Doc Doctor

Don't let me drown (open for more characters)

Comin'.

RPGuild Ranking Headquarters!

Power Level: Any
Arena: Any
Victory: Knock-out, Forfeiture or Death.
Wager: Unranked
Stipulation: Respond to your opponent's post within 48 hours, otherwise it counts as a forfeit.

Kentucky Tom

Name: Kentucky Tom
Age: 29
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 180 pounds
Race: Human
Class: Jerkwad
Alignment: Chaotic
Eye Color: Unknown



Weapons and Equipment: Sunglasses, cigarette, white suit.

Physical Abilities/Skills: Physically and mentally, Kentucky Tom is remarkably average. He's no more fit than a man of his age normally is. He is, however, one seriously hardass dickweed who used to be a fast talkin' auctioneer. He has only one special ability, but it is virtually impossible to kill or incapacitate with it. His power is known as "Really Buggersome Affectations". He can inflict nasty effects upon enemies by speaking the magic words of a curse and then pointing and firing a softball sized orb of arcane energy. The speed of the shot depends of the nastiness of the curse. Such curses as "Horndoggums Humprumpus" travel at half the speed of a small thrown object, whilst curses like "Pinkwimpor Buttflamingonum" move as fast as bullets. The only way to break these curses is to kill him. The known curses he uses are...

*"Impreggio Bitchpleasum"- Impregnates whomever he is pointing at, forcing a baby to be conceived within them. This works on men and inanimate objects. (Mid-Speed)

*"Baldickus Bodilicious"- Instantly removes all the hair on your body. (Fast-Speed)

*"Gayroticus Weinerfestum"- Turns the victim gay. (Slow-Speed)

*"Fartilliarum Skidmarkius"- Gives you the messy farts. (Med)

*"Pinkwimpor Buttflamingonum"- Turns your skin pink. (Fast)

*"Retardingus Shitheadellus"- Lowers an enemy's I.Q by one point. (Med)

*"Dirtlingus Shoutloudius"- Forces an opponent to yell out their deepest, dirtiest secret and then proceed to do so again every two minutes. Each time Tom hits a victim with this curse, it halves the time that they can go without shouting. (Fast)

*"Whiteytightus Fucknuttums"- Makes your underwear ultra-tight and uncomfortable. (Fast)

*"Beardantili Hipsterium"- Gives you a huge beard. (Fast)

*"Nudesweeta Bareassum"- Evaporates the target's clothing into an embarrasing gooey honey mist. (Med)

*"Weaboonekus Fucknuttus"- Gives you a bunny tail and cat ears. (Fast)

*"Pisswiggums Bladdersmallis"- Makes you have to pee really bad. (Med)

*"Horndoggums Humprumpus"- Makes you insanely attracted to the next thing Kentucky Tom points at. (Slow)

*"Nipgantius Bigtittumus"- The victim's chest area will grow to five times normal size. (Slow)

*"Fatassium Bastardus"- Makes the victim obese. (Slow)

*"Lolhardickus"- Forces the victim into an awkward situation the likes of which occur most often to us in the morning. If used on a female, it will materialize the required assets upon her being. (Fast)

*"Pussysobbium Crybabius"- Makes you cry uncontrollably. (Med)

*"Racechangium Laughardiculum"- Changes the victim's race. By changing the first word to "Sexchangium" Tom can alter gender instead. (Slow)

*"Narratium Expositorium"- Forces the victim to narrate their actions as they do them in a deep, dramatic voice. They cannot complete their attack until the end of the narration. (Slow)

*"Smurftardicus Squeakerotica"- Gives you a high pitched helium voice. (Fast)

*"Butthorkus Limporkus"- The victim becomes a transgender drag queen complete with high heels and wig. (Slow)

*"Blindorial Nerdwerdus"- Makes you near and short sighted and materializes a pair of prescription glasses onto your face. (Med)

*"Pizzamugums Pubertum"- Gives the victim a load of acne. (Fast)

*"Glasswhackius Buttmunchickus"- Makes you instantly punch the nearest person with glasses in the face nice and hard, even if it is yourself. (Med)

*"Dildus Rubberium"- Turns an enemy's weapon into a certain rubber implement. (Slow)

*"Foolookius Overthereius"- Makes you look where Tom is pointing. (Slow)

*"Itchums MacGuiness"- Makes you feel very itchy all over. (Slow)

Background: Kentucky Tom grew up in the rough part of town and was constantly harangued by bullies. Why? He had a smart mouth. Shooting off insults came naturally to Tom. He pissed off teachers, parents, drivers, senators, dogs, you name it. He never had much cash, since his job as an auctioneer didn't pay all that well. But then one day, everything changed. He met an old fakir who beseeched Tom to sell an old Porsche for enough money to bail his deviant grandson out of jail. Tom felt pity for the mystic and at the next auction, sold the vehicle for twice what it was really worth. Out of gratitude the fakir bestowed upon Kentucky Tom the power to incur hilarious status effects upon the unwary.

