Savato

NARUTO: Road to Ninja [ARC 3] Buy it now and get a second punt free!

The History checks out, Personality is decent. You may want to change the pic. He looks 30 in it, not 19.

NARUTO: Road to Ninja [ARC 3] Buy it now and get a second punt free!

Aoi Don Maquia

---

Before Arc 2.5

Aoi's mind was suddenly lost in the idea of teaching Akio about the magic storage power she used, not because it would be fun, but simply because she had absolutely no idea of the mechanics behind it. She simply knew how to imitate it and make it work, like a lowly worker completely oblivious to the engineering behind the machinery they were using. But her attention would immediately be captured when Akio gave the explanation the clown always wanted. Aoi gazed at her friend attentively, trying to understand the workings of Akio's mind. The problem was, Aoi was not the brightest chuunin in this promotion, and her ability to understand others, especially since she's not really from the same world as them, was quite a task for her. Especially when it came to nervousness, something the performer hasn't felt in her entire life since her very existence revolved around performing in front of a large crowd.

The shorter girl tilted her head as Akio finished her explaining. She was thinking, again, but this time on what she could do to have this pretty looking girl open up a bit more to others. The gaze appeared more like an awkward stare after a few seconds of prolonged seconds. She acknowledged the Tendou's proposal, but remained lying on her sleeping bag and just fixating her. It would take another extra five seconds for the clown to actually speak up with a massive smile on her face.

"Alrighty! In two days from now, at noon sharp! Mighty Naruto, I have great discounts!"

She'd wail while abruptly sitting up. She'd yawn once more, appearing more and more tired. Aoi looked around the tent, noticing that many had turned off their lights and became quiet. They were probably off to sleep by then.

"Hmmm, Guess we should get some shut eye~ I'll wake you up if you slack off~ G'night!"

She'd warn her friend before closing the lamplight and drowning the tent into darkness. Aoi was quick to fall asleep and no really fuss happened. Except perhaps for the younger girl moving around every fight minutes, she simply couldn't stand still. In the middle of the night, she'd end up clinging to Akio in search of warmth. She wasn't really controlling it, her mind being plunged into her subconscious, she just wanted to be comfortable at this point. In any case, the remainder of the slumber party ended with Aoi hugging Akio, something that could be rather surprising for people just waking up.

---

Arc 2.5!

Aoi was excited for this fateful day, a day where she'd have time for herself and she could share with one person who peaked her interest since the tragedy. For the occasion, she dressed up extra fancy with a blue dress and stripped stockings, her hair let loose up to shoulder length and slight traces of makeup to be the prettiest girl in the restaurant. Unlike her friend, she wasn't nervous at all, plus she was going to already explored territory.

Arriving a little after her date, she purposely entered through the back door as she usually did in the Mighty Naruto. "Hey Aoi" was the first thing she'd hear when entering. The chef's assistant, Daisuke, had always greeted her this when when she came in, and she always retorted with "Hey hey Dai-man~" before darting off the kitchen. Looking around the various tables, she made sure to located Akio before doing anything else. Luckily the platinum hair made her more conspicuous than most blokes around. Before she'd proceed to doing her typical Aoi stuff, Mika Minamuro, Yamato's mother and manager of the restaurant crossed paths with Aoi.

"Hey Mika, can I have three number sevens at the table with the girl there please?" she pointed toward Akio's seat.

"Aoi. Aren't you off duty today? Oh you're here to eat with someone! I'll get you those."

Lady Minamoru seemed rather happy to see her usual worker to come around and eat from time to time, even if Aoi's been a little absent these days due to shinobi work. The clown had something in her mind, but she concealed it behind a malicious smile. She'd speed walk around a few rows of tables to avoid being detected by her friend so she could successfully end up behind Akio. When that occurred, she'd purposely lay both her hands on the girl's shoulders as she was slurping her ramen.

"Guesssss who!"

