Buddha bruh you KNOW i know hetero couples aren't perfect (i.e. my marriage falling apart.)
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Dion,
HangYourSecrets
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hi guys.
officially + indefinitely, I am stepping away from writing with the exception of my current story with hangyoursecrets. I’m sorry if I’ve left you hanging recently. Life has changed a lot since the beginning of the year, and while fortunately things are so much better, I have less and less time to write.
thanks for understanding 🖤
officially + indefinitely, I am stepping away from writing with the exception of my current story with hangyoursecrets. I’m sorry if I’ve left you hanging recently. Life has changed a lot since the beginning of the year, and while fortunately things are so much better, I have less and less time to write.
thanks for understanding 🖤
Most Recent Posts
In
On LGBT+, homophobia, country-perspective (EU vs US), democracy, and free speech.
→
8 yrs ago
Forum: Off-Topic Discussion
In
On LGBT+, homophobia, country-perspective (EU vs US), democracy, and free speech.
→
8 yrs ago
Forum: Off-Topic Discussion
Buddha, first off, I’d like to say that you’re my homie and I always have an enjoyable time discussing shit like this with you. Not as much as our other stupid conversations, but almost. This was well-written and a good read, my die or die.
2 WARNINGS:
I'm tired. I might read this tomorrow and realize its garbage.
I’m not going to comment on the democracy/political side of things.
Now, to continue on to my point, I believe the fact that your country does not exhibit the same level of homophobia as mine does makes our perspectives wildly different (as we discussed in our PMs.) The fact that I am also not a straight person also does give me some bias on the topic, which I am more than willing to admit. Our life experiences granted us completely different viewpoints, and I am utterly satisfied with that.
However, I do love to talk about this.
The reason that many of us, especially in the United States, have such a strong opinion about homophobia is that is that it can often times not be limited to words. Protests, murders, and hate crimes are a very scary and real thing to people who are not heterosexual here. I’ve often not told people about my sexuality for this exact fear. On the internet under anonymity, why the fuck not?
That’s why homophobia and homosexuality are two different ballgames. Heterosexuals are not a marginalized group, as they are the norm. They don’t get their weddings protested. They don’t get the shit beat out of them for being seen with their significant other. Politicians aren’t discussing their bedroom affairs to see if it should be okay or not. Straight people do not go through struggles with their sexuality like those in the LGBT community, too. That’s why homophobia is wrong. And even though your country doesn’t witness that, it still doesn’t make it less wrong.
And oooooof course, they are allowed to speak their mind. To quote what I said to you in our PM:
People’s opinions on homosexuality are not the problem. Some people may not like my fucking hair cut and I’m not going to cry about it. It’s the fact that straight people get so angry about it, either with words or with physical assault, that is wrong. It’s an advantaged group “attacking” (using that word liberally there) a disadvantaged group because of their opinion on the matter, an opinion that originated from religious books supposedly written thousands of years ago by a mystical man in the sky.
I am not involved in the community. I don’t go to parades. I don’t sign petitions or wear bisexual pride colors head to toe on designated days. I just want to hold a hot girl’s hand down the road if I am so lucky, or be able to explain something about myself without fear. I’ve accepted a long time ago that homophobia will always exist. I just think that its form right now is cruel and barbaric. PEOPLE JUST NEED TO WORRY ABOUT THEMSELVES.
In regards to my status bar activity today, I don’t want to see kids discouraged from things that they probably get on the internet to run away from. I love the dumb insensitive part of the internet as well, but this is an open roleplaying forum that we all know damn well attracts a lot of young people. That’s why I can’t do a group smut roleplay in the casual section. The status that sparked all of this came off as “look at me I’m edgy” and that its sole purpose was to get some likes and make others feel bad. As someone who has been told her whole life that my sexuality is wrong, if I see it happening, I’m gonna say something. Don’t like it? That’s okay.
Do I think roleplays are completely over-saturated with non-straight characters now? Yes. I do.
Do I join those roleplays? No. I know how to close my eyes and move on.
Anyway, I’m not mad about homophobes speaking their mind from a point of being open minded and not just mean. It helps me weed out the people I don’t want around me : - )
ANYWAY BACK TO SHIT POSTING
2 WARNINGS:
I'm tired. I might read this tomorrow and realize its garbage.
I’m not going to comment on the democracy/political side of things.
Now, to continue on to my point, I believe the fact that your country does not exhibit the same level of homophobia as mine does makes our perspectives wildly different (as we discussed in our PMs.) The fact that I am also not a straight person also does give me some bias on the topic, which I am more than willing to admit. Our life experiences granted us completely different viewpoints, and I am utterly satisfied with that.
