[OOC] Gobigakure no Sato - A Naruto Roleplay

[Halvtand]

I'm here to give feedback and fuck bitches.

And I'm all out of bitches... So...

Pasta Sentient

You mention that no “Uchiha” in gobi knows about their heritage, but have they ever figured out that are related to each other in any way?

When talking about the sharingan in the background.
“...haphazardly mastered the abilities given by the Dojutsu.”
This may just be poor wording, but if you read the OP you'll find hints about the villages ninjas. That we don't get many missions, and that we haven't even shown our true power in a while. Thing is, we're dangerously under-trained. It's part of why the rest of the world doesn't take us seriously.
To say that your character mastered this powerful doujutsu “by mistake” (haphazardly) would be, I think, going too far. I'd say “became proficient” or something a little bit more subtle. Don't worry, we'll grow and develop in this game, you'll get to master it, some day.

This one might be unneccessary, but just to have it out there. From special traits.
“That said, with his sharingan he has copied numerous jutsu though he has not mastered many of them.”
The sharingan in itself does not allow the user to recreate the techniques it has copied. For that you'll need talent, training and mastery in the area of the jutsu. Sasuke has lightning chakra, ninjutsu-talent and enough chakra control to learn the chidori from Kakashi with the sharingan. Now, he has also seen the rasengan in his fight with Naruto, but hasn't been able to recreate it because he lacks the necessary chakra control. Of course he can't recreate water, earth or wind ninjutsu either because he lacks the elemental chakra.
Most people know this already and I may have wasted these minutes of my life typing crap, but it's better to have this out there so everyone plays by the same rules.

The jutsus:
First off I think you've balanced your jutsus pretty well, the custom jutsus are fine for the most part.
You are missing a D-rank, which would be a “bridge” between your E- and C-ranks, but don't worry about it.

Name: Sword Speed, Ken no supīdo
Rank: B
Summary: Ryuu uses his chakra control and natural ability to enhance his speed beyond even that of the Shunshin. Used in conjunction with his sword, this ability is able to keep up with speeds of low-level Jounin. This is only usable for short periods of time.
About the description. You're able to go faster than shunshin (which is super-fast movement), but still only able to keep up with low-level jounin.
Also, I don't know why, but I get the feeling that this isn't a one-shot jutsu like shunshin. (activate-move-end) but a timed speed enhancer (activate-move fast for x seconds-end). Is that right?

Name: Sword Illusion Technique, Ken no sakkaku
Rank: B
Summary: With this technique, Ryuu is able to cast Genjutsu without handsigns. Rather he uses his sword’s movements to cast Genjutsu. The Genjutsu typically takes the form of altering an opponent’s depth perception, but can be used to cast a full alteration of their perceptions.
First off. A genjutsu that alters an enemy's depth perception. It doesn't have to be a B-rank. You really don't have to change the perspective more than a few centimeters (an inch or so) to get results. Check the OP (custom jutsu-jutsu ranks). I think this could very well be a D-rank.

At the end you say that the same technique can be used to cast a “full alteration of their perceptions”.
Please explain how this would work. Perhaps it would be best to split this into two techniques.

Other than that I have to agree with what the mad hatter has said (except I don't detest shunshin).

In later post:
“If you want me to only post the jutsu he actually has mastered and uses I will put that down.”
It would probably be best to only post the techniques that are “mastered”, that your character is willing to bet his life on. But some kind of info about what he's working on would be fun, and could be integrated in the game.

Stranger

I read the thing through in the intchk as well, and wanted to consult my voice of madness (hatter) before I voiced my oppinion. (you should copy-paste it to this thread by the way, it makes everything easier)

I have to say that most of the character is fine and well written. Unlike the hatter I think the idea of split personality can be a really fun thing to play around with in-game. Very Soul Calibur Tira.
I do have the same irk with A-ranks though. Not always, but in this case I just don't see it working out. I'll try to explain why.
The hatter told Pasta the following:
“These three kinds of jutsu require three different sets of "skills" to master. Ninjutsu takes lots of chakra and/or chakra control (to short it down), taijutsu takes physcial stamina, strenght and or speed (again, to short it down) and genjutsu takes chakra control, concentration and, well, intelligence/creativity.”
The way Kirai is described, she's pretty much a rampaging menace, a berzerker. She just doesn't feel like the kind of person that would fight (or do anything at all) using her chakra control or concentration (I'll give you the creativity-part, no argument there).
And so having this other personality, pretty much unfit to use this sort of fighting style “unlock” such a powerful technique within the style. It rubs me the wrong way. Feel free to discuss.

