Genkai

Corrected & Connected [a future sci-fi cyberpunk slice of life]

Still accepting submissions!

Corrected & Connected

As a note, I'll be returning to my other post to keep reviewing the submission since they're on the first page anyway, so they're easier to get to/look at as I write. As a quick note though, @TalijaKey you probably shouldn't have presented us with your weaker writing sample since it is a first impression and if you knew it has flaws, they should have been checked before submitting since it saves us all a bit of time. ^^; I have to write about 2-3 essays this weekend which includes a total rewrite of one and prepare for a group presentation. Even so, I should find bits of time still come on when needed, as I do lurk offline on my phone to check threads. I'll tag mentions in the other thread to keep things better collected. Thanks for your understanding guys.

Corrected & Connected

@Hella Cute Gotcha, some people do it one way, some do it the other, some refer to their own characters by their last name, it just all depends but knowing the difference is still pretty important. ^^; Glad you added some spells, that was always a pain when I had to deal with them. Would you consider making her one-time barrier (probably weak strength) as a Low level, Magic Fists up to Medium and keeping Arcane as Medium too and Bolt at Low? Just wondering, I sound super nitpicky ow. >__<' I just figure a melee attack (any) may be considered harder/more useful as a medium spell and likely used less often than the other two low levels. And everything else would check out fine now, thanks for the clarification. Many times, someone doesn't mean to make a loner (I can tell if it's intentional usually) character and it can still come off a little questionable. Her recklessness could also be considered a fierce loyalty so there's that possibility, verging on selfless perhaps? Would you be open to pushing her up to 22 or is your heart set on 21? Since she's still in the midst of university it may make things easier for meet ups if she was at least in her final year/able to have more freedom and less shit to do. Anyway I'm back to my essay, think it over and I'll pop back on when I can. Thanks for being totes understanding, some people get really defensive about their characters.

A Click. A Choice. A Consequence.

@AtSixesAndSevens & @vietmyke would a 1x1x1 be a suitable proposition? It might be more manageable from a RPers standpoint and keep the pace fair enough for all three of us (a pattern would develop between the three us by default). We could all double, each having one character interact with one of the others, or we could simply stick to one role each and still have our characters work together, depending on ideas and preferences. It would also give you two equal say in the direction since to me, it seems weird to GM two other players when we can all easily be equal partners. Currently I have 2-3 ish Groups and...like 2-3 ish 1x1s, I'm being careful about which I add at the moment.

Fandoms I am Currently Craving (updated)

Bump.