Shouted Aoi, gaining the attention of half the restaurant in the process. As she did so, she'd swiftly hop on the chair opposite of Akio's and laid both her elbows on the edge, her hands supporting her small head. She gave time for Akio to respond to this little trickery before Aoi would open her mouth.

"Teehee did you wait long? I was stuck in line at the money dispenser a block away, they're soooooooo slow! So, how are you feeling today?"

She asked, her gaze clashing with Akio's whenever possible. Today, Aoi was more focused than ever in discovering Akio's being and forming any form of bond possible. There were lots of people out here she could be doing the same with, but she had a strange feeling she'd get along particularly well with this one. Was it maybe because she simply liked the Tendou girl? She didn't really take a step back to figure it out. She never did that.

NARUTO: Road to Ninja [ARC 3] Buy it now and get a second punt free!

@FallenTrinity Technically any age, however most are between 15-18 so perhaps aiming around there would be better?

... Erm sure? He can laugh but I just don't like it. It's not a factor to your character's eligibility.

Okay, then that makes it all the better for a younger age. As he grows up and becomes a man he can open up? It'll still suck for you to develop him but I guess that could work. Just add more to his personality please.

I can't help you on history. It's YOUR character. I can help with techniques and alternatives to details in the history. The problem is, the WHOLE thing needs a change. I can't write that for you.

NARUTO: Road to Ninja [ARC 3] Buy it now and get a second punt free!

So, because most of the job has been made, here's my review:

-To start off you have a 24 year old guy from Kiri. Are you sure you want him to be 24? He's quite far off the age group of the chuunin of the RP. That won't help in interaction if we're being realistic.

-His personality is extremely short. The little content we got is: He's anti-social, meaning characters won't like him very much and he'll interact poorly which kills the purpose of RP'ing. Also the maniacal laughing side is cliché as all hell tbh but to each their own.

-The history, ah la la... To start off you could cut it into two or three paragraphs to ease it for the reader. You go off by introducing him as a sociopath who is incapable of being the least bit intriguing for other characters, so ehhhh. Moving on, he then gets obsessed over death and Zabuza and w/e, sure. The problem emerges when he starts killing random people and steals an artifact from a GOVERNMENT. Not only is this feat extremely complicated and barely possible for a chuunin alone in this modern era, but now he's a missing-nin. Now I'm willing to accept he could sneak past some stupid guards, but now he's a wanted man and there's no way in hell Konoha would accept him as a chuunin. Fujitora would simply murder him for bonus cash, and quite easily too. So no, having this massive sword stolen is a no-go, and neither is being a rogue ninja wanted by a massive country. We're at an era of peace, we're not going to let some weirdo break stability.

-He's compared to Zabuza, who was a Jonin ranked guy and pretty good at what he did. There's no way your character could be as notorious at his current level to be perfectly honest. Not without reaching the ranks of Jonin. I can't accept this part either.

-As said before, Executioner sword is denied because of the context. Find a better one and I may reconsider, but it'd still be very improbable considering it belongs to Kiri.

-Your second sword is alright, however a year and a half to make it? You do know IRL it doesn't take that long to make a high quality sword right? And here it's super ninja magic land, so if in Kill Bill a guy could be the greatest sword in the world in one month, there's no reason for this one to take almost 2 years lol. That's just silly.

-Techniques are alright. Just don't powerplay the silent killing.

-Listen to Partisan for the coding. We like our CS' clean.

Conclusion: I suggest re-working the character, his personality and history. He just seems like a bland psychopath my Jonin would wreck after your first post just for existing. Really. If you need guidance, don't hesitate to ask but I won't accept it as it is.

NARUTO: Road to Ninja [ARC 3] Buy it now and get a second punt free!

@FallenTrinity Okay bro, like I said before, the aesthetics are important.

