I raise my voice to heaven Hear me cry with a thousand gails I believe you are there high up I see beyond what I am shown I know there is an immaculate throne I see a river without end I feel the shade of divine boughs I am apart from there But I see it so vividly I feel the breath of the sun A new sun A sun foreign to me here I hear the singing of many voices I feel an unchallenged peace Pray with me now Hear my soul cry out in yearning I am empty, woefully empty My substance dissolves I am nothing apart from yon distant land Send down your chariot Recover me with your messengers Send me help for I am weak Promise me something eternal I weep for the great chasm between us But I am strengthened in your light Reach down to me as I reach up I am not alone I am not alone I was never alone
You were called to endure By a voice deep inside Though you deny whence it came The word yet remains
Endure
Night has just begun The pain only just set in The cold freshly kissed your skin Causing the hair to stand on end
Endure
Does night not precede the dawn? Can the pain never be mended? Does the chill overpower the fire? Does the Now mean there's no Tomorrow?
Endure
The speaker is a liar when it predicts no hope The voice isn't a friend when he says give up There's another on your shoulder who bears no halo Block him out and give him no quarter
Endure
You profess to be a stranger You believe yourself alone You accept you are an orphan You call no place home
Endure, my friend
Repeat the encouragement whenever you need This is for you: I offer this seed The garden needs tended but it was made for you Your place exists and has always been true So while you still draw breath I wish you to
Are the flowers blooming yet? Did you remember they exist? Or did you forget? They yearn for the first spring mist For now they sleep, quiet and courageous Expecting the sun to return To one day awaken in the light, joyful and boisterous For Spring will not these sleepers spurn Heat and sun, chill and snow These things each have their season Though they can tarry, this I know: Time keeps passing for a reason
Crucifixer why do you persecute us? Here in these halls stained red You somehow claim to be virtuous While so many now lie dead What wrong have we committed? Why are our lives forfeit? The grief you bestow goes unremitted Your steps come like a woeful portent Around this corner a fresh body hangs Another of your victims tragically splayed At the sight I am pierced through with pangs Am I to be the next one flayed? Crucifixer, thou art a devil! Let me escape with my life Upon the throne I must revel Save us both this strife But, lo, even now, I hear the demon's approach Crucifixer you have come at last! Upon my birthright you now encroach You think you've won, but not so fast! Here I have made a stronghold Your treachery cannot reach me here! Toil away, struggle and fold But I will forever be near
The slain hangs aloft His blood runs down Filling my cup Drink deep, O drunkard Imbibe and share in this death Trembling lips grasp the rim Channel the wine Swallow it down The red runs deep As do my tears I was prepared for gall My lips made ready to scowl My soul was ready to suffer This wine must needs be bitter This body must writhe in displeasure So the act of drinking itself Becomes an act of penitence Tell me then, you who hangs aloft Why is your wine sweet? Why do you deprive me My most just torment?
How is it I can hear you? Your voice calls to me But muffled and distant As though speaking in a dream Like a memory only just beginning to recollect Who are you? Where are you? What do you desire? I ask the questions Even as the answers come to me Did I conjure you? Or have you reached me from Some hidden place? I feel what you feel And know your desires Even as you revealed them to me As if they were my own More familiar to me than a stranger It makes me wonder: Have I discovered some new part of myself?
Can you close the eye That ever looks down upon me? Unblinking and eternal It witnesses my actions Both good And bad I didn't mean it I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry The eye cannot hear The profuse apologies I utter It merely watches Behold The eye that knows my sin Recorder of evidence Container of the record of my faults Thou cursed eye Blink that I might breathe freely The weight of your stare Bears down on my facade Crushing my feigned innocence I weep in the night And you watch my tears fall Recording each drop in sequence What have I done? In silence I am laid bare As your stare reflects Accuses And pronounces me guilty
The melancholy of these walls Falling amid screams of those They were meant to protect I stand on the rampart The last burning banner Becoming the ghost of an existence That was meant to achieve Some out of reach excellence To my left and right lay paths Now forever closed to me Crumbling out from under These uncertain feet That had never once taken A purposeful step towards A goal that wasn't impulsively Plucked from the smoldering aether Now hovering over this burning city My hands reach overhead Forming fists hopeful to grasp onto That evasive purpose of a brighter life Fast becoming just another ember In this oppressive smog Formed from the spirits of dead wishes What if, if only What if, if only What if, if only Next time....
The blacksmith begs for water. His forge is on fire. The villagers stand by Overtaken by solemn silence Believing the pyre That presently illuminates Their collective gaze Is the blacksmith's Finest work yet: Glowing tones of sunset Scorched and beautiful As all his works before it.