Sathanas Rex

Gender:
very male

Sexuality:
Dai appreciates strength, and he's found gender doesn't matter to him that much...

Other than that... I like the guy so far, but are you sure you don't want a few taijutsu-techniques? You're pretty weak right now.

[Sathanas Rex]

Halvtand said

Gender:
very male

Sexuality:
Dai appreciates strength, and he's found gender doesn't matter to him that much...

Other than that... I like the guy so far, but are you sure you don't want a few taijutsu-techniques? You're pretty weak right now.

I dare you to say that to his face ;D

and whelp, if a gm tells me to strengthen my character, I suppose I'll throw in some taijutsu also! I might make something custom to go along with the kusarifukin.

[The Mad Hatter]

Wha..? I don't get any feedback on Haru-chan? I was looking forwards to arguing with you...

Halvtand said Stuff about Pasta Sentinent's character

... Yeah, that ...

Halvtand said Stuff about Stranger's character

I didn't say that a spilt personality couldn't be fun (I played one once, remember? (No, you don't)); I said that is irks me. Depending on how they are played, split personality characters can be a great input to a game. I should've probably been a bit more specific, but the part that I dislike is the "sadistic being who lives solely for the suffering of others" that goes on "rampages"...

Halvtand said Stuff about Santhanas Rex' character

See, I told told you I was blinded by the Chain-Ax. I did say I felt he was a bit underpowered, if it weren't for that.

---

Sathanas Rex said
and whelp, if a gm tells me to strengthen my character, I suppose I'll throw in some taijutsu also! I might make something custom to go along with the kusarifukin.

Sathanas Rex said
if a gm tells me to strengthen my character

Sathanas Rex said
if a gm tells me

Sathanas Rex said
gm

Sathanas Rex said
GM

... Halvtand, you bitch ... You ain't no GM. You're just my man-servant.
(Don't worry, I'm not Mad)

[Sathanas Rex]

There, I added a few taijutsu techniques. I'm looking forward to "Kiiiiiii…. CHOPPAAAAAAAA!"

[Halvtand]

Hatter:
I can argue with you all night long, you still won't realise that I'm right and you're wrong, no matter what. :P

Rex:
Nice, we'll have a look.

[Halvtand]

Rex:
Ki choppaa, is it just one very powerful swing with the axe, or several? Kind of hard to figure out.

[Sathanas Rex]

He spins it around in circles, like a whirlwind of sorts.

[Halvtand]

Ok. That would be the one problem I have with your taijutsu techniques. Not only is that kind of technique extremely easy to avoid and counter, you'll risk taking your whole team with you.
If it had been a powerful one-hitter like B/A's Lariat, then it'd all be good.

I won't tell you to change it, but be aware that this is very risky. And we'll see if the madness wants to say anything else.

[The Mad Hatter]

I'm good. I agree.

Rex, you're the one who hadn't watched the entire animé yet, right? Do you know who B and A are (Killer Bee and Yondaime Raikage)?

[Sathanas Rex]

those are true and fair points, but come on, I had to. Daiken might learn snazzy ways to make it more effective along the way.

edit: nope

[The Mad Hatter]

The Lariat

[Sathanas Rex]

Oh, I see. That's rather neat.

I think though that Daiken is going to alternate between his normally positional and tactical combat style with absolutely insane and over the top taijutsu.

[Pasta Sentient]

Halvtand said
I'm here to give feedback and fuck bitches.And I'm all out of bitches... So...