CS Skeleton

[hider=Character name]
[center][img]encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i.. [/img]
Your characters picture should go above. Delete this afterwards.
[i]“Character motto here”[/i]

[b]Character appearance description here[/b][/center]

---

[u][b]Personnel files.[/b][/u]
[i]Access only by security personnel with a C3 clearance.[/i]

[indent]【[U]Full Name[/U]】
[I]Character name[/I]

【[U]Alias[/U]】
[i]Nicknames and/or callsigns[/i]

【[U]Age[/U]】
[i]14+[/i]

【[U]Sex[/U]】
[i]Male/female/?[/i]

【[U]Sexuality[/U]】
[i]Self explanatory[/i]

【[U]Birthplace[/U]】
[i]Can be any village, canon preferably.[/i]

【[U]Bloodline[/U]】
[i]What bloodline is your character from?[/i]

【[U]Rank[/U]】
[i]Chūnin, unless permission was given for something else[/i][/indent]

---

[u][b]Psych. report.[/b][/u]
[i]Medical secrecy applies.[/i]

[indent]【[U]Personality[/U]】
[i]How would your character behave? Ticks, behaviour in positive situations, neutral situations or negative situations, behavior in emotional situations?[/i]

【[U]History[/U]】
[i]How does the characters history relate to personality? General history to be told here as well. Can be organised into childhood years (0 to 6), base school years (6 to 10-14, depending on graduation year) and highschool years (10-14 to 14-18).[/i]

【[U]Family ties[/U]】
[i]Describe shortly what type of family your character grew up in, how the ties were and how this influenced him. After that fill in form below, for all family members of importance, living or dead.[/i]

[b]Name | Relationship to character | Age, living place, profession and additional info [/b]

【[U]Dreams and fears[/U]】
[i]What does your character dream of achieving, and what does he fear in life? What are his hopes? Imagine this being extracted by a shinobi, what would he see?[/i][/indent]

---

[u][b]Combat reports.[/b][/u]
[i]Gathered from evaluation reports after missions.[/i]

[indent]【[U]Fighting style[/U]】
[i]Describe shortly what your characters fighting style is.[/i]

【[U]Kekkei genkai, or bloodline limit[/U]】
[b][u]Bloodline limit name:[/u][/b]
[i]'Sharingan' or 'Byakugan' or something fictional you made yourself.[/i]
[b][u]Description:[/u][/b]
[i]Explain what the technique does, how it works and what the manifested kekkei genkai looks like both in use, and outside of use. For example, the sharingan in battle shows through tomoe in the eye. The byakugan manifests itself through white eyes. Not neccesarily limited to vision/eye based, such as the bone bloodline limit Kimimaro uses. Pretty obvious manifestations.[/i]
[b][u]Strengths:[/u][/b]
[i]Describe your kekkei genkai's strengths here, what is it effective against? What is it power at currently?[/i]
[b][u]Weaknesses:[/u][/b]
[i]Describe how your kekkei genkai can be overcome, advertently or inadvertently. Be reasonable.[/i]

【[U]Ninja techniques[/U]】

[u]A rank techniques:[/u]
[i][url=narutopedialink]Name no jutsu here.[/url][/i]

[u]B rank techniques:[/u]
[i][url=narutopedialink]Name no jutsu here.[/url][/i]

[u]C rank techniques:[/u]
[i][url=narutopedialink]Name no jutsu here.[/url][/i]

[u]D-E rank techniques:[/u]
[i][url=narutopedialink]Name no jutsu here.[/url][/i]

【[U]Custom made techniques[/U]】
[b][u]Jutsu name:[/u][/b]
[i]Be creative.[/i]
[b][u]Rank:[/u][/b]
[i]If you'd have to rank this technique, what rank would it be? A, B, C, D or E?[/i]
[b][u]Range:[/u][/b]
[i]At what range is this technique useful? You can measure this in 'long' 'medium' or 'short' but those are rather vague. If you want more depth, use a distance such as meters.[/i]
[b][u]Description:[/u][/b]
[i]Describe the jutsu, how it works and what it looks like. Explain potential damage that can be done with it, and describe the weaknesses and strength of the jutsu. Be as clear as you can.[/i]

Repeat form for as many jutsu as you can create, within the rules.

