Unsure of How to Feel

[Miraboreasu]

I was sick last week and missed all days but Monday. I came to school this morning and found out that a classmate was killed last week. Personally I'm shocked, but numb. I wasn't close to him or anything, let alone being friends, but he was friends with everyone else. I'm not sure if I should try to comfort them.

[Lady Squee]

If you feel like people need to be comforted, comfort them. I'm sorry to hear about it. My graduating class was cursed. We lost 6 people within four years. Half of those being murders and the other half being freak accidents. I understand how hard it is and how awkward it can be. If you feel like anyone needs a hug, hug them. It's going to be very hard for them for a little while. It's a dose of mortality that no young person wants.

[Awson]

Showing them a bit of normalcy might not hurt.

Just do what you feel is best.

[andromedene]

I'm sorry man, that's rough.

[Cpt Toellner]

Awson said
Showing them a bit of normalcy might not hurt.

This.

These people are getting a bunch of "I'm sorry" and "I you need anything, you can talk to me". Personally, I hate that shit, and if something bad happens to me, I want people to acknowledge it, but then move on, helping me to move on in the process.

Maybe i'm just weird like that.

[Mtntopview]

Blitzkrieg said
This.These people are getting a bunch of "I'm sorry" and "I you need anything, you can talk to me". Personally, I hate that shit, and if something bad happens to me, I want people to acknowledge it, but then move on, helping me to move on in the process.Maybe i'm just weird like that.

I kinda agree with this.

[stark]

Blitzkrieg said
Maybe i'm just weird like that.

No, I tend to be the same way. (To a certain degree, anyway.) If I have to grieve, I feel better doing it in private, away from the eyes of others. I prefer if the other people around me simply let me have my own time to internally process everything and they try to treat me relatively normally otherwise. Too much in the way of sympathy and platitudes, however well-intentioned they may be, usually only serve to make me feel worse.

It's hard to make suggestions as to what should be done in a situation like this because everyone handles grief differently. It might be appropriate to offer one person a hug, while another person might not want you to say anything. You have to gauge it on a person-by-person basis -- if they seem like someone who might appreciate a few words of comfort, then offer them. If they're more the stoic type, then simply just being there and talking about anything to help shift their thoughts in a different direction (i.e. chitchat about everyday things, sports, music, etc.) may be just the thing.

It's ok to feel numb after something like that happening -- it's a lot to take in when one of your peers dies, especially at such a young age. (It kind of puts life in perspective a little bit, which can be hard to process. I somehow always feel it's much harder to lose younger people than it is to lose older people. It's not that younger ones are any more special than the older people we care about, but it's almost like an extra sting of sadness because the younger person had their whole life ahead of them still.)

Best of luck, Jett.

[mdk]

Just avoid saying things like "Jeez, that was like a week ago, move on already," and you should be okay. Feeling sad sucks, so don't go out of your way to do it.

[Seravee]

That's terribly difficult. We had a death when I was in school. A boy actually died in a freak accident within the school, and a friend of mine is the one who found him. Comfort them if the opportunity presents itself, but don't feel obligated to do anything. Go case-by-case. A kind word here and there might be all you find yourself doing, which is alright. But if you weren't especially close to him, don't feel required to fake sadness if that isn't what you're truly feeling.

[Overwatch]

Blitzkrieg said
This.These people are getting a bunch of "I'm sorry" and "I you need anything, you can talk to me". Personally, I hate that shit, and if something bad happens to me, I want people to acknowledge it, but then move on, helping me to move on in the process.Maybe i'm just weird like that.

Damn, maybe I'm weird too. I only want to be mourned if my life was remarkable. Otherwise, I'd love it if people would be cool with it and move on. Everybody's gotta die sometime.

[Miraboreasu]

mdk said
Just avoid saying things like "Jeez, that was like a ago, move on already," and you should be okay. Feeling sad sucks, so don't go out of your way to do it.