First of all, thanks so much for the advice and clarification for some things! I've gone through and edited some stuff. For easy access, here is what I have added/changed:

Changes

Regarding Power Levels: Only really read the manga and it's been ages since I read about Hayate in anything so I was not aware of his skills there. In that case then, I guess the best comparison that comes to mind is that Ryuu is around the same level of non-kyuubi Naruto at the very beginning of shippuden. Meaning, most Jounin can kick his ass. And just to clarify, Ryuu does not have the potential of Naruto nor Sasuke. He doesn't get plot armor reincarnation.

Regarding Clan Relatives: "The two to three Uchiha in Gobi are not even aware of their heritage to the powerful clan. Though they have seen each other about the village and some have commented on their physical resemblance, such is the case in a village that offers pleasure. Ryuu is aware of the fact that he might be related to others in the village, but he simply does not care"

Regarding word choice: " His eyes remained in the same state of two tomoe, but the young man slowly and haphazardly became proficient with the basic abilities given by the Dojutsu."

Regarding Jutsu: Split the sword genjutsu into two. Tell me what ya think.

Name: Sword Illusion Technique, Ken no sakkaku
Rank: D
Summary: With this technique, Ryuu is able to cast Genjutsu without handsigns. Rather he uses his sword’s movements to cast Genjutsu. The Genjutsu typically takes the form of altering an opponent’s depth perception.

Name: World of the Sword Technique, Ken no sekai
Rank: B
Summary: With this technique, Ryuu uses his sword to cast a powerful genjutsu. The genjutsu places the victim in an illusionary world. In this world, numerous blades are strewn upon the ground making it impossible to take a step without slicing one's feet. The greater danger is in the air. Butterflies with blades for wings quite nearly suffuse the air as they flit about. This genjutsu makes the victim feel as if their body under attack from a meat grinder. It follows the same rules as other genjutsu in regards to breaking free and lack of real world damage aside from mental.

Also edited Ken no Sepido to add further details to the time limit.
Name: Sword Speed, Ken no supīdo
Rank: B
Summary: Ryuu uses his chakra control and natural ability to enhance his speed beyond even that of the Shunshin. Used in conjunction with his sword, this ability is able to keep up with speeds of low-level Jounin. This is only usable for short periods of time. In order to prevent damage to his body, Ryuu is only capable of using this technique for twenty seconds at a time. There is a one minute period he has to wait until he can use it again unless it is a suicide run.

And finally, I added an Experimental Jutsu section in the CS.
Experimental Jutsu
(These are jutsu that Ryuu is working on developing. A percentage is put showing how far he has to go until he is capable of using this jutsu in combat.)
Name: Blade of Wind, Kaze no Yaiba
Rank: A
Summary: This technique is a pinpoint slashing strike, where the user emits chakra from their fingertips and materializes it into an near invisible weapon that assaults the enemy in a gust of wind. 40%

Name: Blade of Hell, Jigoku no ha
Rank: A
Summary: This technique is the advanced form of Yoso Buredo (element blade). It adds both wind nature and fire nature to the blade which enhances the current attacking power immensely. This would also give the blade something of a ranged attack by using wind to force the fire off the blade. This would create intense blasts of fire when used to cover mid-close range. This technique has a long way to go as Ryuu has yet to even master Wind. 5%

Wind Mastery: Ryuu has been training the Wind element for a little over two months and is currently on the leaf cutting stage. He is currently able to cut a leaf about an eighth of the way through. Hence, most people will often seem him with a leaf in his hand if he is not doing more intensive training. He finds it frustrating that something is not coming easily to him for once. 10%

Well, hope this is satisfactory!

[The Mad Hatter]

Pasta Sentient said
Name: World of the Sword Technique, Ken no sekai
Rank: B
Summary: With this technique, Ryuu uses his sword to cast a powerful genjutsu. The genjutsu places the victim in an illusionary world. In this world, numerous blades are strewn upon the ground making it impossible to take a step without slicing one's feet. The greater danger is in the air. Butterflies with blades for wings quite nearly suffuse the air as they flit about. This genjutsu makes the victim feel as if their body under attack from a meat grinder. It follows the same rules as other genjutsu in regards to breaking free and lack of real world damage aside from mental.

