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6 yrs ago
Current Boy, you're like a pizza cutter: all edge and no point.
3 likes
6 yrs ago
I think I should write a pithy roleplay about how an expenditure of effort does not entitle you to your perception of an equivalent reward. Anyone know someone who'd be interested?
7 likes
7 yrs ago
Okay, let's be honest for a second here, if we stop the status bar from being edgy angst land it really doesn't have anything going for it except sheer autism.
2 likes
7 yrs ago
Does anyone know where you can get a white trilby embroidered with threatening messages? Asking for a friend.
3 likes
7 yrs ago
My genius truly knows no bounds. Only an intellect as glorious as mine can possibly G3T K1D.
3 likes

Bio

Behold the Terrorists of Valhalla:



Behold the Cavemen of Valhalla:

Most Recent Posts

Ophelia


"I share not the bloodthirst of the Moonborn Hunter, Your Majesty, fear not. I am a witch more than I am a Hunter, and accepted the Old Blood only to stave off a long and painful death by Paleblood. The Great Ones are vital to the Waking World in their own way, and I would not see one slaughtered lest it was necessary and they could be replaced. One who is merely kin, however, is a perfectly eligible target for death; their immortality matters not, for we are immortal also. The Moonborn Hunter has slain a true Great One before, so it is possible, and it is a feat that we shall repeat. I share your concern that action has not already been taken, however... There must be a reason, and we shall do our best to divine it discreetly. We shall return with the means of your freedom at hand, Your Majesty, and I thank you for granting us audience. It has been most auspicious." Ophelia replied, happy to conclude the conversation there. Once again assuming that the Queen did not reply, she would rise from her position and return to the lantern, beckoning for the others to follow.
Ophelia


Ophelia listened attentively as the Queen spoke, luxuriating in the ancient wisdom dispensed to her. At last, something she--no, they--could truly work with. Once Annalise finished Ophelia permitted herself to laugh, a musical and rich thing like the dulcet fragrance of honeysuckle late on a summer's night. Like she used to when she would walk the path to the shrine in the woods, where all the birds would join her and the world was simple and small. The kind of laugh that Torquil might've heard from behind his arboreal nooks as he wandered the woods, that Ophelia hadn't uttered since they first awoke in Rebirth's Rise what felt like far longer ago than it had been.

"If he is but kin, then I believe he can be killed without consequence? If that is true, Your Majesty, then he is already dead. Between ourselves and the Moonborn Hunter, we have as many tries as we like--he will have to get lucky every few minutes for the rest of his exceedingly short life. We need only do so once. We will not underestimate him, however, nor shall I squander an opportunity to wrest his power from him and use it to serve that which he so desperately feels contempt for. To know of this Cael is also a tremendous boon, for which I am eminently grateful. It would seem that the 'Golden Bastard', as my companion so accurately if crassly refers to him, is not what we are fighting--the awakening of his master is... but he has tampered with our minds, and for that he will die an ignominious death. For us, for Divine Queen Yharnam, and for you, Your Majesty. For a world where your child may burgeon and blossom without the rotten influence of Gold." Ophelia spoke, reverently and powerfully. For what felt like the first time in the entire night she felt like they had a real chance, a modicum of understanding enough to not be entirely unmoored in the vast world they'd awakened themselves to.
Ophelia


"Grave tidings indeed, Your Majesty. If you know of him, I implore you, please share your findings with us. I had not wished to act too overtly against him without knowing what he is and what he wants, but that you grant him the appellation of 'Golden Trickster' speaks to his character. We have, if it pleases your Majesty, been fortunate enough to come across a Rune that protects against eldritch influence and enables one to see through illusions--should you wish me to brand you with this Rune, or any members of your household, it would be a privilege and an honour. We have made the first move against him, in that we have freed the First Hunter from his thrall, and will continue to muster allies. It is more imperative than ever that you must be freed from your confinement, Your Majesty, if you are to stand with us--I will fulfill all three of your quests." Ophelia replied, bowing her head lower and more reverently. Pride--one might even say Ego--was a trap that she would not allow to get in the way of her goals. She would debase herself thoroughly to see the work done, though there was not even the faintest pricking of that sensation that she had to overcome as she knelt before Queen Annalise.