Beyond a Fire's Embers

It pained Katniss to consider the fact that she wouldn't be able to help Prim in the arena. Things would be different. It would be a situation where you always had to be thinking ahead, thinking about everything and everyone around you, in a constant fight for your life. Sleep and relaxation would be next to impossible. Sleep would come if they were lucky and traveled in a group. Relaxation on the other hand, was dangerous and meant that you were letting your guard down. Of course there were rare times in the Games when you may find peace and quiet but that didn't necessarily equate to relaxation. Showing Prim the sorts of traps she had developed herself, as well as learned with Gale from their years in the wilderness, were coming in handy. And it may have been easier to teach Prim because they were sisters and knew how to best explain and show things. Gale had told her how he had tried once or twice but how it didn't work out. For Katniss though, Prim wasn't a bad student though in Katniss' own mind, she may have not been the best teacher herself. But overall, considering their sisterly bond, it made things easier for both of them which did let them relax a little and enjoy the time together, not just the educational life saving value. "Good." Katniss said as Prim triggered her trap. The woman with them mentioned that a subtle change would ensure a better kill and Katniss could tell Prim just wanted to do something else. Prim would need to confront her wall eventually and Katniss didn't want to push her to hard or too far but at the same time, in the Games, hesitation to kill would just give someone else time to do the same thing to you. It was tricky and Katniss gave her sister a nod. "Alright." She decided a different trap, one that would help gather water, if that was even possible given the future state of the arena. When Prim mentioned Haymitch, she looked over to where he was and shrugged. "I dunno." She glanced back down at the items she was using to construct her trap. She used a series of leaves and some stocks to act as a gathering system for water. "You need to use whatever you can to collect water but even then, you need a fire to boil it, just to be safe." She warned her sister, staying focused as best she could. If she stayed busy, it would take the luxury of worrying away. "I know one year, the water was acid or something, that it burned and wasn't safe." She said, trying to remember if Haymitch had told her something like that or if she had watched it one of one the many recordings. "You need to ba careful but still aware of your surroundings. Caution doesn't mean being slow or relaxed, it means being active and preparing for whatever you can think of." Gale knew his approach with Haymitch had not gone well at all and he wondered if he should try approaching Peeta or Katniss because right now, he didn't feel like he could count on Haymitch. And if he tried to talk to Prim about this issue, he didn't think it would help matters much. Gale was trying to keep things balanced and fair for everyone but that was a troublesome task and he'd rather be able to count on Haymitch, rather than question him or the actions of Katniss. The less drama everyone was involved with, the better, but Gale knew Katniss and he knew her rash actions would be a risk. He wanted Haymitch to help manage that if possible, but right now Gale wasn't sure if he could put faith in a man who wouldn't even have a conversation about what was really going on, what was really important. The rest of the afternoon was spent doing workouts with Finnich. He could sometimes feel Johanna or Beetee watching him briefly but he also knew they were being monitored by officials. Gale was hoping he could find a way to communicate better with Haymitch but part of Gale thought that maybe the older man just refused to connect, even on the level that Katniss and Prim needed to be kept safe. Gale knew playing these kinds of dangerous games would be hard but he knew there was a plan put in place to help get everyone out. The plan needed to succeed. And that meant making peace with Haymitch, somehow. As training wrapped up, he said goodbye to Finnick and waved to the others with a tired smile before he headed off to the elevator with a group of others, mostly fresh faces who was struggling not to become overwhelmed by the daunting task set out before them. He made small talk with a few but made sure to keep thing light and impersonal. Their days were numbered and Gale would try his hardest to make sure his own and the others in the alliance, weren't numbered. When he got to their floor, he saw Effie and Peeta talking closely and for a moment, he wondered if it was about the plan and the night before's information gathering. "Hey." He greeted them. Effie spun around in her light aquamarine high heels with feathers and gems. "Oh Gale, we didn't hear you come up. I thought for a second you could have been-" "Haymitch, yeah I'm not." Gale grinned a little. "I'm gonna go take a shower." He said and headed off. "The celebrations will start in thirty minutes so be quick!" Effie called to him and turned back to Peeta who had already resigned to her scheme of sorts. The blond baker could sense things were circulating between his four Tributes and he hoped they weren't mucking things up. He took a seat on the couch and soon Katniss and Prim came up together, talking about him it seemed because when they stepped out, they smiled and quieted down. "Welcome back you two." Effie greeted. "I suppose Haymitch is taking his time getting back." She said, trying not to make a fuss. Katniss patted Prim on the shoulder and headed off to her own room. She and Prim had been talking about Peeta, but it was good things, saying how great of a guy he was and such. Back in his room, Gale had already hopped in the shower and was washing himself off, trying not to get into his own head too much. He thought a third attempt might be suicidal but he wanted to try one more time before going to Katniss about his concerns. Gale dragged his nails through his hair, trying to think of something less troubling and pictured him and Prim together at the Ball. That was fun, she looked so pretty. He then found himself needing to take a bit longer in the shower than planned but when he got out, he was at least in a bit of a better mood. He got dressed in a pair of black slacks that seemed waterproof somehow. Then he pulled on a grey tank top and headed out of his room to see Peeta still on the touch reading. This time, the table where they all ate was filled with three times as many trays of food and drink and dessert. He felt his mouth water and he sat down beside Peeta. "I guess she is serious about a party." He joked as he saw Effie putting up the last of the decorations. There were balloons and streams and even some weird light thing that flashed different mood lighting tones across the living room. The elevator opened and their stylists arrived. Gale had to wager that anyone else wouldn't be allowed to come up to their floor, even for a birthday party. "She means well." Peeta considered. "Says you, you're not the one who has to watch their figure." Gale nudged him. Peeta returned the nudge playfully and before the boys could get into some kind of girly banter, Katniss came out and sat on the other side of Peeta and rested her arm on the back of the couch. "Behave you two." She warned with a grin as she glanced around and smiled at Cinna. They had some catching up to, that's for sure. Her hair was down and wavy, she had on a black tee shirt and a pair of grey shorts. For her, the mood was pretty good and there was no way she was going to complain about a party. Any good time that could be had now, she wanted to take full advantage of. "Thank you." She said and watched the adults pour themselves a drink. "This night is all about you." Gale said to Peeta. "You deserve it." Katniss added as she got up to get a drink, likely a nonalcoholic one though. Peeta moved to get up but she stopped him. "What can I get you?" She asked him. Maybe she felt a little bad about finding happiness where she did, that it wasn't with Peeta. But he was moving on that helped them both. Still, she did care about him and even though she didn't know about the plan, she did feel like she owed him a lot. Haymitch may have helped her from the outside of the arena, but Peeta kept her sane, kept her alive and she'd never forget that. He deserved happiness, not to be back in the Capitol with the of them. "Sparkling juice?" "Coming right up." She nodded and headed up to the dining table with Gale, who still couldn't figure out why Katniss was appearing more open and easy going, than her usual closed off self. For now, he didn't mind the change and got him and Prim a drink while Katniss headed back down to give their mentor his own drink.