Theme Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRJ9_yHiNmg

Creeping Death (Shiden Vs. Doc)

@ShidenBladesBetter not take my advice. Things would become very silly very fast.

Creeping Death (Shiden Vs. Doc)

@ShidenBladesThis is a damn fun fight! I adore clean matches where you get a chance to actually do some neat maneuvers, instead of just the stuffy old awkward scuffling with which many close quarter duels abound.

Creeping Death (Shiden Vs. Doc)

As Zande felt his elbow miss it's mark, he felt also a deep and aching sense of disappointment. He put his very spirit into each attack, and whenever one failed it was like a tightening grip upon his heart. The same thing happened when he (almost always) failed at picking up women (preferably white ones). Zande had his ups and downs as often as he had successes and failures. He was comically, tragically, very much in touch with his inner self. If given the time, he'd have taken a brief respite to go slump in a corner to be miserable. But upon seeing his opponent hurl something to the ground, his instincts told him to suck it up and move. Zande had a little unspoken motto, learned from hard lessons in lawless slums. If somebody chucked something at your body, you "slipped" past the aim. If someone threw something at your feet, you fucking leapt like your life depended on it. Zande, however, hadn't failed to notice how his opponent would have thrown it at his feet too. It must not have been anything that would blow him up.

Instead of hitting the deck, Zande made a quick little hop to rearrange himself and better orient his position to correlate with that of his opponent, the smoke billowing about them before his feet had even settled. But when they did, instead of trying to back away and figure out where his opponent was like any sane man, the hyper-aggressive headhunter would take a massive right step forwards, right arm cocking as far back as it could reach before he swung his axe with as much vigor as his untamed body could unleash, rippling legs uncoiling like steel torsion springs as the elevated emissary of terminal absolution slung forth in a flashing arc of white hot death, at roughly the level and place where the tribesman figured his opponent's center mass would be should he move backwards. It might even catch the man a nasty nick if he had moved to the tribesman's left. Zande's static strength may not have been world class, yet it was truly incomparable to the volcanic severity of his gratuitous striking power. The results of a direct hit would be cogently ruinous.

Objects and Force (Empty Vs. Doc)

Gonad stood before the lake, staring gloomily down at the tasty fish darting to and fro before him. He had wandered out into the large expanse of vernal grass and trotted up to the water's edge, but dared to go no further. He was hungry but of all the luck, there was a large and very clear "NO FISHING" sign right there, complete with a picture of a fish crossed out in red. Even Gonad, with his immense ignorance of written and verbal languages, knew exactly what it meant. Sometimes life wasn't fair. The grisly barbarian glanced over his shoulder. It didn't seem like anyone was watching. He looked right and left. Perhaps nobody would notice...

Gonad squatted down and thrust a hand into the crystalline waters, seizing a large catfish and hauling it up to take a bite. As sure as bears shat in outhouses, no representative of law enforcement would probably, maybe, perhaps be there to stop this fiendish act.

Objects and Force (Empty Vs. Doc)

My Hider

Name: Gonad Yaksplitter
Title: The Lord of the Rising Sun
Age: 34
Height: 7'2"
Weight: 499 pounds
Race: Human
Class: Warrior
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Eye Color: Hazel



Appearance: Pure unadulterated muscle. Lean muscle that ripples under his flesh like the waves of the ocean. He has muscles on his muscles. Feet Muscles. Finger muscles. Muscles in places that muscles should not be. A grisly body resembling tanned granite that might as well have been chistled by the gods. Bulging veins, thick and course. Tendons like steel cords. Fingers like blunt iron rods. Long, sinewy limbs crafted for naught but the deliverance of phenomenal destruction. Innumerable scars in all shapes and sizes coat his body. There are hundreds upon hundreds. Where the scars did not cover him, coarse manly hair thick and strong like steel wool does. A great dark gray beard speckled with the blood and bone flakes of his foes flows down his freakishly striated chest in thick, oily waves reminiscent of the River Styx. From it emanates the very stench of death and graverot, every bit as inescapable as his lurid glare. Within the primordial human's single eye burns an undying flame, sizzling hotter than the arse-winds of Satan himself.

