Achronum

Avatar: The White Jade Gambit

@webboysurf First thing's first, this "He leans more on the lean side," physically hurts me! However, his quirkiness is fun and even the darker part of his backstory keeps the lighter energy of the show. It's a well done sheet and I don't have any questions - though it gives me plenty of ideas 😊

@Eviledd1984 Firstly, characters must be between 18 - 24, which you are well outside the range of. Secondly, your backstory is difficult to reconcile with the reality of the setting. Big things like direct monarchy bloodlines should always be discussed with a GM first to ensure that it fits within your setting, the prowess of this character is scaled well higher than it should be, and the weight of this backstory does not match the theme and atmosphere of the rp. I highly recommend that you remove the connection to royalty from the friend, adjust your backstory so it isn't as heavy and aggressive, and tone down the potential power levels of te character.

@Scribe of Thoth Out of curiosity, how much interaction does Tao have with the populace of Ba Sing Se? He basically lived as a normal kid through his upbringing there or was a he mostly aloof? I'm not certain how much connection to some of the existing NPCs he may have without understanding this better!

@JewelSerket My biggest question is the going from the fire nation to the Earth Kingdom. I know the character disengaged from their current life several days before the temple lights appeared but from temple lights to current, it'll be three days. Talk me through the journey between the two places, as three days through heavily contested waters seems difficult.

@Aku the Samurai Okay so I see what we did here, but I got a few questions. Firstly, what is your character joining the Rebellion for. Is it just boredom? If this is the case, take some time to think about it a bit deeper with this character. Secondly, while connecting with major NPCs is a great thing, it needs to be discussed with a GM before starting this. Please change that portion of it from your CS and clarify them motivate please!

@XandryaDM me about how you are thinking about incorporating this drawing atuff that makes you not want to spoil it :)

Avengers Academy 💥

Danny Kingston

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Location: Cafeteria
Skills: N/A
Costume: Double Trouble

“‘e does, and ‘e does it alot. Mads, you need to spoop him back for me! I need a demon in shining armor!” Danni demanded, wiggling his fingers at her in parting as she left to change. He was far too comfortable to be willingly dislodged. “No, no, no. No. No no no no. No. We don't do t'at ‘ere, ya know? You gotta feel t'e feelin's. Like me! I feel all t'e feelin's, all t'e time, and I only set one person on fire th'e first day and now t'ere bein’ gross wit’ Dee so I t'ink frelin’ t'e feels and just riding the wave is t'e right t'in’ ta do since it worked out great!” Danni booped Her on the nose with a laugh.

Leah entering made him give her a once over and wrinkle his nose, taking in the condition she was in. Why did she have a sword? Couldn't she like, punch through walls and stuff? Seemed kinda useless if you asked Danni. He went to open his mouth, something unimaginably witty in the tip if his tongue for sure, when he paused as Beanie came in next. “Oof, it does not look like you ‘ad fun out t'ere. Come on, it’s lovin’ friends time so get in t'e bed.” Danni patted April’s bed as he said it. “Normally, I’d say combine t’e beds, make fort, and t’en cuddles but you look like you need emergency cuddles ta recharge so no waitin’, no hesiatin’, only cuddlin’ cryin’, and talkin’ from t'is point on!” He used his foot to start moving pillows around, making as much space as he could on the bed and t'en settled back in his spot.

“Leah, Beanie, get in t'e cuddle pile, you made us wait so loooong and t'en you can cry, ‘ave a good old fashion mental breakdown, and t'en open up about what sucked so much. You'll feel tons better, I promise!”

Avatar: The White Jade Gambit

@Kronshi The expansion on the bending style melding is wonderful. I really liked it and I hope that the various story elements that you expanded on in your backstory will come into play if your character enters the RP. I think my only oncern is that it's a pretty complex piece of role-playing, this bending style fusing, and I wonder if you have the writing stamina to weave it into the entire rp.

@Xandrya I genuinely believe that you will get bored with this character. While you hit all the check marks for what should be on the sheet, there's no energy, passion, or interest in her. This character revolves around one major facet of her life, and doesn't have anything else to connect her to the world. This k about her outside of her bending and her drama, and insert some of that into her CS to bring her forward and out of the background. Finding a hobby she likes is always a good one!

@Andreyich Man War Criminal to the max! I'm very interested in his mortal slider here. Why is poisoning a settlement and forcing prisoners of war to work for you more acceptable than looting and stealing? What implications do you think this has on his interactions with the rest of the group and dies he/will he acknowledge that he is in fact, a war criminal?

@Thayr I got a lot of questions here. Why is the Dai Li taking your family? Why are they hunting you? How does a character with little training hold of a squad of Earth Kingdom soldiers? And I'm not gunna lie - friendship issues always make me nervous in rps. There is going to be a lot of character on character time; how do you feel like you are going to get around this roadblock yourselves set yourself?

@Asura Hey, this is great. Right from his character sheet, you can feel that he is a mo k and highly spiritual, despite his attitude towards the Air Noamd culture. I don't have any revisions for you and that is in fact, a threat. Please move your m CS over tho the character sheet tab.

Avatar: The White Jade Gambit

@Andreyich I can see where that wasn't direct enough!

