StarWight — Roleplayer Guild

IRIS
LEN

*******

Len was enjoying the warmth of the fire, his assault rifle laying a few feet away, crossbow right next to the log he was relaxing on. He looked over at Iris, smiling as he bit into some squirrel.  “This is the life, ain’t it? Sittin’ in the while, eatin’ food ya hunt with yer own bow. Goddamn, if it weren’t for the Langue hangin’ around, this would be the perfect life, ya know? Must’ve been amazing, in the days before those overgrown worms took over.” Taking another bite of squirrel, he set the tiny little leg down, sighing. He felt a bit stupid, nostalgic for a time he never even knew. But that’s how it was these days. He was about to say something else, when he heard someone yell;

”Grab any weapons and I’ll shoot. I don’t want to harm you!”

Len rolled his eyes, turning a steely gaze towards Iris.  “Son of a beeoch, Iris...we jes’ can’t catch us a break, can we? It’s always somethin’ I suppose.” Raising his hands slowly above his head, he sighed heavily, once more rolling his eyes in exasperation, and turned to face whomever had spoken. He was shocked to see a young looking redhead aiming….something at him.It looked like a makeshift weapon of some sort, something crudely thrown together. He noted how timid she sounded she’d spoken. He looked at her, eyes flitting up and down. Yeah he was checking her out, how could he not? He wasn’t dead after all. But the nerve of her, to just walk right up to them like that. He turned back to Iris, then shrugged, and lowered his arms, slowly beginning to roll up his sleeves.

 “Ya know what, Iris? Screw this crap, I ain’t havin’ someone with a freaking ghetto-ass sling threatin’ me.”  he began to glare at the woman before him, eyes furrowing heavily.  “Awright miss, you wanna go? You wanna fuck with us? Fine, you and me, right fuckin’ now. I’m ready to dance, let’s do this. Throw your pussy weapon away, and let’s tangle girl. I love me a good fight, ain’t that right Iris?” With those words, he started forward, slightly raising his arms and lowering his body, a street fighting stance, relaxed, eyes glittering with delight.

WHAAAAAAAAAP

The sound of Iris’ hand slapping against the back of Len’s head echoed only slightly. What she had lacked in intelligence she made up with speed. ”Ya’ just can’t go around beating up ladies!” Iris argued, annoyed that she hadn’t even gotten a bite of her food yet before this woman showed up. She turned to the red head, looking a tad bit apologetic but mostly annoyed. ”Y’all have to excuse my brother, he ain’t got no type of manners. We don’t have much on us, but if you want make some type of deal we can do that.” she spoke, carefully eyeing the weapon she held pointed at them.

Len gasped in surprise as Iris’ hand connected with his head. He turned towards her, startled, dropping his hands and rubbing his head.  “Hey, what the hell??” he murmured, looking hurt. He raised an eyebrow as she mentioned not going around beating women.  “Oh come on, dad did it all the time!!” he exclaimed, eyes wide.  “‘Sides, she’s the one who came up to us, holdin’ a cotton-pickin’ weapon, threatin’ you an’ me. If any gal ever deserved a beatin’, this one does!” Folding his arms over his chest, Len listened as Iris spoke to the woman, glaring at her. He rolled his eyes as Iris told the newcommer that he never had any manners.  “But she don’t have no manners, neither,” he argued, if possible, eyes narrowing even further.

Scoffing at the idea of a deal, he turned to face Iris again, arms still folded over his chest.  “Wait, what? Trade? With someone tryin’ to steal from us? What kinda’ survivors are we, lettin’ people jes’ do that crap? Damn, Iris, why don’t we jes’ go a wavin’ a neon sign, say’s ‘bitches ready to be robbed, come one, come all’ over our pretty lil’ heads. Sheeeiiit. That’s how things go, ‘round here. Lettin’ this gal take ‘vantage of us.” He glared coldly at the red-head, jerking a thumb in her direction.  “Be different if she’d jes’ said please or somethin’, ya know? Goddamn youth these days, sheeiit.”

Blinking slowly, Iris listened to Len bitch on and on about things. ”Maybe if you stopped running your damn mouth the lady could have had time to say something!” Iris growled back, raising her voice, ”The only sign you should be waving is one that says you’re a big, dumb, langue loving, squirrel sucking, smelly, inbred… ass!” she screamed back. Iris was hungry, so how could anyone blame her? Before Len had time to think, Iris charged at Len pushing him as hard as she could, toppling over their slow cooker (stick) and knocking the remaining squirrel into the fire below.

Iris stopped, and it seemed the world stopped turning on it’s axis as well as the slow motion of the squirrel falling to it’s death repeated several times in Iris’ head. Whipping her half shaved head at the woman she smiled with a cheeky grin. ”You’ll have to excuse’ us for a minute.” she chirped, before turning to the grounded Len and springing on top of him- her legs straddled above his chest. She began slapping him violently across the face, yelling things that not even Iris quite understood.
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