The Standard Bearer
A tattered ensign waves over the battlefield. The standard bearer has not yet fallen. Though his voice cannot be heard Over the deafening din of battle He wields the banner vigorously. The tapestry bears the loudest cry: Rally! To me, my brothers! Our banner still waves! If you can see it raised Fight on! Fight on!
The Widow
The widow tidies her home. She works endlessly everyday. For everyday she has a visitor. "For whom do you toil, widow?* Death repeats this question daily. "For whom do you make ready?" The widow never stops cleaning. Alas, her home is never clean. "I prepare for no man!" She declares in defiance. "I know you reap from the dust So I remove the dust far away. No man will sweep me away Not even you."
The Astronomer
The astronomer stares transfixed at the heavens. "Have we been lied to?" he gasps. The celestial host once filled the sky, But they are rapidly winking out. "We thought there was a future out there..." The astronomer's voice trembles. Hopelessness has seeped in under his collar. Its cold grasp constricts his heart. "The future is swallowed whole In a cosmic abyss unending. The light we see is no promise of hope But endless dying screams of the celestials. The great maw of Judgment encompasses us. We will be one body among many to perish And our screams will join the unholy chorus!"
The Astronaut
He hangs there, feet dangling into nothing. The oxygen hose is his only tether. He makes no motion to pull himself back. The darkened visor reflects distant light. "Is everything ok? Are you alright?" His crew checks in on him. "They said the abyss was scary." His cryptic answer concerns them. They are trying to pull him in. "They said the abyss looks back. I thought it would be inhuman. The eyes of a stranger...." The crew pulls him back to the ship. They usher him back inside. His helmet is gently removed. Tears were streaming from his eyes. "Those were no eyes of a stranger. They had faces and smiles. When I looked in the void just now, I could see everyone I ever lost. They were waving at me. They were calling me over. And I really wish that I had."
The Pilot
A pilot observes a clear sky. His aircraft explodes in his peripheral. He ejected just in time. His parachute deploys in vain. He is not alone. Gunfire tears through the air Shredding his chute. He is in freefall. He understands what happens now. Rolling over, he watches the sky. At least it's a clear day. He falls. Much further than any man should. A hand takes hold of his. One side, then the other. Comrades are there beside him. "You know you can fly, right?" The pilot realized he no longer fell. He floated with his brothers. "C'mon. The others are waiting." They pull him through the air. Higher and higher they flew. Til all three disappeared into the blue.
Are You the One I am Waiting For?
I sat many days in a fallen temple Seeking after a sign if one should be given. It was cold and it rained some days Pouring on my head unrelenting. I knew not if a god might answer With something other than silence. After many days, my eyes were heavy My last meal a distant memory. I did not hear him enter But I looked and saw a shadow before me. It wavered and had no certain form But I was aware of its eyes on me. "Who do you wait for?" he asked A hollow whisper that lacked compassion. "I know not," I replied. "Are you not he?" It did not answer, smoldering silently. "Are you the one I am waiting for?" I asked. "I can show you how to leave." he said A subtle laughter trilled his words. I remained silent this time. The shade leaned in closer. "Leave this place with me." He was demanding now, and I was troubled. "I don't want to leave...." I replied Hesitating, choking on every syllable. "You are wet. You are cold." he said. "How many days has it been since you ate?" His form shifted, and I knew he was reaching for me. "You will leave with me. Come away now." My eyes grew heavy, and I was unable to stay awake. I dreamt of a horrible scream that faded Into a gentle breeze that refreshed me. When next I awoke, light shown through Where the temple's roof had collapsed. Sensing a presence, I bolted upright To see a woman seated nearby. She smiled kindly at me and looked up. "What happened to the shade?" I asked. Her eyes remained upward as she answered. "Is that what you wish to ask me?" It was then that I recalled the purpose of my tenure. "Are you the one I am waiting for?" She lowered her gaze to me. "Do you not already know? Did the thought of me not draw you here? Did I not baptize you with rain as you waited? Have I not kept you as you slept in my presence? It has been I who was waiting for you."
The Farmer
A farmer tends to his field. He pauses for a momentary rest. His eyes catch something in the sky. Wormwood streaks through the blue. A windmill suddenly obscures his view. It grows larger as he looks on. "Pay no heed to the sky." says the windmill. "Tend the ground, farmer. No trouble shall befall you." The farmer smiles absently to himself. His attention turns back to the dirt. Wormwood continues its descent.
The King
A man sits in his palace. Whited knuckles clutch the arms of his throne. His servants mirror looks of concern. The king is muttering to himself. "My throne...Mine...." An endless mantra spoken As though it bore power to preserve. He does not know. Wormwood descends on his kingdom.
