Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Dandanken
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Taken down.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by UnendingEmpire
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Vern seems to be a guy with some good motives, but...for the below-listed reasons, I'm going to have to respectfully turn him down this time around.

1) I can take a few grammar mistakes here and there, but yours had very glaring issues that ruined the flow of some sentences. Which could turn to ruining the flow of a post. Which could turn to ruining the flow of an RP, and subsequently killing it. My inner grammar nazi is screaming in nonsensical fake-German.

2) All four of your custom cards are ungodly levels of powerful in a ritual deck. Creation is essentially Necloth Exomirror for ANY one ritual monster, Rebirth is even worse since it's Exomirror for ANY one ritual monster in your Graveyard, Power is bordering on the second freaking coming of Solemn Judgment, and Sword of Despair gives you a one-sided Judgment Dragon with 3400 ATK points. Even if I liked everything else, I'd say "Fix that shit immediately."

3) Those are some awfully tiny paragraphs you've got for his personality. I'm actually pretty sure just two sentences doesn't qualify as a paragraph at all, but even so...isn't this just basically every "Kaiba character" (Seto Kaiba, Jack Atlas, etc.) summarized in four sentences?

4) While I like the latter half of his bio, the first bits sound like the same "impoverished family" cliche I've seen in every RP ever.

5) Aside from your linguistic grammar, your Yu-Gi-Oh grammar is also pretty wonky. Which leads to disaster in-game.

You could always feel free to try again, but unless you step up your game, your odds on getting accepted on that second attempt are pretty low.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Dandanken
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1) Well I admit that I make some grammar mistakes, that I always try to get rid of. But since English is not my first language, I still make them, what irritates me more most. If its possible I would like to be pointed where they are, so hopefully I won't make them again. I really do anything on this site just to try to make my grammar better.
2)Yeah, problem with custom is fact, that they always come out more powerful than you want them to be. I tend to unintentionally make them too overpowered.
3)Length of paragraph depends on country. Where I live it can count as paragraph. But I didn't realized it went to Kaiba character cliche.
4)I don't see it as that much cliche. After all I do see this type from time to time, I don't think its that common. But after all, since concept of storytelling exist from so long its almost impossible to create something that is not cliche in some way.

Well I will take my CS down for now, and I will try again later. Maybe next time it will do better.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Timeskipper
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I'm a bit more flexible than UE in that regard, but I should warn you about the criteria we use for the characters' bio and personality. It doesn't have to be something incredibly outlandish (rather, if it is, it's gonna need some GOOD justification, and a nice talk with the GMs before accepting them), and it's perfectly fine to have a character that has some peculiar traits or skills, as well as a character who had a non-conventional life. But everything has to be consistent with the in-universe logic and common sense. For example, Yusei was an orphan adopted by a hostel in the Satellite, and he was a smart kid who joined a gang led by an older, much more "direct" guy. He's not led exactly a comfortable or uneventful life, at least by current Western middle-class standards. And is the only character who didn't go to an actual prestigious school, because of that. He had no reason to, after all: Martha and Kalin pretty much taught him everything he could need. He has his own personality, which is consistent with his actions and backstory, which is detailed by key events.
If you want to write a backstory, you should pinpoint some defining events and characteristics that will make your character memorable - and explain how he got where he did. It's a bit unlikely that a boy from an impoverished family just decided to join Duel Academy. Give us a specific reason as to why and how. For example, he could have met a professor from the academy who liked his duelling style and suggested him to go to the Academy, he felt, after some soul-searching, that learning to duel and maybe getting some much-needed high-school education would actually help him support his family, and worked hard to gather the money to pay for his studies at DA.
Not much of a change from the bio you wrote, but doesn't it feel much more real? Remember: as, like you said, it's pretty much impossible to write something absolutely original (not that YGO was all that keen on that, even :P ), the difference is in HOW you put it. Then yes, maybe it's been done before. But if you tell it in a more believable way, it gets pleasant to read nevertheless.

Try to reflect on this advice. It's been given to me, when the time was right, by a true writer, and well... it's done wonders for me so far.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Dandanken
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There is a bit of undirected justification to why and how he managed to join Academy. To change himself. And since he did duel for money after his family were out of debt, it's possible for him to save money. It's not that unlikely for him to be able to do so.

Still I know that everything can be done better. I will remember your advice and I'm really glad to get it.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Timeskipper
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Yup, of course, I read it ;)
It's just that a character doesn't change all of a sudden without good reason. Of course, it's absolutely possible to not make his change of heart depend on a certain event (after all, more often than not in real life people can realize something or change their opinion gradually rather than because of a single, powerful event), but it's a bit less characteristic.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Timeskipper
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Yup, of course, I read it ;)
It's just that a character doesn't change all of a sudden without good reason. Of course, it's absolutely possible to not make his change of heart depend on a certain event (after all, more often than not in real life people can realize something or change their opinion gradually rather than because of a single, powerful event), but it's a bit less characteristic.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by UnendingEmpire
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A major NPC has been added to the opening post. I'd suggest go checking him out.
YEAH, YOU HEARD ME! IT'S A MALE!