Corrected & Connected

Okay! I have a one on one to finish and a group RP to post to. I'll be editing this and mentioning people as I review their sheets. I'm also working on an essay that's due tomorrow. I would normally be in my AM class but it just got canceled so instead of going back home to bed, I'm staying on campus to get work done...*grumble* So expect this post to be expanded and edited. ^^' GM Disclaimer: Anything I say isn't meant to be a personal attack but merely advice from a GM who wants to have a balance and civil dynamic between characters. Any questions or extra information I need is just so I can understand your concept better. If you want to redo a concept entirely, that's fine. These are set in stone after all and like I said, skills, appearance and name online wise, can be changed in-game. When you edit what needs to be edited, mention me in a new post in the OOC and say what was changed and then you'll get a final "Accepted" and then you're welcome to post in the CS tab, both your roleplayer and character sheet. The quicker we get this out of the way, the better chance we have of using our momentum. @Hella Cute Some people list first name first or last, with Japanese names so by the way you call her Kiku, that's her name while her surname is Yukimura. Just wanna confirm my assumptions! Moving on! I'm glad someone picked magic, I used it once in the past but I'm going to need more specific spells (if that's what she uses) for her attacks and defenses. Since she dabbles in everything, I also have to assume her power won't be too damaging since the basics usually entail small skills. But then you also mention that her spells do the opposite, are powerful but slow. If they are slow, what kind of hit rate does she have? I would have to assume it's up to her fellow Correctors to help hold enemies down if they want to use her abilities. Is that an effective tactic people don't mind employing, especially if offline, she isn't very sociable unless the others go out of their way to make sure she's included? That's not a good recipe for success and taking her young age into account, she'd only been a Corrector for about a year, maybe a little more. Is she intimidated by those above her? Usually a new Corrector would have a very close proximity to those that take new members under their wing. Lastly onto the personality. I do think adventurous, reckless, and confidence do go together. However recklessness isn't something the Gvn would want to put money into. And if she is a bit of a drinker (I'd at least need to know if she's gotten any fines or any marks on her record for drinking) is she tapering it down or keeping it to days that she has off at least? Lazy is alright with me, it sounds more like aloof or disinterested, which is a little worrying but it could just be her young age...but again, bad habits tend to be broken the older you are and the more life experience is thrust upon you and considering she's the oldest of five, I'd assume she'd be a bit more reliable and responsible/self-aware. And you mention she has a one track mind and yet she's a Jack/Jill of a trades which ends up confusing me a little. If she has a one track mind, wouldn't she want to focus on one magical ability like say wind/air magic or water? In Closing: Your sample was fine. I just would like to know more about her magical powers, perhaps why she's a little reserved yet claims to be out going every so often, and how her vices end up not tipping her out of the Gvn's favor. When they're either tweaked or explained further, you'll be accepted~ You should also be aware it won't be the group's job to cater to your character's shyness/laziness. Correctors are expected to spend time offline together, if your character doesn't, that's her choice entirely but it will give you less Rounds to take part in and may hinder her development. I only say this to characterw who could give off "loner" vibes. I hate people to be left out or left behind due to how they've crafted their character and your vision could come alive in a different manner than what I'm previewing right now and if that's the case, I'd love to hear your take on things since she's your character and you know her better than I do but from a GM's standpoint, I'm just making concerns known. If/when you edit, let me know~ @TalijaKey Hello! I think I know him from someplace... So I'll need to know more info about the hammer in regards to how big it is compared to his body and how heavy it may be for him. His natural strength will be used in the DgtWld, so his upgrades later on, may be able to help lighten the hammer so he can execute multiple attacks. The charging factor is a little confusing since it makes me think lightening or something is coming into play, a bit like Thor... I'm not sure I'm comfortable with him being able to not be damaged. I would say in some cases, Correctors could get small mobile barriers that are small and randomly placed in proximity to their avatar but I don't see them as being able to eliminate a lot of damage, perhaps lessen a hard blow/ambush. And can you explain "spitefully" a little. I suppose it could go with determined but I'd need to know more about that. You history is fine, though it is a little hard to read. You talk about his grandfather and how he didn't approve his mother but then you flip back from the future to the present of the story and then move into