B R E A K I N G N E W S
SHARD KNIGHT AND DOCTOR HOURGLASS SAVE HUNDREDS OF PASSENGERS ON MALFUNCTIONING SKYTRAIN
If you haven't been introduced to Doctor Hourglass yet, you should know our favorite Knight in Crystal Armor has a new sidekick, and we haven't shipped anyone so hard since those rumors about the nefarious Dr. Nightshade. It looks like the diamond of Kraine has a thing for strong ladies with an MD.
HERATECH’S NIHILISTIC TWITTER FEED HAS SOCIAL MEDIA ROLLING
No, it’s not an act of villainous technomancy that broke the internet this time. But whoever fills HERATech’s social media (@SCEPTREOfficial) with roasts of people we love to hate like, ”The Campaigner to fight childhood illiteracy by beheading it in the school courtyard as an example to the other educational challenges,” or deadpan, #relateable dead-end-office-job angst like, “I have not been near a vending machine in at least a decade,” deserves a raise.
THE PERFORMER’S FINAL STREAM?
In case you missed it, another livestream recently dropped on the Performer's socials, but this time it wasn't some travel vlogger in the kill seat-- it was the Performer himself.
You guessed it. In another bout of poetic justice, the Brothers Grim turned the tables. (Though after the brutal murder of some of our favorite heroes, including Hearthside's Ashfall, this editorialist wonders exactly what passes for justice for the violent anti-super duo.)
The Performer never got the Grimm ending he deserved, however, because the stream was interrupted by local law enforcement before he got his just desserts.
Reports indicate that Shard Knight was at the scene long before police arrived, but the exact nature of his involvement in the incident is still unknown.
ECCENTRIC BILLIONAIRE OPENS CHARITY HOSPITAL IN THE BASTION
Billionaire Sophia Von Riegan has just cut the ribbon on the new Von Riegan Medical Center, which offers free medical services to low-income citizens of Kraine City. When asked about her motivation for such a dramatic, philanthropic gesture, Miss Von Riegan stated, “It was one meaningful way I knew I could do something good. I’ve made mistakes in my life, and I just want to leave a net-positive impact on the world.”
TAGGER VANDALIZES SUPERHERO ADS ACROSS THE CITY
The extremist anti-super vandal Tagger had a busy night. Kraine city residents woke up to the irreverent artist’s work all over the city. The criminal’s many targets included a HERATech poster for the new SCEPTRE-compatible SmartWatch (available this June!) featuring Shard Knight’s face, giving him a poop emoji head and the phrase #ShardTurd. A beautiful 200-foot UrbanElements™ portrait of the stunning Mirage on one building was plastered with “SELLOUT.”
Perhaps most disrespectful of all, a memorial billboard sponsored by RagerLager Brewery™ for the six month anniversary of the death of Xavier Marx (who we all know as the lovable bastard Burnout) was vandalized with the phrase “Grimm did nothing wrong.”
ONE GRIM BROTHER STILL AT LARGE
Grimm news, everyone. One half of the super-killing pair is known to be on the run.
Detective Adam Slain of KCPD confirmed that one of the Grim Brothers and the Performer were apprehended in the raid and are safely contained at Kraine Super Penitentiary awaiting trial, but declined further comment on whether they had any leads on the missing Grim or Ashfall's kidnapped niece.
We would also like to issue a correction on a previous article to inform any concerned readers that Shard Knight was not, in fact, present during the livestream, and has had no involvement with the Grim Brothers or the Performer.
A HERATech representative reached out with this message of hope from the Knight himself: "My heart is full of gratitude for our boys in blue after hearing about their successful capture of two of this beautiful city's most dangerous enemies. I still believe that if anyone can do it, they, with the full support of the hero community, will eventually return Helena [Ashfall's niece] to safety if she is still alive out there, and close the final chapter on the Brothers Grimm."