However, I do love to talk about this.
The reason that many of us, especially in the United States, have such a strong opinion about homophobia is that is that it can often times not be limited to words. Protests, murders, and hate crimes are a very scary and real thing to people who are not heterosexual here. I’ve often not told people about my sexuality for this exact fear. On the internet under anonymity, why the fuck not?
That’s why homophobia and homosexuality are two different ballgames. Heterosexuals are not a marginalized group, as they are the norm. They don’t get their weddings protested. They don’t get the shit beat out of them for being seen with their significant other. Politicians aren’t discussing their bedroom affairs to see if it should be okay or not. Straight people do not go through struggles with their sexuality like those in the LGBT community, too. That’s why homophobia is wrong. And even though your country doesn’t witness that, it still doesn’t make it less wrong.
And oooooof course, they are allowed to speak their mind. To quote what I said to you in our PM:
if some dude was like "ew u like pussy but u have one too ??? that gross" id be like "yeah cool man w.e"
People’s opinions on homosexuality are not the problem. Some people may not like my fucking hair cut and I’m not going to cry about it. It’s the fact that straight people get so angry about it, either with words or with physical assault, that is wrong. It’s an advantaged group “attacking” (using that word liberally there) a disadvantaged group because of their opinion on the matter, an opinion that originated from religious books supposedly written thousands of years ago by a mystical man in the sky.
I am not involved in the community. I don’t go to parades. I don’t sign petitions or wear bisexual pride colors head to toe on designated days. I just want to hold a hot girl’s hand down the road if I am so lucky, or be able to explain something about myself without fear. I’ve accepted a long time ago that homophobia will always exist. I just think that its form right now is cruel and barbaric. PEOPLE JUST NEED TO WORRY ABOUT THEMSELVES.
In regards to my status bar activity today, I don’t want to see kids discouraged from things that they probably get on the internet to run away from. I love the dumb insensitive part of the internet as well, but this is an open roleplaying forum that we all know damn well attracts a lot of young people. That’s why I can’t do a group smut roleplay in the casual section. The status that sparked all of this came off as “look at me I’m edgy” and that its sole purpose was to get some likes and make others feel bad. As someone who has been told her whole life that my sexuality is wrong, if I see it happening, I’m gonna say something. Don’t like it? That’s okay.
Do I think roleplays are completely over-saturated with non-straight characters now? Yes. I do.
Do I join those roleplays? No. I know how to close my eyes and move on.
Anyway, I’m not mad about homophobes speaking their mind from a point of being open minded and not just mean. It helps me weed out the people I don’t want around me : - )
ANYWAY BACK TO SHIT POSTING
Have something in the works :-) should be up soon hopefully!
“I love you. I just…I just want you to know that.”
It was from that moment on that Jane knew where Rob was heading, but instead of stopping it then, she remained in the fetal position she was in during the meeting, wiping her tears subtly as they fell from her eyes. Jane couldn’t not let him share his feelings – the ones she begged for him to tell her – so with the little willpower she had in her body, she left him finish before she reacted.
And man, was that difficult.
Part of her knew it had to have been coming, but the other part was completely taken by surprise. The brain and the heart. With each word he spoke, it was harder and harder for her to sit there and take it. It felt like self-abuse by the time Rob had finished with: ”Because what’s working right now…it just isn’t.”
With that last sentence, Jane felt the last bit of emotion she was trying so hard to desperately push down come bubbling back up. “Fuck,” was all she could get out at first, and that was only a whisper between sniffling and involuntary noises from crying.
Was Rob wrong? Of course not. Their relationship had felt like an impossible obstacle course since it started. They had both done damage to each other with both words and actions. They ruined a tour. They hurt their friends. So many things had gone south in just a few months that it’d be ridiculous to keep things going. But it didn’t make it hurt less.
Jane had finally calmed down enough to speak. “I-I don’t know what to say.” Her eyes were fixed on the floor between them, blurry with tears. Would she be able to say anything right now that wasn’t completely emotionally driven?
”Why did you bother telling me your feelings in the first place?”
”Are you seriously gonna end it after all that we’ve been through?”
”I might be pregnant. Please don’t leave me yet.”
No. The answer was no. She wasn’t going to be an adult about the situation, at least right now. Even Jane would admit she was too immature for that. Instead, she used the long sleeve of her t-shirt to violently rub her eyes, then almost abruptly, she stood up for from the chair.
“Rob. I respect your decision. But… I can’t be here right now… with you. I’m sorry.” Jane picked up her bag from the chair and fanned her face with her hands before looking down at him, finally making eye contact with him. “I love you.”
