The Poetry of a Lone Wolf

[StarWight]

I have been inspired to write a few things. I don't often write poetry, but when I do, it is because I am deeply moved or very emotional about something. When I write poetry, it comes from the heart. As such, I have very little I have written. But when I do, it means a great deal to me. Here are a couple that I have written.

THIS one I title "It's Been a long time" and it stems from some very personal issues I won't get into here. Not a day goes by that I don't think about the roots of this poem. I will say this: it hurts to lose someone to death. It hurts more to lose someone of their own free will.

It's been a long time, a long day
Since you decided to go your own way
Was supposed to be
You and me
No matter what, til the end
You were my best friend
Funny how we never see
how things turn sour
How things go astray
We lose all sense of power
And get lost in the fray
And then there's the pain
Unrestrained
and it will always remain
Forever rain
A torrent now, but maybe in time
Just a mist clouding my mind
Just let go
That's what I've been told
But there'some things the heart tries to hold
You were the world to me,
you were family
A pat of my soul, can't you see?
At one time you cared
at one time you knew
but then the flames flared
You withdrew
Then up and walked away
the sun set that day
Darkness cast
night fell
Mind harrased
living in a personal hell
It's been a long day
since you went your way
Was supposed to b
you and me
no matter what, til the end
But I've lost my closest friend
It doesn't take death
for a friend to die
it just takes one breath
and one goodbye
So goodbye, farewell
Will we meet again? Only time will tell
Til then, I walk that edge, try not to fall
Into the darkness that tries to take all
I'm cut, I'm bleeding, but I've got strength left,
Barely, I'm hurting, but I'll fight til my last breath
I'll stand tall,
or crawl
I'll find my way
Back to the light of day
And will you be there? Who can say
I can hope, I can pray, that one day
this pain will just fade away
What can I say,
the heart sometimes can't let go
I know,
because some things just hurt the soul
But I'll stand, I'll try
I might break down and cry,
the tears will flow, but I'll carry on
And move on, cause life goes on
But always in the back of my mind
I'll remember the times,
and think it's too bad
it had to end so sad
but that's the way it goes, and who knows
how time flows, where it will lead,
if at last my heart will be freed, but til' then my mind will wander
my heart will burn asunder
And my mind will burn
And though I yearn and darkness envelopes me
I will see above the fog that clouds my mind and heart
Looking for my new start
A light in the dark
A star, a glimmer, the moon
which will save me from the gloom.
It's been a long time, a long day
Since you decided to go your own way
Was supposed to be
You and me
No matter what, til the end
You were my best friend
And I hope one day I see you again

THIS one is largely an answer to the one above, even though it was written earlier. It reminds me I have something worth living for, something worth FIGHTING for. Someone who actually loves me. And will never abandon me. Someone to help me through my darkest times:

The glass half empty
a night all alone
daytime has deserted me
everything gray and cold.

Along came an angel
with a heart full of gold
soul wreathed in emotion
pain new and old.

Two hearts that are broken
a meeting in the dark
exploring the deep places
the ones that may hurt.

Having a shoulder to lean on
someone to listen and to know
all the pain and hardship
we can overcome and let go.

No longer walk alone
there is someone by your side
in your heart I’ll wander,
stay with you forever more.

Gone away is doubt
my heart forever set free
of the chains that bind
and love having never seen.

And this one (which is actually a short story, not a poem) was inspired by someone I met here. Someone that, for all intents and purposes, may as well be dead. Someone I would have taken a bullet for if it came to that. And, funny thing is, I still would. There are some hurts the heart never fully heals from. Maybe I don't feel *quite* the same way about them as I did when I wrote this, but I still care and love this person, (though love in a different manner), and hurt as I am, I would probably welcome said person back into my life. Does that make me fucked up? Weak? Pathetic? Idk. Maybe it just means that my heart has a hard time letting go. Without further ado, here is the last one, "When I come Runnin'" based on a song from The Walking Dead:

Hold the light my love
Hold the light my love

I look her in the eyes. Those cold, staring eyes. Gazing up at me, filled with regret. The sparkle of tear tracks stained her pale cheeks, the crimson trail of blood dripped down the corner of her fragile lips.

Could you take enough
Hold the light my love

I clasp her hand on my own, her head in my lap. I feel my own tears, like a flood of water about to break the walls of a dam. I blink, trying hard not to cry. Not now, not with her last breaths. She weakly reaches her free hand towards my face, fingers gently gliding across my moist cheeks, before collapsing back to her side, all strength gone.

You know
I’m done
And I’m doomed
I think about how things had come to pass. It was just a virus. That’s what anyone thought. A virus, driving people a little crazy. But it was so much more than that. So much more. What the government failed to tell us, what the CDC tried to hide, was that the virus wasn’t driving people crazy. Oh no, if only it were as simple as that. The world is gone now. And with Elendria dying in my arms, I’ll be soon to follow. I can’t...I won’t live without her.

