Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Jig
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Jig plagiarist / extraordinaire

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The house was perfect. It was some old student dive or squat or something, but the estate agent had reassured Michelle that all the damp and cockroaches had been shooed out. They weren't lying; it smelled of fresh paint, and was fully-furnished. They found it tough, selling most of their old furniture; a child’s life-time of memories wrapped up in chests of drawers and old toys that weren’t sentimental enough to keep had drifted from their old home and into charity shops or the local pawn shop. It had been tough, but Michelle knew that it would be worth it. It was closer to work for one thing, with new opportunities for Sam, and Jake was now too big for his poky old room. He had been upset to leave his friends behind of course – as were they all – but it was just too good an opportunity to pass up. The house itself was a steal, and, with Jake’s potential brother or sister on the cards, the extra space seemed practically palatial by comparison to their old place.

In the end, they’d decided it was simply easier to hire a van. It took them all day to even mostly unpack so, for the whole of the Friday they’d both taken off work, they pushed things around and worked out the place, arranging Jake’s room to make him feel at home sooner. It was a little threadbare, cardboard boxes everywhere, largely still sealed, but, by Saturday night, with Jake put to bed, they collapsed in an exhausted heap on the sofa, eating Chinese straight out of the Tupperware containers it came in. Finally fed and able to relax, Michelle lay on her side, feeling the warmth from her dinner in her stomach and Sam's breath reassuringly tucked up behind her. They agreed they didn’t care what went on the telly, so they just flicked onto a trashy sitcom with a resigned jab of the remote control. Not even after the first canned laugh from the fictional studio audience, the television spluttered for a moment, and switched onto the news.

Sam must have been lying on the remote. One of them grumbled and heaved over, wriggling the remote out from whatever crevice it had dug into, and changed the channel back. Then, sooner than before, it went back to the news.

“Fucking thing,” growled Michelle, sitting up in frustration and holding her hand out for the remote. Sam remained where he was, covering his face with his hand in sheer weariness.

“Don’t tell me we have to get a new tv.”


It took them until Sunday evening to pack everything back up and leave.

They were woken at roughly 4AM by Jake, who would not sleep. It seemed that, in the night, he had woken up and destroyed his room, flung books from shelves and eviscerated the fluffy internal organs of his teddy bears, including the one his Aunt had given him the day he was born. He denied it, obviously, and, although equally furious, Sam persuaded Michelle to go easy on him after the move. The fact that Jake denied it made it all the more exasperating, but, still utterly shattered, she gave in, tucked him, squirming, back into bed, wished him goodnight, and returned to her room, nearly tripping over a huge tin of paint she hadn’t noticed before.


Michelle next woke at 10AM. Sam was shaking her by the shoulders, gently, but firmly.

“What?!” she grumbled, not opening her eyes and rolling over.

“Wake up!”

After a moment, she came to her senses – not that she believed her eyes anyway. On the ceiling, directly above them, there was a mural of a door; a perfect replica of their new front door, with the lightbulb, now exposed with its lampshade removed, also painted to represent the doorknob. Michelle scrambled for her glasses to look more clearly, while Sam gingerly climbed onto the mattress. With gently shaking fingers, he reached up and touched the mural with his little finger. Apparently it was still wet; his finger smeared the paint and scooped it onto a splodge. Disbelieving, he sniffed at it, and then offered it to Michelle. It smelled of paint, but also something sweet and vinegary. There was an empty bottle of ketchup on their bedside table, and, when she stood up, she spotted an upset tin of paint, the same one from last night, by the door. The dregs had seeped over the floor.

They had to break down the door to Jake’s room, in the end. It simply wouldn’t budge, while Jake was too distraught to be consoled or even make sense through his tears. While Michelle scrabbled desperately to find their phones (not that she knew who she was going to call), Sam took up a sledgehammer to break the door off its hinges. It had been barricaded from the inside, by, among other things, a small bookcase, Jake’s bed, and a wardrobe that was at least twice the child’s weight. Michelle stroked his hair as he sobbed into her chest, sitting together in the inexplicable rubble of his bedroom. She couldn’t look him in the eyes.

