Do you ever question...

[jagajac]

what you're doing with your life? I spent 4 years in college to earn my BSEd. Now that I've got it and am currently teaching, I'm starting to seriously question my choices. I feel like I chose to pursue teaching because I was convinced it was the only practical career skill I possessed. I spend all day secluded in a classroom winging my way through math and English lessons. All of my students are significantly below grade level, most have terrible home lives, and many could care less about school or a relationship with me. Although my faculty and staff are wonderful, they haven't had much time to swing by and see how I'm doing. Most don't even know who I am or what I do at the school. I go home on the weekends and do everything I can to avoid work. In doing so, work is constantly on my mind. I procrastinate and don't spend much of my time socializing or getting familiar with my new home. I am the type of person who thrives in the presence of people. I feel loved when I am appreciated and in the spotlight (in a sense). Right now, I wake up dreading my day. I come home and cry because I feel miserable and unhappy with my career. Teaching is something I may be good at, but it is not fulfilling me.

I always dreamed of going to college in Alaska and studying marine biology. I had this whole fantasy to monitor orca whale sound waves and mating patterns and could recite my wishes on cue. My parents are very practical and money conscience people, God bless them, so when I got a full-ride scholarship to my home university that dream got swept under the rug. I gave up too easily and didn't fight for what I wanted because I was afraid of failure and disappointing my family. Now I harbor this regret in my heart that I feel is holding me back from a happy life. I know now that I chose the easy way out by pleasing other people, and I'm paying the price. I'm not meant to be a teacher, but now I don't know what to do. I've looked into summer internships working at aquariums and such, but reality clouds my vision. How am I going to afford my current lifestyle working in a minimum wage job? Will I even get to do the things I want to with the animals given my educational background and experience? What will my family think if I pursue this?

*sigh*

Needless to say, I am severely struggling and confused. I'm going to spend more time in God's word and truly praying for Him to take my hand and lead me. A piece of me is missing, and I want to do everything I possibly can to let go of my doubts and find it. If anyone has any advice, connections, or encouragement for me I would so greatly appreciate it.

<3&fluff
jagajac

[wonderlandalli]

I was, for sure, and still do. I'm not a teacher yet, but have been trying very hard to get hired as an art teacher. (Got my BFA and my teaching cert.) It's important to me to give of myself. The way you're feeling now is how I feel working most retail jobs.

I feel like I chose to pursue teaching because I was convinced it was the only practical career skill I possessed. I spend all day secluded in a classroom winging my way through math and English lessons. All of my students are significantly below grade level, most have terrible home lives, and many could care less about school or a relationship with me. Although my faculty and staff are wonderful, they haven't had much time to swing by and see how I'm doing. Most don't even know who I am or what I do at the school. I go home on the weekends and do everything I can to avoid work. In doing so, work is constantly on my mind. I procrastinate and don't spend much of my time socializing or getting familiar with my new home. I am the type of person who thrives in the presence of people. I feel loved when I am appreciated and in the spotlight (in a sense). Right now, I wake up dreading my day. I come home and cry because I feel miserable and unhappy with my career. Teaching is something I may be good at, but it is not fulfilling me.

Is English what you want to teach? What if you could teach Biology since that's such an interest for you? Can you apply within your school to teach something else or do job hunting this spring/summer for different position? Is this your first year teaching? I hear that's the hardest one. How are you trying to dialogue with the kids? If they have shitty home lives they likely don't trust adults much at all. That's going to be an obstacle to befriending them, and it's not your fault. Same with the other teachers, they are just as busy as you and might not remember to look in on you, but I'm sure you would be welcome to visit them? Speak up if you're having trouble, they've all been through the same things I'm sure. Maybe some of them have had your kids before or the same kids and can let you know if there's anything they respond well to in their classes that you could carry over into your lesson differentiation?

. I'm not meant to be a teacher, but now I don't know what to do. I've looked into summer internships working at aquariums and such, but reality clouds my vision. How am I going to afford my current lifestyle working in a minimum wage job?