And with that, she briskly walked out the door and down the hall of the venue, shielding her face from the bright light of the sun that greeted her. What was she going to do? Harold had asked them to keep a low profile in the bus all day, but being trapped with Rob would just be too painful.
“Lyla?” Jane whispered into the phone a few minutes later on the side of the venue. “It’s Jane.”
“Hey, Jane, is everything okay? You –“
“Are you in the bus?” Jane felt bad for interrupting, but everything seemed so urgent at the moment.
“Yeah…” Lyla replied, her tone suspicious. “What’s going on?”
“I, um, do you mind just coming to get brunch with me somewhere? Anywhere. I’ll wear a hoodie and sunglasses. I-I just can’t be in the bus right now.”
“Okay. Where should I meet you?” Lyla’s voice went from weary to maternal in an instant.
“I’ll text you a place we can eat.”
Once Lyla met Jane at a small café, they wasted no time getting down to what had happened between her and Rob. Jane had even gone far back into history, answering Lyla’s question about their friendship, and all the minute details that led up to this moment now. Jane would have to take breaks between sentences to compose herself before continuing, and it made her feel weak. Stupid. Just like the dumb girls she had made fun of in the past for being so dramatic during a breakup.
But this felt different. She was now alone. Alone half way across the world from her home. Andy wasn’t even here any longer to lessen the blow. She’d have to go through it herself.
“And now… I think I’m pregnant,” Jane whispered and looked around the shop with paranoia.
“Oh my god,” Lyla replied, putting a hand up to her mouth. “Whose is it?”
“There’s a fifty-fifty chance it could be either Rob’s or Andy’s.” Jane shook her head in disappointment with herself. “I haven’t taken the test yet, so I’m not sure.”
“Do you have it here?” Lyla’s eyes widened.
“Yeah, it’s uh, it’s in my bag.”
“Well, damn it, Jane, take it! Here!”
Jane lowered her sunglasses and looked Lyla in the eyes sternly. “Jesus, calm down.” She scanned the café once again. “Fine, but can we finish eating first?”
“Are you gonna keep it?” Lyla asked, ignoring Jane’s request.
“Of course not.” Jane rubbed her face. “One, I can barely take care of myself. Two, Andy isn’t here anymore. And three, Rob just dumped me. What about that says, ‘Hell yeah, let me have a kid right now’?”
“Errr, you’re right.” Lyla put her fingers to her temples. “Well. Okay. Let’s eat.”
Jane sat on the toilet as Lyla turned to face the wall in the corner.
“Oh, come on, don’t be weird,” Jane rolled her eyes as she peed on the stick. “I’m almost done.”
Lyla turned around slowly from the corner and couldn’t help but laugh. “Cameron didn’t tell me this was part of my job description.”
She chuckled. “Yeah. Sorry about that.” Jane pulled the stick up and placed the cap on the top. “Shit,” she whispered and placed in on the bathroom sink. “Can you… Can you tell me when it’s done?”
“Yeah,” Lyla nodded with a faint smile.
Two minutes felt like an eternity, and both girls waiting in a painful silence until the recommended time was up. “Okay, Jane,” she nearly whispered. “I’m going to look at it.”
Jane squeezed her eyes shut and mumbled something in reply from the other side of the one-person bathroom. If there was ever a time where she felt the least mentally prepared to do this, it was now, but she couldn’t put it off any longer. The reason Jane’s life was spiraling out of control was because she put things off instead of dealing with them head on.
Lyla gasped as she picked the test up from the counter, confirming Jane’s fears. “Two lines?” Jane’s groaned.
“Yeah,” Lyla whispered. “Two lines.”
“Fuck,” Jane cursed sharply, covering her hands with her face. “Okay, okay, I just have to get my insurance information from Harold, then I should be able to take care of it.”
“J-Jane,” Lyla stepped closer to her. “You should at least tell Rob and Andy.”
She didn’t look up from her hands. “Why? Wouldn’t it only make things worse?”
“They just deserve to know,” Lyla explain as she rubbed Jane’s shoulders. “It’ll be okay. I won't tell anyone.”
“Thanks for sitting here with me, Lyla.”
Lyla had returned to the bus, but Jane had walked around the city aimlessly for a while. She wasn’t ready to face Rob. All she wanted right now was to be held by him like she had been that morning, or to kiss his lips and neck and try to convince his neck, or –
Jane’s phone vibrated in her purse, and she leaned against a brick wall that lined the sidewalk as she dug through her bag to retrieve it.
