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Recent Statuses

2 yrs ago
Current Does this mean we can call you abmin now?
9 likes
2 yrs ago
300 word minimum is pretty standard for casual level and up in my experience
4 likes
2 yrs ago
Just discovered Dog TV. My pitbull and I have a new shared hobby.
6 likes
3 yrs ago
Barbenheimer 2023
6 likes
3 yrs ago
There's a panhandler who hangs out on the street corner by our dispensary every afternoon with a sign that just says "Green 4 Green?" and tbh, I respect my boy's confidence.
2 likes

Bio

Personal Profile

Name: Taylor
Pronouns: They/them
Age: Mid 20s
Relationship: Married (happily, I might add)
Time Zone: Arizona (we hate daylight savings, so it's MST year-round)
Writing History: I've been on a number of different roleplaying websites for over a decade and a half
Hobbies: Writing, fitness, driving/exploring, hiking, camping, traveling, tabletop games, anything NEW (I love trying things I've never done before)
Roleplayer Profile

Format: 1x1s only. Maybe I'll try a group RP again someday, but I've never had one last longer than a few months
Posting Speed: Depending on my schedule, I can usually post at least once per week
Favorite Genres: Modern, Historical, Romance, Action/Adventure, Horror/Dark, Fantasy, Slice of Life, Dystopian, can be convinced to write some Sci-Fi
Hard 'no's: Fandoms. Sorry, but I can't maintain interest in characters/worlds I didn't build with my partner
Template: Public threads or PMs. I prefer to keep all my RPs in one place, so no emails or G-docs or the like
Rating: Comfortable with 18+ content, but it's not a necessity and I prefer not to center a plot around explicit scenes
Level: Advanced. Will consistently provide around 400-700 words per post, but can occasionally leap to 2000+
Character preference: One main character, but large side casts are greatly enjoyed. Because I write long posts, I prefer not to double
Gender preference: Male. You'll be hard pressed to convince me to play a female that isn't a background character. It's just not my forte
Romantic Relationships: MxF or MxM (currently prefer MxM)
Character Images: Faceclaims or detailed descriptions only. I envision the characters like real people in my mind, so I can't take anime seriously
OOC chat: Yes please! I'm a total extrovert who loves to get to know the amazing minds behind my partners' characters

Most Recent Posts

Crow sort of stuffed her in the wardrobe xD
Crow nodded reluctantly when Penelope said she needed to get going. The last thing he wanted was to separate from her when he only just got over his last panic attack, since her presence was so comforting. However, he knew it was more important that they keep their relationship a secret from Eldon, so he didn’t argue over the matter any further. Instead, he smiled faintly at the kiss she pressed to his cheek and let his arms fall from around her so she could put some distance between them.

As the knight made her way over to the door, Crow leaned back on the palms of his hands to watch her go. Even though he didn’t want to part ways, he felt much better than he had just minutes before. His anxiety was completely gone, and aside from the additional weariness from a lack of good sleep, he felt mostly normal. He would be fine without her after she left his bedchamber.

The viceroy glanced between Penelope and Preston as the former spoke up to the latter. Her request made him tense uncomfortably. While he had accepted her help to recover from his nightmares in the mornings, he had only done so hesitantly and because he trusted her. The attendant had certainly won a bit of his trust throughout their time together, but he still didn’t like the idea of relying on the boy to do the same thing. The thought of waking up to Preston’s voice instead of hers was unsettling.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have a chance to protest before the deal had been struck between the two, and Penelope turned to him with a shrug. Knowing she had probably already guessed the argument he would make, he kept his mouth shut and simply let out his breath in a moody exhale. There was no point in trying to fight it anyway. As much as he hated to admit it, he needed help, and Preston was the next best aid if she wasn’t going to be around. He didn’t have any other choice but to accept the situation.

“See you,” Crow yawned, moving to swing his legs over the edge of the bed as she left the room. Now that he was awake, he supposed he might as well get dressed for breakfast. He was too nervous about his dreams to risk fitting in a nap, and his empty stomach craved food. However, as soon as his feet touched the floor, he halted in surprise, looking up to see Penelope hurry back inside his chamber. He blinked confusedly. Surely she didn’t think a little more time together was worth getting caught by Eldon? He opened his mouth to ask what she was doing, but didn’t get the chance to before she explained that the physician was already coming.

