Captain Uni
Finetales
Plank Sinatra"You know, sometimes, there's a really big difference in saving a woman... and saving a dude in a woman's clothes."
"Mm hmm."
"So why am I in a woman's clothes."
"I don't care. People say you look hot that way."
"DOES NOT, A-SHOLE!"
Two capes twirled, floating with grace and power. Ryuu Yamauchi sat in the middle of a spotlight, sitting with sailor uniforms dumped on his head. The otaku, however, did not want to move due to how so many uniforms were on his head. They were delicate... artifacts. He must keep them safe by keeping them on his head from the stench-filled ground.
A man with a cowboy hat simply sat on an old, wooden chair, flipping through a deck of cards. Red Xs marked the faces of those he had taken down. Some of them were clean. Some of them were blood red, and some of them had a clean bullet hole through the face of who had been taken out. The man put down his deck of cards on an old wooden table, letting the spotlight fade away from him.
Suddenly, a familiar-looking man appeared, who looked deep in thought. The heart of power was what he contained. He sat underneath a great spotlight that had been turned on for him.
"It was my assumption that those demons would prove far inferior," Ganondorf said with a tone of despise. "In the face... of your tactics."
The spotlight on Ganondorf turned off, revealing the man with the hat. He grinned, kicked away his desk, letting it slide all the way into a metallic garage as it slowly closed.
"You summon and kill," he said, standing up as he kicked away his chair into the darkness. "Summon and kill..."
The man swung his arms lazily by his side, simply stating, "I fail to see the logic here!"
He suddenly pumped a fist, closing his eyes as the Roleplayer Guild screen closed up on him. With a Shakespearean accent, the cowboy asked the darkness,
"Is sanity... the price to pay..."
He opened his eyes, revealing two glowing orbs of blue and sky-blue as he shouted,
"For power?!"
The screen faded toward Ganondorf once more, lightning crackling behind the man. He seemed to be inside an antique, old room, where nothing had been touched for centuries.
"Humans," he muttered, staring at a human skull within his hands. "They are but stubborn and foolish creatures..."
"It takes... a journey to Hell for them to accept and praise their God..."
Ganondorf directly looked into your eyes, his own pair of eyes gleaming with utter distaste. His hand crushed the skull he had been carrying, muttering dangerously,
"A fact that tickles... irony's... judgement...."
The King of Evil blew the dust of the skull into the screen...
The dust subsided, revealing the cowboy laying down on the ground with a wide grin. His dark-blue and sky-blue eyes were looking toward the ceiling as he said,
"And your judgement interests me not."
He kicked himself up, landing on his feet before motioning gestures toward an invisible audience as he said,
"For I am here! To reclaim!"
The cowboy clapsed his hands, saying with a cocky grin, "What is rightfully mine!"
Suddenly, a man who wore skin dropped onto the stage, his dead wings sprouting straight out of his back. Apophis, the Eater of Souls, took out his halberd and pointed it at the skies, screaming with pride,
"ASCENSION!!!!!!"
He touched his blade, his tongue looking as if they were about to fall off at any moment, as he whispered,
"That... is what you seek..."
Apophis swung his halberd twice in the air, cutting the very existence and leaving scars in the very air itself as he screamed, raising his halberd up in the air again,
"And that is why I STAND IN YOUR PATH!"
Confetti suddenly blew out of the Roleplayer Guild's screens sides, a platform with the cowboy standing on it zipping in front of Apophis, as the cowboy laughed heartily. He confidentally said, with a proudful voice,
"You will fumble in your opposition of my quest!"
The blue-eyed cowboy suddenly took out a pistol, pointing it up in the air before firing six magnum rounds at once, causing the screen to black out.
But the screen came back up again, as the cowboy reappeared, standing on top of a statue of Lucifer. He walked over the King of Hell's head, saying with a wide grin,
"But I encourage!"
The man stood directly on top of the statue's head, as if he were in a Broadway show's climax, as he shouted,
"For an opposition to battle a being of graaand delusion..."
The Roleplayer Guild screen suddenly moved next to the cowboy. He pointed directly across the screen, making him look like a superhero declaring war upon a rival.
"...as YOU!..."
He then simply leaned on one of "Lucifer's" wings, comfortably announcing,
"...is a sweet fortune."
