Infinite Cosmos
Forget and ignore who I used to be, that kid is never coming back. | I'm staying home because I can't stand the sound of another heartbeat in the room.
Name
Ezekiel Xavier Thomas.
Nickames
Zeke, E-Z.
Age
22.
Gender
Male.
Sexuality
Homosexual.
Relationship Status
Single.
Relation to Rachel
Zeke met Rachel at the cafe he worked at, he hadn't expected to get so engaged in conversation with the girl who'd made her order only moments before his break but it happened. He got so distracted talking to her that he entirely failed to notice that he'd spent his full thirty minutes there. After that incident, he took to talking to her every time she came into the cafe. He even memorized her order so efficiently that he stopped needing to ask her at all.
All in all, Zeke has taken to considering her a friend.
All in all, Zeke has taken to considering her a friend.
Appearance Details
Ezekiel is handsome, thanks to good genetics from both of his parents, he was born with a strong jaw and high cheekbones. His hair is a dark brown and hangs just past hia ears, it's usually very mused. He has a broad forehead and dark brows that are set low on eyes that seem constantly tired. His eyes are heavy-lidded, with medium length, dark eyelashes. His eyes are dark brown in shade and can seem very intense at times.
He has a small nose with a beaky bridge and a shapely mouth. He's built tall and lean, he has broad shoulders and slight muscle definition in his stomach and arms. He has a pale scar that stretches from the knuckle of his ring finger on his right hand, up to the start of his wrist from an accident as a child.
He tends to wear very neutral, fashionable clothing. There's almost always a jacket on his person unless it's incredibly unseasonable.
- Hair: Brunette | Wavy | Kept longish and messy.
- Eyes: Brown.
- Height: 5'9".
- Body Type: Broad in the shoulders and chest, lean.
- Scars, Tattoos and/or Piercings: Prominent scar on his hand.
Personality Traits
A born introvert, Ezekiel prefers to have time to himself and can be quite disagreeable if he's denied that time to himself. This isn't to say that he hates people altogether, just that he needs time to recharge after social ventures. He's very open and honest in conversation, a generally agreeable guy. Talking to him isn't much of a struggle and he has a warm humor about him.
He's very smart, the kind of person who sucks up knowledge like a sponge. He loves to learn new things and he's always searching for some new branch of knowledge to balance upon. He especially has a love of insects and he knows more about them than any other subject. This can lead to him sharing this information with whatever poor party that's willing to listen to him.
He also has a particularly good memory, holding onto details that might have otherwise been forgotten. It also helps that he tends to take notes and keeps an active journal. He's very private about the contents of his journal and keeps it hidden in his room. He has a slight worry of one of his siblings finding it.
At times, he can be a bit moody. These times are usually a result of him being cranky from lack of sleep or being surrounded in too many people for too long. When he gets into one of his "moods", he tends to snap at people or say things that he otherwise wouldn't. He'll usually apologize for these outbursts within the hour or sulk about it if the other party got angry in return.
He's very smart, the kind of person who sucks up knowledge like a sponge. He loves to learn new things and he's always searching for some new branch of knowledge to balance upon. He especially has a love of insects and he knows more about them than any other subject. This can lead to him sharing this information with whatever poor party that's willing to listen to him.
He also has a particularly good memory, holding onto details that might have otherwise been forgotten. It also helps that he tends to take notes and keeps an active journal. He's very private about the contents of his journal and keeps it hidden in his room. He has a slight worry of one of his siblings finding it.
At times, he can be a bit moody. These times are usually a result of him being cranky from lack of sleep or being surrounded in too many people for too long. When he gets into one of his "moods", he tends to snap at people or say things that he otherwise wouldn't. He'll usually apologize for these outbursts within the hour or sulk about it if the other party got angry in return.
Upbringing Synopsis
Ezekiel was raised in a privileged household, with a big family and a reasonable amount of money. He had just about everything he ever needed. He spent his childhood catching bugs and bringing them indoors (much to the dismay of his mother) and quickly became very interested in all kinds of insects. He learned as much as he could about the insects that he caught, pouring over library books and basically becoming an encyclopedia of bug facts. Despite this quirk, he was a fairly normal young boy.
His hunger for knowledge only grew as he got older. It expanded to new subjects, it became his favorite past time. If he learned something new, he spent days upon days researching it and becoming as knowledgeable as he could about it. This love of learning inspired extremely good grades. Even if he didn't like a subject, he found it relatively easy to learn.
He connected easily with boys in his age group and was even popular amongst the girls to some degree. People liked him, he liked people for the most part. Ezekiel was not a hard person to get along with. That's why it was especially strange when he never started dating. When asked about his interest in the girls that he knew, he seemed to think the idea of dating was ludicrous. Little did anyone know, he was dodging the truth about himself and had been for years.
