Member
NoriWasHere
Savo
The wind assaulted his back as Shane quickly returned to the embrace of the manor. All but seeing his cheeks flush red from standing outside merely for a moment, he was happy to retreat to the comparatively warmer confines of inside, even if the wind was still whistling through portions of exposed wall. Unfortunately for the reclusive Vanburen, he had found he'd traded one cold view for another.
“And for a moment there I thought you’d run off on us again. Not like there’s a precedent,”
Ignore. Block it out.
Shane lifted his hands to his mouth and blew into them for warmth, letting Tansy's onslaught of small talk wash over him like a wave. He was well aware what it was, the verbal equivalent to body blows before setting up the big right hook. Being amongst multiple members of his family was bad, but at least they distracted themselves with their own agendas and score settling. One on ones were awful. Interrogations. People in his family only spoke to Shane when they wanted something.
“But it’s not all bad, I suppose. It’d be kind of fun to have us all under one roof again. Give us all plenty of time to catch up. You know what I was thinking about the other day?”
He looked up from his self-made cocoon. Eyeing her with his cold stare. Almost missing her setting up the knockout blow as he pondered the first half of her statement - with Tansy it could well be sarcastic or sincere.
Only at the last second did he foresee the big right hook.
“I was thinking about how you never told me why you quit the NYPD."
Justifications spilled from Tansy's mouth, a convincing job of almost sounding earnest in her concern. She deserved to know. The family deserved to know. Rumours. Danger. Protection.
It was a subject Shane had steeled himself with, not that the average person could really tell. But, compared to how he was with it initially, he was practically a saint in regards to his patience on the topic. That is to say, he didn't immediately leave the second it was mentioned. But when he'd returned, naturally, it was only anyone wanted to talk to him about. He found it easier to dismiss regular people from his life, but it always felt more difficult when up against his family.
His jaw clenched, his eyes shut. As if hoping that when he opened them, Tansy would be gone. The Christmas party rang in his mind. Truthfully, Tansy had made some valid points when she laid into him that night. But it was all a blanket to shield her real concern, herself. Even now. Motivated only by the damage Shane's quitting of the force might do to her. She liked to hide her real fears beneath empathy. Even when they'd been close, he'd seen her do it so effortlessly, but wrote it off as merely a skill adopted for the sake of business. It was a bit like their Father in that regard, but James was harder to get a read on. Easier to believe. With Tansy, once you spotted the strings, you could see the performance.
You just knew.
“Otherwise I don’t know. Please, Shane, I know you already used your monthly quota of words but just talk to me.”
He opened his eyes, saw the tears welling in hers.
An unexpected hurdle that made him falter. He felt the anger that bubbled inside him subside, if only somewhat. Even when he knew it was an act. He fucking hated himself for it, but he could feel the venom that was about to lace his words regress.
'Should've just been an actress.'
Not to say the question still hadn't stirred enough inside of him to provoke visible emotion on the normally glazed Vanburen. All the tears in the world wouldn't keep him from holding up the walls that had gotten him through the days for a long time now.
"What are they?" He said, voice as cold as the air outside. "The rumours."
Arms folding on their own accord, eyes narrowing in a stare that Shane previously reserved for interrogating a suspect. "'Cause whatever they are; maybe they're right."
He stepped forward.
"If whatever you, or these people, think I might've done was so bad." A sneer. "Then maybe, there's a good reason I haven't gone spreadin' it around."
If you didn't know Shane it would really be impossible to tell, it may well still have been for the Vanburens with how little they saw of him. But his expression softened. Somewhat. Trading stern for sincere as his arms uncrossed and his eyes relaxed into the dull but composed look they always carried. He didn't step back however, needing to ensure his words weren't taken as any power play. Any psychological angle bullshit some of his family liked to play.
"You. Them." He gestured to deeper inside the house. The Vanburens. "Whoever's talking about me. You can all think whatever you want. I really don't care. But, my entire life, even you've got to admit I've never done anything with the intention of hurting this stupid family."
Stepping back, exhale escaping his lips. Shane slowly sat himself down on a sofa next to them. Spring green, miraculously untouched save for the dulling of colour as a layer of dust laid atop it.
"So I'm asking you to trust me, when I say you're better off not knowing." He looked ahead toward some vague distance, beyond the hall, beyond the home. Eyes tired. "Whether you can live with it or not, it doesn't matter. What happened, happened. No good comes from digging it back up."
He cleared his throat after a moments silence hung in the air. His voice ached. He'd been talking far too much today.
'Really hope they're about done.'