Ruling because one's family had always ruled was, to Ophelia's mind, no point of merit--but Yharnam did need a leader outside of the failing system of the Healing Church. Perhaps this was why the Healing Church had sought to vilify her lineage and her right to rule, that the reign of power in the old order would never have allowed the trespasses that they committed... though the fact she never once heard about Cainhurst while growing up suggested that her parents had tried to leave that life behind. She wondered why, and would do her best to get to the bottom of that, but could not ignore the present reality that Cainhurst could prove to be exceptionally valuable allies.
Ophelia


Ophelia found herself very sympathetic to the Queen's goals and to her plight of suffering, knowing well what it was like to grow up without parents. This Child of Blood, whatever they were, was innocent of any crime--and Ophelia would not see her go without a mother. Whatever Queen Annalise had done, the world was very different now. The legacy of those who'd imprisoned her had already been tarnished, their status one of disrepute and their works now viewed as contemptible--what right had they to keep a mother from her children, when all they wrought was wickedness?

"I know too well what it is like for a daughter to be bereft of a mother, Your Majesty. I will not let the same fate befall your daughter, and will not rest until you are freed from your confinement. There is something I should mention, however, for it is of grave concern to all: there is a new threat that lurks at the heart of the Healing Church. A Great One known as the Lord of Providence, whose name is known to us but must not be spoken lest they be invoked. Unleashed from the labyrinth by the streak of carnage cut across the land by the Moonborn Hunter and the deaths of Great Ones, they scheme at the heart of the Grand Cathedral and we dare not intrude while much remains undone. The supplies necessary to make a Hunter, however, should be within our grasp--as is the Old Labyrinth. We will depart posthaste to scour the Healing Church clean, and free you from your prison. Though... Divine Queen Yharnam? So the city is named after her, or was she named after the city? It must be the former, surely, for a lineage as ancient as this one seems to be... Ah, but I digress. We shall return soon, Your Majesty." Ophelia replied, thoughtful but full of conviction, and if there was no reply from the Queen regarding the information she'd brought would stand and wait for the others to do so before curtseying and heading back to the Lantern.
Ophelia


Ophelia sighed internally at the delay, impatient to get this over with so that they could retrieve her weapon's lost twin. Sacred relic or not, they needed the chalice only for a scant few hours--having to do even more to earn it was tiresome. Still, she supposed it could not be helped--one such as the Queen seemed quite unable to leave the chamber, and aid like theirs as Paleblood Hunters was exceptionally rare. Were the roles reversed, Ophelia could at least understand why one would be keen to put an offer of service to work.

"I'm afraid I don't really know what that would entail, Your Majesty, and am typically loath to agree to something I do not understand. Still, the fruits of your lineage blossom within my blood already; if you wish to further anoint me I shall gratefully accept. I will do whatever needs be done for the Chalice, and would take the opportunity to learn of my august lineage. Though... I know not which of my parents passed down the legacy of Cainhurst to me, for both died when I was very young."
Ophelia


Ophelia had grown accustomed enough to Farren to know that he was deeply unhappy with the arrangement of things, and thought perhaps that she had potentially... not misspoken, for obtaining the Chalice here in Cainhurst was of a higher priority than even her relationship with her fellows, but something like that. She made a mental note to apologise to him after they left this place, not meaning to deny him his prize but equally unwilling to risk offending this imperious monarch who might know much about her own past, her parents. Papa. Perhaps even Mama, though she found the memories containing the answer fuzzy at best and did not trust what she might glean from them. At least, the Chalice was immediately able to be resolved.

"Very well, Your Majesty. As I said before, one of my reasons for coming here is that a Chalice is here somewhere. If it pleases you, might we borrow it? Once our communion is done and its purpose fulfilled, I would be happy to return it here--or to keep it, as Your Majesty wishes. Forgive my lack of courtly manners, but if you consider the information we've brought tribute enough that is that, though I would also be happy to provide you leal service to obtain the relic I seek?" Ophelia spoke, still kneeling and still not looking up at the Queen. Though her language was refined and her manner could be considered relatively genteel, Ophelia was no noble at heart--she was a witch, down in the muck with the people like Farren and Torquil, used to viscera and death. She truly did not know how to speak to one such as the Queen, though she did not feel the same compunctions about displays of deference that Farren did--it was simply an accessory, a tool, a rune. A thing to help her accomplish her goals--and in service of her goals, she would do almost anything.
Ophelia


Upon receiving the queen's admonition--and grace--Ophelia nodded and knelt dutifully before the sovereign and her throne. She did not look up as she continued to speak, though there was a hint of curiosity about her face at the revelation of this 'Paarl' being mentioned. Ophelia immediately knew what had happened and found herself somewhat shocked that this conversation had not already happened 5 years prior... though with how rare darkbeasts were purported to be perhaps it made sense why not.