Weapons and Equipment: His body, occasionally a set of thick six kilo runite (a foreign metal of nigh-indestructible toughness) bracers and a pair of dragon gauntlets (a metal that is a tier above runite, also almost indestructible). He often wears the "Tzhaar-Kal-Ket" (runescape.wikia.com/wiki/Fire_cape), an incredibly rare and magical cloak bestowed upon those few in history who have triumphed over the brutal challenges of the volcano-dwelling Tzhaar. It is impervious to flame and incredibly durable. He also always keeps an enchanted "Inoculation Brace" (runescape.wikia.com/wiki/Inoculation_b..) on his ankle.

Physical Abilities/Skills: Regarded in his home realm as the greatest martial artist and warrior to have ever lived, Gonad boasts tremendous dynamic and static strength as well as the primal grace and speed of a wild animal. He fights through experience and instinct, capable of reacting to attacks through muscle memory before he consciously registers them. Gonad is the supreme master of his own body, and can control its functions at will. He can enter into berserk states, constrict blood vessels to keep from losing fluids, and transmit senses other than sight through his visual cortex along with a plethora of other abilities.
His tolerance for pain is complete and unyielding, and Gonad witholds a vast array of rare and lethal wisdom to the point of being said to know of over one-thousand ways to kill with his bare hands.


(An example of Gonad's strength)

Weaknesses: Gonad lacks ranged weapons and is completely devoid of any magical skill or energy. He is, as they say, a One Trick Pony.

Background: Gonad is a legendary warrior who hails from the realm of Gielinor, a faraway land entrenched in fantasy and warfare. He has seen countless wars, killed countless enemies, made countless friends. To recount the barbarian's many adventures would be an exercise in futility, for the blood wrought odyssey of Gonad transcends time and experience. Though if requested, a Wikia link to said background shall be provided.

Objects and Force (Empty Vs. Doc)

This low-mid powered battle shall take place in Wotan's Forest. Naturally the first to be rendered incapacitated shall be the victor. If it is agreed upon by both players, there shall be a 48 hour time limit.

Creeping Death (Shiden Vs. Doc)

@ShidenBladesWow, I thought I had stepped upon the guy's right foot! But a goof is a goof and I gone and dun' it. At any rate, let us see if my amazing and sexually impressive talents can make this thing work anyways. Gonna roll with it though and pretend it was on purpose.

Creeping Death (Shiden Vs. Doc)

Zande had indeed stepped in the way he did for a reason. A trap was a trap and it didn't require always stepping on someone's foot. As Zande stepped forth and missed, his right hand darted back to sieze upon the thick handle of Jancro the Great and Terrible, and as Nicoli lowered his arms to, well, arm himself, the tribesman would screw his heels into the ground and twist his torso towards his opponent, putting the full heft of his lean body into a blow of such ferocious vehemence that it would kill a normal man and certainly knock cold a very strong one. Surprise, surprise, it wasn't with his axe that he struck. His gaunt face was contorted in demonic emotion, lips pursed and eyes lethal as he really, as the pros say, "put his ass into it". Zande always attacked with all he had, with supreme and sudden violence.

Assuming that at this point Nicoli was very close indeed, Zande's long left arm (which had been raised) shot backwards, his bony elbow like a burning piston on a crash course for the unguarded left side of the assassin's head, just above the jawline and below the temple so that the chances of a shoulder block or duck succeeding would be slim to none, and the compact speed and manouverability of the attack might possibly quell an attempt to evade or counter by moving closer or further away. All in all it wasn't a fancy technique and was surely imperfect, but it had more than a few strong factors rooting for it, the greatest of which was how Nicoli's arms were down and he was nice and close. A moving body could give away intent, but at this range there was a difference between seeing an attack coming and reacting to it.

The wildman knew that whether or not his attack succeeded in the long run, it was always wise to have a contingency plan. Such would be why he'd have whipped out his monstrous battleaxe by the end of it, the weapon slipping loose not with the creaking of leather but a whisper of death. Armor or no armor, if that savage tool struck a man his life would leave his sundered body and he would cease to be a person.