By the time he turned sixteen, he was starting to realize his growing attraction to men and that made him very uncomfortable. He didn't know how to talk about this or who he could talk to about it so he kept it inside. He seemed to figure that it would go away if he didn't give it attention, he was very wrong. In fact, it seemed more and more apparent that he wasn't finding women attractive.
Despite his strong relationship with his family, he couldn't bring himself to talk about this. He would dodge questions that got too close for comfort and he'd pretend like everything was fine. He was the type to encourage his friends to do whatever made them happy while not following his own advice in the slightest.
Around the age of seventeen, he had his first kiss. Though this was never spoken of out loud, it's written in explicit detail in his journal. At a small house party, he had gotten a little tipsy and made the mistake of kissing a close male friend of his. Though they agreed that this was just a product of the alcohol in his bloodstream, he was unable to forget it.
At eighteen, he forced himself into a relationship with a girl and it was very strained. It was obvious that there was a lot of distance between the two. He was emotionally and physically distant and she was often left on the sidelines. They dated for about a year before he couldn't seem to take it any longer and broke it off. He never explained his reasoning for breaking up with her but it inspired talk from the locals.
He's avoided dating like the plague ever since and remains in the closet to this day. Recently, he's thrown himself into his job and tried to focus on his insect collection to occupy himself but recieving the invitation from Rachel pulled him out of his funk. At least for the time being.
His hunger for knowledge only grew as he got older. It expanded to new subjects, it became his favorite past time. If he learned something new, he spent days upon days researching it and becoming as knowledgeable as he could about it. This love of learning inspired extremely good grades. Even if he didn't like a subject, he found it relatively easy to learn.
He connected easily with boys in his age group and was even popular amongst the girls to some degree. People liked him, he liked people for the most part. Ezekiel was not a hard person to get along with. That's why it was especially strange when he never started dating. When asked about his interest in the girls that he knew, he seemed to think the idea of dating was ludicrous. Little did anyone know, he was dodging the truth about himself and had been for years.
By the time he turned sixteen, he was starting to realize his growing attraction to men and that made him very uncomfortable. He didn't know how to talk about this or who he could talk to about it so he kept it inside. He seemed to figure that it would go away if he didn't give it attention, he was very wrong. In fact, it seemed more and more apparent that he wasn't finding women attractive.
Despite his strong relationship with his family, he couldn't bring himself to talk about this. He would dodge questions that got too close for comfort and he'd pretend like everything was fine. He was the type to encourage his friends to do whatever made them happy while not following his own advice in the slightest.
Around the age of seventeen, he had his first kiss. Though this was never spoken of out loud, it's written in explicit detail in his journal. At a small house party, he had gotten a little tipsy and made the mistake of kissing a close male friend of his. Though they agreed that this was just a product of the alcohol in his bloodstream, he was unable to forget it.
3:20 A.M.
Tonight I messed up. It was an accident, I swear by that. I know you don't believe me but it was an accident. I never would have done that if I'd been completely sober but God, it made something inside of me. . .
I can't finish that, it's too cheesy. Rest assured, I enjoyed it.
I don't know what I was thinking, I shouldn't drink around people anymore. Tonight I kissed him. I don't want to name him, that'll ruin the fantasy. If I put his name here, it'll make this more real somehow. It was fleeting, a single moment of fire where my lips touched his. I could feel him freeze, I knew he was confused. Hell, I was confused too. His mouth tasted like alcohol and spearmint gum, it seared into my teeth.
I touched his hair before he pulled back, my fingers got caught in it for just a brief moment. His lips had been dry, I wondered if mine were too. I self consciously licked my lips afterwards, I couldn't speak. I was staring at him as this sick sense of awe and wonder spread through my chest. Somewhere there was fireworks and flowers blooming. There were colors sparkling behind my eyes.
He laughed, really laughed, and I smiled at him. I was so confused. I should have known that he was laughing because he thought that in my drunken stupor, I'd forgotten he was a boy. I wish that was the case. If that had been the case then I wouldn't be sitting here, my heart pounding in my chest, in my bedroom, seeping in my own wretchedness. I wouldn't feel the heat of his mouth on mine, I wouldn't be touching my lips right now to see if they feel as hot as I think they do.
I keep thinking of how his cheeks looked flushed. Was it from the beer in his hand or because he'd been embarrassed by my kiss? I know that I must have been beat red when he'd looked at me, I'm not sure he noticed. I'm not sure people notice things as much as I do.
Like, I noticed that there was this girl near us when it happened. She'd paused to stare at us as we stared at each other. A circle of awkwardness, tension so thick that it could have been cut with a knife. She was a witness to my fumbling words and shaking hands.