Well, you couldn't. You'd have to think about what in your lifestyle you are willing to change or give up. If you have a mortgage, you'll have to decide how you can cover that and what bills you can reduce or get rid of first.

To go back, if you don't get a scholarship then you'll also have to consider if you want student loans over your head to go back. Think hard on that, they're a pain. Mine are more than my car note.

I know here in Texas teachers have a portion of their pay deducted during the school year that is held and then paid out to them over the summer. If it works like that for you, I don't know how realistic this is but what if you were able to fly up to the school to take summer courses, and still teach during the school year? Just an idea. I don't know enough of your financial situation to really say what could be done.

Will I even get to do the things I want to with the animals given my educational background and experience? What will my family think if I pursue this?

Does it really matter what your family thinks if you're this unhappy? You're an adult.

[Shanks]

Hey JJ,

I don't know if I can really offer any practical advice, but I'd like to offer you some moral support. I currently am struggling with a very similar issue; I have been in my career for 8 or 9 years now (I started when I was in college) and I feel very unfulfilled. I feel like I've worked very hard for very long and made very little progress. Despite being well renowned in my company, and among my clients, for being someone who can handle anything: the promotions and wages just aren't following in suit. It's led me to wonder if I am in the wrong career, if there is something more important for me to be doing... If I am missing out on my true calling. Well I'm still not positive, it could be that I am supposed to wait. However, I feel I have been prompted by God to another path that didn't completely turn my world upside down (YET.) Which is good, because i can't quit my job and take a major risk on a new career path: I have a wife and two kids. This is getting long winded, suffice it to say after much prayer, and many conversations with others, I feel God has given me the idea to write a book on an issue common among Christians. So I am pursuing that, as well as working my normal job. I hope that God provides you an equally accommodating path to follow.

PS. glad to see other Christians around here.

[jagajac]

@wonderlandalli
I would love to incorporate biology into my lessons, but because of my position and common core curriculum... that's not a readily available option. As for the student loans, I actually got paid to go to college. I was really blessed. I have absolutely no student debt and was able to move into an apartment within months of graduating. I constantly talk to my students and try to get to know them on a deeper level, but they often reject or frustrate me when I try. Yes, this is my FIRST year and I have also heard it's the hardest. But I've never experienced anything like this... and I've worked with some pretty messed up kids in the past. Something just isn't right, but I haven't been able to put my finger on it. I miss the mark each time. As a first year teacher, I would feel so selfish to ask for a different position within the school. I've also come to the realization that a general education setting would not be any different. I would still be in the same state I'm in now. Luckily, I was able to open up with my parents this past weekend and they were very supportive. Even though they can't truly understand my situation or feelings, they're not dismissing my feelings.

@Shanks
Wow. I can't imagine sticking with something that made me unhappy for 5+ years. That speaks volumes to your character though. You must have a very strong sense of family and responsibility. I admire that! I find that RPing helps me escape from the cruelties of life and harshness of reality, but I don't know if I could write a book about my struggles. If you ever get that published, please let me know. I would love to read it. I'm continually praying and hoping God guides my decisions over the next few months... well my whole life really :] I'm glad to know that adults of all ages and walks of life struggle with similar issues. It gives me a sort of peace, ya know?

Thank you both for everything ^^ I'm usually the natural encourager, so this is way out of my comfort zone. I appreciate that I'm not in it alone.

[wonderlandalli]

That's fantastic they're supportive of you, and it sounds like you had one hell of a scholarship! I hope that if you back for another degree you're as lucky! :)

[Athos]

Feel free to ignore my advice since I'm just an angsty Athiest and stuff but honestly why don't you just go for it? Teaching sucks, ditch that shit. Simple as that. Maybe you'll discover Marine Biology sucks also, or maybe it'll be the greatest thing since sliced bread. Maybe you just need to go to another school, try to find a job in a small town school where you can bond with the students better.