“Hey, Harold,” her voice nearly cracked from crying earlier.
“Jesus, what happened, Jane? You sound like shit. I told you to stay in the bus until the show tonight.”
“I’m sorry, I needed some fresh air. Can we cancel the show tonight?” Jane winced as she asked, knowing it wouldn’t go over well.
“Absolutely not. Somehow, even with Vicarious dropping, it’s almost sold out. You’re gonna have to suck it up.” Harold’s voice portrayed his unwillingness to budge, and Jane receded.
“Okay. Can you, uh, send me that insurance information you were going to?”
“Are you sick?” Harold asked.
Jane paused for a moment. “Something like that. Please, just send me a picture of my cards or something.”
“Okay. You’ll have time to go to the doctor tomorrow.”
“Thanks, Harold.” Jane hung up the call and dropped the phone bag into her purse and sighed. She was already exhausted from the day, and it was only an hour past noon. She knew she needed to lay down and rest before the show tonight, but what if Rob was in the bus? What would she do? After a yawn consumed her momentarily, she knew she didn’t have a choice, and she decided to call a cab to head back to the bus.
Jane reluctantly entered the bus and peered down the aisle before stepping on. No Rob in sight – maybe he was in the bathroom or something – but she took it as an opportunity to dash to her bed, throw up her bag, and quickly climb up into the bunk, closing the curtain behind her. She undressed and stuffed her clothes in to the corner, then curled up in the blanket in a fetal position underneath it.
And as she laid by herself in the cold sheets, she felt painfully alone. The sensation made tears come right back to her eyes, and her body began to shake as she silently cried. Her head throbbed from being sober this long, and her finger trembled from stress as she tried to remove the strands of hair that stuck to her face. She was a wreck. She was truly a heartbroken wreck. Imagining how the show would go tonight only made her feel worse.
She thought of all the memories that had accumulated over the past seven years. All of the laughs, the tears, the good times and bad. All the fun that they had shared. All the times she had laid in his arms. Every time she had been angry at him.
All she wanted was Rob, and now, she couldn’t have him.
Jane soon fell into a deep, deep sleep, one that not even the commotion from everyone being in the van could shake her from. At one point, she heard Austin’s voice ask if she was okay, but she only groaned in response. She didn’t want to talk to anyone.
It was from that moment on that Jane knew where Rob was heading, but instead of stopping it then, she remained in the fetal position she was in during the meeting, wiping her tears subtly as they fell from her eyes. Jane couldn’t not let him share his feelings – the ones she begged for him to tell her – so with the little willpower she had in her body, she left him finish before she reacted.
And man, was that difficult.
Part of her knew it had to have been coming, but the other part was completely taken by surprise. The brain and the heart. With each word he spoke, it was harder and harder for her to sit there and take it. It felt like self-abuse by the time Rob had finished with: ”Because what’s working right now…it just isn’t.”
With that last sentence, Jane felt the last bit of emotion she was trying so hard to desperately push down come bubbling back up. “Fuck,” was all she could get out at first, and that was only a whisper between sniffling and involuntary noises from crying.
Was Rob wrong? Of course not. Their relationship had felt like an impossible obstacle course since it started. They had both done damage to each other with both words and actions. They ruined a tour. They hurt their friends. So many things had gone south in just a few months that it’d be ridiculous to keep things going. But it didn’t make it hurt less.
Jane had finally calmed down enough to speak. “I-I don’t know what to say.” Her eyes were fixed on the floor between them, blurry with tears. Would she be able to say anything right now that wasn’t completely emotionally driven?
”Why did you bother telling me your feelings in the first place?”
”Are you seriously gonna end it after all that we’ve been through?”
”I might be pregnant. Please don’t leave me yet.”
No. The answer was no. She wasn’t going to be an adult about the situation, at least right now. Even Jane would admit she was too immature for that. Instead, she used the long sleeve of her t-shirt to violently rub her eyes, then almost abruptly, she stood up for from the chair.
“Rob. I respect your decision. But… I can’t be here right now… with you. I’m sorry.” Jane picked up her bag from the chair and fanned her face with her hands before looking down at him, finally making eye contact with him. “I love you.”
And with that, she briskly walked out the door and down the hall of the venue, shielding her face from the bright light of the sun that greeted her. What was she going to do? Harold had asked them to keep a low profile in the bus all day, but being trapped with Rob would just be too painful.
“Lyla?” Jane whispered into the phone a few minutes later on the side of the venue. “It’s Jane.”
“Hey, Jane, is everything okay? You –“
“Are you in the bus?” Jane felt bad for interrupting, but everything seemed so urgent at the moment.