Thank you for the seriousness of that response and after some discussion, we think that this character is good but not quite the right vibe for this particular RP. You're right, he does present perfectly as a Jong Jong type character but that role type is filled by NPCs. While we do want characters to help each other grow, we're aiming for people being on a similar maturity level in the beginning.

So while I think k this character is solid in the way it is now, it's not quite the character we are looking for I this rp.

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@Andreyich I guess my concern about the age is the heart of the story -

At the end of the day, ATLA is a coming of age story where characters who have experienced things one way are thrown into situations that force them to look themselves in the mirror and make hard choices, growing as they do into the people they are at the end. It feels like this older character has already gone on this journey and come out, unfortunately, the worst for wear as a result.

Talk to me more about how he'll grow and what your end goal is for his character arc as he embarks on this new chair in his life.

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@Crimson Flame

I'm concerned that you either skipped over the OOC or didn't fully engage with it. Your sheet has no mention of the current war, that officially started last year, or his thoughts on the issue of being cut off from the Northern Water tribe and having resources stretched thin in an unstainable effort to protect an ally that can't do anything in return. I highly recommend you review the OOC for other details like the world leaders, as there isn't a chief Nukka of the Southern Water tribe.

Your personality section is aggressively excessive. Your character is all over the place and while that may well be the energy he has, pull him back and build a better foundation for his personality. I don't see a natural direction for him to grow off the bat and I think cutting down on the over explaining and tightening his sense of self will help give that direction. He is full if little paradoxes that leave him feeling like he isn't finished, like we didn't make choices just said he'll be everything.

Overall, the character needs more focus and you need a better understanding of the world to really connect it to the rp. I'm happy to answer any questions you have after you review the OOC!

Avatar: The White Jade Gambit

@Obscene Symphony You next!

To be honest, I don't really have anything that needs to be changed or added to here. The character flows with the events naturally and the focus on the major event in your backstory offers enough complexity to the character without over-explaining him and his motivations are personal enough to avoid being the standard end the war.

Your character sheet makes me confident that we'll get to learn more about the character in game so please move over Zai over when you have the chance!

Avatar: The White Jade Gambit

@Andreyich And now you!!

On the surface, there isn't anything wrong with his character. Good options to connect to the plot and the story, motivation for joining teh rebellion, and a reason to stay with the team through hard times. I actually like all of that and think it's a good bit of content to work with to engage with you!

Still, reading it felt like we were reading an NPC rather than a player. This feels like someone who would send the team on their way, carrying their hopes and dreams, because their story is over. They're static, someone you use to make a scene more believable as the main cast returns to place frequently and he can welcome them back and listen to their stories, reminiscing on his own adventures as they do. This is a character I would make be a tavern owner, and surprise the party with a higher level character if shit hits the fan while they are resting.

I have three recommendations:

One, give him activities other than charity that he likes with some specific details. Does he like to read and what? Does he like art and what about it does he like? Does he play an instrument and does he still have one or did he lose it somehow?

Two, this man needs a vice other than depression. He seems to be the perfect person with some broken pieces inside, but little beyond that. Does he have a weakness for sweets, a penchant for drink, a temper or is apathetic about issues?

Three, this'll be wierd but I'd actually dial back his age a bit. My concern is that the age difference between him and the potential other characters will make some of the situations awkward? Not in the sense of the actual age difference, but rather the maturity and sense of priorities l. It could be good, but I just want to make sure we're on the same page!

Avatar: The White Jade Gambit

@JewelSerket okie dokie, your turn!

1 - This is sadly unplayable unless you could justify this character going with the team right out the bat. We aren't planning on running opposing player factions in this so you won't have the opportunity to develop that realization IC.

2 - This is more possible but unfortunately, the players need to join The Rebellion - a group dedicated to bringing down King Wei and putting the Earth Kongdom back in their place. This is very at odds with the character's motivations.

3 - This is the most realistic idea but the Rebellion is small right now. War, fighting, and other aspects of this conflict are this character's primary source of income and joining the Rebellion would be a full time job, taking away their time and freedom to do so in favor of hunting the Avatar. Why would mercenaries, Bounty Hunters, and other for hire warriors are thriving in this, why give that up? Why is the pointless loss of life so important to a character who gets paid to hunt people and sometimes kill them?

Avatar: The White Jade Gambit

@Kronshi Okay, so after reading this is definitely a solid base but a few questions on this:

1 - Your sheet states that he makes friends with Fire Nation citizens easily. I wanted to touch base to make sure you understood that the Fire Nation citizenship does not like the air benders as a whole right now. Their decision not to take any action in the war has painted them in a nasty light, and the regular citizen knows this. Having individuals friends that are understanding makes sense, but overall public perception of this character as a person in the Fire Nation is very, very poor.

2 - Most of your character's details only mention him in relation to his training and his relationship with the air temple. Who is he, what does he like, what does he do in his free time, and what sort of travels has he gone on that have impacted him in his time as a messenger. The world is in the state of unrest, and has been even before the formal declaration of war, and despite his worldliness, he feels relatively 2D.

3 - Finding the Avatar is a great point in this, but what were his motivations before this? What are his plans once the he reaches his goal? As someone who chafes against the chains of tradition, why is he comfortable accepting what they say instead of changing?

Like I said, it's a solid foundation but it feels a little incomplete and not fully attached to the world. I want to learn more about him as a person, not just his attitude!