Rick D217

Total eclipse of the Rick~

For this weeks episode, the voice of Flembrop Shimsham will be voiced by Vince Vaughn.

Total eclipse of the Rick~

Upon reaching the door, Rick would take a quick look around for any more of the six armed monsters that might be happening by and knocked firmly on the door in a rhythmic fashion. It would open easily enough, the more professionally dressed six armed brown thing taking a quick glance in a fashion not completely unlike Ricks before he ushered the duo in and anxiously started wringing his hands.

The inside of the building was perfect.

Almost breathtaking, a strange luminescent purple waterfall in the distance mimicking something they had no doubt picked up on some primitive alien culture's haphazardly scattered radio waves some few decades before. It was a candy paradise, covered with impossible delicacies designed to simulate living creatures in an ecosystem that could only have been dreamt into creation by a struggling genius in his death throes or madman who by chance had seen some impossible truth about the nature of existence and chose to parody it.

One of the brown stick bug looking creature's four eyes seemed to tick nervously as he lead the duo forward, his voice doing it's best to hide his anxiety.
"Good to see ya Rick, Buddy, ooohhhhheeeeey~ this must be your grandson! Marthy right? Marta? Can I call you Mart or am I being a little too forward?"

Rick cleared his throat, his eyebrow jouncing just heavily enough to show we was irritated at having to speak for any reason at all.

"Morty, this is Flembrop Shimsham. He's *bLuRp* what this planet considers a geneticist."

Flembrop felt this was the perfect opportunity to interject himself. Again. "A sucro-geneticist actually, the best there is at what I do. Not a mind in the galaxy that can create a series of functioning carbonyl refurbulation anomers like I do~."

Rick rolled his eyes, a signal that prompted the brownish scaled thing to turn back to it's original task of leading them down the chocolate pathway and towards the butterscotch lake in the distance. He didn't seem horribly phased by Rick's disapproval. "But hey, of course, of course, you guys aren't here to chit chat with little old me, you're here for the grand tour! The big show~! Right this way, you're gonna love this, I promise~!

By now Morty would probably have started to notice the caramel squirrels jumping from tree to gumdrop tree and the peanut brittle turtles slowly winding their way across the butterscotch lake. He might even have noticed the strange and very literal jelly-fish drifting through the air in the distance.

Total eclipse of the Rick~

Rick said something that was for the most part inaudible, his grip on the steering wheel tightening as the spacecraft sank below the stratosphere and began entering alien airspace. Rick seemed to be taking a lot of unnecessary turns and twists as he went, unusual food debris and wrappers whizzing past the windshield as they descended. It wasn't long before they passed through a layer of smog and clouds and were treated to a scene of an unfathomable corporate warehouse and production factory. A few jounces later and they had landed gracefully in the littered parking lot.

"T-There's a box in back Morty, plenty of i̶c̨e͟ cre̴a͡m for everybody..."

Rick stepped out of the car calmly and waved at an approaching passerby before drawing his pistol and firing once. The alien creature shrieked insanely before bursting into a cloud of fluorescent bubbles which drifted away on a small rainbow. Rick put his pistol away and muttered something to himself for a few seconds afterwards.

"Let's go Morty, we don't want another one of those things c̴̨a̵͏́t̷̵͘c̸͢h̸̶̵i͟͜n̛g̷͢ ̶́u̵̡p͝ ͟t̵́ó͢ ͠u͏s҉. They- They can smell i͏ce̶ ͘c̵r̶e̸a͜m from a mile away-"

Rick started making his way towards the factory, his eyes on the sky as he moved towards an alleyway and towards a shady looking doorway marked "exit only"

Total eclipse of the Rick~

A few mild dribblings of spittle managed to wind their way down Rick's chin, his glazed eyes wandering to and from one end of the cosmos to the next as some part of him must have considered the question at hand.

"Tur-Turns out Mr. Poopybutthole doesn't know how to drive Morty, I asked him to land the ship for us, and he- *bLURp* ended up putting a-a hole in his spleen." At the second question Rick furrowed his brow and tried to concentrate, his hand rising up and giving him another ice cold lick of delicious ice cream as he turned the wheel of the space car gently to counteract the now approaching gravitational forces.