the future again, the order of events (in the beginning 1-3 paragraphs) are a little unclear. You may want to edit or read through your CS, some words are misspelled or sentences seem stiff. Some words are wrong, I think you meant embarrassed but then said embraced at one point. Overall, the sample is a little worrying since there are a lot of mistakes, rather say just 2-3... Well I'm gonna go finish my 1x1, I'll be back to do one or two more before my PM class. >__>' Done with the 1x1, but gonna log off and focus on my essay. But I'll be back to do hopefully the rest tonight, if not tomorrow afternoon between classes. @TheMusketMan Whitehead is a really weird last name...not sure I'll be able to think about your guy without thinking about some kind of weird Indian or guy with weird acne (whitehead to blackhead idk). Erm moving on... Personality is hard to read mostly because out that blurb I get: +Charismatic and outgoing and then -blunt. The background about the personality just muddles it for me, you should probably just stick to the curt style everyone else is doing because some of the details like him smoking or liking Western culture don't really have anything to do with actual personality traits. To me, those are more quirks or mannerisms. I need to know his bare bones personality, not necessarily that he's a biker. You could then approach it by answering: What does being a biker say about him personally? He is free spirited, like freedom ('murica!?), etc? You do give us more in the history like him being friendly and positive but really those are synonyms and end up being redundant, rather than informative. Maybe cite HOW he was friendly briefly? I'm tempted to say military would be obsolete due to "world peace" being established and everyone pretty much staying in "line" with everything, but it isn't a huge deal, just be aware any military would be significantly downsized and used for more basic things like say helping communities make repairs after natural disasters or something like that. Has he ever been to America, if his dad is from there, and he's totally into it, I'd assume he'd have gone at least once right? You may want to specify his residence as well since it should be Tokyo or nearby the city. And the online appearance, I'll need to say would not start off with a flaming head. I assume after an upgrade after say, him finishing his third and final year of "training" he would have gotten the accessory of fake flames. And I also want to know more about his weapon. I'm under the assumption (correct me if I'm wrong here) that he can reload pretty quickly, materialize new bullets. Do they do anything or are the old fashioned simple bullets? And the bicycle thing is okay...I guess, just try not to use it too much since some of the group might not have that kind of transport and I assume that maybe his most recent upgrade...since with the flaming head and TWO guns and bike, it is getting excessive. Does he have zero defense and close combat skills? Just trying to weigh your guy's pros/cons and see if I have everything straight. And you keep calling him "collector" which isn't right, it's "Corrector" as in correcting the issues in the DgtWld, they're not collecting anything except maybe boatloads of cash. @Krauxis Finally, I'm getting to you! The other GMs have pointed one or two concerns and you've also been able to figure out where we might have issues with your submission. I'm still unsure about her skills. Physical attacks + a sword seem...too peachy for her. Sorta get what I mean? She also wouldn't have had multiple upgrades at her point in time, maybe 1-2 but from the sounds of it, you might be expecting 3+? And if she has had at least one upgrade (probably the most as well) she probably couldn't have developed such excessive speed, which you then turn around and say she hasn't had many upgrades so I would probably say to pick one "advantage" and polish it well with equal strengths and weakness and not try to pin too much on your character off the bat. Her defeatist attitude reminds me a little of Hella Cute's in which if they try something and fail, it knocks them a little too far down to the point I'd worry about over confidence and depression since I personally see people with high expectations of taking a risk, being able to understand with great risk, you should be able to bounce back. Does that make sense? Is her being cynical a little too excessive? It sounds like she's more moody or unpredictable. Being angry at the world usually tends to fade with age, unless life is SO HARD for her, which given her lush job, is a little hard to consider. If you maybe just took away "angry at the world" since it strikes me more of a teenager's petty angst and replace it with something more considerate like, she's prone to outbursts or being snippy without pausing to think twice/calm herself down? Ex: Irrational or a realist? So in terms of "criminal" behavior or marks on her record, what would we see? I don't think it's fair to suggest that her crimes would be pardoned per say, nor do I think she'd be used as a "double agent" for the hidden underbelly of unrest since she has a enough on her plate as a Corrector. If anything, I'd think the Gvn would have offered her the job on a probation for her sort of "turn a new leaf" for the sake of being stable/trustworthy/a good investment etc. Would that be okay or make more sense? Gosh, I