With a gun against my head
Gun against my head
Alone myself I stand
With a gun against my head

I never felt alone when the world ended. Because I’d had her. Elendria. We met two years before the apocalypse. We’d become fast friends, then...something more. I fell in love with her, she with me. We never took vows, never had the time. I never thought when I met her, I’d be holding her near lifeless corpse in my arms, trying to stay strong for her during her last moments alive.

What will I do when she’s gone? There’ll be nothing left. My life was taken when the world ended. My family was taken when the virus….

And now this. Now to lose the one thing in this world I had managed to hold onto. A light, going out.

You know
I’m done
And I’m doomed

When I come runnin’
When I come runnin’
To you

I choke back a sob, gritting my teeth, wishing for more time. More time. More time. There’s just not enough of it anymore.

When I kissed her she fell dead
Kissed her she fell dead
Did you hear a word I said
When I kissed her she was dead

I bend down for one last kiss. I press my lips to Elendria’s broken face. Something is wrong.I feel no breath, no slight rise and fall of her chest. I swallow hard, gaze into those beautiful blue eyes of hers. And they are lifeless.

I want to scream. I think I did scream, but it’s a little hard to remember. I think my memory is going. Is this what it feels like? Anyway, I want to keep writing, to keep record. I don’t want her memory to die.

I miss you Elendria. I just want to die. To join you in the darkness.

You know
Im done
And Im doomed

It won’t be long now. You see, after I gave her the final kiss….realized she was dead even before the kiss was finished, I took my pistol in hand. Only had one bullet left. Put the gun to my chest, pulled the trigger.

She’ll turn soon. Become one of them. The zombies. The virus didn’t just make people crazy, like we were told. Oh no. What it DID do, was start to bring the dead back to life. Like a fuckin’ movie. It takes about an hour or two, give or take.

Only one bullet. I could’ve put it through Elendria’s skull, made sure she didn’t become one of them. Like I promised to do when everything went to hell. But I’m too weak. I want to join her. Whatever path she takes. I love her too much to let go. If she’s gonna turn, so am I. We’re all infected. We all die. Then we all come back. I’ll see you again in the afterlife Elendria. In just a couple short hours. I miss you….and I’m sorry. For being too weak to keep my promise. Forgive me.

When I come running
When I come running
When I come running
To you
When I come running
When I come running
When I come running
To you

….So cold...I can’t really think straight anymore. Can barely remember anything now. Just Elendria. I love her more than anything, nothing will keep us apart. Nothing.

I’m coming, my love. I’m coming Elendria. I’m coming to you. We’ll be together forever. I love you so much. Now and forever.

[StarWight]

This is a short story, where I incorporated the song "The Last Pale Light In the West." The story itself has a lot of symbolism for me, it represents some things that went on in my life, and a pain that I'm still feeling. And I probably always will to some extent. It's a fictional story about a man who was betrayed by a woman he adored, trusted above all others, loved. And in the end she tried to kill him. The story, which is told alongside lyrics of the song, is one of struggle.

The song I chose to accent this story also holds special meaning to me. It's one of those songs that hurts to listen to, but whenever it plays on my playlist I can't skip it. I hope what anyone reading gets out of this story, is entertainment, and maybe something that will oddly make someone feel better--at very least, maybe someone can relate to the feelings.

* * * * * * * * * *

In my hands, I hold the ashes

I embrace her body in my arms, gazing into those beautiful blue eyes that are, at this moment, staring up at an empty sky. Light brown hair matted with blood from the bullet wound in her head. I break down, I can't breath, the tears are gushing down my cheeks. What have I done? I had...I had no choice, right? It was either kill her, or die. Kill or die. Should I have chosen death? Even in betrayal I still cared, still loved--even as I pulled the trigger seconds before she was about to kill me, I loved her. The sting of betrayal bites deep. Why do I feel so guilty? Maybe I should have let her kill me. I don't know. I just don't know. Why did you do this to me? Why??

In my veins, black pitch runs

Darkness, I feel vile. It's not that I killed someone, it's not that I defended myself. It's that the one I was forced to kill...was someone closest and dear to my heart...I'm not sure which hurts more. Her betrayal, or the fact that she is lost to me forever.

In my chest, the fire catches
In my way, the setting sun

Where do I go from here? How do I carry on? I can't breathe...I can't think. I can only feel a pain far more agonizing than anything I've ever physically been through. A pain of the heart, of the soul. I stare at the sky, I scream, I slam my fists in the dirt and fling my pistol as far as I can throw it. Then I rest my head across her chest, sobbing uncontrollably. Lost. She is forever lost.

