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Roland Spencer’s car came to a halt on the gravel outside of the hospital and he sat in it for a few moments considering whether to go inside. It had been a little over four hours since he’d argued with Antwan courtside before the game. Roland remembered wondering how his night could get any worse as he watched Antwan put on the worst performance of his career in front of dozens of scouts. Then he’d heard the sound of a gun firing outside and his blood ran cold. Normally news spread fast in Norman but on this there was nothing. All Roland knew was that someone had taken a shot at Antwan and that his friend Jayson had been hit. He’d tried to get a hold of Michelle Lewis but she hadn’t answered her phone and Jayson’s mother was out of state for the weekend visiting relatives. The only reason Jayson was even still in Norman this weekend was to watch Antwan. Either way both or either of those boys were laid up in that hospital and Roland couldn’t help them sat outside.

He stepped out of the car and made his way across to the hospital. As the gravel crunched under his feet he heard Antwan from earlier that night. “If you’re my friend, be my friend,” the boy had said. Whatever had happened outside that gymnasium, whatever Billy Brown wanted out of him, Roland still cared for Antwan and he was certain the boy would need a friend now more than ever before. It took him some haggling at the desk but after a few minutes Roland was able to find out where Jayson and Antwan were.

He ascended up the narrow stairs of the hospital and felt his heart beating in his mouth with every step. It was hard not to presume the worst or wonder what would happen to him if Antwan had been hurt but Roland steeled himself and put all thoughts of his own interests to the back of his mind. As he reached the top of the stairs he saw a single light from a window along the long hallway of hospital rooms. A figure was stood in front of it.

It was Michelle Lewis. Having heard the footsteps she turned to face Roland and her tired, tear-sodden face became strewn with bitterness.

“What are you doing here?”

Roland lifted his hands into the air as he approached her to signify he meant no harm. “I’m not here to cause any trouble, Michelle.”

“Get the fuck out of here.”

Roland sighed as he thought better of returning Michelle’s insults and instead he chose to stare into the hospital room. Antwan was sat alone beside an empty hospital bed with his head in his hands. The baby blue shorts and jersey were stained with what Roland could only presume was Jayson’s blood and his hands were covered in it. From the boys expression, from his outpouring of pain, Roland knew better than to ask what had happened. Jayson Aaron was dead. There was nothing Roland could do for Jayson but he could still help Antwan.

Roland gestured towards Antwan. “I wanted to see the boy, that’s all, make sure he was okay.”

Michelle wiped a tear from her cheek with the sleeve of her top and then glowered at Roland. She strained to keep her voice down to stop Antwan from overhearing.

“Okay? He watched his best friend die.”

“I understand that,” Roland said earnestly. “I was very fond of Jayson.”

It was true. Though he’d only met Jayson a handful of times he had heard Antwan speak glowingly about him on hundreds of occasions. They had played on the same basketball team growing up, spent birthdays and Christmases with one another, and if Roland had heard correctly Jayson had even stepped up on that whole weed thing. Roland glanced at Antwan sat alone in that hospital room and thought for a second about what he’d say to him. Whether there was anything he could say.

As he turned back he saw Michelle’s face staring back at him. This time her glower was even more poisonous and she made no attempt to keep her voice down.

“I knew something like this would happen, I warned Antwan. You’re a bad influence, Roland, you throwing all that blood money of yours at my baby, giving him cars. It was your fault this happened. You put Jayson in the ground, not the boy that pulled the trigger. You hear me?”

A tall shadow was cast over the pair of them as Antwan appeared from the hospital room. His eyes were swollen red from crying and blood was caked in his curly hair.

“Ma,” Antwan pleaded, his voice waving with desperation. “Stop.”

Michelle went to speak but Roland cut over her, taken aback by how distressed the boy was.

“Are you okay, Antwan?”

Antwan nodded feebly.

“Can we go for a drive or something? I need to clear my head.”