That is some serious genjutsu. I wouldn't want to be caught in that. I'd rather get strapped to a cross and stabbed by Itachi for 72 hours... *awesome face*

Pasta Sentient said
Also edited Ken no Sepido to add further details to the time limit.
Name: Sword Speed, Ken no supīdo
Rank: B
Summary: Ryuu uses his chakra control and natural ability to enhance his speed beyond even that of the Shunshin. Used in conjunction with his sword, this ability is able to keep up with speeds of low-level Jounin. This is only usable for short periods of time. In order to prevent damage to his body, Ryuu is only capable of using this technique for twenty seconds at a time. There is a one minute period he has to wait until he can use it again unless it is a suicide run.

*ahem* Halvtand and I have discussed this (a lot) and got sidetraked a bit (a lot (bewbs were mentioned)), so sorry it took us so long. We're thinking that this technique is like a mini version of opening a Gate, except the drawback is not quite as high next to the effect. So... *sigh* we agreed that perhaps instead of making it a custom technique, you should just make it opening a gate. He might not know that that is what he is doing (since the Eight Gates are forbidden techniques and all that), but it seems more plausible that way.
(Haruka lost her chakra enhanced strength to Halvtand's logic, as well... She's opening a gate, too)

Pasta Sentient said
And finally, I added an Experimental Jutsu section in the CS.
Experimental Jutsu
(These are jutsu that Ryuu is working on developing. A percentage is put showing how far he has to go until he is capable of using this jutsu in combat.)
Name: Blade of Wind, Kaze no Yaiba
Rank: A
Summary: This technique is a pinpoint slashing strike, where the user emits chakra from their fingertips and materializes it into an near invisible weapon that assaults the enemy in a gust of wind. 40%

Name: Blade of Hell, Jigoku no ha
Rank: A
Summary: This technique is the advanced form of Yoso Buredo (element blade). It adds both wind nature and fire nature to the blade which enhances the current attacking power immensely. This would also give the blade something of a ranged attack by using wind to force the fire off the blade. This would create intense blasts of fire when used to cover mid-close range. This technique has a long way to go as Ryuu has yet to even master Wind. 5%

Wind Mastery: Ryuu has been training the Wind element for a little over two months and is currently on the leaf cutting stage. He is currently able to cut a leaf about an eighth of the way through. Hence, most people will often seem him with a leaf in his hand if he is not doing more intensive training. He finds it frustrating that something is not coming easily to him for once. 10%

Umm... I'm not sure what to say, here. You say that he's only mastered the wind element by 10% and is still at the leaf cutting stage, yet he is almost halfway at training a technique that uterlizes the element of wind. How can he train a technique that he cannot perform? How can he perform a technique that he has not even mastered the element for, yet? It doesn't add up. Until he has mastered the element of wind, he cannot train the technique.

Sathanas Rex said
Oh, I see. That's rather neat.

I think though that Daiken is going to alternate between his normally positional and tactical combat style with absolutely insane and over the top taijutsu.

That's all good, then.

[Pasta Sentient]

The Mad Hatter said
That is some serious genjutsu. I wouldn't want to be caught in that. I'd rather get strapped to a cross and stabbed by Itachi for 72 hours... *awesome face**ahem* Halvtand and I have discussed this (a lot) and got sidetraked a bit (a lot (bewbs were mentioned)), so sorry it took us so long. We're thinking that this technique is like a mini version of opening a Gate, except the drawback is not quite as high next to the effect. So... *sigh* we agreed that perhaps instead of making it a custom technique, you should just make it opening a gate. He might not know that that is what he is doing (since the Eight Gates are forbidden techniques and all that), but it seems more plausible that way.(Haruka lost her chakra enhanced strength to Halvtand's logic, as well... She's opening a gate, too)Umm... I'm not sure what to say, here. You say that he's only mastered the wind element by 10% and is still at the leaf cutting stage, yet he is almost halfway at training a technique that uterlizes the element of wind. How can he train a technique that he cannot perform? How can he perform a technique that he has not even mastered the element for, yet? It doesn't add up. Until he has mastered the element of wind, he cannot train the technique.