“Yeah…” Lyla replied, her tone suspicious. “What’s going on?”
“I, um, do you mind just coming to get brunch with me somewhere? Anywhere. I’ll wear a hoodie and sunglasses. I-I just can’t be in the bus right now.”
“Okay. Where should I meet you?” Lyla’s voice went from weary to maternal in an instant.
“I’ll text you a place we can eat.”
*****
Once Lyla met Jane at a small café, they wasted no time getting down to what had happened between her and Rob. Jane had even gone far back into history, answering Lyla’s question about their friendship, and all the minute details that led up to this moment now. Jane would have to take breaks between sentences to compose herself before continuing, and it made her feel weak. Stupid. Just like the dumb girls she had made fun of in the past for being so dramatic during a breakup.
But this felt different. She was now alone. Alone half way across the world from her home. Andy wasn’t even here any longer to lessen the blow. She’d have to go through it herself.
“And now… I think I’m pregnant,” Jane whispered and looked around the shop with paranoia.
“Oh my god,” Lyla replied, putting a hand up to her mouth. “Whose is it?”
“There’s a fifty-fifty chance it could be either Rob’s or Andy’s.” Jane shook her head in disappointment with herself. “I haven’t taken the test yet, so I’m not sure.”
“Do you have it here?” Lyla’s eyes widened.
“Yeah, it’s uh, it’s in my bag.”
“Well, damn it, Jane, take it! Here!”
Jane lowered her sunglasses and looked Lyla in the eyes sternly. “Jesus, calm down.” She scanned the café once again. “Fine, but can we finish eating first?”
“Are you gonna keep it?” Lyla asked, ignoring Jane’s request.
“Of course not.” Jane rubbed her face. “One, I can barely take care of myself. Two, Andy isn’t here anymore. And three, Rob just dumped me. What about that says, ‘Hell yeah, let me have a kid right now’?”
“Errr, you’re right.” Lyla put her fingers to her temples. “Well. Okay. Let’s eat.”
*****
Jane sat on the toilet as Lyla turned to face the wall in the corner.
“Oh, come on, don’t be weird,” Jane rolled her eyes as she peed on the stick. “I’m almost done.”
Lyla turned around slowly from the corner and couldn’t help but laugh. “Cameron didn’t tell me this was part of my job description.”
She chuckled. “Yeah. Sorry about that.” Jane pulled the stick up and placed the cap on the top. “Shit,” she whispered and placed in on the bathroom sink. “Can you… Can you tell me when it’s done?”
“Yeah,” Lyla nodded with a faint smile.
Two minutes felt like an eternity, and both girls waiting in a painful silence until the recommended time was up. “Okay, Jane,” she nearly whispered. “I’m going to look at it.”
Jane squeezed her eyes shut and mumbled something in reply from the other side of the one-person bathroom. If there was ever a time where she felt the least mentally prepared to do this, it was now, but she couldn’t put it off any longer. The reason Jane’s life was spiraling out of control was because she put things off instead of dealing with them head on.
Lyla gasped as she picked the test up from the counter, confirming Jane’s fears. “Two lines?” Jane’s groaned.
“Yeah,” Lyla whispered. “Two lines.”
“Fuck,” Jane cursed sharply, covering her hands with her face. “Okay, okay, I just have to get my insurance information from Harold, then I should be able to take care of it.”
“J-Jane,” Lyla stepped closer to her. “You should at least tell Rob and Andy.”
She didn’t look up from her hands. “Why? Wouldn’t it only make things worse?”
“They just deserve to know,” Lyla explain as she rubbed Jane’s shoulders. “It’ll be okay. I won't tell anyone.”
“Thanks for sitting here with me, Lyla.”
*****
Lyla had returned to the bus, but Jane had walked around the city aimlessly for a while. She wasn’t ready to face Rob. All she wanted right now was to be held by him like she had been that morning, or to kiss his lips and neck and try to convince his neck, or –
Jane’s phone vibrated in her purse, and she leaned against a brick wall that lined the sidewalk as she dug through her bag to retrieve it.
“Hey, Harold,” her voice nearly cracked from crying earlier.
“Jesus, what happened, Jane? You sound like shit. I told you to stay in the bus until the show tonight.”
“I’m sorry, I needed some fresh air. Can we cancel the show tonight?” Jane winced as she asked, knowing it wouldn’t go over well.
“Absolutely not. Somehow, even with Vicarious dropping, it’s almost sold out. You’re gonna have to suck it up.” Harold’s voice portrayed his unwillingness to budge, and Jane receded.