【[U]Weaponry, tools and objects.[/U]】
[b][u]Weapon, tool or object name:[/u][/b]
[i]Can be a term, i.e 'kunai' or it can be a self given name, i.e 'Revered Razor'.[/i]
[b][u]Weapon, tool or object type:[/u][/b]
[i]What type of weapon, tool or object is this? Sword, axe, kunai, knife, blade, tanto. Omit if the weapon, tool or object name already designates this.[/i]
[b][u]Description:[/u][/b]
[i]Describe the weapon, tool or objects appearance, and describe it's potentials and weaknesses. tl;dr how powerful is it and what does it look like. Be reasonable.[/i][/indent]

[b]Omit any parts that are unnecesary for your character, or that you deem unimportant. Remove this when posting.[/b]
[/hider]

Just copy this, and fill in with what you've made.

Now, for links. You have to put the URL of the Jutsu you are using in the URL code so we can directly access the page in the Naruto wiki.

Finally, you greatly lack content in personality in history when your custom jutsu is practically just as long. If you can add a little more, it would be great. Do this and I'll review you.

NARUTO: Road to Ninja [ARC 3] Buy it now and get a second punt free!

Official Clan Sheet:

Clan Sheet

[img]Insert Clan Emblem Here[/img]
【Clan Name】
[i][/i]

【Customs】
[i]Does the clan have specific ways to live? Annual rituals? What specifics in terms of culture makes them unique?[/i]

【Special Traits】
[i]Specific traits inherited by being part of the clan. This can be Kekkei Genkai, privileges, recognized talents, etc. What makes each individual unique out of their culture.[/i]

【Influences】
[i]Here you'll put the amount of influence it has in certain areas, how they behave toward other clans, are they involved in politics? How so?.[/i]

【Relations】
[list][*][i]List of clans it has relationships with and detail if it's bad, good, and possibly their brief history together. Copy this to add a new one.[/i]
[/list]

【History】
[i]The clan's History.[/i]

NARUTO: Road to Ninja [ARC 3] Buy it now and get a second punt free!

Aoi Don Maquia

---

The sun was already setting and the heat brought by the illumination of the skies slowly vanished, leaving place for cold breezes rubbing against the small tent brought up by the clown. It didn't seem to bother Aoi that much as she focused more on feasting on the sweets she had summoned along with the structure they were residing in. Visibility became somewhat of a bother at this point, and as such, she grappled a small lamp on the top of the inner tent and lit it so they had a little more light to see what was surrounding them.

Aoi was happy that Akio finally talked and expressed a little happiness toward what the performer was doing. As the Tendou finished her sentence, the clown swiftly forced a biscuit between the taller girl's teeth so keep her mouth occupied for a little while. All these questions made Aoi's head heat up as she formulated answers in her head to please her new guest.

"Seeeentou is a little craycray, you see~ She strips for no reason when things get a lil' tense and now Shin's gonna be lucky tonight!"

She said all too casually, chomping on some crummy matter as she spoke. She stretched her arms upwards, distorting the shape of the tent as she greatly exceeded the structure's height, but it didn't have any bothersome consequence other than having the ceiling rub against Akio's face. This stretching would be followed by a yawn Aoi would vaguely cover with her tiny hand, a yawn just as loud as her sigh from before, but was at least contained by the tent's fabric. Speaking of which, the girl would outstretch her arm toward the zipper connected to the tent's entrance and slowly zipped it closed so they wouldn't get as much wind current.

"You wanted to know about this tent? Well get ready because..."

All of a sudden, she had shut off the small lamp, giving place to darkness their eyes would have to adapt to after being so close to a light source. It wasn't all that dark though, so this came of as a bit silly. Akio could hear a little squirming, almost as if Aoi was shuffling through a pile of garbage to find something. Then suddenly, a bright light emerged from right under the clown's face, a flashlight illuminated her face and created shadows on specific parts. Her eyes were wide open and the intent was clearly to scare the hair out of Akio. We could compare this moment to when the legendary Yamato, not the stinker in their group, but the historically mighty man who was said to be equal to the First Hokage (apparently). He was of course, mostly renown for his hilariously creepy face.

