Hidden 4 mos ago 4 mos ago Post by Silver Carrot
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Let me know if I need to change/clarify anything
Hidden 4 mos ago Post by Holy Soldier
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@Silver Carrot

1. The fact you made her an end-game character and her power level is only 910 does her a disservice, and I wouldn't see her growing any stronger than Master Roshi. Because this game is all about character development, I suggest you change her concept to welcome growth and development because for her to suddenly at 39 years old finally start increasing in PL, it just makes no sense.

2. Telekinesis is more of a mutant ability and not a technique. She is a Beastman and not a mutant so that last slot should be a technique. Because this game does have mutants, I do not want the lines to blur between the races.
Hidden 4 mos ago Post by Silver Carrot
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@Holy Soldier

I'll make her a bit younger, then, and try to think of something else for ability. I was just thinking of Piccolo and Chiautzu, and their telekinesis. I couldn't find that one gimmicky Dragonball-type power that I was looking for, that would actually be fun and fair to rp as, and I don't want this character to become just a very very strong Dragonball Z/GT fighter with ki blasts.
Hidden 4 mos ago Post by Silver Carrot
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@Holy Soldier

Changed her age to 29 instead of 39, and gave her a 'rapid punch' attack instead of telekinesis. Let me know what you think now.
Hidden 4 mos ago Post by Holy Soldier
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@Silver CarrotBecause she has a kid, I want to know what the kid's name is and the story about her family. Like is she married, divorced, you mention things so casually but it is all important information to be elaborated in her back story.

You also mention how she "learned from the animals." That could have been the theme for her martial arts. This isn't criticism just an idea. Looking over the techniques, I think you went more with a hunter theme.

But yes, I do want to know more about the kid. Is the kid going to be a NPC because the child seems like they would have more of an opportunity for major growth and development than the mother because their mother is their mentor.
Hidden 4 mos ago Post by Silver Carrot
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I didn't want to just rip off the wolf fang fist five times, and some of her moves are animal themed. Plus she'd have to hunt to survive in the wild for so long.

There's only so far 'every move I make is in some way inspired by an animal' can take you in a Dragonball fight. Plus, that would be a severe limiter on combat, or at the very least another thing to worry about.

But I will write up mini bios for her kid and partner/husband and make them NPCs
Hidden 4 mos ago Post by Holy Soldier
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@Silver CarrotYou don't have to write bios for them. You should just have a piece of them in her history because you mention them but don't elaborate. Like if you see Grisha's bio, I have him mention Lena and Tobias. They have little descriptors at the bottom of the CS too.
Hidden 4 mos ago Post by Silver Carrot
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@Holy Soldier

I've added details about her partner and child in her backstory, and given a paragraph to her son at the bottom in the same style as yours.
Hidden 4 mos ago Post by Holy Soldier
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@Silver CarrotLooks good! She's approved. You can add her to the character thread and let me know if you would like the discord link.
Hidden 4 mos ago Post by Silver Carrot
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Ooh, I would like that! Thank you!
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