Seriously, what's stopping you from following your dreams? Money? That just means your going to have to work your ass off outside classes to pay for them/learn to love ramen. Parent disapproval? Is it your parent's life or your life? If you hate the way teaching is going for you and you cry every night, obviously their approval isn't doing much anyways. The amount of effort it'll take? If having a fulfilling life was easy, everybody would be doing it. There is a reason Thomas Jefferson said the 'pursuit of happiness'. You're waiting for God to step in and magically show you how to live happily ever after? Well you're going to be waiting for a long time I guess while others take chances and, I dunno, actually live life? If your unhappy with your life, don't wait for God, just do it yourself. Maybe at the end if the road you'll go back to teaching, shit who knows what can happen. But the way it sounds is that your not exactly living it up right now so why not make a few dumb decisions?

That's just my two cents. I just hate when people rely so much on others/God/etc. to pick them up when their life is shambles. If you have two perfectly good legs to stand on, walk. Don't just waste away slowly in hopes that somebody/something is gonna come by and carry you.

[Dingo]

I can relate to this in some ways.

I was studying towards my BSecEd, teaching prac lessons and even tutoring Special Needs kids in reading (my focuses were English and Social Sciences), but it was around the point of my third year when I was teaching Gr 8 English and Gr 10 Social Studies that I realized I had no idea whether I actually wanted to teach. Public speaking made me anxious, I wasn't as invested in it all, my lesson plans made me feel confused and overwhelmed…

I ended up switching majors twice to try to figure out what I wanted, switching to a BArts first and then BPsych. Neither really caught my attention (namely because a Psych degree would require at least a Masters in order to make me even somewhat employable and my student loans were bad enough), so I took a breather for a while. Since then I've moved to the States, had jobs in retail and even ranching and all of that and eventually came to realise that I was more comfortable with 1 on 1 tutoring than teaching a class of 30+ kids. It was also during my time studying BArts that I remembered my passion for languages whilst learning Anglo Saxon English, helping me reinforce my desire to become a Language Tutor rather than a High School Teacher.

Of course, now I just have to find a way to pay for U.S. tuition fees and a nearby Uni that offers more than just Spanish. Ideally German :P

Honestly, if I were to give my two cents (which you can take or leave), I would say it would be worthwhile enrolling Part-time to find your passion, possibly switching to Temp teaching. Keep in mind, I have no idea what your personal or financial situation is, so this opinion may be useless to you.
Honestly, though, there would only be two possible outcomes: You discover that it is your passion and switch careers (ain't nothing wrong with that) or you learn that it isn't for you and keep searching whilst still teaching to pay your way (nothing wrong with that, either).

As for the prayer side of things, I can't help you there. Honestly, I hope that the prayer helps you think over possible alternatives and options that you hadn't previously considered, opening up new possibilities, but other than that, I've never been much for praying. I'm more of the kind of guy who flips a coin, looks at the result and then goes with my gut feeling, being the indecisive Agnostic that I am xP

And don't worry about the fact that you feel like you've passed up your opportunity by accepting your scholarship. My wife was three years into her Graphic Design course when she realised that she wasn't passionate about it and ended up switching to a BSci degree, majoring in Wildlife Biology. This was with her parents helping her with student loans. She eventually went on to graduate with Honours. (I think that's a big thing? I have no idea. American Colleges confuse me sometimes xD)

Anyway, I hope any of what I said helps at all ^_^

[Whisket]

Also an atheist, and as much as I hate bring up religion, it's to make a point this time.

If praying or going to church is what helps you out, and makes you a bit happier at the end of the day why not do it? Everyone, religious or not, has something that helps them out, and if it doesn't hurt anyone (yourself included) then do it. It shouldn't be used as a crutch, just something to soften the blow of everyday life. But this isn't about religion this is about doing what you want and if teaching isn't cutting it don't do it.

Find out whatever it takes and I mean whatever it takes, to do what makes you happy, this life is your only chance to do so. It won't be without it's stresses a long the way but if it's what you want it'll be worth it. I know that's been said before but that is what it takes sometimes, the more positive reinforcement the more you'll really feel like wanting to do it.

So what're you waiting for? Get this party started.