When Sam came upstairs, he said that the car was started, and that they would go to his parents’. She looked up at him, and nodded. She tried to say something, but her mouth was dry and she had nothing to say. As she numbly descended the staircase (Sam had whisked Jake out as quickly as possible), she looked around to find their possessions torn from their packaging and strewn around the room. There was a two-word message on every surface: fuck off. It was put together from their cutlery and books and torn clothes and it was daubed over every flat surface in what she dimly recognised to be her own make-up.

She just stood there, in the living room, and looked around herself in disbelief. It was only when she heard Sam honk the horn from the car outside that she blinked away the tears in her welling eyes, lifted her head up, and shut the front door to 19 Heather Way in her wake.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by McHaggis
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Kirah
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Kirah Dragonbunny

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The move was irritating. Maddie had liked the old apartment. Well more like she had liked the apartment building. It had a nice basement that had access to a small subbasement that in her human form she had to squeeze into. Getting out of in werewolf form was impossible. The extra bulk and rearranged muscles had made certain of that. Now she'd have to find a different spot to lock herself away in. The house, at least at first search, didn't have any good bolt holes. Fraser was supposed to look into a couple possibilities on the outskirts of town. That prospect was somewhat nerve wracking for Maddie as she had yet to find herself comfortable around any other vampires. Even the tenuous friendship with Fraser was just that.

Maddie had already unpacked all of her clothes. Her own bed was made and her small bathroom was mostly set up. She couldn't find that one box though that had her shampoo.

"Maddie? You there?"


“Yeah, I'm upstairs. I'll be down in a moment.” Maddie shut the drawer she had been neatly placing clothes into and started down to meet up with Fraser. In the hall was a man painting a very large penis. Maddie screamed, it was reaction. “Fraser there's a guy up here.” She yelled down and then turning on the man started scolding him, “Do you have any idea how rude you're being and how illegal this is? First of all this is breaking and entering. Second of all that's defacement of property.” She pointed at the large cartoonish penis, which admittedly was well done. “I should call the cops on you.” At this point Maddie put her hands on her hips and glared at the strange man in her hallway.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Jig
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Another few weeks. Another couple of people moving in. Benji had heard and seen estate agents, but there was no point trying to get rid of them. It was like killing wasps; it would make the world a very slightly better place, but, without taking out the nest, there would just be another one of the stinging little bastards to take its place. He’d sat there in the middle of the room as it was painted once again, laughing bitterly from the sofa while they blindly removed the profanities, blasphemy and nudity he’d daubed all over the walls to get the previous fuckers out. Apparently, they thought there were squatters or local kids who kept tagging the place. To be fair, the disembodied spirit of a previous tenant wouldn’t have been his first guess, either. Every so often, he would move things around just to confuse the painters, just for his own amusement. He’d pay for it in the end; another few minutes without peace and quiet, because every few minutes he distracted them, the longer they would stay – and that was without taking into account their bonus score-multiplier that somehow entitled them to take more than the requisite amount of tea breaks and talk about drivel.

Still, it gave him a few more moments to filch another pot of paint. It was shitty decorating paint, but better than nothing. And it would come in handy, if some more tenants were going to try to get their feet under the table.

The fabled day arrived, heralded by the slam of the front door. To work, Benji said to himself, with a sigh of both spiteful joy and more general irritation. Tearing the lid off one of the tins of paint and grabbing a brush, he marched deftly into the hall and set to work, smearing neat, rounded lines in the effigy that would echo through the collective consciousness of mankind until the end of time; a dirty great phallus glowing in perfect white paint against the beige wall. Well, he prided himself on his penis- scrawls; neater than most, with comically rounded features. All that it needed now were those oh-so-predictable droplets – one, two, and-

“Fraser there's a guy up here. Do you have any idea how rude you're being and how illegal this is? First of all this is breaking and entering. Second of all that's defacement of property. I should call the cops on you.”