Did she notice that my hands were shaking? Did he?
She hurried away after awhile, I think she realized that I kept glancing at her. I kept giving her looks. Help me, please looks. I was a drowning man at sea, clinging to the light shining above my head, and then she left. Plunged into darkness, I drifted downwards after that. I laughed at my own idiocy, he laughed too.
It was all so funny. I guess, in a cosmic way, it sort of is. It's sort of hilarious. The aching in my chest is an absolute riot. I'd be laughing right now if I didn't feel like breaking into tears.
God, it was awful but I satisfied some morbid curiosity within myself. I liked the brief hope of kissing him. I don't know if I'll ever recover from that. Can I force this front of liking girls forever when it feels so wrong? I'm not sure. It's not the same with girls.
I've had more than enough chances to pursue girls, I've taken none of them. Maybe I should have. Maybe I'll find that I like it somehow.
It's 3:35 A.M. now and I'm wondering what it would have felt like if he'd kissed me back.
Tonight I messed up. It was an accident, I swear by that. I know you don't believe me but it was an accident. I never would have done that if I'd been completely sober but God, it made something inside of me. . .
I can't finish that, it's too cheesy. Rest assured, I enjoyed it.
I don't know what I was thinking, I shouldn't drink around people anymore. Tonight I kissed him. I don't want to name him, that'll ruin the fantasy. If I put his name here, it'll make this more real somehow. It was fleeting, a single moment of fire where my lips touched his. I could feel him freeze, I knew he was confused. Hell, I was confused too. His mouth tasted like alcohol and spearmint gum, it seared into my teeth.
I touched his hair before he pulled back, my fingers got caught in it for just a brief moment. His lips had been dry, I wondered if mine were too. I self consciously licked my lips afterwards, I couldn't speak. I was staring at him as this sick sense of awe and wonder spread through my chest. Somewhere there was fireworks and flowers blooming. There were colors sparkling behind my eyes.
He laughed, really laughed, and I smiled at him. I was so confused. I should have known that he was laughing because he thought that in my drunken stupor, I'd forgotten he was a boy. I wish that was the case. If that had been the case then I wouldn't be sitting here, my heart pounding in my chest, in my bedroom, seeping in my own wretchedness. I wouldn't feel the heat of his mouth on mine, I wouldn't be touching my lips right now to see if they feel as hot as I think they do.
I keep thinking of how his cheeks looked flushed. Was it from the beer in his hand or because he'd been embarrassed by my kiss? I know that I must have been beat red when he'd looked at me, I'm not sure he noticed. I'm not sure people notice things as much as I do.
Like, I noticed that there was this girl near us when it happened. She'd paused to stare at us as we stared at each other. A circle of awkwardness, tension so thick that it could have been cut with a knife. She was a witness to my fumbling words and shaking hands.
Did she notice that my hands were shaking? Did he?
She hurried away after awhile, I think she realized that I kept glancing at her. I kept giving her looks. Help me, please looks. I was a drowning man at sea, clinging to the light shining above my head, and then she left. Plunged into darkness, I drifted downwards after that. I laughed at my own idiocy, he laughed too.
It was all so funny. I guess, in a cosmic way, it sort of is. It's sort of hilarious. The aching in my chest is an absolute riot. I'd be laughing right now if I didn't feel like breaking into tears.
God, it was awful but I satisfied some morbid curiosity within myself. I liked the brief hope of kissing him. I don't know if I'll ever recover from that. Can I force this front of liking girls forever when it feels so wrong? I'm not sure. It's not the same with girls.
I've had more than enough chances to pursue girls, I've taken none of them. Maybe I should have. Maybe I'll find that I like it somehow.
It's 3:35 A.M. now and I'm wondering what it would have felt like if he'd kissed me back.
At eighteen, he forced himself into a relationship with a girl and it was very strained. It was obvious that there was a lot of distance between the two. He was emotionally and physically distant and she was often left on the sidelines. They dated for about a year before he couldn't seem to take it any longer and broke it off. He never explained his reasoning for breaking up with her but it inspired talk from the locals.
He's avoided dating like the plague ever since and remains in the closet to this day. Recently, he's thrown himself into his job and tried to focus on his insect collection to occupy himself but recieving the invitation from Rachel pulled him out of his funk. At least for the time being.
Misc.
Milo Ventimiglia | #f26522
- Zeke has a form of insomnia commonly brought on by stress.
- Zeke collects insects and he's quite proud of his collection.
- He dreams of being an entomologist someday.
- I had beef jerky for lunch.
- Zeke has a form of insomnia commonly brought on by stress.
- Zeke collects insects and he's quite proud of his collection.
- He dreams of being an entomologist someday.
- I had beef jerky for lunch.
Oh no, it's Zeke.