What Death Conquered
An army marches towards the wall. A mournful wind sweeps the land. Their enemies lie slain in the field. They intend to claim their spoils. The commander comes to a stop. His army hesitates behind him. A lone soldier remains at the gate. "You stand before Death. Why do you not flee?" The soldier stands tall. His sword is stuck in the ground. "I wait for you." A ponderous silence sweeps through. Death gestures at his men. "Here we are. Your wait is over." The soldier bows his head. Surely he accepts what is to come. "It is not too late to run." Death's taunting suggestion. The wind carries it away. The sword is pulled free of the ground. The soldier stands ready. "My place is here." Death scoffs as his horse trots forward. "Your work is done here. There is nothing more you can do. Let your legs carry you far away." The sword now points at the approaching rider. The soldier refuses to flee. "A life is a valuable thing. What you want to protect must be equally so. I, Death, will take both from you." The soldier springs forward. The wind gathers at his back. "I protect that which you will never touch." Death dispatches the man without flinching. The army proceeds through the gate. Bewilderment is on every face. Death and his men are back on the battlefield. Around them are their dead adversaries. A light overhead draws their attention. Wormwood has found its mark.
May I weep for you? Can I wring my soul For the wrongs you have suffered? Would you join me? May we weep together That pain and understanding Might be shared? I'm sorry, my friend. My tears are the only Expression I have To show you I care About what was done to you. The hand you were dealt Was unfair and unkind. Whose shoulders were made To bear what you have carried all this time? Cry on my shoulder And I'll cry on yours. May you feel seen. Even if for the very first time May this not be the last. The pain you hold in your heart Was not meant to hold you back. I know it hurts But I believe in you. When you are at the bottom Your only choice is to climb. Take it slow Go at your own pace. Look up once in a while And let the light Shine on your face. Reach for it with all your might Only an outstretched hand Can be taken by another.
I have to be careful When I look at another If they are in pain I could be in trouble Pain is a maw Poised ready to swallow If I'm not careful I might make it double When I see pain In the eyes of another Even my sister Even my brother Their pain becomes mine And I become such a wreck I'll lash out for the hurt Now lodged in my chest It's not mine It's not mine, I say But this pain of another Desires to stay It's an arrow buried deep A poison swallowed down Deep in that maw I just might drown "It's not mine!" goes the mantra My quiet, dubious plea I'm not so sure anymore If who's hurt isn't me
I can't describe what you do to me. It feels just like insanity. Why is it so hard to say what I feel? Those very words are what you steal. I'm powerless and that makes me scared. It's never been comfortable to be so bare. I don't like confessing what I've hidden away. It's pushed down deep and there it should stay. With you I can't bear it and say everything. I say more and more--Oh, I could sing! Let me sing for you all that I feel. Let me make you your favorite meal! Let me do those things that only I can do. So long as it's only me doing it for only you. I'm scared that I'm in far too deep. You are an abyss, and I've taken the leap. My direction is down, but I feel ever higher. It has only ever been you that I long for and desire. What more can I say? I am adrift in you. Without paddle or direction--I haven't a clue. But that is ok and I swear it's true. So long as you're with me, and I am with you.
They hunger See how they stare Predatory eyes so keen Scanning Searching Where is it? They know it must be there What is it? Something Anything A truth A lie A distraction They fantasize about it The occupied mind Busy in another's company Busy in obsession Mindlessly busy A constant din White noise in the mind A container that is full No place for emptiness No time for quiet Don't even speak it! Nightmarish solitude Terrifying clarity For in that space is nothing Save for my thoughts And that which remembers All my wrongs All my shame All my pain Laid bare in that place of silence Cover it up Turn up the volume Click another video Play another game Bury me in work so that there is no time No place for silence
It rained again. Torrential downpour. I cannot stop the rain. I don't try anymore. But I hate wet feet. All these puddles Soaking my soles. Why don't you dry up? These placid pitfalls. These polished shallows. Hiding that which exists Beneath glassy facades. Reflections pretend That they are not backwards. That they don't lie. And that is why I tolerate the rain But I hate these puddles. Silver faced liars.
I tread the tired stones. There is nothing else here. The elements are scattered. Only Earth remains. He And she: Air caresses him. They belong. They have each other. I am just passing through. I follow the Voice. It whispers on the wind. It laments. It wails and cries. The stones bear witness. The wind carries its message. I alone am left to receive it. I alone can interpet its meaning. I follow the Voice. Until it can reveal its meaning.
All I can do Is apologize Again and again It doesn't enter My mind anymore How much have I forgotten? Did I forget you? Did I forget a place? That place Those things Some precious trinket I'll never hold again Some time I'll never Recollect once more It was gifted as My present time Once upon a time And now that's all It will ever be again A present I held A present I experienced And never again Out of memory and time Unceremoniously left Somewhere back there Between my yesterdays