“Okay. Can you, uh, send me that insurance information you were going to?”
“Are you sick?” Harold asked.
Jane paused for a moment. “Something like that. Please, just send me a picture of my cards or something.”
“Okay. You’ll have time to go to the doctor tomorrow.”
“Thanks, Harold.” Jane hung up the call and dropped the phone bag into her purse and sighed. She was already exhausted from the day, and it was only an hour past noon. She knew she needed to lay down and rest before the show tonight, but what if Rob was in the bus? What would she do? After a yawn consumed her momentarily, she knew she didn’t have a choice, and she decided to call a cab to head back to the bus.
*****
Jane reluctantly entered the bus and peered down the aisle before stepping on. No Rob in sight – maybe he was in the bathroom or something – but she took it as an opportunity to dash to her bed, throw up her bag, and quickly climb up into the bunk, closing the curtain behind her. She undressed and stuffed her clothes in to the corner, then curled up in the blanket in a fetal position underneath it.
And as she laid by herself in the cold sheets, she felt painfully alone. The sensation made tears come right back to her eyes, and her body began to shake as she silently cried. Her head throbbed from being sober this long, and her finger trembled from stress as she tried to remove the strands of hair that stuck to her face. She was a wreck. She was truly a heartbroken wreck. Imagining how the show would go tonight only made her feel worse.
She thought of all the memories that had accumulated over the past seven years. All of the laughs, the tears, the good times and bad. All the fun that they had shared. All the times she had laid in his arms. Every time she had been angry at him.
All she wanted was Rob, and now, she couldn’t have him.
Jane soon fell into a deep, deep sleep, one that not even the commotion from everyone being in the van could shake her from. At one point, she heard Austin’s voice ask if she was okay, but she only groaned in response. She didn’t want to talk to anyone.
Ask by The Smiths
Get It How You Live by Anne
I Caught Fire by The Used
Antidepressants by Night Verses
Dangerous by Big Data feat Joywave
Bulls on Parade by Rage Against the Machine
Slither by Velvet Revolver
Deliverance by HRVRD
Bent Nail by Nothing
Conduit by A Memoria Brooded
Get It How You Live by Anne
I Caught Fire by The Used
Antidepressants by Night Verses
Dangerous by Big Data feat Joywave
Bulls on Parade by Rage Against the Machine
Slither by Velvet Revolver
Deliverance by HRVRD
Bent Nail by Nothing
Conduit by A Memoria Brooded
Rob’s reaction, or nonreaction, was a pleasant surprise. Her head now laid on his chest, and as he told her to just relax with him, she felt the vibrations of each syllable on her cheek. Was this the end of their problems? No, of course not. Even as someone who refused to succumb to reality as often as possible, Jane couldn’t deny that they had a lot to deal with before things would settle down again.
But, for right now, she would lay completely still in his arms. The peacefulness alone made her eyes well up, and they rolled with gravity across the bridge of her nose and down into his bare skin. Jane was absorbing all that she could before shit hit the fan.
Jane fought waves of nausea as she sat in a ball in one of the chairs in the room. Harold and the boys were going back and forth about what their next step would be. It was hard to stay focused, but she tried, rubbing her eyes every time they began to lose focus and blur.
Harold’s voice cut through the fog in his familiar stern tone: ”But what I can do is make sure we’re all on the same page from now on. That’s why we’re all meeting now. So?”
Jane straightened her posture and cleared her throat. “I think we should do it.” It was the first sentence she had spoken since they’d arrived. “An interview or something.” This earned her all the eyes in the room, but Harold was the only one to reply.
“Are you sure, Jane?” he asked, his stare one more of paternal concern rather than managerial. “I can’t control what they say about you guys after you do.”
“Yeah,” her gravelly voice replied. “But I’m only gonna do it if we come clean about everything.” Jane looked over at Rob, then down at the floor. “I know we, uh, we all try to hold on to whatever privacy we have left, but I’m pretty sure that’s gone now. We just gotta explain what those pictures were about, then try to move on.”
Harold sighed and ran a hand down his face. “Okay, then. I’ll book an interview for either tomorrow or the next. Lay low until then. No more media stories. And Jane?”
Her head snapped up to the graying man. “Yeah?”
“Try to text Andy and see where they’re at with the tour. You may be able to get further than I can.”
Jane felt her cheeks flush, and she nodded quickly. “O-Okay, I’ll let you know.”
“Alright. Your set’s at eight tonight. Hang out on the bus and relax until then.” Harold clapped his hands together, then quickly exited the room without another word. Jane made note of his expensive looking suit, wondering how many albums were sold to pay for it.