really hope this isn't too nitpicky, I'm still reeling from a bad essay grade that I have completely rewrite tonight. But if still hangs out from time to time, with her delinquent friends, that would be fine, if you'd like to keep her "badass" side alive, off to the side. @Anonymous Finally, your turn! Everything seems to check out...not really a fan of parents/someone close dying, it just seems...I dunno misused/cliche these days. Is his death needed? Does it bring/take away anything from your character? Given how you handled it, it's alright though. Also the weapons are fine, though I may want you to add that use of the internal head could result in say, the blade breaking which could require more time to make a new one? And that the "Possessing a history in kickboxing has also granted Takeshi with valuable speed, agility, and exceptional strength." can't be an afterthought. How much history are we talking here? I'd say you'd need to cut it down to either speed/agility or strength. If you can tweak the weapon thing, he's approved and able to be added to the others. @NeoAC I'm glad you tweaked the weaponry but I'm having an issue with how he gets tapped for being a Corrector. We already have a few people who were "on the wrong side of the tracks" / "had a rocky youth" so I'm not sure if that should be his catalyst. Firstly, "He was still unhappy with his self-image though, and eventually he tried to hack into the system to get access to the code that would allow him to change his appearance so he would fit in with other people in Japan. It was this action that brought him to the attention of the Correctors." is confusing and might be where there's a misunderstanding. Self-image meaning what? His avatar? His avatar isn't something he'd be able to have let alone tweak. Real people don't get them online since they can't go into the DgtWld on their own, that it only acts as say something like virtual goggles but without giving them an appearance or anything like that. So I don't see why he'd need to try and hack to fix something (so he can fit in) which he shouldn't even have. If he did make an avatar and a program, he'd be a hacker and thus a target for termination from the Gvn and the Correctors. Hackers would never be employed as a Corrector because they can code and the Gvn does not want Correctors who can do that because it would mean chaos. So I think you need to adjust how he gets brought in, since right now it just doesn't add up with the rules set in place and again, I'd like to avoid bringing people with questionable judgement into an expensive dangerous program. If it's possible for him to be brought in normally, then he'd get a green light. @Krauxis Heyo. Sorry bout the time it took to get to ya. ^^; Cynical may be better as pessimism but hey semantics right? I guess in my head, pessimism isn't as "bad" as being a cynic but who knows! I think after the tweaks and discussions, I'd say you are accepted. @TheMusketMan Incidentally you've given us three a lot to talk about these past few days...which is why there's been some delay in regards to you being accepted or not. What I am uncomfortable with is his reliance on a bike (and when his fellow correctors don't have such a convenient or high upgrade means of transport + battering-ram) and the guy's obsession with a character that in 2022, is pretty obscure (hell, it's even obscure these days I'd say) and something I don't see a point in trying to replicate/hang on to. On top of that, the "guns" issue has yet to be fully explained or even resolved. You mention a vague number of reloads on his person but don't say how much. That does matter in an action sequence. If he has 2 reloads, he should be fine but if he has like 8, that's way out of line and considered overkill. If you had him do away with the bike (as we've said, it's too much) and just had two guns with few reloadable mags, we could work with it but I see the guns + bike as two overpowered weapons he hasn't earned. Either an upgrade can go to avatar changes like a flaming face or butterfly wings (without flight) or they go to power that helps a human go beyond usual limits. I have expressed an idea to the other GMs about offering to have you act as a temporary baddie but at this time, I don't think either you or us, are able to reach a middle ground where we're happy with things. You seem intent on keeping the concept as is and we're asking for modifications and for things to possibly change in the future (upgrades) so I can't accept you. I do want to thank you for your effort, time and consideration with trying to make this work though and if you're interested in being part as a temp character, the history would need to change but in this case, the online info with him as a Hacker, would be suitable to go up against since Hackers give themselves a lot more gusto than Correctors are allowed...

Digital or Real?

Don't worry, you had to wait nearly three weeks for me. But if you can get something before three weeks, that would be awesome too. I'm just working on an essay that's due tomorrow because I just found out my AM class was canceled...it would have been nice to get some extra Zs...

Corrected & Connected

Guns are fine, as long as they have some limits like any other weapon.

Corrected & Connected [a future sci-fi cyberpunk slice of life]

The OOC is up now, take a look and get to tinkering on those sheets guys! Log Online