Well, that was a first. He’d rarely done the disembodied floating things at people bit, but he’d never known them to react so calmly. It was typically met with screams and hurried footsteps in the best possible direction: away. What was she doing? Telling off the paintbrush?

Wait.

’There’s a guy up here?’ Me?

Slowly, he turned his head to look at her, brush still balanced perfectly against the wall for the final mark of ejaculate. There she was, hands on hips, staring right back at his curious frown. With his free hand, he waved his hand at her, slowly. Without missing a beat, she waved back.

There was no doubt.

“What do you have to say for yourself?”

Without a word, Benji turned on his heels, stuck his arm straight out and walked down the hall and to his room, trailing the brush along the wall in a soft, curving motion, leaving a gentle streak of white behind him, kicking the door behind him shut. He was a firm believer that actions spoke louder than words.
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Kirah
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“We try and find out who they are and politely ask if there’s anything we can do to help out. I guess. I mean, it’s probably his house, unless he was murdered in the basement or something like that. We’re the intruders here.”


Maddie sighed. Of course the house was haunted. Her life had become a terrible joke. What do you get when a vampire and a werewolf live together? Ghosts. It sounded like some terrible television show. The kind that was done decently for the first couple seasons in Britain and then poorly copied in America.

“Well we’ll ask him when he decides to come out of hiding to paint more dicks on our walls. Certainly not having any guests over until that’s taken care of.” Maddie said guests, but she meant respectable people. Not that she had any ‘respectable’ people to invite over anyway. She smiled though and added, “At least you can’t see it from the entryway.” Maddie, as always, seemed incapable of not seeing the bright side of a situation. “Do you want some tea?” It was unlikely she was asking anyone but Fraser, but the question did seem open enough she could have just as easily been asking the ghost if he too would like a cup of tea.

“Aye, tea would be nice. Five sugars?”

He touched his fingers to the wet streak of paint, scratching it off. “We can put a painting over it – a charity shop one, ‘cos I’m skint,” Fraser noted, taking a good, hard look at the painted phallus. “Nothing else we can do.”

Maddie nodded. “Maybe a painting of flowers.” Her smile grew, there was a laugh in her voice. She went down into the kitchen and started the water. Fraser followed her down and took a seat at the table.

“So. Found a place for the next full moon yet?”

Maddie looked over at Fraser a grim look on her face. “No, I tried to see if there was a good spot at the school. You know how old buildings are.” She took a deep breath, steadying her voice. “I didn’t find anything like at the apartment.”

He nodded. “Right. Right, that’s fine. I’ll ask around. Maybe there’ll be a place at the fairground? How many days have you got?”

Without a beat Maddie said, “Five, you’ll have to warn the boys if I’m there.” If any of them dared to bother her at that ‘time of the month’ they’d sorely regret it, if they had a chance to.

Fraser snorted. “If one of them gets chomped it’s fair do’s – Darwin in action,” he said, shrugging. “Plus worst comes to the worst I drive you out into the countryside and you can eat some sheep or something.”

“Something being some poor sheep herder.” Maddie said mostly under her breath, but she knew there was no hiding it from Fraser’s ears.

“Yum.” Maddie shot Fraser a glare, and pulled the kettle just as it started to hiss. The vampire held his hands up in an insincere apology, the grin on his face impossible to hide.

“I’d prefer to not have to resort to that. Ideal situation would be to find a nice hidey-hole small enough that only human me can squeeze in and out of it. If it has to be at the fair ground then it has to be. At least that way there’s some sort of barrier between me and the normal human.” Maddie said as she poured the tea into two mugs, one with four sugars in it, and her’s with just one.

Fraser peered around Maddie, leaning out of his chair. “Another sugar, please!”

Maddie complied and dropped another sugar into his tea. Fraser smiled sweetly and continued, “But yeah. I’ll get that sorted soon. I need to let all the lads know I’ve moved either way. I’d ask you to come but–” A shrug. “They’re a bit thick and would probably attack you.”

