“I love you too, Penelope,” Crow sighed, closing his eyes. It had been so long since the last time he had fallen asleep with the knight in his arms. He had missed the feeling of her warm body pressed against his as he drifted off. Of course, they had been able to lay next to each other a number of times since their reunion, but he had longed to hold her through the night. Now that he finally had his wish, it didn’t take long for him to slip off into a content slumber.
--
Living a life where being out in the open was never safe, Crow wasn’t a deep sleeper by nature; and with the additional company of knights he didn’t know well or trust, he slept even lighter still. So, during the night, he was roused the instant Penelope moved in his arms. He heard her speaking with someone else in a hushed tone, recognizing the other voice to belong to Gavin. Making the connection that she was just getting up for her guard shift, and that there was no danger to worry about, he didn’t bother to open his eyes or get up. Instead, he shifted until he was lying comfortably on his side and exhaled quietly as he settled down to go back to sleep.
However, he didn’t make much progress before he heard Penelope speak again. Normally, he wouldn’t have bothered to eavesdrop on their conversation, but between his distrust of Gavin and his curiosity to find out what she wanted to talk to her ex suitor about in private, he couldn’t bring himself to drift off to sleep. So, interest piqued, he laid still and pretended to be unconscious as he listened to the two knights speak in the dark.
Right away, he was glad he had stayed up, because he heard Gavin tell Penelope that he believed she was being used. Crow gritted his teeth, feeling a pang of annoyance that the knight still didn’t trust him. He understood that it was any noble’s inclination not to trust a criminal, but he would have thought that Gavin would come around eventually between Penelope’s coaxing and his own willingness to help them find Jaxon. It took quite a bit of willpower for him not to get up and argue with the knight about it, but he managed to take a calming breath and keep still, continuing to focus on their conversation as he listened for Penelope’s reply.
Of course, she wasn’t persuaded by her former suitor’s obstinate distrust, and for that, he was relieved. However, what Gavin said next struck a little too close to home for the thief. He felt a stab of shame run through his heart like a knife as the knight repeated everything he already knew to be true of himself: If Penelope stayed with him, she would lose her whole life. He knew she had said she was willing to give it all up for him, and he had tried to convince himself that it was her decision and that he had nothing to feel guilty about, but her words had never once changed the way he felt. He was going to ruin her the instant they left to be together after the war. The thought that he was going to do such a thing to the woman he loved sent a wave of grief through him.
Gavin’s following words did nothing to lessen his pain. Crow listened dolefully as the knight told Penelope that he didn’t believe she would be able to handle giving everything up for him. It was what he had been afraid of as well, and now here was this man who had known her for much longer than he had, verifying his concerns. His heart sank as he imagined Penelope’s face, filled with hurt and betrayal, as she realized that she had made a mistake in running off with a thief.
I should never have approached her, he thought, biting the inside of his lip to keep himself from grimacing. It had been selfish of him to show up after two years had passed and steal her away yet again from her life as a knight. She’d had everything she could have wanted—her family, new friends, a high-ranking job, and even a suitor who could help her rise up to even better things. He should have never showed up in her camp and given her the option to sacrifice it all over again. If he had just let her go, she could have moved on, and he wouldn’t be ruining the life of the woman he loved more than anyone else.
She can still go back.
Gavin’s words echoed in his head. The thought of letting Penelope go made Crow’s stomach twist into a knot, but perhaps it was the best thing he could do for her. After all, the knight was right. At that moment, the only ones who knew about their forbidden relationship were Gavin, Olivia, Rikki, and Hazel. As long as word didn’t spread any farther, she could still go back to her life without him. She wouldn’t have to lose a thing.
He knew it was the right thing to do, but it was terribly hard to convince his heart. As much as the image of Penelope’s hurt face appeared in his mind, so did his dream of building a life with her in Farhill. He could picture it as vividly as the day: He would sell off his childhood house in Myrefall to buy a place by the lake, where they would live and raise a new family together. As long as he adhered to the people of Farhill’s rules about stealing, the villagers would provide them shelter, and they would be safe from the local knights. It would be a peaceful life, and it was one he wanted more than he had wanted anything else before.
But that life could never happen if Penelope regretted leaving to be with him.
Crow felt another stab of pain. He felt torn in two. Part of him wanted to just continue as things were and hope that the knight didn’t change her mind, but another part of him felt like it was selfish of him to let her affection for him cloud her judgment. It could be months or even years before her vision cleared and she realized what he could offer her was nothing close to what a nobleman like Gavin could. Was it really fair of him to take advantage of that?
Feeling conflicted and unable to decide what the best course of action was to take, it took a long time before the thief managed to drift off again, his slumber filled with confusing dreams of a future that was now more uncertain than ever before.
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