"It's made of human flesh!"

Her voice wasn't as terrifying as one would think however, it kept the same squeaky, young girl tone which likely balanced out her terrifying face. She couldn't help but snicker at her little accomplishment (petty would be a better word), quickly turning back on the light to see how Akio was holding up with the clown's elaborate scheme. Of course, she'd go on to actually answer the question, after all there was nothing more of a buzzkill to an audience than questions left unanswered.

"Okay okay, I'm pulling your leg! It's actually made of butts! Snicker snicker. Alright! I just bought it along with all these goodies at the Gonba-Mart near Downtown~ I then stored it in my magic place, teehee~"

She explained, slowly laying down on her sleeping bag as she actually felt the weight of all this moving around on her body. She could keep going of course, but the luxury of being able to rest and slack off was way too overwhelming. She looked at her friend, because she evidently considered Akio a friend after all these efforts of bringing her closer, and tilted her head once more before asking a question in return.

"So... Why'd you not come to the party? It was pretty fun until, well... You know."

NARUTO: Road to Ninja [ARC 3] Buy it now and get a second punt free!

Aoi Don Maquia

---

Aoi couldn't help but question Akio's behavior and lack of verbal communication. The young clown tilted her head in confusion as all she got were nods along with clear enthusiasm manifested in the taller girl's expression. Aoi started to question if she was making her new guest a little too uncomfortable with, obviously, a lack of magic tricks to keep her entertained. Maybe she was bored, after all. Aoi's little brain would evidently not be the best to analyze such complex states of mind, but she was empathetic enough to know her friend seemed happy in any case.

Out of the blue (literally) Sentou appeared and tried to integrate herself in the little group Aoi had made with just the platinum haired girl. Cocking an eyebrow, she was reminded of that fateful encounter they had during the party which ended up with Aoi getting a kick right at the face. She laughed it off quite easily but now it felt like payback time. As Sentou apologized, Aoi peered around the area to see if anyone else was looking for someone, and as luck would have it: Shin was without a tent and appeared to be wounded. A malicious grin formed on her face as she realized what she could do to get rid of Sentou this time around, and leave her with the best person possible.

"Hey Sentou~ The tent is full already... Sorry! But I can at least help you!"

She'd say as she patted Sentou's shoulder, only to grab it so she could help the blue haired Uchiha turn to face what Aoi would now be pointing at with her free hand. In her visor was Shin, without his gear for survival. She let a couple of seconds for Sentou to realize what the clown was suggesting before Aoi would open her mouth once more.

"Shin needs a tent and could use your company~ I already promised Akio!"

Aoi suggested before pushing Sentou toward Shin's general direction before chuckling at the Uchiha's probable fate when near the renown sex offender of the chuunin troupe. She'd look up at Akio and snicker once more, attempting to share the little farce she was making Sentou live, mostly out of childish spite. But hey, it wasn't actually anything harmful.

The acrobat would suddenly whip out a white cloth and randomly wave it in the air to get the Tendou's attention, making weird shapes with it as if she had a random, psychotic mood swing that pushed her to dance for no reason. With a very specific gesture, the cloth would increase in size, making it as large as a drape. But the clown wasn't done there, she had to make herself look like the best. With a couple of spins around the drape she was holding, she seemed enveloped in it like a mummy, only to have it unwrap itself and jump in front of Akio's face to cover her view. It came with a surprising 'boo!' from Aoi to add some effect. When the cloth would cease to cover Akio's line of sight, she could see a small tent for two set on the patch of land they were standing on.

"Voila! My magical tent is here!"