The viceroy’s eyes widened and quickly swept over the room as he raced to think of a way to keep the healer from discovering what was going on between them. “Over here,” he hurriedly stepped over to the wardrobe and opened the door, gesturing for Penelope to get inside. With no time to come up with a better solution, it was the best idea he could think of. He just hoped the physician didn’t have a reason to look inside while he was visiting.

“I can stand in front of it while Eldon speaks with you,” Preston offered, walking up beside him.

“Thanks,” Crow nodded to him and turned back to Penelope with an apologetic look. “Sorry, love. Just wait here until—” He didn’t finish the thought as a knock suddenly sounded at the door.

Out of time, he closed the wardrobe while Preston made his way over to answer the physician. Quietly, he stepped back over to his bedside, attempting to make it appear that he’d just gotten up while drawing the old man’s attention away from the knight’s hiding place.

It seemed to work.

“Ah, good, you’re still here,” Eldon said gruffly as he entered the bedchamber with his bag of supplies.

“This is early to me,” Crow shrugged, stretching his arms over his head a bit exaggeratedly to keep up his charade. “What do you need?”

“I need nothing,” the physician grunted. He set his bag down on the edge of the bed and began to rifle through it. “Sit down and take off your shirt.”

Crow rolled his eyes. He’d nearly forgotten how unpleasant the old man could be. Nevertheless, he did as he was told to get him to leave as quickly as possible.

Eldon nodded wordlessly, seeming pleased with his patient’s compliance, and stepped over to begin his examination. Naturally, he started by checking the viceroy’s cough. The physician pressed down on and around the spot that usually triggered a fit. It did this time as well, though to Crow’s relief, the episode was short and didn’t bring up any blood as it used to.

“Excellent,” Eldon nodded again. He dug through his bag once more to retrieve a vial of medicine. “This should be the last dose you need to clear the rest of that cough up.”

“Thank the gods for that,” Crow sighed as he took the container from the old man and downed the contents.

“Yes, well, I never said it was the last medicine I was going to give you altogether,” Eldon said carelessly, taking the vial back from the viceroy and stowing it with his things.

“What do you mean?” Crow knitted his brow.

“It seems to me that you need a sleeping draught,” the old man answered without looking up.

Crow felt his blood run cold. Had word of his night terrors reached the healer’s ears already? He shifted his weight warily. If Eldon knew, it was only a matter of time before the physician told his father. He didn’t want Albin to get involved.

“I don’t need it,” he objected with a shake of his head. “I’m sleeping just fine at night.”

“I’m not sure why you’re trying to lie to me right now, but whatever your reason may be, you might as well give up now,” Eldon scoffed. He reached up with his right hand to point a gnarled finger at his patient’s face, getting close enough that the viceroy leaned away from him uncomfortably. “Your eyes are red, and you’ve got dark circles underneath them. A telltale sign that you’re not getting enough rest.” Turning away again, he picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “I’ll prepare an elixir for you to take tonight. Please don’t try to be a martyr and drink it, would you?”

Crow wavered for a moment before he nodded, “Alright.” He doesn’t know about my nightmares after all, he breathed an internal sigh of relief.

“Very good,” Eldon nodded once more before turning back to the door. “I’ll send the elixir with your manservant later this evening. Good day.” With that, he dipped his head in a curt farewell and disappeared through the door.

As soon as he was gone, Crow moved quickly to open the wardrobe where Penelope was hidden. “Sorry, he stayed longer than I was expecting,” he said with a frown, stepping back again to give her room. “I don’t think he knew you were here though.”
Crow just wants a little bit of time alone with Penelope, but he never gets it xD
Crow closed his eyes again as he continued to lean against Penelope, finding her touch especially comforting after the stressful way he’d woken up that morning. Part of him was tempted to fall asleep where he was, since he felt like he’d been up all night again. Though he was still nervous about facing his nightmare again, he felt much more secure with the knight by his side than he had when he’d been alone. Plus, now that she’d proven that she could help him calm down when he panicked, he wasn’t quite as worried about dealing with the anxiety in the first place. He relaxed his hold on her slightly as the temptation to drift off grew stronger.

In his weariness, he didn’t notice Penelope’s unease, and was nearly half asleep by the time she spoke up again. The viceroy blinked his eyes open and stretched, nodding tiredly when she said she hoped the other solutions would work too. “That would be nice,” he mused, wrapping her up in a tighter embrace now that he was feeling slightly more awake than before. “But even if they don’t, this is better than nothing. In fact, it’s the first method that’s ever worked for me before, so I think I’d call that a success.”

