Chai

Internet Relationships

Beatrix said
Oh Nargle, during my LDR/IR with Mike, we would talk all day, often times with our phones on the charger and even falling asleep while the call is still going, and then we wake up in the morning with the call still connected and wake each other up. XD

I understand this; it's the greatest. Nevermind if it's a LDR or not, I think when couples do this it just means that they have a good mental and emotional connection with each other.

LoneSilverWolf said
That's where my friendship was severely damaged with the girl I was seeing and later trying to rebuild a friendship with. She is a distant person by nature...like, I ALWAYS want to talk/hang out with my friends, that's just how I am. SHE, however, is the type that doesn't usually talk to her friends every single day. She made a special effort to communicate with *me* everyday because of how close we were (this was after we broke up). The thing is, when one person wants to hang out and do stuff every day, and the other doesn't....it can be a real problem in a friendship. I was feeling hurt, like she didn't like me anymore, and she was feeling like I was pushing too much. I like what you said about having the same expectations because I've found that to be so true. And if the expectations cannot be exactly the same, a compromise ought to be reached (if the two in question really care for eachother as friends or more than friends, this should be possible), that both people can be happy with. I know for me, it's hard to see someone that I really care about and want to hang out with, doesn't seem to want the same thing from me. It's very hard not to take something like that personally--I guess this is where communication comes in, even just among friends let alone a couple.

It does take more communication (more as in, more talking) to set expectations in an LDR because you aren't there to -see- the other person's reactions to what you say, so it's like walking on thin ice when you have to make a compromise and you often have to play the waiting game on each other; as someone said earlier, every word counts. BUT, I do think communication in person can often times be deeper (not necessarily more words, but more layers) which can ultimately make the compromising easier.

Internet Relationships

Turtlicious said
Do you ever wonder if your girlfriend is actually a 700lb man from wisconsin?

You do when you're on the internet and you start not to trust them. As for the rest, I'll have to respectfully disagree being in both relationships. Most of my time in actual physical relationships were just that.

Physical.

We wouldn't talk as much, (only an hour or two a day at most,) and when we were together we were more interested in boning and talking about boning then actually building a relationship. A relationship in which you stare at someone and talk can be very draining and a lot of it tends to be superficial, there's only so much time you can spend talking with someone IRL before you both want to kill yourselves., (this again plays into the introvert thing, introverts are content to sit in silence next to a person and call it bonding,) it's a lot easier to pussy foot around issues when you show your physically uncomfortable with the subject matter.Inversely, online relationships tend to cover every object under the sun and require at least 6-7 hours a day of conversation.

I just got off the phone with my girlfriend, (we date both online and IRL,) and...We spoke for 7 hours, 41 minutes, and 31 seconds. (BlueRose was re-named Iris for a shadowrun game and I never chagned her name back ^_^;;)If you're in an actual relationship with someone, you're not going to find 8 hours a day to talk with them, and if you actually asked for that people would call you nuts, clingy, and probably worse.

E: You have to be an introvert to make them work because an Extrovert wouldn't be the kind of person to sit on skype for 8 hours a day, they'd be out mingling and being an extrovert.

I am sincerely sorry about your experience of physical relationships. That's not the norm for me, and most women I know would hate for a relationship to be so physical without any substantial connection emotionally or mentally behind it. Then again, my boyfriend and I have been together for two years and haven't had sex, so we have no other choice but to build a relationship that's based off of emotional and mental understanding.

I also kind of grouped sitting and being content with each other's company as part of physical communication because it counts as nonverbal communication, but if don't see it as that then that's okay too. I am indeed an extrovert and I am perfectly fine with spending five hours on a Skype with my boyfriend, which we do at least 4-5 times out of the week. It's just that I do it after I mingle and whatnot. And the thing is, sometimes it's us talking while we're gaming (that activity is more of a couples thing because I don't play anything unless it's with him), sometimes it's while I'm doing calc homework or online shopping or whatever, but we're able to switch topics from topics that are superficial in nature to really deep in nature. I think both are healthy in a relationship because without the superficial talk, flirting or dirty talk, it would be devoid of any "coupley" affection, and without the deep stuff, there's no way for you to progress the relationship in a way that's not physical.

Basically, I don't think it has anything to do with your personality or being in intro/extrovert; I think it's more of the mentality you bring to the online relationship. I honestly think anybody could have a successful e-relationship given that on both ends the expectations and understanding are the same.

Internet Relationships

TP said
But I agree you have to be an introvert to make 'em work.

I think I'm just stupid because it's so late at night, but I don't understand why you'd have to be an introvert to make it work.

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My, my, Chibisuke! I'm stopping by to say you have some beautiful work (:

Internet Relationships

Turtlicious said
There's a higher expectation for communication, because you won't see each other, what would be acceptable in an off-line relationship (maybe calling 2x a week and that's it,) wouldn't be enough in an internet relationship

It can also be a lot closer emotionally, you kind of run out of things to talk about so you build bonds. Shared stories / jokes, reminiscing about the past, just constant levels of information sharing because there's nothing else to do so you get to know that person very deeply.

There's an implicit level of trust once you start dating in an internet relationship

That neither of you will lie, because that seed of doubt and mistrust is so much more damaging.

I honestly think offline relationships require more communication, and it's often deeper communication. Just because you don't talk on Skype or on the phone that often doesn't mean you don't communicate just as much as a couple in an online relationship. Plus, when you see that other person, there's a lot more communication channels to analyze. Verbal words, verbal tone, gestures, body language, eye movement, etc. In fact, I think the expectation for communication is the same, because we would all like to see relationships work out no matter the way in which they are conducted.

"It can also be a lot closer emotionally, you kind of run out of things to talk about so you build bonds. Shared stories / jokes, reminiscing about the past, just constant levels of information sharing because there's nothing else to do so you get to know that person very deeply."
Wouldn't you say that's what offline couples do as well? This is an expectation in a relationship, a norm if you will. And I find that when you start an online relationship, you almost never run out of things to talk about because people are just more comfortable communicating online rather than face-to-face. This mentality extends (at least, it did for me) when you start having Skype/phone calls and whatnot with that person. You already feel like you can tell them anything, so why stop?

And I'm honestly curious- because I've never considered it before- but how is the seed of doubt and mistrust more damaging to an online relationship versus an offline relationship?

A Digital Era: Corrected & Connected

GENKAI.
I apologize for posting interest and not following through. But I am here now and ready, so if you're willing to have me I'll send in an application!

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TitanPad is up!

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Kybur said
NOPE. CARE TO REMIND ME.

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Kybur said
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Kybur said
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