"... Morty, until the council of Ricks came to collect you on planet Vorpchunks, did you even know there was a council? I-I mean, it's a council of Ricks Morty, just a bunch of Ricks Rickin' each other off... Not even giving a Rick... I mean, hell Morty, they didn't even bother to *BluRp* wipe y̴o҉ur̡ ̕m͟em̕ory̧..."

Rick veered the steering wheel, his eyes glancing at one of the meters just as it began to show the faintest of readings. Rick pulled the ship into a dive, the g-forces shifting oddly.

"Guess we're gonna have to stop at the candy store early..."

Total eclipse of the Rick~

The ship hummed as a small series of clatters and clinks filled the cockpit, Rick grinding his foot on the dented door frame in an attempt to undo some kink it had acquired in the crash. Without the slightest hint of concern Rick got bored and quickly took his seat before latching the handle, taking a short swig from his flask and adjusting his mirrors before he looked at Morty curiously.

"Wow~ They really did a number on you didn't they Morty? W-We're going to a candy store because candy tastes good. Because it's the opposite of eating shit Morty. Just gotta *BlurP* r-run an errand first."

The vehicle had already begun it's ascent, slowly at first and then so quickly that the earth beneath the two travelers was beginning to shrink at an impossible rate. It's wasn't more than ten seconds before the entire planet had shrunk to the size of a golf ball in the distance. A few seconds later it was gone. Rick seemed to be eyeing a few dials on the dash specifically as star after star approached and receded, his mind clearly on less important things as his glazed over eyes did his work for him. The odd thing about these dials is that they weren't showing anything at all. Just vague meters that were all lazily sitting at zero.

This seemed to be exactly what Rick was looking for, but that didn't keep him from glancing back to them every now and again.

Total eclipse of the Rick~

"W-We're going to a candy store Morty. Best candy store in the galaxy, has everything Morty. Lost a tooth there once. You-You should have seen the other guy. I just gotta run a quick errand before we get there Morty, just gotta pick something up."

Rick was clearly starting to get excited, his hands darting around his portal gun for a few moments before he locked it's casing and watched the device purr to life. He then picked up a heavy looking device from his work table and held it not completely like it was an oblong rectangular bowling ball. The strange box beeped once. Rick waited a moment as it beeped again and with a quick zap the portal was open, after which Rick deftly threw the device in and closed the portal.

Rick then started re-entering coordinates.

"L-Little present for some- some friends of mine..."

Another burst of green light encompassed the room followed by Rick wandering over to the pile of recently repaired instruments and picking them up. He would step through quickly enough, assuming Morty did too he would find a familiar gas station parking lot that wasn't more than a couple miles from home. Scorch marks littered the ground surrounding the dinged up space car, but ultimately the night was silent. Little more than the quiet chirp of crickets nearby as Rick threw his instruments into the hood haphazardly and connected a few wires before stepping over to the cockpit and turning a key inside.

The car sputtered, but did start, the lights flickering and eventually beaming strongly down the road in the distance.

Total eclipse of the Rick~

Rick raised his brow facetiously and rolled his eyes in turn.

"Sure Morty, just hurry. The place we're going to is *bLuRp* -is probably gonna close in a four or five hours."

Rick licked his icecream cone, the cold sweetness giving him something to focus on as he tried not to ruin the moment. Mr. Poopybutthole licked his own ice cream cone lazily, his wide bulging eyes caressing the room with their gentle stare before he finally parted his lips and added his two cents.

"HHHEEEEEYYYYY RRRIIIIiiiIIICCCKKK~, MAAAYBE YOU SHOULD BRING SUMMER ALOONG, HMMMMMMMmmmmMMM~?"

"I'm pretty sure Summer can sit this one out Mr. Poopybutthole. Th-This one's just for me and Morty."

Mr. Poopybutthole was about to say something else, but was thankfully cut short by Rick's heading back to the garage to tune something up for their departure, which prompted him to follow.

Total eclipse of the Rick~

Rick's free hand lifted itself of it's own accord and pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes closing in frustration as he concentrated and muttered something about sloppy work. After a moment he opened his eyes begrudgingly.

"I'm Rick from dimension D-217 Morty, I'm your replacement Rick. L-Look, this isn't easy for anybody Morty."