He leaned up to touch a tender kiss to her lips, and then froze when he heard someone clear their throat off to the side. Turning away from Penelope, he saw Preston glancing between them and the door. The servant seemed uncomfortable about something, but he wasn’t sure what had set him off. Deciding it was unimportant, the viceroy casted the thought aside.

“Yes?” he said dryly, mildly annoyed by the interruption.

“I don’t mean to be rude,” Preston frowned. “But you might not want to do that.”

“Why not?” Crow rolled his eyes. “It’s just the three of us here. There’s no harm.” He turned back to Penelope, ready to ignore the attendant’s protest, but stopped again when the boy spoke up once more.

“Right now it’s just us,” Preston shuffled his feet in an antsy manner. “But Eldon insisted on seeing you this morning to check up on your cough. He’ll be here any time now.”

Crow groaned and leaned his head against Penelope’s chest again. “Can’t you just tell him to come back later?”

“He’s got a busy schedule,” Preston shook his head. “If he doesn’t see you this morning, he’s going to be upset.”

“Fine,” the viceroy muttered. He pressed a little closer to the knight, reluctant to let her go, and sighed in frustration, “Gods, we never get any time to ourselves around here, do we?”
Understandably xD
He managed to calm down this time
In the brief silence that followed his words, Crow worried that his fear had been right and that he had just imagined Penelope’s voice beside him. However, his fright was quickly put to rest when he suddenly felt her wrap an arm around his back and kiss him on the forehead. The sensation of her touch grounded him just enough to realize that she really was present with him. It wasn’t his imagination playing tricks. Even though the images of his nightmare were vivid, he had never been able to feel anything that happened to him in them. The knight had to have been next to him if he could feel the warmth and pressure of her embrace.

Reassured by the thought, he leaned into her slightly, taking comfort in her touch. Her gentle voice was soothing to him as well, and he felt a fresh surge of confidence as she spoke to him. She sounded like she thought he could handle getting his breathing under control, so maybe he really could do it. He certainly wanted to. After all, if calming down was the way to make the nightmare stop, then he didn’t want to give up after just one failure. He had to keep trying.

In the next moment, Crow felt Penelope reach for his hand. He wished he could take hers as well, but he was still too shaky to move his arms. Instead, he offered her a weak nod to indicate that he was listening to her as she went on to give him instructions to breathe again. This time, with the assurance of her touch and voice, he managed to inhale without losing control. He couldn’t breathe in as deeply as he felt her do beside him, but he was able to hold in the air until they exhaled together.

At first, he didn’t feel anything different—he was still trembling from panic—but the success of the exercise was enough to encourage him to press on. He repeated taking slow breaths a few more times until his heartbeat began to slow down with his breathing. As it did, he realized the odor of blood that had been so strong before had faded away. He felt a bubble of hope rise up in his chest. The trick was working after all.

It took a few more minutes, but eventually, Crow’s panic simmered down and disappeared as well. Once it was gone, he leaned a bit more heavily into Penelope’s side, exhausted from the effort of fighting. His jaw hung open slightly and he panted to get his heartrate back to its normal speed.

“I hate this,” he murmured, shaking his head and wrapping his arms around the knight’s waist to pull her closer. He stayed still for a moment longer, waiting until it felt like the episode had fully passed, before he looked up to meet her gaze. “Well, I guess you found something that works,” he spoke softly with a halfhearted smile. “Thank you for helping me calm down.”
I figured it would be too much to expect Crow to get it on the first try ^^;
Crow felt dizzy. He could tell he wasn’t getting enough air. Unable to slow his shallow breathing, he was beginning to wonder if his panic was going to make him pass out this time. It was hard to say which was worse: staying awake and continuing to endure the vivid images and nauseating odor of blood or letting himself fall asleep and risking getting trapped in the nightmare all over again. He wasn’t sure why he was even bothering to compare the two though. It wasn’t like he had a choice if he was going to hyperventilate into unconsciousness. Perhaps his overwhelmed mind just needed something else to think about that wasn’t quite as stressful as everything else.

“Crow, it’s alright. You’re alright.”