She'd scream in pride of her work, quickly unzipping the entrance of the tent before turning to look at her new roommate. She gestured Akio to come in. Inside, there's be a half a dozen boxes of chocolate chip cookies and two sleeping bags reserved for them. The inside of the tent smelled like strawberries for some reason too, but the inside was large enough for them to sit down comfortably. Aoi would be sitting, legs crossed and already nibbling on an energy bar she kept in her pocket since her mission at the desert.

"So, cozy ain't it?"

NARUTO: Road to Ninja [ARC 3] Buy it now and get a second punt free!

@Raijinslayer It hit Gian anyway doesn't matter lol.

NARUTO: Road to Ninja [ARC 3] Buy it now and get a second punt free!

Aoi Don Maquia

---

Her two bound teammates were not going to back down either from what she could tell with Daiki's immediate response being the manifestation of Animone. But before he'd launch himself into the lion's den, he swiftly severed himself from the bungee, promptly angering Aoi as she could only see it as an act of blatant stupidity when fighting world famous criminals. Has his pride taken over his sentience altogether? She didn't know what the heck was wrong with him, but she could only voice her concern at this point.

"You idiot! You'll die!"

She shouted at him, in vain of course, but now she was left with one filament linking her to Akio. At least she had the right idea to keep some distance and utilize this sudden tactic to her advantage even if attacking them wouldn't be the smartest thing in general. In any case, she was tagged with the young Tendou to handle the situation. However it quickly escalated to a counter attack from their very own people in order to prevent any more fighting. Akio's attacking being the only one having some impact in the field and some how hitting the one known as Gian. It didn't change much however as the situation quickly deteriorated in a stalemate not many knew how to react to, including Aoi. She'd place her hand on Akio's, imploring her friend to avoid using any of her ninjutsu when their colleagues were all running about in the midst of it all.

There were threats from Gian, but they'd be quickly cut off by Kusaru's dominant voice as she started her longing speech. Aoi was still strongly influenced by it, her cheeks reddened when the avid spokeswoman mentioned that they, personally, were her friend even if they weren't supposed to be. Aoi felt somewhat touched by this, as if this had indeed hit a personal level and concerned her more than anything else. The butterflies running in her abdomen would only intensify when her name would be directly cited by Kusaru. She was supposed to be scared by the woman, especially if she knew the clown's name, but she could only be in awe. She wasn't completely hypnotized, but the way she put her words made her sound more righteous than what many social medias say these days in Konoha.

She'd only snap out of it when Gian had cut off the soothing air going on and immediately struck the crawling Ronin. He was too silent for anyone to notice him right away, but Kusaru's angle made it quite easy for her to make the remark of his escape and send Gian to do the job for them, apparently under the guise of a mutual friendship she was trying to obtain. They left, with Kusaru leaving some final words aimed toward Daiki, something she barely understood since it involved clan stuff. This prompted a sigh of relief from Aoi, a loud and prolonged sigh everyone could hear. She felt like some weight was taken off her, all these ideas and these tensions were messing with her little head. It would also be only now that she unknowingly kept her hand tightly on Akio's, something she didn't notice notice in the midst of the adrenaline filled moment they lived.

"Ohh, whoops! That was a close one, wasn't it?~ You okay?"

She'd say as she turned to face Akio, releasing her hand from the grip. She acted in a nonchalant, typically Aoi way, pushing aside all the worries and tension that accumulated and acted like her down deluded self. She scratched the back of her head in the process with a little laugh along with it. Despite her current appearance, she did keep Kusaru's words in her mind, even if they didn't make much sense to her in this very moment.

"... And we're having a slumber party~"

Aoi seemed filled with glee when Ayame announced that they were going to camp. But she looked directly at Akio when she expressed her feelings about it. She could only see the fun side of what could potentially be a very uncomfortable sleep with the not so hot nights near the border and the tree branches everywhere. She pointed at Akio, then at herself, indicating her desire for them to share a tent. It was a great opportunity to catch up some lost time, after all. She had this weird obsession to please tougher crowds anyway.