I'll have a post up after I eat some breakfast (breakfast at 2PM like a boss), and the plot will finally get moving.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by UnendingEmpire
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Alright, gonna try to get more players in here. Otherwise, this RP will likely stagnate and die. Which would suck.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Jangel13
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Jangel13 The angel of fortune

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Is dragunity cards alright?
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by UnendingEmpire
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Absolutely :)
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Jangel13
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Jangel13 The angel of fortune

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name: Angelo Ortega
age (14-19): 19
appearance: (without wings of course)
deck type: dragunity deck, quick synchros and equips
dueling spirit: Dragunity Aklys
favorite dueling style: turbo
Ace card: Red Dragon archfiend
frequent cards: scrap iron scarecrow, shield wing, mountain (field spell), Dragunity Aklys

history: Angelo lived in the country outside of city with his family, which owned a farm, where he helped with most tasks, like feeding the chickens and milking the cows. While his parents loved him dearly, Angelo couldn't help but feel that his life was very boring, doing the same things every day, but he was too young to hope to become independent and live elsewhere
Until, one day, two duelists came to the farm to ask for help: they were Turbo Dueling, when one of them got a flat tire, so Angelo decided to invite them to stay at his place in the barn while he fixed the damaged Duel Runner. Although his parents didn't like it at first, they allowed it since they didn't want to seem like ungracious hosts who refused to help people in need. While they were at the farm, Angelo got curious and took a look at the Deck of one of them he found out instead of berating him for looking through his private deck, he was amused and offered to teach Angelo what dueling was and what it was all about. He even gave him an old deck he hadn't used in years, thinking that Angelo would put it to better use than he could. Angelo thanked him and even practiced with it a few times before they left the next day. Now, Angelo had his own deck he could play with in his spare time, when he wasn't working in the farm, but he always felt like he wanted to do more with a deck then just putting it down and keeping track of the states to make sure who won when he played with the farmhands or the other farm kids that had their own secret decks that they kept from their parents. No, what Angelo wanted was the adrenaline rush of speed and the excitement of having to keep on his feet and think while rushing at more than 120 km/h. Something only Turbo Duels, the same kind of Duels that the men who stayed in his barn that day played. So, he enrolled to the Academy in the hopes of joining the Turbo Duel program. He even learned how to build his own duel runner from scratch when went to a public library and learned all he could about making a duel runner, Angelo lived on a farm so he either had to put his spare money into buying a duel runner or to put it into the academy he wanted to join. Angelo was born and raised to work hard so he decided to make the duel runner himself and after a few test drives and modifications when needed he made an exceptional duel runner, it may not have been the prettiest but it was able to speed just as fast as any other. Obviously, his parents weren't happy with his choice, but that's why Angelo is more determined than ever to become a champion and prove he can do it without their support so he went and worked a part time job or rather two so he was never able to have free time for a while but eventually he had gotten just enough to afford his enrollment. And, who knows? Someday he might even meet again that mysterious duelist and challenge him to show him how much better he's gotten..."

personality: A hard worker and someone who is in love with the adrenaline rush of turbo dueling. when around women however he takes it slow and enjoys his time flirting up a storm with them trying to be charming. He is determined to make his dream a reality and be a great turbo duelist to everyone who thought he wouldn't make it their although he will do whatever it takes he draws the line at betraying people that trust him. Like his deck Angelo believes that more can be accomplished with teamwork then alone so Angelo will help those that will allow him to help. Angelo believes that one day soon he will be able to go back to his family and see their proud faces when Angelo shows them how far he has gotten as a turbo duelist.

Deck list:
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Shadolord
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Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Shadolord
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I think that does it
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by UnendingEmpire
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@Shadolord: Wow. Just...wow. I'm not really a big fan of the "knows martial arts" deal, but hot damn! I like this guy. Dusk Leon is good to go, and you may put up a first IC post at your discretion. I would personally recommend him catching word that something happened on campus and subsequently finding the trio of Kim, Akio, and Michelle. Though would you mind putting the CS in a hider? To put a hider in a hider, use the [ hider2 ] tag if you want to keep your decklist in a hider of its own.

@Jangel13: I'm sort of teetering between "This guy's pretty cool; let's let him in" and "I'm kinda unsure if this is a good idea", so...CSes like this are why I have a co-GM. Skipper will decide your fate.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Timeskipper
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Well, from my High Chair of Co-GMing, I have to say that while Angelo's bio is awfully short and feels a bit generic, the idea behind his character IS worth exploring. Though, of course, I'd REALLY advise you to improve your punctuation. Anyhow, for me you're in IF you edit your CS a bit. You can contact me or UE (keep in mind that my timezone will likely be different than yours though), so we can work out what kind of character you want Angelo to be, and if there will be any particular subplots centered around him.

So yes. He's in. Contact us, though :P
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Shadolord
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UnendingEmpire said
@Shadolord: Wow. Just... I'm not really a big fan of the "knows martial arts" deal, but hot damn! I like this guy. Dusk Leon is good to go, and you may put up a first IC post at your discretion. I would personally recommend him catching word that something happened on campus and subsequently finding the trio of Kim, Akio, and Michelle. Though would you mind putting the CS in a hider? To put a hider in a hider, use the [ hider2 ] tag if you want to keep your decklist in a hider of its own.


I know what you mean about "knows Martial arts" guys. for him it isn't just something he knows to seem badass. It was something I wrote it into the core of his being.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by locomania22
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I'm one of j's friends, and he wanted me to let you all know that his internet is down/really spotty and he wont be able to reply for a while
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Jangel13
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my internet was just turned back on sorry and I just read your posts so ill make sure to talk to skipper now about my character
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Timeskipper
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If anyone is interested to introduce their character to the story right now, or post something before the duel with the Shadow Duelist starts, please do ;-)
Otherwise, me and UE will have to start the duel.
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