“Have you spoken to the Sheriff’s Department?” Roland asked. “They’re going to want to talk to you.”

“I just want to go for a drive, I don’t want to be here anymore, man.”

Roland nodded and placed his arm around Antwan and gestured towards the stairs at the end of the hallway silently. He could feel the boy shaking in his arms and they began to walk. A pair of hands grasped one of Antwan’s bloodstained hands and tried to pull him free from beneath Roland’s arm.

“No,” Michelle commanded angrily. “You’re not going with him. He is the reason all of this happened, Antwan. You’re staying here with me. You understand me? That man is poison.”

Roland watched on awkwardly, choosing to bite his tongue given the circumstances, and gestured to Antwan that he could stay if he wanted. Instead Antwan shook his head with a dismissive sigh and pulled his hand free.

“Just stop, Mom.”

Roland saw Michelle’s face crumple with grief as if she had lost another son. On another day Roland would have scorned her for allowing her obsession with him to supersede the moment but he thought better of it. There had been enough ill will tonight. Somewhere out there Alicia Aaron had gone to sleep completely unaware that her old child was dead. The thought sobered Roland and he shook his head in Michelle’s direction, placed his arm around Antwan’s shoulder, and led him towards the exit.

“You’ll be okay, son.”

*****

Michelle had waited at the hospital for a few hours for Antwan to return from his drive with Roland before it became clear that wasn’t going to happen. She had forgotten that it was Jayson that had given them a lift to the game that night and was stranded at the hospital for a time before she put in a call to Gus Harris. It had taken a few tries but eventually she had woken him and he had agreed to take her home. The journey home had been all but silent. Michelle could barely bring herself to talk about what had happened but Gus seemed to have heard from somewhere. He always seemed to have an idea what was going on in Norman. Though in her tiredness Michelle could swear that his sage-like calm was absent this morning. Gus seemed tetchy, annoyed even, but Michelle put that down to lack of sleep more than anything else.

When she arrived at her home the first thing she noticed was that some of Antwan’s things had gone. Roland must have brought him back here whilst she was waiting at the hospital. Were she not so tired she might have been spitting venom at the thought of that snake being in her home. Instead she close to slump into one of the wooden seats beside the table whilst Gus made her a much-needed coffee.

She blew on it to cool it down before taking a tentative sip that burned the tip of her tongue. She was too tired to care. Suddenly as if compelled out of her by some force outside of her control she found herself speaking.

“It still seems like a bad dream.”

Gus took a seat beside her and let out a tired sigh. “If only it were that.”

“He was such a good boy,” Michelle muttered. “He’d never hurt a soul in his life.”

At seventeen Jayson had been the size of an NFL lineman but not once had Michelle seen him throw his weight around. He was and always had been an empathetic boy that had kept Antwan grounded for the past decade. There wasn’t a soul in Norman that would have a bad word to say about him and without him Michelle wasn’t sure Antwan would make it. Especially not now that Roland had his hooks back into him.

“How is Antwan taking it?”

“Honestly? I couldn’t tell you,” Michelle admitted, ashamed she couldn’t tell Gus more. “He didn’t say a word at the hospital. I tried to get him to wash his hands, take those bloody clothes off, but he didn’t even move. He just sat there with his head in his hands until Roland arrived.”

Gus tutted.

“Jayson was his rock,” He said, drumming fingers along the table. “It’s going to take some time.”

Michelle felt ashamed that even as Jayson laid dead her thoughts where with Antwan instead of him. She hoped that word had reached Alicia or her people and that he wasn’t laid up in that hospital without anyone there for him. Nobody deserved that.

“Have they caught the son of a bitch that shot Jayson?”

Gus nodded. “Handed himself in a few hours ago.”

Her hands shook with rage as she thought about what she would do to Jayson’s killer if she ever laid eyes on him.

“Yeah, well I hope he never sees the outside of a cell again.”