I see. But the thing that bothers me most is that I feel nothing towards this event.

[Cpt Toellner]

Jett Ryu said
I see. But the thing that bothers me most is that I feel nothing towards this event.

Ah, now there's a problem I can relate to.

[mdk]

Jett Ryu said
I see. But the thing that bothers me most is that I feel nothing towards this event.

Unsurprising. You didn't know the person, you weren't present for the news, you missed all of the shock. For you the feelings may come much, much later -- or never at all, I mean, it's not something you experienced in any way, you essentially just heard about it, like a radio show. Yes, it's a sad thing, but you're not weird for not feeling sad about it. The worst thing you could do is pretend.

[Svenn]

Well I mean, you were 'Sick' when he died... Suspicious.

[Miraboreasu]

Svenn said
Well I mean, you were 'Sick' when he died... Suspicious.

If you're seriously implying that I went out at 2 AM and caused a crash, I will be very, very upset.

[Dervish]

Svenn said
Well I mean, you were 'Sick' when he died... Suspicious.

Don't be an insensitive dick.

[Gwazi Magnum]

Sherlock Holmes said
No, I tend to be the same way. (To a certain degree, anyway.) If I have to grieve, I feel better doing it in private, away from the eyes of others. I prefer if the other people around me simply let me have my own time to internally process everything and they try to treat me relatively normally otherwise. Too much in the way of sympathy and platitudes, however well-intentioned they may be, usually only serve to make me feel worse. It's hard to make suggestions as to what should be done in a situation like this because everyone handles grief differently. It might be appropriate to offer one person a hug, while another person might not want you to say anything. You have to gauge it on a person-by-person basis -- if they seem like someone who might appreciate a few words of comfort, then offer them. If they're more the stoic type, then simply just being there and talking about anything to help shift their thoughts in a different direction (i.e. chitchat about everyday things, sports, music, etc.) may be just the thing.It's ok to feel numb after something like that happening -- it's a lot to take in when one of your peers dies, especially at such a young age. (It kind of puts life in perspective a little bit, which can be hard to process. I somehow always feel it's much harder to lose younger people than it is to lose older people. It's not that younger ones are any more special than the older people we care about, but it's almost like an extra sting of sadness because the younger person had their whole life ahead of them still.) Best of luck, Jett.

[2]

Jett Ryu said
I see. But the thing that bothers me most is that I feel nothing towards this event.

And there is absaloutely nothing wrong with that.
You didn't know him, there's nothing wrong in feeling bad about the death if you never really knew him to begin with.
I can openly admit that I wouldn't feel a thing for the majority of my class mates if they died from something.
If it was a friend of mine? Different story, but if I didn't know them it personally wouldn't effect me.

At least other than the "I hope his family and friends are ok" kind of concern.

Svenn said
Well I mean, you were 'Sick' when he died... Suspicious.

And asshole of the week award goes to you!

[Miraboreasu]

Magic Magnum said And asshole of the week award goes to you!

That actually goes to one of my classmates ( congrats on getting runner-up, Svenn). He showed up to the funeral just to get out of school, and he openly admitted it shortly before the service started to one of our classmates. That's damn disrespectful. The dead deserve more respect than that.

[mdk]

Jett Ryu said
That actually goes to one of my classmates ( congrats on getting runner-up, Svenn). He showed up to the funeral just to get out of school, and he openly admitted it shortly before the service started to one of our classmates. That's damn disrespectful. The dead deserve more respect than that.

People say dumb shit. I don't doubt that was one of the reasons he showed up, and probably the one he wants people to think is real, because callouses are tougher than regular skin. But callouses only grow in places where you've been damaged.

[Miraboreasu]

mdk said
People say dumb shit. I don't doubt that was one of the reasons he showed up, and probably the one he wants people to think is real, because callouses are tougher than regular skin. But callouses only grow in places where you've been damaged.

That's just it. He really did only go to get out of school. He sat in the back pretty much relaxing while everything went on.