Aaron and Lyla were the first of the crew to leave, who were mumbling lowly between each other. Sam got up and left, probably to catch up with Harold. Austin came up behind Jane and rubbed her shoulders where she sat.
“How you holdin’ up, kid?” he asked softly.
Jane put a hand on top of his and squeezed it. “I’m okay, Aust. Thanks.” Her neck craned so that she can look with him, and she reassured him with his expression that she would be alright.
He patted her shoulder, nodding in agreement, and soon plodded out of the room, leaving only Rob behind with her. She remained silent for about thirty seconds before shifting her body to face him. “Hope you don’t mind the interview idea. I just don’t really see any other way out of this.” She scratched at her head, then leaned it down on her fist. “But, uh, I think we need to work out this,” her finger point at both of them, “first.”
She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut, swallowing spit to ease her sore throat. “If you still want to be with me, nothing would make me happier, but if you don’t, I get it. I really do.” The words hurt coming out of her mouth, but Jane knew she had to say it. “I don’t know what’s going on through your mind right now. Hell, I don’t know what’s going on through mine. I’m not even sure what point I’m trying to get at,” she laughed faintly, but the smile quickly faded back into a serious demeanor.
What was going to happen?
“Just…” she heard her voice waver. “If you’re gonna end things, just do it now and get it over with.” Her hands quickly moved up over her face as she began to let her tears flow freely. How embarrassing. Now a days, she couldn’t control any of her emotions. She was a ticking time bomb at all hours now, waiting for something to happen. Perhaps Rob was feeling it, too. How could he not?
But, for right now, she would lay completely still in his arms. The peacefulness alone made her eyes well up, and they rolled with gravity across the bridge of her nose and down into his bare skin. Jane was absorbing all that she could before shit hit the fan.
*****
Jane fought waves of nausea as she sat in a ball in one of the chairs in the room. Harold and the boys were going back and forth about what their next step would be. It was hard to stay focused, but she tried, rubbing her eyes every time they began to lose focus and blur.
Harold’s voice cut through the fog in his familiar stern tone: ”But what I can do is make sure we’re all on the same page from now on. That’s why we’re all meeting now. So?”
Jane straightened her posture and cleared her throat. “I think we should do it.” It was the first sentence she had spoken since they’d arrived. “An interview or something.” This earned her all the eyes in the room, but Harold was the only one to reply.
“Are you sure, Jane?” he asked, his stare one more of paternal concern rather than managerial. “I can’t control what they say about you guys after you do.”
“Yeah,” her gravelly voice replied. “But I’m only gonna do it if we come clean about everything.” Jane looked over at Rob, then down at the floor. “I know we, uh, we all try to hold on to whatever privacy we have left, but I’m pretty sure that’s gone now. We just gotta explain what those pictures were about, then try to move on.”
Harold sighed and ran a hand down his face. “Okay, then. I’ll book an interview for either tomorrow or the next. Lay low until then. No more media stories. And Jane?”
Her head snapped up to the graying man. “Yeah?”
“Try to text Andy and see where they’re at with the tour. You may be able to get further than I can.”
Jane felt her cheeks flush, and she nodded quickly. “O-Okay, I’ll let you know.”
“Alright. Your set’s at eight tonight. Hang out on the bus and relax until then.” Harold clapped his hands together, then quickly exited the room without another word. Jane made note of his expensive looking suit, wondering how many albums were sold to pay for it.
Aaron and Lyla were the first of the crew to leave, who were mumbling lowly between each other. Sam got up and left, probably to catch up with Harold. Austin came up behind Jane and rubbed her shoulders where she sat.
“How you holdin’ up, kid?” he asked softly.
Jane put a hand on top of his and squeezed it. “I’m okay, Aust. Thanks.” Her neck craned so that she can look with him, and she reassured him with his expression that she would be alright.
He patted her shoulder, nodding in agreement, and soon plodded out of the room, leaving only Rob behind with her. She remained silent for about thirty seconds before shifting her body to face him. “Hope you don’t mind the interview idea. I just don’t really see any other way out of this.” She scratched at her head, then leaned it down on her fist. “But, uh, I think we need to work out this,” her finger point at both of them, “first.”
She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut, swallowing spit to ease her sore throat. “If you still want to be with me, nothing would make me happier, but if you don’t, I get it. I really do.” The words hurt coming out of her mouth, but Jane knew she had to say it. “I don’t know what’s going on through your mind right now. Hell, I don’t know what’s going on through mine. I’m not even sure what point I’m trying to get at,” she laughed faintly, but the smile quickly faded back into a serious demeanor.
