" more than anything else.

I wish I could go on a peaceful road trip through the stars and return home to earth to live happily ever after.

[Mardox]

Granted but due to the distance between stars, it takes ages to go through them (during which you do not age in order to fulfill the wish) and when you get home, Earth is completely different and everyone you know has died long long ago. Different cultures have risen, different morals and values have surfaced, humans have changed through evolution and you are seen as a cryptid.

I wish for increased endurance.

[Shorticus]

Granted. You are now a horse. You are literally a horse.

I wish... I wish for absolutely nothing! I want nothing at all! GIVE ME NOTHING!

[Mardox]

Granted, the void consumes all.

I wish for shapeshifting powers.

[ClocktowerEchos]

Granted but during shapeshifting you are stuck and end up as a strange mesh of a horse, a human and a particularly angry crab with a toupee.

I wish I could rewrite human history/lead humans as a sort of eternal god from the beginning of their existence.

[Duthguy]

Granted you're sent back to the time of very first human and become an immortal but not ageless god, by the time 2016 comes around again you're so old that every cell of your body is in constant pain, you have a heart attack every two minutes,and you're senile to the point where a newborn baby seems more intelligent and coherent than you.

I wish that the person granting this wish explodes without harming me, my friends and my family or my stuff.

[Shorticus]

Granted. I explode. It doesn't harm you, your family, or your stuff. However, I'm a genie, so I can come back whenever I want, and the explosion hurts basically the whole world that isn't what you specified. Now you're stuck with only what you presently have, dwindling resources, and you're stuck on a small, broken shard of a planet that holds you, your family, and your stuff. Hey, you didn't get hurt by the explosion!

I wish I didn't explode...

[ClocktowerEchos]

Granted. You imploded :3

I wish I was the real slim shady.

[Shorticus]

Granted. The downside is you possess the Real Slim Shady's... talent, his mannerisms, his personality, his everything. You are him. That's, uh... Yeah. Uh. You asked for this. Why did you wish for this?

I wish I were a polygot.

[Nerevarine]

Granted. The downside is you possess the Real Slim Shady's... talent, his mannerisms, his personality, his everything. You are him. That's, uh... Yeah. Uh. You asked for this. Why did you wish for this?

I wish I were a polygot.

@Shorticus

Granted, all your extra languages are extremely obscure and functionally usless for converstation

I wish I had a new computer

[Mardox]

Granted but it's shoddily made and you have to continually update which takes most of the time.

I wish for teleportation powers.

[Shorticus]

Granted, but they never take you where you want to go.

I wish I were in with the in crowd.

[Ryuzaki]

Granted, you're being trampled on Black Friday.

I wish I could manipulate people (and Genies) to do whatever I wanted.

[Mardox]

Granted but you said nothing about eldritch abominations. Bye!

I wish I could see the future.

[Duthguy]

Granted you see everything that happens to you a splitsecond before it happens making it impossible for you to react to your visions.

I wish Shorticus exploding didn't doom me to a slow death

[Mardox]

Granted. I (a different genie) slay you swiftly.

I wish to spread joy and happiness.

[ClocktowerEchos]

Granted but your definition of "joy and happiness" is akin to "slaughter everything and spill as much blood as inhumanly possible".

I wish for this game to continue.