[IC] LYDIA

[Metronome]

He sighed. "How am I supposed to say your name if I don't know it. You wanna...play charades or something?" This was dumb. He could be halfway to ghost purgatory by now.

[Beetlejuice96]

"Yes, perfect!" Lydia exclaimed. "It one word but three clues." She said before holding up a finger to indicate the first clue before turning herself into a Tupperware container and opening the lid.

[Metronome]

"Oh, shit, uh," Lawrence really sucked at this game. "Left overs? Take out? Tupperware? Plastic? Lid?"

[Beetlejuice96]

"No, no. Close but no. No. Yes, that's it!" Lydia replied turning back into herself with a grin. "Okay, second clue." She said before turning into a giant eyeball. This was honestly an easy one.

[Metronome]

"Uh...look? See? Eyeball? Eye?"

[Beetlejuice96]

"That last one! Okay, third and final clue." She said before pulling out a report card full of A's.

[Metronome]

"Pass? Honor roll? Grade? A?"

[Beetlejuice96]

"Nope. Nah-uh. Close. Bingo! Now put it together." She said. She was so close to freedom!

[Metronome]

"Lid-eye-A!" Lawrence was so confident when he said it, too.

[Beetlejuice96]

"Close but change that eye to sound a bit more E." She advised. Geez, even when he got it he was dumb. Then again he was a Breather, so she couldn't fully blame him.

[Metronome]

"Lydia?" He tilted his head, "Your name is Lydia?"

[Beetlejuice96]

"Yes! Now all you gotta do is say my name three times, spoken unbroken. Deal?" God she could taste freedom it was that close.

[Metronome]

Lawrence blinked. Then, a devious grin spread across his face. "Okay. Lydia...Lydia...Llllllook here. I see what you're trying to do here. You think that just because I'm some sad sack about to jump off his roof to his death that you can come in here and push me around? Well I got news for you Lydia, Lydia, Lady you're dealing with the wrong guy. I know a con when I see one."

Meanwhile downstairs, the Maitlands were trying to clean up. The TV, still running, suddenly cut to a commercial.

"Betelgeuse's gently used cars! Ladies and gents, these are the best prices in town!" Lawrence was dressed up in a cowboy outfit, using a fake southern accent. "So come on down here and wrangle up these savings! I'll do anything to sell you a car! I'll even chew on a dog! Ahrooooo!"

The commercial cut to something else. Adam glanced at Barbara. "He sells used cars?"

"His last name is Betelgeuse?"

"Barbara, look at this mess. This is someone who is struggling, and, and we're trying to put him out of his own house!"

"It's our house, Adam."

"That he bought. I mean...he might be gross, maybe a little sketchy, but we shouldn't put him out on the street. He's clearly going through something here."

"You're right," Barbara said, "We should go find him and apologize."

[Beetlejuice96]

"Yes. Yes! Oh man this is going to be grea-wait what?" She said as he said her name before chewing her out. "Whoa, look, buddy, chum, pal. I'm just trying to do ya a solid. Isn't that what friends do? Whatdaya want? Qualifications? I graduated from Julliard, I've a great bio exorcist, and I've seen The Exorcist 167 times, AND IT GETS FUNNIER EVERYTIME I SEE IT! HOW'S THAT FOR QUALIFIED?!" She shouted before her head spun around like a top.

"Whoa, almost lost my head." She commented as she grabbed on to stop it.

[Metronome]

Lawrence opened his mouth to say something, but the Maitlands arrived on the scene before he could.

"Uh, Mr. Betelgeuse?" Barbara asked, approaching him sheepishly.

"Lawrence," he corrected her.

"We just wanted to-" Adam started to say something, but stopped when he saw Lydia. "Whoa, what is she doing here? Don't listen to anything she says, Lawrence! She's trying to trick you!"

"Yeah, no shit," He shrugged. "I kinda' figured."

[Beetlejuice96]

"Trick him?!" Lydia exclaimed before letting out an offended choked noise. "I'd never do that! All I did was help my new pal know my name, that's all." She looked over at Lawrence, standing near the edge of the roof. "Look, maybe I was a little aggressive on the sell. But we're BFF's forever, right?"

[Metronome]

Lawrence eyed the ledge behind her. "Yeah, best pals for life," he waltzed over and put a hand on her shoulder. "Just kidding. Get fucked, Lyds!" He shoved her off the roof.

"Lawrence!" The Maitlands cried in unison.

"What? She's fine. Right?!" He called over the edge. He didn't wait for a response. "I'm going back inside."

[Beetlejuice96]

"Shiiiiiit!" Lydia shouted on her way down before crumpling into a broken heap on the ground below. She laid there for a moment before picking herself up and resetting her broken bones. "Thanks a lot, dickhead!" She yelled, glaring at him.

[Metronome]

Lawrence climbed back in the attic window and headed down the stairs. His first hint that something was off was the familiar smell of menthol cigarettes. Oh no.

He came into the living room to confirm his fears. His mother was in his house, with luggage, and was storming around looking for things to destroy.

"Lawrence!" She snapped. "This place is a fucking disgrace. How is your aging mother supposed to live in a house like this?!"

He clenched his fists. "You aren't!" He shouted. "How did you get in here?!"

"You left the key under the mat like I've told you not to a hundred times. You'll listen to your mother one of these days boy."

"Get the hell out of my house!"

"You wouldn't throw your own mother out would you?"

"Like hell I wouldn't!"

"I'd hate to have to call the cops, boy. Who are they going to believe? A poor, little old lady, or a slobbish, drunken brute?!"

Lawrence clammed up. The last time she called the cops, claiming elder abuse, he'd spent the night in jail before it was sorted out. He scowled, disgusted with her and himself. She was coming into his life, yet again, to destroy it. The Maitlands hung around at the top of the stairs, sharing looks of concern. They followed Lawrence when he stormed past them to his bedroom.

"That horrible woman is you mother?" Barbara asked.

"So they say," Lawrence growled, trying to hold back the tears that were trying to sting his eyes.

[Beetlejuice96]

"The nerve. Throwing me off the roof. Good luck with those pansies, ya jerk!" Lydia shouted towards the roof before heading back inside. She blinked upon seeing the red clad woman who sounded like she smoked five packs a day. "Who the fuck let this prune in?"