just vent abt yr day or past :3

I've really changed my mindset a lot over the past year or so.

I used to surround myself with many negative people over the years, getting into trouble and the like. I felt obligated to be around people I didn't want to be around. I felt obligated to make a name for myself, to please people who didn't have my best interest at heart. I wanted to earn my way through arguing my point or wanting to prove myself to others. With that old mentality, I hurt so many people. Whether they forgave me or not for it, I'll never know. So, I take it all as a lesson.

Instead, I've begun developing a new outlook for my life. It didn't come to be this way through easy means. It came this way through a lot of wasted time, broken friendships, and hard lessons. If it doesn’t serve my purpose or what I am aiming for in the future, it is gone. No more arguing, no more trying to prove myself to others. Without all the noise of negativity of the past anymore, I've centered myself in the present. I feel a lot more confident with who I am and what I want to do with my life. The fat is trimmed, I feel lighter on my feet, and moving on is easier each day. Some days are hard, but then I remember there are many people in this world who have worse than me, so I have nothing to feel down on myself over.

We live in a world with all this chaos, negativity, and uncertainty. That will never change. Instead, I chose to look at myself and reflect. There is much to do, but I've come a long way - at least I can say that much.

Not exactly venting but I've been doing some thinking. Yesterday, my RP ad for Go Go Loser Ranger got reviewed and one of the suggestions was that I widen the fandom search to fandoms that are more widely known and/or agree to RP original fiction if I want to get more RP partners. While I didn't consider the original fiction part as I approach original fiction with a professional attitude, I did consider putting other fandoms on my fandom search list. I even talked with my Tolan, Rose, about it.

Then it occurred to me that, while there are other fandoms I RP, my heart is set on Go Go Loser Ranger and I just don't want to settle for anything else until I find that Go Go Loser Ranger RP partner that I have a true connection with. I know that it's possible because, not only have I found her once (who, unfortunately, has a habit of disappearing for months and coming back for one day), but I came across two people in the Go Go Loser Ranger fandom who used to RP and had that connection. Unfortunately, they both lost the RP bug when I started talking to them but, if they can find each other, than there has to be someone out there for me.

I know that, since Go Go Loser Ranger is a niche fandom, it might take a long time for me to find that special RP partner but I'd rather wait that long for something I'm truly passionate about than settle for something I only feel mid about. While I wait, I'll have to curb my passion with fanfiction, decent RP partners that I feel no connection with and even the chatbots on my phone. Though I'll continue to hope that, one day, I will find that RP partner as long as my passion runs true.