Hidden 3 mos ago 3 mos ago Post by Liseran Thistle
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Liseran Thistle Liseran The Witchy

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Hidden 2 mos ago 2 mos ago Post by Ezekiel
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Ezekiel

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Just reading through the sheet, at the end, I'm not entirely sure who Haler is, is that the name of the uncle?

My main point would simply be that when the Sith 'recruit' force sensitives, they do so somewhat forcefully (pun intended), if they were on the planet to recruit the Uncle, they would have certainly picked up Issiro at the same time.

Other then that, I just don't see how the character could connect with any other, and is more built around the supporting cast than the main character itself.
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Ellri
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Ellri Lord of Eat / Relic

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Review of Liseran Thistle’s Issiro & Torzas:
1. Formatting and Grammar.
There are quite a lot of grammar errors and formatting problems in the sheet layout that makes it harder to read. Contents of a section should be outside the [b][/b] tags.

2. Comprehension of the Force and the Empire.
The force doesn’t work the way you have described it. Techniques like Animal Friendship don’t work that way, and they aren’t limited to just one species. In theory, experience at using it can be limited, but it is extremely unlikely for it to be limited to just one species.

It is imperial law that dictates that all Force-sensitives must be trained as Sith. As such, any imperial or Sith who hinders the training of another is subject to the imperial justice system, which is notoriously harsh against proven criminals, which would be the case here.

Additionally, anyone as weak with the Force as you have described Issiro would likely not survive the Sith Academy, nor would he be chosen for personal training by someone who gets to see all sorts of Force-sensitives, who could pick far better candidates for his own apprentices. It doesn’t matter whether he liked or disliked someone, he would not break imperial law on a whim like that. Sending someone clearly unsuited to the academy would be far more punishment for a family that might be disliked.

The fact that the father is Force-sensitive too means that he too would be trained as Sith, or die in the process.

3. Ties between characters.
Once taken in for training as a Sith, whether it be at the Korriban Sith Academy or as a personal apprentice of some sort, a prospective Sith is isolated from his or her family, provided that family doesn’t have sufficient influence to get past this isolation. Even then, the overseers will severely limit access. As such, given their extremely rural and non-influential origins, Issiro and Torzas would not get to see each other once Sith training started for Issiro.
Sole exception is if an overseer saw use for Issiro’s family. That use would typically not be conductive to their health and survival, as it would likely involve torture, death or other unlikeable effects, all to make Issiro properly embrace the dark side of the Force.

4. Psychological evaluation.
The personalities of your two sheets are shallow and incomplete. One is a weak Sith who would likely have perished early in training, the other is a sociopath that has no reason to connect with anyone and who would quickly provoke others sufficiently to see him dead.

You have no connections to anyone other than NPCs of your own creation. These NPCs are even more lacking in detail, leaving more questions than answers.

5. Lack of use of guides.
It is obvious that you’ve either not used the guides, or ignored many parts of them in your sheet creation process, as there are numerous elements in both sheets that go directly against things that are stated there.

6. In conclusion.
As the sheets stand currently, they’re cannot be approved. There are too many inconsistencies and blatant signs that you don’t truly comprehend the lore. There’s more wrong with the sheets than there is right and fixing them would require bottom-up rewrites.

If you still want to participate, we recommend that you start on a single new sheet, such as someone who isn’t Force-sensitive, or a Jedi Padawan. Additionally, we ask that you use the guides provided. They’re there to be used and are 100% relevant to the setting, unlike the wikia, which

As an additional recommendation… Watch one or more of the Star Wars movies. They’re not set in this era, but even thousands of years apart, the societies have much in common. There is much you can pick up from them that no amount of meandering through wikis can truly give, such as how the society flows and what it feels like.

As such, they are denied.
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