Hidden 5 mos ago Post by zero doves
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Hi! It's your anonymous cutie zero doves. Thank you for reading this, and I hope this gives you a good laugh or two.

So, recently I've been struggling to entertain myself. I've been getting bored with all the media I partake in; YouTube (for music, content creators, and etc), books, mobile games, my PS4, and etc. Even roleplaying has become boring and mundane. I don't have cable because I just never liked TV and see it as a waste. But, there are multiple shows I love and I am a movie buff. I've always had Showbox (a pretty much illegal app like Netflix, but having almost anything you can think of, including Netflix and Hulu originals), but only on my damn near broken tablet. It'll die abruptly if strained, and I find it awfully inconvenient to watch anything using that. So, I downloaded HULU on my PS4 and was not impressed. On the bright side, I found out - I like Vikings, dislike Game of Thrones, and that it's just not worth it. I watched Scary Movie one night, a personal favorite of mine, and when I went to watch again, I saw - it was gone. I was mortified and ended up canceling my subscription because they took out the best fucking comedy ever (and do not fucking @ me).

I was going through the apps on my PS4 and "Tubi" was being advertised to me. A free movie and TV show streaming app. I downloaded, and OH MY FUCKING GOD. It was a gold mine of shitty movies. It took me back. I used to be poor, and all my mom and I had was a DVD player. We'd get the family dollar/ dollar general bundle cases (often advertised as "15 FOR $5?!?!") and while it was mostly just the most trash shit you'll ever see, some of these movies actually being worthwhile. But, with most of them being absolute dumpster juice, my mom and I learned to make our own entertainment; basically by just flaming them, picking them apart piece by piece (and ironically enough, my mom hates the fact that, even if we're watching a fairly decent movie, I'll still pick it apart, even roasting the actors themselves for things outside of the film). Literally, and I mean literally, all of these garbage ass low budget movies are on this damn app the legendary Full Moon production company owning most.

Yesterday, after already having a serious nostalgia trip, and even finding some good stuff that I liked (Battle Royal, Some Anime, True Grit, and a few more movies), I hit the motherfucking jackpot. The 'black cinema' section. OH MY FUCKING LORD. When I tell you, this is the worst shit ever, I MEAN IT. There are many amazing black movies, and a lot of great hood movies, but these are literally the bottom of the barrel films that tube probably acquired for little to no money. They don't even have the "so good its bad" classic Tales From The Hood. The best movies are Akeelah and The Bee & Foolish, but that entire section is an afterthought after those two. So, I continued scrolling, going through many many shitty hood movies I've seen before when it hit me; MY FUCKING UNCLE DID A SHITTY HOOD MOVIE. I pressed the triangle button, punched in the letters and searched.

There it was, in all its low budget glory; Two Plates. Absolute garbage. Flashbacks of my uncle sitting me down and making me watch this played in my head as I stared at the awful cover. My uncle, back in the day, was a rapper named 'Ambush' and eh, he was okay for the mid-2000s. But this movie is so bad. The production company actually has it on YouTube, free to watch (please, get AdBlock). My favorite scene? Either the one where my uncle solidifies his character as a fucking idiot when he says "this that new shit that clean ya teef, you ain't even gotta brush", referring to basic ass gum, or this scene where this guy is sitting in an interrogation office and the cop goes through ALL of his nicknames (which literally every character in the movie has), and all of the nicknames have something to do with this character having a pencil dick. Like, every last nickname about his cock being gaunt.

But yep, that's the story. Hoe you were entertained, give me some feedback 🌚 I hope you didn't think I'd end this without dropping the link youtu.be/zMhXBADpvU0 - can't believe this shit has 291k views. G O D. Not age restricted or anything with a sex scene and some more crazy shit. I'm gonna listen to some Lil Peep and read u on this cyberpunk RP I'm super interested in. BTW, in the video thumbnail, my uncle is the one on the left.
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Hidden 5 mos ago Post by gorgenmast
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I really appreciate these voyeuristic glimpses into the ghetto universe, thanks for the link. Kind of reminds me of this one time I found some ghetto hoodrat hoe's pics and used them to make a facebook profile where I only added the most ghetto people I could find. It was like seeing this whole other world that sheltered suburban kids like me never got to see. It was fascinating and depressing at the same time and eventually, I just stopped looking at it because it kept giving me this nihilistic sadness. I forgot the password so I can't access it anymore but it was a real trip. Try it sometime.
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Hidden 5 mos ago Post by zero doves
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@gorgenmast you have given me a new perspective on how suburban peeps look at the suburban realm. I grew up, hating white people and black people when I was younger. I'm a mixed person, and that didn't condemn me amongst me black family members as much as it did the way I talked. my mom made sure school was my focus before all, and this lead to me being the most proper speaking person in my family, which in turn lead to family members, of all ages, calling me white, or often saying i "talk white". And my hatred for white people was fueled by not only being bullied by my black family members, but I'd spend the summers of my childhood in rural Virginia. A lot of little girls had crushes on me, and their older brothers didn't like that, so I used to get chased down the street by white teens screaming the n-word at me. The only things that saved me from my hatred, were these two white twins I befriended who was my age. they had a psycho dog (basically Cujo) that wore a shock collar. I was the first black kid they ever saw and they were my first white friends. The thing was, we would always talk and play over a fence. There was a wire around the perimeter around the yard, that if the dog passed, it'd get the living fuck shocked out of the poor dog. The hate for black people never necessarily left but was transformed into me refusing to be biased against or toward people, and equally prejudiced or critically.

I'd like to say thank you for sharing, and giving me a new perspective on how people in the suburbs view people in the more urban communities, I honestly appreciate it. I've always had the preconceived notion that it was always more of a condescending thing, but to know that curiosity is in the realm of possibility really makes it more amusing to me 💀 I know a YouTuber, very funny, who covers movies and other things JUST AS LOW BUDGET (some of them I seen on my trek through Tubi). Lemme know if you want the link (he also covers low budget horrors and old shows like the twilight zone)
Hidden 5 mos ago Post by zero doves
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And I honestly wanted to avoid being at all transparent, but hey, you struck my vulnerability bone
Hidden 5 mos ago Post by gorgenmast
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Lemme know if you want the link (he also covers low budget horrors and old shows like the twilight zone)


By all means. As someone who really enjoyed Harmony Korrine's "Gummo" and "Trash Humpers", I genuinely appreciate these low budget ghetto flicks
Hidden 5 mos ago Post by zero doves
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