She looked up at Gus to find that her show of vengeance was not matched in him. He wasn’t baying for the boy’s blood like Michelle was, nor did he seem to wish any harm on the boy, instead he seemed struck by a malaise that wouldn’t budge.

“His name is DeSean Hamilton. I’m going to see his great grandmother once I’m done here.”

Michelle almost spat out a mouthful of coffee at that. “What? Why? That boy killed Jayson.”

Gus shook his head in disbelief and set his cup of coffee down in exasperation.

“That he did, but in his pulling that trigger that woman lost a grandson too, Michelle. I thought you of all people would understand loss cuts both ways in a situation like this.”

Michelle remembered where she was when she learned that Marcus Dixon had been killed. It wasn’t hard to recall. She had been sat around this very table sobbing as her mother tried in vain to console her. She’d lost more than a lover or the father of her child that day, she had lost her brother too, and she knew Gus was making a veiled reference to it. She would have resented him for it had the truth in what he’d said not stung so much.

Everywhere you went in Norman history seemed to repeat itself and this was no exception. How long would it be before she was sat around this table crying because Antwan had been taken from her? As her thoughts drifted to her own son once more Gus stood up from his seat and reassured her he'd be back in the afternoon. Michelle set her head down on the table and closed her eyes, drifting off to sleep, as she heard her front door click shut behind Gus.
It was game night in Norman and every warm black body in the county had flocked to watch Antwan Dixon play off the back of his fifty-nine point performance earlier in the week. Antwan took to the court for the shootaround in preparation of the game ahead without a worry on his mind. The crowd buzzed with excitement every time he knocked down a shot even though the game hadn’t even started and each time it happened Antwan felt more and more confident. He took a glance up into the stands and saw Jayson sat beside his mother and smiled in their direction. He was going to put on a show tonight that they would never forget now his mind was back where it should have been all along. Getting them out of this nowhere town.

From behind him amidst the buzz of the crowd Antwan heard a familiar voice calling out to him.

“Antwan.”

He looked round and saw Roland Spencer waving in his direction from besides the stands. A pair of black sunglasses sat over his eyes and his lip was swollen and pink but his suit made him hard to spot. Antwan looked back round, clapping in the direction of one of his teammates for a ball, and continued to shoot the ball as if he hadn’t noticed Roland standing there. He would talk with him once he was done.

A few shots later he heard Roland’s voice calling out to him once more. “Antwan, stop a minute and talk to me, son.”

He turned to see that this time Roland had crept from the stands to near the sideline and could see Coach Calhoun in the corner of his eye watching on. Coach disapproved of Roland’s presence at the games almost as much as Antwan’s mother and given the scolding Coach had given him after finding out about the weed, Antwan couldn’t afford any more distractions.

“I need to warm up, Roland, I don’t have time to talk. Tonight’s important.”

“You don’t have time to talk?” Roland said with a shake of his head, the hurt apparent in his voice. “What the hell is going on? You’ve been avoiding me ever since that little incident with the Sheriff’s Department.”

Antwan didn’t know how Roland had managed to get that to go away and Antwan had thought better of asking him, especially after his conversation with the deacon. The more he thought about it and all the things that Roland had done for him, the more Antwan began to worry that something more was going on here than he let on.

“It’s not that,” Antwan sighed. “I’ve been thinking, I guess, things have been a little hectic. It’s not about that.”

One of Roland’s bushy eyebrows cocked above his sunglasses. “You sure? It sure as hell seems like it.”

Antwan glanced up at the stands at his mother and Jayson as he mulled over how to approach what was about to happen. Roland had been a friend to him for years and despite everything Antwan still considered him a friend. He’d been there for him when even his mother hadn’t been and that meant something to him, but things had got out of hand. He caught his mother’s eye and she nodded at him resolutely as if urging him on. Antwan cleared his throat as he ran a hand through his hair and then looked at Roland with a brief smile.