"Paarl, O Sovereign, was transformed into what has been called a 'Darkbeast', according to my sources of knowledge. We were attacked by such a beast and left with no choice but to defend ourselves and kill it. It had been chained by the denizens of Yahar'gul and used as a guardian of that place." Ophelia recounted truthfully, typically not a liar at the best of times, never mind in the strange situation she now found herself. She hoped such an answer would not displease the sovereign, though judging by what the Messengers had revealed if this Queen was indeed his mother (or some other relation) it would perhaps be difficult news. Still, Ophelia was of the mind that meaningful relationships could not be built upon an unstable foundation of lies. This was no exception.
Ophelia


Ophelia looked around the new and unfamiliar surroundings with curiosity and awe, uncertain she'd ever seen such grandeur in her life. Even the more resplendent things she'd seen very recently--like the White Healing Church--paled in comparison to the finery and luxury of this strange place. There was a tinge of something beneath it, however, as there always was in Yharnam. Something that Ophelia could feel but not identify, no matter how hard she looked. She barely had the time to take it in before she was drawn to the two thrones and their single inhabitant, bathed in moonlight filtered through the stained glass above, and she began to approach--though only took a few steps before she began to speak.

"I am Ophelia, your Majesty," she began, quite unsure of how to refer to this being but doing her best to be as reverent as the surrounds felt like were deserved, "and I have come to seek audience with you. I have recently discovered my lineage is of Cainhurst, and also seek a chalice that I have been told resides here. Please forgive my impertinence, for I do not know how to address one such as yourself properly, nor to whom I have the privilege of speaking save that you are Queen of Cainhurst and the so-called Vilebloods." Ophelia spoke, offering a curtsey as she did, though she felt as clumsy as a newborn lamb before such a being in such a regal setting. She hoped that revelations of her lineage might buy her some grace, or knowledge as esoteric as a chalice might earn her curiosity and attention. She instinctively turned to Gerlinde, realising that she must've been the one to light the lantern here, with an unspoken question on her lips--though she almost immediately turned back to the Queen, as in her mind it would be rude to not pay proper attention.
Ophelia


"An orphan would stand to inherit Kos' realm, I suppose. And a wet nurse... I suppose they don't seem the sort to have one either. Only Flora... who is not my Mother Moon, it seems. Thank you, dears, I'll look forward to examining the chalices upon our return. Shall we?" Ophelia replied, giving them both a curtsey and a smile before turning to walk towards the others--presumably at the Headstones.

As she walked she reached her mind out to the Holy Moonlight Sword once more, knowing that it had information seemingly no other beings they'd so far encountered had--and as she remembered the blinding nebula that had been revealed to her upon claiming it as her own she thought that a realm of such surpassing beauty would not be a bad thing at all. O Mother Moon, do you have a realm of your own here in the Nightmare? Might we ascend together, to usher in an Age of Light? Guide me towards the right path, and let us bring Glory to this world.
Ophelia


Ophelia nodded along with the dispensed wisdom, occasionally frowning or furrowing her brows or even smiling--but when Gerlinde asked her question Ophelia turned to face her for a moment and gave her an appraising look.

"Yes, that makes sense... A King of Isz must've had a queen, and children, no? If the golden one did have children, then not only can we slay it but perhaps we can inherit its realm. Or, indeed, perhaps there are other Great Ones whose children might be used. If we are to ascend, it will not be as some half-measure. Our aureate foe retains even the ability to speak directly to us, albeit via a medium--and, indeed, was once mortal. We must seek the path he trod, understand how he became what he is, and dismantle him and his rotten influence--but it is clear to me now that his place must be taken if he is to die. The Vicar gave me names earlier: Seraph and Vanara among them, I believe... Do we know aught of their realms? Are they vacant, or gone? Can new realms be made? If this place is merely the dream of a Great One... perhaps those who have gone have pockets of the Nightmare they dreamed into being? Or... Forgive me if this sounds impertinent, but, are you happy here, love? Your state of being is quite unusual, and if there's aught I can do to help I'd consider it a fair trade for the wealth of knowledge you've bestowed upon us already and will continue to do so." Ophelia asked, though she turned her gaze quickly to the headstones and then to Farren and Torquil.

"Would you two name the little sanctuary, loves?"
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