Dark clouds gather 'round me

And so they have gathered, and continue to gather. The dark clouds of depression, enveloping, overtaking, overwhelming. Why? Why did this have to happen? How could someone so dear to my heart, decide to turn against me? I can't understand. I never will.

To the West, my soul is bound
And I will go on ahead, free
There's a light yet to be found

The last pale light in the west
The last pale light in the west

Will I ever find the light? Will I ever be whole again? God, I'm so sorry. When you lead those raiders right to us....when they all lay dead and bleeding, but you held strong, you held your pistol up to my head...I had one chance. I wonder...should I have fought? Was it worth killing you, to live?

And I ask for no redemption
In this cold and barren place

I say I'm sorry, but it's not the same as apologizing. I killed you, and I'm sorry I had to. But I refuse to apologize for the choices I made. I did what I had to do, to survive. I loved you. You were everything to me, my best friend, the one person who stood by my side since this apocalypse started. And then you betrayed me. Stabbed me in the back. Well. I guess now my heart and soul is just as cold and barren as this new world we live in.

Still I see the faint reflection
And so by it, I got my way

The last pale light in the west
The last pale light in the west

There has to be something worth fighting for. There just HAS to be. Maybe I'm wrong, but I have to try. I chose to live, and now I have to deal with it. Just don't know if I made the right choice. And I don't know if I'll ever be able to move on. Quite honestly, if I ever can it will be a miracle. But one step at a time. I stand to my feet, dust myself off. Take one last look at her crumpled body, tears still falling, and I start walking. To the West. Maybe I'll find the light. Or maybe the darkness will take my soul.

[StarWight]

It was so bright
I saw the light
You and me,
we were free
You and I together
Was supposed to be forever
Like a sister, maybe more
Didn't work, but our friendship endured
You were there, helped my heart mend
You were my best fuckin' friend
When nobody was there, I had you
And you had me too,
and it didn't matter if we couldn't be
a couple, you see,
We respected and cared for one another
We would always stand by eachother

But then
darkness descend
the heart wrend
You let the fuckin' friedship come to an end
And I can't comprehend

Just why
You and I
Our friendship just had to fucking die

Betrayed, harsh words like a knife,
stabbed in the back
It'd have been better if you'd taken my life
I lost my wolf pack

And my heart was hurt, I wanted to die
I broke down, layed down, shed tears and cried
Wept over the loss, we'd been friends for years
It was one of my worst fears
Come true, you walked away
And right on my birth day
A yearly reminder of what's come and gone
Wondering how I'll carry on
It's a hell, it's dark
why did we have to depart
Why did fate, leave me behind
While you move on, and YOU seem fine

But me, inside, I'm still cryin
Inside part of my soul is dyin
Part of my soul is lost
That was the cost
Of meeting you, of loving you, of becoming so close to you
If I could take it back, I don't know what I'd do
The sad thing is, I'm no longer angry, just sad
I'm not mad
And I'd be so glad
If you called or texted
Just left me a message
Like nothing had gone down
Just turn it around
I'd accept it without saying a damn thing
Accept the 180, the full swing

But I know I'm dead to you, even if you're not to me
And never again will I see
Your smiling face and bright blue eyes lookin at me

So I'll just tread on
Try to carry on
for right or wrong
our friendship is gone
and I'm left do cry
to deal with this pain, at least try

[SgtEasy]

These are really good man :)

[StarWight]

@SgtEasy Thanks. They all come from the heart

[SgtEasy]

@LoneSilverWolf

Have ya thought of putting them on some poetry site to share to other people? I mean, not that RPGuild isn't a place you can share stuff but something more dedicated to poetry or short stories?

[StarWight]

@SgtEasy Never really thought about doing that tbh, though I wouldn't be against it

[SgtEasy]

@LoneSilverWolf

You'd probably get good critique, ya know? Better than what you'd get from a bunch of roleplaying schmucks like myself XD

[StarWight]

@SgtEasy Nah, RPers are often excellent judges of writing--because we do it for fun : D

[SgtEasy]

@LoneSilverWolf

I guess so XD. Try and put it out there more, who knows? Might get lucky or sumthin'

(I am saying all of this in the heaviest, strongest Italian accent you could think of by the way XD)

[StarWight]

@LoneSilverWolf

I guess so XD. Try and put it out there more, who knows? Might get lucky or sumthin'

(I am saying all of this in the heaviest, strongest Italian accent you could think of by the way XD)

@SgtEasy

Now I am picturing Luca Brasi telling me this xD

[Vesnic]

@SgtEasy Never really thought about doing that tbh, though I wouldn't be against it

@LoneSilverWolf

@LoneSilverWolf WritersCafe.org ..that's where I post up my poetry!