“My moms wants me to give the car back, Roland, and I told her I’d do it.”

Roland let out a chuckle. “What? Why? That car is yours, son.”

“I don’t want it anymore,” Antwan said with a shrug. "So you do whatever it is you need to do. Take it back, sell it, or give it back to whoever you took it from, man."

Roland swiped his sunglasses from his brow and thrust them into the inside pocket of his oversized suit, reaching out for Antwan by the arm, and holding onto it firmly.

“You don’t like it? I can get you another one, Antwan, a bigger one if you want. You want some rims? We’ll get you rims. Whatever it is you want, son, I’ll get you. You hear me?”

Antwan tugged his arm free of Roland’s grasp angrily.

“Why are you always trying to buy me, man?”

A lock of shock appeared on Roland’s face. “What?”

“If you’re my friend then be my friend, Roland, I don’t need all these things.”

Roland stared at him silently as he visibly tried to find the words to convey how he felt. Antwan watched as his benefactor, his friend, looked as if he ran the gauntlet of emotions in the span of twenty seconds. First hurt, then anger, then sadness, before finally returning back to hurt, a wounded expression laid bare for all to see on his face.

“After all I’ve done for you, this is how you’re going to do me? This isn’t right, Antwan.”

Antwan felt a pang of guilt. It wasn’t the same guilt he had felt when he’d lost his temper with his mother or the guilt he’d felt when he found out Jayson had tried to take the rap for him. It was obligation instead of affection. For a second he wondered whether he’d gone too far but another glance in his mother’s direction in the stands helped steel him and assure him of the necessity of what he’d said. He looked at Roland and shook his head gently.

“It ain’t like that.”

Roland stood there as if looking through him and from behind Antwan the sound of Coach Calhoun’s voice bellowing in his direction reminded Antwan where he was and what he was meant to be doing. He placed a hand up towards Coach to assure him he was coming.

“Look, I need to warm up,” Antwan said as he began to jog over to centre court. “We’ll speak after the game.”

*****

He wasn’t sure what had happened or how it had happened but for the first time in his what seemed like forever Jayson had seen Antwan have a bad game. So bad that his team was down by eight points at home with little over a minute left on the clock. Every shot that Antwan had put up had looked wrong the second it had left his hand and Jayson had lost count of the number that had clanged loudly against the rim. Something was wrong. He’d watched from the stands with Michelle as Antwan had spoken with Roland on the sidelines and wondered whether maybe that had thrown him off his game, but whatever had happened Antwan looked like a completely different person out there. There was less than a minute in the game and he had eleven points, eight of which had come from the line, and turned the ball over countless times.

Something was definitely wrong.

There was still time though. Jayson had watched enough basketball in his life to know that there was always a way back. Tracy McGrady had scored eleven points in thirty seconds, Reggie Miller had scored eight in nine seconds, and Jayson knew that one day people Antwan’s name would be up in lights with theirs. If anyone could bring their team back from the precipice, it was Antwan Dixon.

Except this time he couldn’t do it. They inbounded the ball to Antwan and instead of driving to the basket or pulling up for a three, he was caught in a double team in the corner and lost possession of the ball, within seconds the ball was being dunked emphatically through the basket. Antwan looked shell-shocked. Jayson watched as the crowd sat in cowed silence, some even shouting abuse toward the court, and shook his head in disbelief at what was happening.

The final forty-five seconds passed in the blink of an eye and the opposing team’s fans came streaming onto the court. Antwan stood with a blank expression and tried to navigate his way through them and towards the locker room. As he walked, one of the opposing fans stood in his way and screamed jubilantly in his face and Antwan shoved him away from him. Jayson leapt from his seat and descended down the stands towards his friend, intent on stopping him from getting himself into any more trouble than he’d gotten into this week.

He placed one of his hands on his friend’s shoulder as if to stop him lashing out at the fan. “Antwan.”