Rick put his modified gameboy on the table and waved his arms enthusiastically, his icecream cone dripping a little onto the kitchen floor.

"B-but look, I wanna make it up to you Morty, I wanna- I wanna set things right because what happened to you was shitty Morty, so how about you give me a chance and we go on an adventure, right now Morty, just you and me, Rick and Morty, huh? What do you say Morty?"

Rick almost seemed sincere, maybe part of him was. There were very few ways to find out given the circumstances.

Total eclipse of the Rick~

Rick's brow furled and a short scowl appeared on his face at the simplicity of the question.

"I'm the tooth fairy Morty, I-I'm the motherfucking tooth fairy dressed up exactly like your grandpa. You ever hear of that Morty?"

Rick fiddled with something under his jacket, clearly preoccupied with something as he searched the back of his mind for an easier way to explain away his situation. Eventually his hand returned bearing a small single screen display that he would use to toggle through a complex looking repository of data and statistics. Mr. Poopybutthole would watch with bulging eyes and a chipper smile as Rick seemed to settle on the information he was looking for, his scowl diminishing ever so slightly. He scrolled for a couple more moments and some minuscule portion of his expression changed to match the complete hell of information he was looking at. He wouldn't let Morty see if he could help it. Better yet, he would cover it up with anger.

"THE SHIT Morty?! w-When the council of Ricks came by a few months ago d-did they even bother to wipe your memory?"

Rick waited for the response, his finger still toggling through the small library of information in front of him. A Morty with as much psychological damage as this one was bound to cause trouble. What's more, his brain waves would probably be distorted, which would most likely have unpredictable side effects for the sort trouble Rick generally tended to get himself into.

Total eclipse of the Rick~

Jerry blinked, his voice rising to a panicked whine as his son ran past him for the second time.

"Wait, is this a dream?!"

No one heard him. No one ever really did.

Rick took the crystal mindlessly, his hands quickly flitting to work and carefully coiling the various wire ends around it's base before setting it into the small chamber at the top of the device. He then flicked a small switch underneath and eyed the machine casually as it lit up and proceeded to beep of it's own accord.

"It's a *BLuUurpP* time-space destabilizer Morty, I-i-I can use this to speed up and slow down certain areas of space while making contracting fields of- of-" Rick hesitated, his eyes finally finding their way to his grandson who looked decidedly more taken aback than he had been expecting. It could wait. "-There's no time Morty, he's gonna get freezer burn if we leave him in there much longer, let's just hope one of me had the same idea."

With that, Rick turned heel and made his way back to the garage door, his free hand grabbing the silver rifle that had been propped up against the garage wall as he made his way through. Winding his way down the hallway past Jerry and back into the kitchen, he quickly popped open the freezer door and withdrew a frozen and still very terrified looking Mr. Poopybutthole. He placed the bizarre statue-esque person-thing on the ground and took a few steps back from it before taking the rifle and aiming it squarely at his forehead. He fired once, the blue light being eclipsed only by the ear grating sound of the old family friend finishing his last words.

"-IIIIIIIIiiiIIIICCCCKKKK~! WWAIT, WHERE AM I~~~~? OH GAAAAWWWWDDDD~"

The blood had started pouring instantly, the rifle hitting the ground with an unusual clang as Rick darted towards the bleeding comrade with his newly made device in hand. He placed the little round sensor over the unspeakable wound and tried not to blink. His next words came out of his mouth without him realizing it.

"Dammit Mr. Poopybutthole, I told you not to bleed so hard! Hold still!"

The device whirred and beeped spastically, each new hum sending a heavy vibration through the air and forcing the light around Mr. Poopybutthole's wound to bend ever so slightly. His eyes widened with a new fear as his stomach expanded and contracted, his bleeding speeding up and then slowing down before the wound seemed to begin to close itself. The glow from the zanthanite waxed and waned with every new burst of information, the device only coming to a complete stop once the yellow monster's skin was all but new again.

"WOOOooOOOW, THAAANKS RIIIiiICK~!"

Rick admired his handy work for a moment, his expression dimming slightly once he realized he was being thanked.

"Don't thank me yet Mr. Poopybutthole. I'm pretty sure I-I just gave you six different kinds of cancer..."

"AAAAAWWWWWWWwww~."