@Sypherkhode822 - So, to start with, I like the direction you took here. A terrorist cell is a nice addition to the world and I also like the idea that they sort of wanted to force the Consortium to use their might to subjugate the world instead of merely protecting it. I can see incorporating Thelemic Dawn into the story through sub-plots and what have you. I also like the hidden character depth you described in his personality. It leads me to believe watching his character development could be a really intriguing experience and he would make an interesting addition to the cast.
Here are a few issues I have with the sheet, however. First, the overall sheet is a bit sparse. I liked reading it, but it was like being teased with the vaguest sense of an awesome character concept. I can see the potential and foundation for a sophisticated man, but I would have liked more information, in the personality and family sections especially. My next thing is a bit minor, but in the Motivation section, I need you to change that he killed Consortium leaders. He can easily have killed Executives, but I haven't revealed the hierarchy of the Consortium yet and the higher tiers, suffice it to say, aren't so easily dispatched.
The last thing are your spells. They are not inherently bad at all, there's just a few problems with their mechanics. Spells in this universe are definite, basically meaning that there is no room for them to grow or improve due to the fact that magical absorption is so dangerous. Object possession is fine, but he shouldn't be discovering any new facets to it because it's a definite spell that has a specific cause and effect. Magic isn't something that grows stronger in this universe, it's a dangerous energy that can be used to do the impossible depending on the amount of energy absorbed. Too much though and sickness or death awaits the caster. The Mist ability is also fine as you've described it, just keep in mind the dangers of magic and I think it'll be fine.
Overall, I like the character itself besides the issues I described. Good job.
@corneredbliss - The first thing I'll say is I love the name Andromeda. I don't know why it stands out so much to me, but that was my very first thought when I looked at the sheet. My second thought was I love the fact that she is a Madame. She has the same potential for some wonderful and interesting character development with her motivation being especially interesting. Suggesting that the Consortium has succumbed to hypocrisy based on their actions is a interesting point of view indeed. I had hoped to mold them into a complex organization that didn't really fit into a good or evil label and your character and history seem to support that notion. I feel like this is the kind of perspective I'm seeking and that kind of thinking can also lead to some interesting sub-plots once the Pass The Baton system is in play.
On the negative side of things, like Sypher, I do wish there was a bit more information given in the family section. Neela and her past sound interesting and, even if you plan to delve into that in the IC, a little primer in the sheet wouldn't hurt anything. Based on the sheet, I'd be eager to read about Andi's family history and learn more as we go through the roleplay itself.
For the spells, I don't have a problem with them as it seems like you've understood that magic can be dangerous and in the case of Sway especially, you've noted that it would take more magic absorption to produce a longer effect which is completely correct. That one toes the line a little, but I'll let it play it out in the IC and see how you handle it as we're going through. Dissolve only stood out to me because it's so similar to my own character's Devour ability. However, the two are different enough that I don't see a true issue so I think you're fine there as well.
Overall, I also like your character and think they'd be a great addition to the cast.
Good job to both of you! Hopefully we will get a few more sheets here in the coming days, but I will let you know that my plan is to start up the IC either this weekend or next week at the absolute latest. The whole board seems to be in a more quiet phase at the moment, but I don't want to drag out the submission period for too long. Worst case scenario, we'll begin the IC but keep submission open for a number of days to see if we wrangle just a few more characters. As this is a small group RP anyway, I'm not particularly fussed with the amount we have now including the coming character from my co-GM, @Noxious.
Here are a few issues I have with the sheet, however. First, the overall sheet is a bit sparse. I liked reading it, but it was like being teased with the vaguest sense of an awesome character concept. I can see the potential and foundation for a sophisticated man, but I would have liked more information, in the personality and family sections especially. My next thing is a bit minor, but in the Motivation section, I need you to change that he killed Consortium leaders. He can easily have killed Executives, but I haven't revealed the hierarchy of the Consortium yet and the higher tiers, suffice it to say, aren't so easily dispatched.
The last thing are your spells. They are not inherently bad at all, there's just a few problems with their mechanics. Spells in this universe are definite, basically meaning that there is no room for them to grow or improve due to the fact that magical absorption is so dangerous. Object possession is fine, but he shouldn't be discovering any new facets to it because it's a definite spell that has a specific cause and effect. Magic isn't something that grows stronger in this universe, it's a dangerous energy that can be used to do the impossible depending on the amount of energy absorbed. Too much though and sickness or death awaits the caster. The Mist ability is also fine as you've described it, just keep in mind the dangers of magic and I think it'll be fine.
Overall, I like the character itself besides the issues I described. Good job.
@corneredbliss - The first thing I'll say is I love the name Andromeda. I don't know why it stands out so much to me, but that was my very first thought when I looked at the sheet. My second thought was I love the fact that she is a Madame. She has the same potential for some wonderful and interesting character development with her motivation being especially interesting. Suggesting that the Consortium has succumbed to hypocrisy based on their actions is a interesting point of view indeed. I had hoped to mold them into a complex organization that didn't really fit into a good or evil label and your character and history seem to support that notion. I feel like this is the kind of perspective I'm seeking and that kind of thinking can also lead to some interesting sub-plots once the Pass The Baton system is in play.
On the negative side of things, like Sypher, I do wish there was a bit more information given in the family section. Neela and her past sound interesting and, even if you plan to delve into that in the IC, a little primer in the sheet wouldn't hurt anything. Based on the sheet, I'd be eager to read about Andi's family history and learn more as we go through the roleplay itself.
For the spells, I don't have a problem with them as it seems like you've understood that magic can be dangerous and in the case of Sway especially, you've noted that it would take more magic absorption to produce a longer effect which is completely correct. That one toes the line a little, but I'll let it play it out in the IC and see how you handle it as we're going through. Dissolve only stood out to me because it's so similar to my own character's Devour ability. However, the two are different enough that I don't see a true issue so I think you're fine there as well.
Overall, I also like your character and think they'd be a great addition to the cast.
Good job to both of you! Hopefully we will get a few more sheets here in the coming days, but I will let you know that my plan is to start up the IC either this weekend or next week at the absolute latest. The whole board seems to be in a more quiet phase at the moment, but I don't want to drag out the submission period for too long. Worst case scenario, we'll begin the IC but keep submission open for a number of days to see if we wrangle just a few more characters. As this is a small group RP anyway, I'm not particularly fussed with the amount we have now including the coming character from my co-GM, @Noxious.
1x Thank