The sound of a voice caught the viceroy’s attention. It sounded warm and familiar and was just enough to give him pause in the midst of his panic. Penelope? He bit his lip. It sounded like her, but he’d also thought he could smell blood, and that had all been in his head. Who was to say that this time was any different? The thought was discouraging, but it seemed legitimate enough to him. It was also enough to dissuade him from opening his eyes to find out if she was really there or not. After all, it would have been much worse for him to get his hopes up and then see that he really had just imagined her. He didn’t know if he could take that.

“Remember, breathe in, hold it, and then let it out through your mouth.”

Vaguely, Penelope’s words sounded familiar to him. He almost felt like he could remember what she was talking about, but the memory was just out of reach. The thought was frustrating to him. He wanted to press into it more, but it was difficult when the delusions of his nightmare were so much more prominent in his mind. Still, desperate for relief, he forced himself to try.

Fighting back against the overbearing vision of his dream, Crow managed to think back to their conversation the night before. He recalled that she had told him the same thing about breathing then too, but why? What was so important about breathing that she was telling him again now?

Escape. It’s an escape.

Suddenly, his heart leapt into his throat as he realized she was telling him how to get out of his panic. His hope didn’t last long, however. Sure, she had given him a solution, but he didn’t know if he could do it. He was currently breathing so rapidly that he had just been wondering if he would pass out moments before. It seemed impossible that he could get his breath under control well enough to follow her directions. Still, he had to try.

Attempting to do what Penelope said, Crow inhaled shakily. Unfortunately, as hard as he tried to hold his breath, he couldn’t stop the impulse to let it out again. He gasped, his lungs snapping shut in protest as he lost control once again. The failure made his heart race wildly as tendrils of doubt began to creep over his mind. What if he couldn’t escape? What if he wasn’t strong enough? What if he was stuck in the nightmare for good this time? His thoughts began to spiral, causing him to panic more.

“I-I can’t,” he choked out. While he still wasn’t sure if Penelope was really beside him, he wanted to talk to her, so he responded anyway. He went on between ragged breaths, “It’s too hard… I can’t do it.”
Crow completely forgot about their talk in the morning ^^;
“I see,” Crow mused when Penelope told him how to handle the panic that came with his nightmares in the morning. He supposed he could see how a breathing exercise would work to calm him down—it had always helped him focus in the past—but it sounded much easier said than done. Every time he’d woken up lately, he had been too consumed by his dreams to even recognize where he was or who was with him. He wasn’t sure how he would be able to be self-aware enough to control his breathing during such an episode.

It’s still better than nothing, he reasoned, chewing thoughtfully on the inside of his lip. Learning to control his breathing in the middle of a panic attack was probably going to be difficult, but if the trick would work to stop the trauma, then it was worth trying.

When Penelope took his hand, Crow met her gaze again, drawn from his thoughts. Her assurance brought a smile to his lips. While he still didn’t want her to worry about him every morning, he supposed there was another part of him that was relieved to know she would be there when the nightmare struck again. It felt good to know that he wouldn’t be alone. “I know you will,” he said softly, leaning in to meet her lips in a brief yet tender kiss. “Thanks, love. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Letting out a long yawn of his own, the viceroy turned and made his way to his bedchamber. While the thought of facing the nightmare again was still unnerving to him, he felt less apprehensive than usual about getting some sleep now that it seemed there might really be a solution for his dreams on the horizon. He hoped the methods Penelope had found would work, so he could move on from this unpleasant phase of his life and get back to some kind of normalcy.

Feeling slightly more optimistic than usual, it didn’t take long for him to fall into a light sleep once he finished settling down for the night in his room.

--

The following morning wasn’t any easier for Crow, despite the hope he’d gained the night before. As always, he woke up hysteric, frightened into an unresponsive state by the vividness of his dream. He could still see the corpses, the knights, and even Jaxon’s twisted smirk. All memory of his conversation with Penelope went forgotten as he suddenly realized he could smell the sharp odor of blood. The smell caused his eyes to widen as he hurriedly checked himself over to find out where he was injured.

Of course, there was no sign of a wound anywhere on his body, and he squeezed his eyes shut, convinced he was going mad. In the back of his head, he knew he was in the castle, but it was hard to focus on that fact when everything else felt just as real. He clutched his head in his hands, hoping that one of the overlapping realities would go away soon, so he could at least protect himself if he really was in danger.
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