Antwan’s eyes were glassy with welled up tears, the rage was clear on his face, but it softened somewhat as he recognised that it was Jayson stood there next to him.

He gestured towards the exit. “Let’s get out of here.”

Jayson took a glance back at Michelle up in the stands and pointed towards the exit of the gymnasium and she nodded, understanding, and began to descend down the stairs. Slowly Jayson and Antwan made their way through the crowd with Jayson making use of his impossibly broad frame to bulldoze through the crowd. Antwan was hurting. He wanted him out of there as soon as possible.

They didn’t talk as they made it to the exit of the gymnasium and Jayson knew better than to comfort his friend, at least not out in the open where everyone could see. Antwan wasn’t used to failure, he’d never had to encounter it before in his life, having willed every team he’d ever been on to victory since before he was thirteen. This would eat away at him, motivated him to become a better player, and he’d come back next year bigger and better than before. Jayson was sure of it.

The cold air hit Jayson like a truck as he opened the gymnasium door and escorted Antwan through it. From behind him he could hear the cacophony of cheering fans and drums being played. He scanned through the crowd for Michelle’s face to make sure she was making good progress after them and followed Antwan out.

People had begun to file out of the gym after them and even in the light of the gym behind them it was difficult to see much further than a few paces ahead of them. Jayson made sure to keep his friend in his sight, placing his hand on his back as they walked, as they drew nearer to the beaten down old truck Jayson had driven them there in.

Suddenly in the darkness a figure stepped out in front of them. Jayson could barely make out his face beneath the black hoodie he was wearing but as they got closer something about him seemed familiar.

The boy smiled and reached into the waistband of his jeans. “You remember me, motherfucker?”

The moon shone along the length of the gun in the boy’s hand just long enough for Jayson to spot it and make a move. There was a loud bang as Jayson’s arms wrapped around Antwan and tackled him to the ground. From behind them the disgruntled fans that had been filing out of the gym were screaming and scattering. From atop Antwan, Jayson looked around at the boy in the hoodie, whose hands were shaking with fear as he stared down at them. He dropped the gun and sprinted off into the darkness.

“Jayson?” Antwan said from beneath him. “Jayson? You good?”

Jayson nodded, shocked. “I’m good, man.”

He attempted to push himself off of Antwan but found his arms too weak to support his own weight. A confused look appeared on his face as he reached down, placing a hand on his stomach, and felt his fingers run over a patch on his coat that was soaking wet. He lifted his fingers up to the light to look at the liquid to find them blood red. Slowly a feeling of unease set in it dawned on Jayson what had happened and he stared down at Antwan, his eyes beginning to flicker in his head.

“Jayson?”

He fell with a heavy thud atop Antwan and the world went black. He could hear the sound of Antwan shouting for help, calling out for someone to call an ambulance, as he wriggled out from underneath him. It was cold, so cold, all but for Antwan’s fingers interlocked between his own. He couldn’t see him, he could barely hear him anymore, but as he drifted out of consciousness he knew that when he opened his eyes he’d seen Antwan again. He had to.

Who would look out for him otherwise? He was his best friend.
A few days had passed since Chew and Dante’s meet with Topher at Club 56 and a lot had changed since. Chew had made his way back to Dante’s place, taken what little things he had, and tracked down a friend from the old days that was willing to put him up for a night. John Cade had been a few years beneath him at school and the two had run together back in the wild days for a minute before Cade decided it wasn’t for him. He’d gone straight whilst Chew was inside and found God or something. Chew hadn’t cared enough to ask and he could tell from the fear in Cade’s eyes when he’d shown up on his doorstep that he wasn’t about to turn him down. As much as Chew hated to admit it there was a part of him that felt proud he could still make people feel that.

He thought he’d wake up the next morning and find a dozen or so text messages from Dante asking where he was at but instead he woke to a missed call from number he didn’t recognize. To his surprise it was Ten Pickett Bowling informing him that the position there was his if he wanted it. Chew didn’t want it but he was doubly certain he didn’t want to go back to his old life after his meet with Topher the other night and this was the only option he had open that wasn’t that.