I'll edit it to opening a gate. And I think there is some confusion. There are numerous times in the Naruto Manga where it is indicated and shown shinobi can use jutsu from an element they haven't mastered. Mastering an element only allows for enhanced power/ease of use in those Jutsu. In Ryuu's case, because he has not yet mastered Wind; wind jutsus require more chakra and are less powerful, but he is still capable of using them.

Example:
-Sasuke using the Fireball Jutsu when he was not even a genin. He had yet to train or undergone any devoted specialization to the Fire element. This can hold true for many Uchiha.

Also from Naruto Wiki: "This affinity makes it easier to learn how to create and control the nature in question, although even with an affinity this process will usually take any number of years. Shinobi are not limited to the nature they have an affinity to, though."

[The Mad Hatter]

Your example is rather invalid, as Fire is his natural affinity. Ninja can use their natural element without mastering, simply because it comes natural to them to use it the way they do. Like... If you're naturally graceful, then it's easy to twirl around and look pretty, but the rest of us fall over our feet trying to do the same.
Using an element that you do not have natural affinity for and have not yet mastered is very unwise, though I suppose it is not impossible. It would not just be weak, but rather it would be dangerous. Mastering the element is sort of like "taming" it and making it follow your commands. If the element is not "tamed", it'll do what it'll do.
Wind is also one of the most dangerous elements to play around with like that. Water would just puddle to the ground and be useless if not tamed. Fire would simply burn out (unlike what some might think, it would not explode). Earth would just not respond properly and would possibly just, you know, crumble. Lighting and wind, though, are both "sharp" elements that are used as "blades" when mastered. It'd be like throwing a bunch of knives into their air and hoping not to get hit.

[Pasta Sentient]

The Mad Hatter said
Your example is rather invalid, as Fire is his natural affinity. Ninja can use their natural element without mastering, simply because it comes natural to them to use it the way they do. Like... If you're naturally graceful, then it's easy to twirl around and look pretty, but the rest of us fall over our feet trying to do the same.Using an element that you do not have natural affinity for and have not yet mastered is very unwide, though I suppose it is not impossibel. It would not just be , but rather it would be dangerous. Mastering the element is sort of like "taming" it and making it follow your commands. If the element is not "tamed", it'll do what it'll do.Wind is also one of the most dangerous elements to play around with like that. Water would just puddle to the ground and be useless if not tamed. Fire would simply burn out (unlike what some might think, it would not explode). Earth would just not respond properly and would possibly just, you know, crumble. Lighting and wind, though, are both "sharp" elements that are used as "blades" when mastered. It'd be like throwing a bunch of knives into their air and hoping not to get hit.

I disagree, but that's my own interpretation of what I have read in the manga. Honestly it is an argument that's been going on ever since Naruto's Wind Training. Also the whole Sharingan can Copy any jutsu but Kekkai Genkai gets thrown around alot.

That said, you're the GM so I'll edit the Blade of Wind down a good bit.

Edit: Bumped the percentage down on Blade of Wind to 5%. Also removed the Blade Speed and just stated that he can open the first gate.

[The Mad Hatter]

Oh...

I forgot to reply.

Uhh... Yeah. Your character is accepted now.

.:EDIT:.

And I changed Haruka's appearance. Not much, but a little bit. Changed the image and stuff...

[Sathanas Rex]

so you guys I'm taking a class on medieval weapons and I am very saddened by the fact they do not have chain axes.

[Pasta Sentient]

The Mad Hatter said
Oh...I forgot to reply.Uhh... Yeah. Your character is accepted now..

Yay!!! So just curious, but what is the plot-line in mind? Like not really looking for detail, but we are leaving Gobi for some reason to make a name for ourselves? Are we actual missing-nin or is this sanctioned? I imagine we will be hitting up the Third Great Shinobi War eventually?

Just wondering about the direction of the RP. Of course if that's too spoilerly I'm content just to wait.