hah.
I've gotten all As and a few Bs pretty much all my life- more As than Bs, especially the earlier the school classes I was in. Then this christmas passed, and I fail one class and I pretty much stop doing everything else. Severe case of not giving a shit anymore about bullcrap or anything, because my motivation to do anything is [Unknown]. so yeah. my principal believes the solution lies in twisting me into verbal traps to admit things I'm terribly confused and unsure about before I even consciously considered, so that he could pin it all on me. my dad thinks using a board is good reinforcement for any disobedience or any continued failure, and my mom doesn't know what to do. I don't know what to do either.

I'm smart- quite so. I know a great deal that everyone else in my class doesn't, even though I'm not nearly the top student. The top students actually ask me for help for a few things, though my reputation/influence/popularity/whatever the hell else people judge where they ask from isn't high enough to warrant it very often.

and yet, my oh so little motivation to do anything has finally given out, and now I sit in my pit of loneliness and utter despair and depression, that I've been trying to hide and cover up, without remedy. Cool, right? I could go on, but i think no one gives a shit, even if people tell me otherwise. I'm so completely apathetic I've spent my past two weeks rather lifelessly. Few times, I laughed for real. not really often, though. i just kinda give up. don't have the will anymore- never was strong willed. ever- at all

Aw. I can kind of understand where you're coming from, even though I'm in the situation where I wish I didn't care so much about school. But I'm assuming you're in high school (correct me if I'm wrong) so as much as people don't enjoy it you gotta think about what you're gonna do later in life. Just because you failed ONE class doesn't mean it's the end of the world. You can bring your grades up, if you try. But that's the problem yes-you don't have a purpose to do so (sorry if I misinterpreted!). Hell, from what you described, I would probably attempt to get my grades back up just to get the principal and your parents off your back-it doesn't sound fun.

and whatever you do, don't give up even though it seems so easy, I know it does. I dunno if I can relate as well because I am too damn stubborn for my own good (if i care about things) but just try to find the positive things in life. I can tick off like 10 from the top of my head: food, movies, warm blankets, nature, music, art, good books, kindness. Find something that makes you smile, find something that makes you cry, find something that makes you FEEL, I think that may be the most important. forget about school for a sec, find something that makes you emotional. think about your parents, your grandparents-maybe go about and see what happened in their lifetimes? I can barely read this book about the chinese cultural revolution because I know that my grandparents went through the same exact shit that is going down in the book and I end up crying at the end of each chapter. I'm sorry if my advice wasn't all too helpful, I just hope you start feeling better soon. cause you know what? everyday that you're alive is a good day. you will pull through, you CAN pull through. :)