What was going to happen?
“Just…” she heard her voice waver. “If you’re gonna end things, just do it now and get it over with.” Her hands quickly moved up over her face as she began to let her tears flow freely. How embarrassing. Now a days, she couldn’t control any of her emotions. She was a ticking time bomb at all hours now, waiting for something to happen. Perhaps Rob was feeling it, too. How could he not?
Cameron could hear his words dripping with exhaustion – the same exhaustion she felt as well – and it couldn’t help but get the wheels of her mind turning with ‘what ifs.’ Since they had crossed paths, there had been nothing but turmoil, bloodshed, and fighting to not only save their own lives, but potentially, humanities as well. Why did it fall on their shoulders? What did they do to deserve this burden of responsibility?
“Justin,” she nearly whispered, staring at a square of tile a few feet in front of her. “I might just be playing the Devil’s advocate here, but what if…” She paused. Would he take this wrongly? Justin wasn’t one for anger, so maybe, just maybe, he’d hear her out. “What if we just stayed? Of course, if we pass the tests. There isn’t a home out there left for either of us, and I’m tired of not knowing where I’m going to lay my head down at night.”
Cameron shifted from the tension, causing a tinge to spark up in her back. She put an arm behind her and kneaded the spot with a balled fist. “There’s food here. Water. Animals. They obviously chose us for a reason. We could finally stop killing ourselves and just relax for once.”
She hadn’t worked up the courage yet to look him in the eye, so instead, her eyes remained fixed on the floor, and she mindlessly scratched at her head. “You… You don’t have to answer me now. But, at least think about it, okay?”
Before she could get a response, the small, circular speaker that sat dead center of the ceiling crackled with static, startling Cameron.
“Subjects, please rise. We will be transporting to you to the next testing sight.”
She groaned as she stood, then turned her body to the door as it swooshed open, revealing the guard that had brought them there. “Let’s go,” he said gruffly.
They were brought to a dark room; it was lined with black fabric from ceiling to floor, and the only break in the panels were a slim, rectangular window meant for viewing whoever was inside. Both now stood in its center, viewing the familiar three on the other side of the glass.
Avery spoke. “We are now moving on to the mental tests. You will be fitted with a virtual reality helmet along with sensors on your body. The helmet will be showing you images and videos, both real and produced by us, that based on our observations of you, may make you upset. Your involuntary response to these videos will determine how mentally tough you are in less-than-pleasant circumstances.”
William now stepped forward towards the microphone. “Justin, you will go first. Guards, go ahead and get him wired up.”
Cameron’s eyes widened with horror at imagining what they’d be showing them. Would she be able to not panic?
“Justin,” she nearly whispered, staring at a square of tile a few feet in front of her. “I might just be playing the Devil’s advocate here, but what if…” She paused. Would he take this wrongly? Justin wasn’t one for anger, so maybe, just maybe, he’d hear her out. “What if we just stayed? Of course, if we pass the tests. There isn’t a home out there left for either of us, and I’m tired of not knowing where I’m going to lay my head down at night.”
Cameron shifted from the tension, causing a tinge to spark up in her back. She put an arm behind her and kneaded the spot with a balled fist. “There’s food here. Water. Animals. They obviously chose us for a reason. We could finally stop killing ourselves and just relax for once.”
She hadn’t worked up the courage yet to look him in the eye, so instead, her eyes remained fixed on the floor, and she mindlessly scratched at her head. “You… You don’t have to answer me now. But, at least think about it, okay?”
Before she could get a response, the small, circular speaker that sat dead center of the ceiling crackled with static, startling Cameron.
“Subjects, please rise. We will be transporting to you to the next testing sight.”
She groaned as she stood, then turned her body to the door as it swooshed open, revealing the guard that had brought them there. “Let’s go,” he said gruffly.
*****
They were brought to a dark room; it was lined with black fabric from ceiling to floor, and the only break in the panels were a slim, rectangular window meant for viewing whoever was inside. Both now stood in its center, viewing the familiar three on the other side of the glass.
Avery spoke. “We are now moving on to the mental tests. You will be fitted with a virtual reality helmet along with sensors on your body. The helmet will be showing you images and videos, both real and produced by us, that based on our observations of you, may make you upset. Your involuntary response to these videos will determine how mentally tough you are in less-than-pleasant circumstances.”
William now stepped forward towards the microphone. “Justin, you will go first. Guards, go ahead and get him wired up.”
Cameron’s eyes widened with horror at imagining what they’d be showing them. Would she be able to not panic?
x
@Buddha Hey just looking out! Sounds like something you'd be interested in
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