“Well if I’m going to be locking myself up at the fairgrounds I’ll have to meet them eventually. Preferably not when I’m uncontrollable.” Maddie leaned against the counter holding her cup of tea.

“Your funeral. Not literally, though. Believe me, you’ll be wanting to beat your head off the wall after speaking to them for ten minutes.”

“You haven’t met my students.” Maddie half smiled. “I suppose I’ll go back to unpacking now. Maybe we’ll find our other housemate later.” She gave a small shrug.

Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Jig
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So here was the other one. He was skulking in the kitchen leaning against the sink and gazing out of the perpendicular window, drinking tea. Like a bastard. The woman had let on that there was another wannabe-housemate and here he was, drinking tea, surrounded by boxes of crockery and the other stuff breathers could make use of. Benji watched him through the open kitchen door, so far unnoticed. Maybe just the woman could see him. Keeping his movements soft, so as not to give himself away, he lifted the weapon above his head; a small paperback copy of The Famous Five, a remnant from the previous tenants. With one deft flick of the wrist, he flung the book, propelled mainly by spin, at his most esteemed guest.

To his surprise, it was a good throw. He didn’t quite get the headshot, but did manage to nail him in the neck. There was a splash of tea and a groan - and then they locked eyes. Was Benji now visible? Was that a thing?

“Watch it, pal. Just ‘cos you’re dead doesn’t mean you can take it out on me.”

Yep. It wasn’t just the woman. They could both see him. And this one at least knew what he was.

“And what’re you gonna do?” Benji was just making it up as he went along as he sauntered into the kitchen. Some of the crockery had already been unpacked, presumably for the purpose of drinking tea, and he took a swipe at some of the china with his right hand. To his credit, the guy did manage to block a few of them, but about half crashed to the floor with a piercing shatter, “You’re in my house. I want you out and I’m going to haunt the shit out of you until you and your girlfriend piss off out.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Oh, really? I think she might be into you,” Benji leaned back against the fridge and folded his arms, “Now get out.”

“That’s bestiality and I’m not into wolves,” Countered the breather in the same sing-song voice while Benji’s face twisted in rage, “And no way. I paid for this house.”

“If I hadn’t died, I’d still be paying for this house. Life sucks, then you die. Then it sucks, believe you me. Now get out.”

The breather did not get out. He finished the rest of his tea and gently placed the mug on the floor, presumably explicitly so that it could not get thrown off the table. All the while, Benji glared at him, visibly seething.

“Look,” he said, when he was finished, “From one dead guy to another: sometimes you need to put up with stuff you don’t like. Like housemates.”

“Yeah, well, as much as I like the idea of chilling with Casper and Jacob F. Marley, you’re not actually dead, are you, mate?” He picked up his trusty copy of Five on Treasure Island and gently slapped his new ‘housemate’ across one cheek and then, dodging the attempt to snatch it from him, the other, “Books don’t hit ghosts.”

“I’m more of a Lestat. There’s different kinds of dead.”

No. No no no no no no no. Under no circumstances. After a moment, Benji became aware that he was just staring.

“You done with the tantrum?”

This wasn’t happening.

“You call this a tantrum?” Benji had been trying not to lose his cool, but his voice was fluctuating in both pitch and volume as he headed toward the door and swiped at another cardboard box on the table, which he would later notice did not clatter like crockery, “You haven’t seen anything yet. And for the record, if I find out I’m living in fucking Twilight, I’m going to go the full Buffy, just with better tits and much. Worse. Fucking. LANGUAGE.”

He slammed the door so hard behind him that the wooden thing nearly bounced off the hinges, but, apparently, the doesn’t-breathe-r wasn’t done. He opened the door behind him and shouted, “Slam the door one more time and I’m calling an exorcist, you wankstain.”

There was only one thing to do. The path lay out before him as clear as a field in spring. Holding his fingers up in the unmistakable ‘v’ sign, he slowly walked up to the door, and slammed it in the apparently-not-breather’s face. His face softened into a filthy grin as he heard a few choice, strangled vowels from the other side.

Beautiful.
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