So there Chew Lewis stood, six foot six of solid muscle, wearing a bright yellow polo shirt with red trim that was several sizes too small and a bright red cap with a bowling pin attached to it with a spring. He greeted the scant visitors to the bowling alley as they filed in and helped them exchange their shoes for ones that wouldn’t have them falling on their asses at the lanes. That was the work. It wasn’t pretty, it surely wasn’t interesting, but it was better than getting blown to pieces on behalf of some Italian that was too dense to see he was walking in to a death trap. If Dante wanted to march right into it with him that was on him.

On his second day at Ten Pickett Bowling a familiar face appeared at the doorway in the late afternoon. There in a dark blue coat and a pair of dark trousers stood Gus Harris. He’d been friends with Chew’s father back in the day to hear him tell it but Chew had never heard a soul verify that tale. The only tales Chew had heard about Gus before he went inside was that he’d been an addict once upon a time. It was hard to believe at the time and even harder to believe now that Chew laid eyes on him.

“Charles,” Gus said with a warm smile. “It’s good to see you.”

Chew nodded by way of recognition. “Gus.”

He took a glance towards the back office at his manager and signaled to him that he was taking his break. With a nonchalant point towards the exit, Chew led Gus out of the bowling alley to the side of the building and the two men leant against the side of it. Chew reached inside his pocket and pulled out a cigarette, sliding it between his lips, before offering one to Gus. Gus shook his head and placed his hands in his pockets.

“I’m glad to see you’ve landed on your feet, Charles.”

Chew exhaled a little, smiling wryly as he took a puff of his cigarette. “If you can call this landing on your feet.”

Gus shrugged.

“Well, it’s not going to land you back in prison and it puts a bit of money in your pocket. That’s a start.”

Towards the end of his time in prison Chew had started receiving letters from Gus. At first he’d throw them away without reading them, bemused at their having arrived for him after all those years, but eventually he began to treasure them. Chew had never exactly been one for reading, he imagined he’d have led a very different life if he had been, but those letters meant something to him even if he had trouble admitting it.

He flicked the plastic bowling pin atop his work cap and looked at the deacon with an expectant look.

“What do you want? A thank you for the letters or something?”

“I don’t want anything,” Gus said earnestly. “I was speaking with your nephew the other day and it occurred to me that I ought to drop in on you and see how you were doing.”

Chew grimaced slightly at the mention of Antwan’s name, he still felt bad for the way he’d brushed his nephew off that day and passing the courts each day on his way to work hadn’t helped. It was on those courts he'd trained Antwan, put him through his paces, tried his best to instil in him some discipline that might help him get out of this place and become more than Marcus or he had managed.

He looked at Gus with a sigh and muttered, “And? How am I doing?”

Gus smiled.

“A lot better than last time we spoke.”

Chew shrugged as he glanced down at the deep slash marks on his wrists. “Yeah, well, that’s not saying much.”

He’d never spoken to a soul outside of Gus about it. Not Dante, not Michelle, not even the doctors in the infirmary that pleaded with him to open up to them about it. Growing up he’d always heard that you only did two days in prison, the day you went in and the day you went out, but the reality was harsher than that and had worn on a man even as tough as Chew Lewis.

Gus reached out and placed a hand on Chew's shoulder. “You know you can always come to me if you ever need somebody to talk to, Charles.”

“I come to work every morning and then go home at night,” Chew said with another puff of his cigarette, moving his arm out from beneath Gus' hand. “It doesn't exactly make for great conversation. Trust me.”

“What about Antwan and Michelle? Have you spoken with them?”

Chew shook his head. “The kid came past Dante’s place last week, all starry-eyed and shit, even brought me a present.”

“He’s a good kid, a little mixed-up, but he has a good heart.”

