From the other side, I never liked how happy you all could be being so seemingly cruel to others.
Feelings overwhelmed inside of me, I called you heartless, soulless, but who waa I to judge from the shadows?
You never glanced at me, I never understood why, but I get it though, I was different, never able to relax and take things lighthearted, so to me you were all cruel...
I was always the demon of your realms, the claws of evil trying to have you all jump at me at once, playing some false martyr and all for nothing. I payed for my sins, I was an asshole and sinister fuck trying to split your bonds from each other...
But I was also alone, frighteningly alone and in so many ways in need of acknowledgement... Because I never understood, any of it, I just tried to and always failed... Always attacked or attacking instead... A circle of meaningless retaliation of words and cruel mean things.
I wish I never joined back then, but now here I am with nothing else to do but to face the past.

Nostalgic... Hm... Nostaligia is a pain in my ass, but I will live through it knowing I am a different man now.

Continued nostalgia brought me back to a past, where sadness chains my life. Those were, times of innocent love which would have me trapped in a ever lasting nightmare were I could, no, can never be with her. The one you meet at young age with a heart so large it could love the whole world, compared to then, I am nothing but a half man right now. You probably don't remember me anymore, but I always remember you... Always, to a point where it hurts and brings the tears up my eyes and a lump up my throat. The time we spent on the over snowed rails and that one time when we slept close to each other talking all night... Are the times that will never let my wounded heart recover.

Will I remain depressed for the rest of my life?
Forever glooming into the blue light emitting from a screen, wondering if my other life is out there and why I could never reach it?
Questions bound to the nostalgia with'in, small and gently cruising into the land of my lost dreams.
Tears, sadness, pain and mortality binds me to my pre-determined destiny...
An melancholic adventure for the depths of my heart to experience and ride through alone, bitter and defeated by fear.

The times I were afraid, something at work threw me off recently, it had me scared, truly... It happened once before, though unwork related I am allowed to speak about it...
It was when I got mugged by a bunch of smug shits... What frustrates me the most back then is that the people mugging me were younger, a few more than me and my two friends... But we could have fought back, but I froze... It pisses me off, being that scared... I hate myself for not building up courage to deal with shit... I have dealt with assholes from left to right, though nobody drew a weapon at me... Which is what had me freeze up... I was so scared back then, back recently...
I hate that shit, fucking small time trauma and I can't fucking let it go. I feel so fucking weak not being able to cope with this bastard society...
I hate this world, what it does to me, others and itself!
...