From the sounds of it Gus knew more about Antwan than Chew did. Gus knew more about everyone than Chew or anyone else did. There wasn’t a doorway in Norman that Gus hadn’t darkened, not an old lady’s hand he hadn’t held and prayed with, and as much as Chew might have been able to scare the John Cades of the world he’d never command the respect Gus was able to with a softly-spoken word. It was humbling.

If he’d had another chance at life Chew thought he’d have done something else with his life, something that earned people’s respects without having to beat it out of them, but he knew whatever shot he had at that was long gone. This was his life. Working at Ten Pickett Bowling and living vicariously through what he read of his nephew’s achievements in the local paper. Word was there was a game tonight.

“Yeah, well, that’s why I sent him away,” Chew muttered. “Michelle don’t want me anywhere near him after what went down with Marcus and I can’t say I blame her for that.”

Gus’ eyes opened slightly at the mention of Marcus’ name. “Do you think of him often?”

Chew he stared down at the ground beside his feet. Everywhere he looked there were reminders of Marcus and they seemed to be coming faster and thicker with each day he was back in Norman.

“Every single day.”

He took one last heavy drag of his cigarette, flicked the butt towards the sidewalk, and placed the red cap atop his head with a sigh. He could feel the bowling pin atop it swinging back and forth farcically as he turned to face Gus Harris and smiled politely, his eyes glazed over somewhat as if lost in a fog of memories of his lost friend.

“I better get back to work. Shoes aren't about to hand themselves out now, are they?”
Antwan sat in silence with his mother at the dinner table as they slowly made their way through the meal that Michelle had prepared. It wasn’t much. In truth, Michelle had never been much of a cook and she’d never needed to be before, so most nights Antwan would get food out with Roland or the two of them would tuck into whatever half-hearted meal Michelle had prepared. Antwan eyed his mother as she lifted the fork to her mouth, a darkened piece of meat between her teeth, as he thought back to the conversation he’d had with Deacon Harris that morning. For some reason he’d not been able to get their talk out of his head since. Some of the things he’d said had made him question his relationship with Roland. He’d even gone so far as not responding this morning when Roland had text him.

Finally Antwan wiped his mouth clean with a napkin and looked across at his mother. “Deacon Harris came by the court this morning.”

His mother feigned a look of surprise that wouldn’t have fooled a child. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Antwan said as he reached out for the can of soda that sat beside his meal. “Reckons I have a hitch in my jump shot.”

Michelle nodded dejectedly and looked back down at her food as if she were expecting the conversation to go somewhere else. Antwan knew she was the one behind sending Gus to the court this morning. Who else could it have been? Even now though she couldn’t play things straight with him and open up to it. Antwan thought back to the times when his mother had been using and how she’d look him in the face and lie to him. She’d never been straight with him, not even about what had happened with his father or why Uncle Chew had gone away. She hadn’t even told him that Jayson had tried to take the rap for him. That more than anything got to Antwan.

He wanted to leave it and go upstairs but it niggled at Antwan too much to leave things as they were. He swallowed a mouthful of soda and sat back in his seat.

“Why didn’t you tell me Jayson tried to take the rap for me?”

His mother looked up from her food, this time there was no shock or surprise in her expression, only a shrug. “It didn’t seem like it was my place, Antwan.”

He thought about every time he’d looked in his mother’s bleary eyes when they’d found her in some pigsty in Jardin with the trailer trash. About how many birthdays and Christmases he’d spent with Jayson and his mother instead of in his own home. For all his pain, for all his anger, Antwan had seen some sense to the old man’s words this morning but even now his mother couldn’t bring herself to be honest with him. It made him hurt.

Antwan stood up from his seat angrily and pushed his mother’s plate out from underneath her, knocking the cutlery from her hand and onto the ground.

“Could you just fucking treat me like an adult for once in my life? Please.”

Michelle didn’t so much as flinch, raising her eyebrows slightly at her son’s sudden outburst. She stood up and began to pick the plate up from the ground. Antwan watched, breathing heavily, as he his mother gather together her fallen cutlery and clean up after the mess he’d made. He felt his anger drain from him slowly and knelt beside her to help her clean up the food apologetically.

“I’m sorry,” Antwan said with a sigh. “My head’s been all over the place recently, Mom, I don’t know what to think at the minute.”

His mother looked around at him and smiled. She placed her arm around him and without a hint of anger in her voice she purred. “It’s okay.”

Antwan felt a wave of relief flood over him as the pair of them cleaned up slowly and carried both their plates to their tiny kitchen. His mother had offered to clean up after them but, overcome with guilt at having lost control of his temper, Antwan stood over the sink and washed their plates as his mother watched.

“I went to see Chew.”

A look of concern appeared on Michelle’s face. “What? Why would you do that?”

Antwan shrugged.

“I don’t know, I figured I owed him.”

His mother’s face hardened. For almost as long as Antwan could remember his mother had hated his uncle Chew’s guts and she’d never once explained what he’d done to draw her ire. Before Chew had gone to prison he’d been a father figure, a coach, and a big brother all at once for Antwan, but his mother’s reluctance to allow him to spend time with him was clear even then. He’d spent the past decade feeling indebted to Chew for those hours he’d spent out on the court with him. That feeling had dissipated that day at Dante’s when his uncle had treated him like dirt.

“You don’t owe that man anything, Antwan.”

“I know,” Antwan said with a knowing nod. “I know that now.”

Michelle smiled and Antwan finished stacking the clean plates on the draining board beside the sink. He leant against it and his mother and he stood in silence for a few moments. As Antwan looked at her he was still hit by pangs of pain as he remembered the woman she had been, the things she had done, but Deacon Harris’ words for this morning run in his ears and the pain passed. No matter what she had done, what she had hidden from him, Michelle was still his mother and nothing was going to change that. The sooner he accepted that the better for the both of them.

“I shouldn’t have said what I said to you in the car, Ma, it was out of line.”

Michelle smiled proudly and buoyed by his mother's obvious pride Antwan knew what he had to do.

“I’ll give the car back to Roland too,” Antwan said as he walked towards his mother and placed his arms around her. “We got by without fancy cars before, right? We can get by without them now.”

Antwan closed his eyes and held his mother close to him as she spoke. “I’m glad to hear that, son.”

Roland wouldn’t like it when he heard about it but if he was truly his friend he’d have to come to terms with it. Maybe there’d been some grain of truth to what Harris had said, maybe more than Antwan wanted to admit, but Roland had been there for him and he wasn’t going to cut him out entirely considering everything he’d done. Antwan would take a step back and focus on balling, that’s all that really mattered, and that's what was going to get him, his mother, and his people out of Norman. Not all the other shit that came with it and definitely not weed.

He let his mother go and looked at her with a smile that slowly began to shift into a frown.

“You don’t think I have a hitch in my jump shot, do you?”
Between Southern Bastards and We Stand on Guard, who could disagree? They're killing it at the moment.
The endless Earth-shattering events that change "everything" and mean a sixth renumbering in as many months has led me to all but drop titles from the Big Two and stick to independent, creator-owned comics instead. I have no problem buying into a series if I know its a limited series going in and is destined to end, but the non-stop reboots at Marvel and DC are disheartening to say the least.
Yeah, because most comic groups are just FILLED with women.


All the best ones.
This is turning into a sausage fest.
Yeah, it was between Herc and the Thing. Unfortunately Grimm had the most recent Fantastic Four movie, still a fresh and open wound in my mind, working against him, so Herc won out.


A good decision. Pak's run on The Incredible Hulk/Herc really endeared me to the character.

I refused to see it. Because fuck Fox.


I admit, I was one of the five people that saw it. It was as bad as advertised.
Excellent, I was hoping for a Hercules.
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